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Post by devogirl on Jul 26, 2016 12:01:52 GMT -5
That's an interesting question! Being in my twenties, I can't offer an older dev's perspective, but in my view, it would be strange if my dev desires disappeared, since even one of my very earliest memories is related to my devness. I'm glad to hear that dev desires can still be very strong and intense when you're older. I have also wondered if your devness fades into the background at least temporarily if you have children. Yes, your interest in everything dulls down to a low background hum after the kids are born. Especially for the first two to three years. There's literally no time to think about anything or anyone else but them. They are the centre of your universe, whether you want that to be the case or not. Yes, that has been my experience. My sex drive was really high in my 30s but surprisingly low now. Those dev highs still come around but much less often than before. I think it's a combination of kids and hormones. I'm so glad I have a partner who is there for me emotionally. Dev desires are important, you can't just repress it, but it's not enough to base a LTR on, there has to be an emotional and intellectual connection too. It took me a long time to learn that lesson. |
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Post by kivic on Jul 26, 2016 12:40:16 GMT -5
Choosing the right partner is one of the most important decisions you'll make in your life, and if having children together, he also needs to make his children as much of a priority as you do. I feel very fortunate in that the father of my children puts their needs before his and is an exceptional father. Makes me jealous as my own father had none of his skills and dedication.
Having children does encourage you to reevaluate your life situation, your priorities and your own needs. It reeks havoc on your sex life and you're generally more sleep deprived than average, but your devness does wake up and comes back in full force. I find my devness waxes and wanes more definitively than before having children where it was ultra-intense. Perhaps hormones, perhaps physical and emotional security in a relationship helps maintain a balance?
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Ynis Ainu
Junior Member
Posts: 79 
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
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Post by Ynis Ainu on Sept 8, 2016 18:53:59 GMT -5
For me, being a dev is a sexual orientation, and it doesn't change according to hormones or libido. Does a person who is gay become straight at 70?  I feel this way, too, like I feel the attraction to and fascination of disability extends to all of my life, beyond my sexuality. I identify as bi or even pan, and as a dev, and I've had stronger and less strong phases of sex drive as well as dev interest an dev feelings, although the two aren't necessarily related. I can imagine that my libido might lessen due to hormones or other circumstances, but not my desire and need for physical contact and closeness, which are equally important parts of sex for me. I feel similar about my devness, which is less of a "libido-related thing" to me, but more something that has always been there and so likely ever will. What I can imagine is the way how I experience or need both might change, depending on how my live unfolds. I'm married since 19 years and hope to spent the rest of my life with my husband, or as close as possible. I think it's natural that in a couple that lives together for a very long time the mutual sexuality also changes, as it has already changed for us. But if I should happen to be left alone for whatever reason, and manage to find a new love, no matter with an AB guy or girl or a PWD or a trans person with or without PWD, I would expect to experience a different kind of libido, attraction, and desire for activity, as I imagine I will at the same age with my current partner. If that other person happens to be a PWD I imagine my devness might intensify to different levels than it might ever with my current AB partner, too. But I don't expect my devness to lessen in comparison to today, only perhaps to change, although probably not as much as my libido, as I don't feel it tied to it, if you can say so. It might even intensify because I can live it more openly than I do now. |
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Post by blueskye101 on Sept 10, 2016 12:37:25 GMT -5
@optomistic!, I've puzzled over this as I've got older. For some reason the age acquired disabilities don't seem to push my dev buttons at all. Not sure if I can puzzle this out. Doesn't seem to make sense. Guess I'll have to go the cougar route, hmm? Lol. Anyone else find this?
