okay, a little about me

[damedevo]

Welcome, Chris! How did you get into teaching elementary school? I have the greatest admiration for teachers of all age groups, and early elementary certainly requires enormous patience and flexibility. You must be a lighthearted guy! I'll bet you receive a lot of affection from your students, in return.

[dolly]

hi chris. nice to learn a bit more about you.

you've kind of lived all over the place...it's cool you've ended up in the state you decided on so long ago.

[damedevo]

"What a cop out!!! A single mother can provide everything a kid needs in my opinion. "

I dunno, Chris. I'm not a single mother, but I think it's a huge stretch for one parent to try to be all things to a child (or children). I used to feel beat when my daughter was little, on the few occasions when my husband would travel for several weeks at a time. I never got a break from dealing with her. My temper would become really short, and my perspective distorted.

I used to babysit for a neighbor whose husband died of a brain tumor in his thirties. She went back to work as a nurse and jumped through hoops, trying to manage job and home AND help her three children cope with their grief. She was really happy when her youngest was assigned to a male teacher. Unfortunately, he turned out to be a jerk.

Single parenthood is no picnic. I think some of these mothers may be paying you a huge compliment, even if others are just incompetent and want you to pick up the slack.

If you're sick of the female gossip culture, maybe you could find work at a boys' school.

[chris1]

not a boys school because then i have all boys in my class. yuk!!! As far as the single mom things go.. There is another 2nd grade teacher in my school and i have had kids placed in my class just because they "need" the male role-model. thats crap in my opinion. it sounds as if you or your friend werent missing out so much on the male aspect as the partner aspect of parenting.

[damedevo]

"it sounds as if you or your friend werent missing out so much on the male aspect as the partner aspect of parenting. "

I think loads of people tell single mothers that the son needs a "father figure"--quite forgetting that girls need their daddies, too. Probably any competent partner would do; and in my neck of the woods, there are many single-sex couples raising kids who seem to turn out fine. But it's really entrenched in the broader culture--and therefore in the guilt and anxiety of single mothers--that boys need a "male role model."

My friend was Italian, very traditional, and half convinced her son was going to wind up as a limp-wristed dandy, from lack of a father. Interestingly, it was her eldest--a brilliant and beautiful girl, who had been devoted to her late father--who turned out to be lesbian.

[damedevo]

Chris--blech! I'd be furious. The mother is obviously an irresponsible idiot and passing along her "skills" to her son.

Would the principal back you up in having the kid evaluated for a behavior problem, so that maybe the special ed teachers could deal with him? It's not fair to the other students that he is able to keep disrupting the class. Too bad you can't use an electric cattle prod.

I know a nasty boy who was in my daughter's class, several times, and in second grade made big trouble for another boy who was a great kid and top student. I watched the mother-son interaction, one day before a field trip on which parents were driving. Creepy Boy apparently didn't want to hold onto his jacket, so he walked up to his mother and roughly shoved it into her stomach. She accepted the jacket without a word, he turned on his heel, and she smiled and shrugged at me, as if to say, "Boys will be boys." Moments later, he changed his mind, returned to his mother, and roughly snatched the jacket from her--while she yielded meekly. I would have banished the kid to the corner, in the first instance, and let the jacket drop for him to retrieve at the end of his time out.

It was no surprise to me that this mother knew exactly how to turn from Mrs. Meek into a flaming asshole, when motivated. The day Creepy Boy complained that Nice Boy had been mean to him, the mother bypassed the teacher and the principal and jumped on the phone to the superintendent (in a district with 1,700 students) to demand the suspension of Nice Boy (age seven). Sound familiar?

Anyhow, what the hell does "procrastinating people" mean? It seems the mother also needs some vocabulary review!

BTW, in case you're interested, there's now a teachers' version of a discipline book that I've found extremely effective, at home: "1, 2, 3, Magic" by Thomas Phelan. Check it out:
www.parentmagic.com/shoppingcart/productdetail.cfm?productid=63

[mrjefffurz]

having several teachers in the family, i know that, generally, the teacher will spend 85% of class time on a couple of trouble students while the rest of the class has to settle for the remaining 15%....they have been asked by parents to please sit with their child @ lunch to teach the kid table manners,,,,single parents, traditional families, it doesnt seem to matter...i just know its better for the child to be raised by a single mother than to be subjected to the anger and violence and other causes for divorce...

[chris1]

all of that is far too common. this kid not only yells at me but the other teachers as well. he says he hates them and calls the principal a jerk. when telling mom the first couple of times she laughed saying he was playing. the same thing happened when he threatend to blow up the school anbd kill himself. this same kid was hiding under a bench so we got mom to come get him and she got him out by saying, "come on i have some toys" This kid definitely runs the household. okay, today is my day off im done talking about him.

[damedevo]

"she got him out by saying, 'come on i have some toys' "

Nauseating!

OK, so since it's your day off, how about you tell us devos how you found your way to Paradevo, how your love life has been, and what your hopes are? I'm ineligible by reasons of marital status, age, and geographic location, but I know there are some New England devos around! Besides, we'd all like to drool over your answers.

[BA]

Listen, I work in a school where all these "troubled kids" go. We have a very definite system for handling them. Sounds like this child needs a child study team evaluation, classification and possibly placement in a contained special ed. class. Push for it Chris, not for your sake, but for the future of the entire school.

[vivi]

As a recently single mom too, I can also say that the happiness of the mother is fundamental to the happiness and well being of a child. I left from a bad marriage, where I was always unhappy, and let me tell you that my interaction with my kids has improved dramatically, and that they behave better overall and have become more caring children.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with the problematic mom and her offspring, and please do as the others say, request and evaluation. I have had evaluations requested for my kids, and they can help a lot...

Now, where were we? I would love to know more about yourself too.

[chris1]

Its not like this kid isnt being evaluated. He is coded with ODD and is getting the support, he is still just a pain in the butt. Im doing everything I can for this kid.

Enough!!!!!

I think I told you a lot about me already