Making of a Dev?

[yoell]

I have been casually dating this girl for about two months now. I was spending time with her last weekend and I joked that I was going to turn her into a Dev. I was purely joking at the time, but later I wondered if any of the boys had dated a women that was not. And after breaking up she dated wheelers and eventually became a dev. Or, you are a dev that at one time was not but after dating a wheeler you preferred to date wheelers. I would bet that there are a few devs out there that were not, but after dating a wheeler they preferred what we have to offer.

Let us know.

[natasha]

Well, if you read our posts you'll see that most of the Dev's in here if not all of us have this"Dev thing" since very early in life, so I don't think this is something that you turn to be or decide to be just for one experience.....If a guy dated a girl and after they break up she continues dating wheelers well: SHE WAS A DEV!!!haha....Just she never told him I guess....

If you want your girl to be a Dev that ain't going to happen, just find one in here then!! lol....

[Ouch]

Yeah, it's my understanding Devotees are born, not created by circumstance...though I could be very wrong.

[devogirl]

Seriously, if she's into you, what does it matter?

A friend of mine who's a para started dating a woman who's not a dev. But as the relationship developed, she became educated about SCI, wheelchair tech, etc, and she met the guys on his basketball team. We went to games together and she egged my on while I checked them out. She had never thought about wheeler guys one way or the other before, but now she's in the "scene" or whatever, and like many of us she tries to educate the ignorant masses (ie, yes, wheeler guys are sexy, yes, they can have sex). But she's not a dev. If they broke up, I doubt she would actively seek another wheeler as a partner. And I'm sure she wouldn't be checking out the online photos and stories like we all do.

So no, you can't make someone a dev, IMO. There's no one on this site to my knowledge who introduced herself by saying, "I dated this para once, and now I want to meet another one!" No, it's always "I've had this secret desire my whole life..."

[Claire]

Yoell this is a bit of a controversial subject but hey, I'm no stranger to controversy.

The other two posters are right...devoteeism is something that develops very early in childhood. In most of us, it pre-dates puberty, in that we had an interest/fascination with disabled people as children, which turned into a sexual preference as we got older.

It's impossible to "decide" to be a devotee. I think that a non-devotee woman could decide that she enjoys being with wheelers if she's had good experiences with them, but she's still not a devotee. Why? Because devoteeism is a paraphilia. In most of us, it's a benign paraphilia, but it is, nevertheless, a paraphilia. And in some, it's not benign. It's more than a simple preference like you might prefer girls with large breasts or blonde hair, although when I was young and my devism wasn't as strong, it did feel much like that and it was an easy conclusion to come to. But as I got older and my dev feelings increased, and I got to know other devs both good and bad, I realize, and am quite convinced, that it's not that simple.

[yoell]

Well, I guess I should have read more on devs, but I didn't. I have been educated. And lastly, I am not trying to turn a women into a dev. I don't have the energy for that move. If she likes me she like me, and no it doesn't matter if she considers herself a dev or anything else. It was just a random statement, that turned into a question, that turned into a thread. Anywho, thanks for the education. I guess I needed it.

[Triassic]

i concur for the most part that devs are born and not made.

yet there is such a thing as an acquired taste. i have a memory of a long ago post by a woman who said she had not had any interest in disabled guys before dating on; in fact she said the experience was 'disturbing' at first. nevertheless, after they broke up she did find herself drawn to wheelers...

[BA]

Yoell, like Devogirl says, if she's into you, it just doesn't matter. I think some women just look past the chair and/or it doesn't affect them one way or another and others actually really dig it alot. Either way, you win.

[benquad]

Im not sure if its off topic but id actually prefer a woman to be w/ me in part bc my gimpyness,especially if it is a philia w/sexual & sensual aspects! For example, if my girl gives me range of motion, stretching, & massage bc she enjoys it not bc she feels somehow obligated regardless of "love" we're much better off no?
But then, Im no relationship expert BY FAR!