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devorah
New Member
no longer active
Posts: 33
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
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Post by devorah on Jul 14, 2017 10:25:43 GMT -5
Yes, your interest in everything dulls down to a low background hum after the kids are born. Especially for the first two to three years. There's literally no time to think about anything or anyone else but them. They are the centre of your universe, whether you want that to be the case or not. Yes, that has been my experience. My sex drive was really high in my 30s but surprisingly low now. Those dev highs still come around but much less often than before. I think it's a combination of kids and hormones. I'm so glad I have a partner who is there for me emotionally. Dev desires are important, you can't just repress it, but it's not enough to base a LTR on, there has to be an emotional and intellectual connection too. It took me a long time to learn that lesson. I should probably start by saying that I'm backwards in everything - decaf keeps me up all night, while caffinated coffee puts me to sleep. I just switched to 'energy' multi-vitamins, and they're making me SO sluggish, while when I was on 'gentle' prenatals for half my adult life, I was a ping-pong ball, bouncing around with boundless energy. Everything is always backwards for me. And yes, I assumed that my devness is just another example of backwardness: seeing what most of society thinks is a turn-off as something captivating and attractive. Having said, I'm apparently backwards in this age thing, too. I had no sex drive at all in my my twenties and thirties. I was pregnant six times in that period - never lost my devness during any of it - for me, too, devness isn't just sexual - definitely emotional and intellectual. Yes, I had/have the kids, but I'm a person, too. I have needs, desires, and dreams. They didn't go away when my hormonal balance shifted. But as I said, it wasn't a physical/sexual thing - I honestly had no concept of that. Until I hit forty, and OH. MY. GOODNESS. Everything seemed to take off, then! Of course it's just me, my husband hasn't experienced any shift or changes. But I've learned how to take solo adventures. What a revelation, to discover sensuality and the pleasures of the body! Which... mostly I feel guilty about, because I'm married, hello. Shouldn't this whole thing be a joint venture? My dev desires have skyrocketed, at the same time... I've been indulging in fantasy a lot more (part of the solo venture thing). Apparently all of this is backwards, too? Not sure, but I don't see it diminishing with age in my case. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I'm looking forward to the twilight years, because age-related stuff is going to 'liven up' things. Eventually. Someday. Maybe? |
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Post by blueskye101 on Jul 14, 2017 13:19:16 GMT -5
Yes, that has been my experience. My sex drive was really high in my 30s but surprisingly low now. Those dev highs still come around but much less often than before. I think it's a combination of kids and hormones. I'm so glad I have a partner who is there for me emotionally. Dev desires are important, you can't just repress it, but it's not enough to base a LTR on, there has to be an emotional and intellectual connection too. It took me a long time to learn that lesson. I should probably start by saying that I'm backwards in everything - decaf keeps me up all night, while caffinated coffee puts me to sleep. I just switched to 'energy' multi-vitamins, and they're making me SO sluggish, while when I was on 'gentle' prenatals for half my adult life, I was a ping-pong ball, bouncing around with boundless energy. Everything is always backwards for me. And yes, I assumed that my devness is just another example of backwardness: seeing what most of society thinks is a turn-off as something captivating and attractive. Having said, I'm apparently backwards in this age thing, too. I had no sex drive at all in my my twenties and thirties. I was pregnant six times in that period - never lost my devness during any of it - for me, too, devness isn't just sexual - definitely emotional and intellectual. Yes, I had/have the kids, but I'm a person, too. I have needs, desires, and dreams. They didn't go away when my hormonal balance shifted. But as I said, it wasn't a physical/sexual thing - I honestly had no concept of that. Until I hit forty, and OH. MY. GOODNESS. Everything seemed to take off, then! Of course it's just me, my husband hasn't experienced any shift or changes. But I've learned how to take solo adventures. What a revelation, to discover sensuality and the pleasures of the body! Which... mostly I feel guilty about, because I'm married, hello. Shouldn't this whole thing be a joint venture? My dev desires have skyrocketed, at the same time... I've been indulging in fantasy a lot more (part of the solo venture thing). Apparently all of this is backwards, too? Not sure, but I don't see it diminishing with age in my case. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I'm looking forward to the twilight years, because age-related stuff is going to 'liven up' things. Eventually. Someday. Maybe? Nice to have this thread revived for us older ladies. Lol. The dirty trick is we don't come into our sexual peak until 40 while guys...are on the down hill slide. :-( |
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Post by Emma on Jul 14, 2017 18:16:28 GMT -5
Until I hit forty, and OH. MY. GOODNESS. Everything seemed to take off, then! Of course it's just me, my husband hasn't experienced any shift or changes. But I've learned how to take solo adventures. What a revelation, to discover sensuality and the pleasures of the body! Which... mostly I feel guilty about, because I'm married, hello. Shouldn't this whole thing be a joint venture? My dev desires have skyrocketed, at the same time... I've been indulging in fantasy a lot more (part of the solo venture thing). There's nothing wrong with solo masturbation but if you suddenly have more of a sex drive I don't see why you don't think you can include your husband into some of that fun. Does the fact that he is AB ruin it? |
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Post by unusualdelicacy on Aug 31, 2017 21:31:15 GMT -5
That's good to hear. Hopefully the same will happen to me and I will start to accept it more.
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