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Post by newmn on Dec 17, 2018 19:42:01 GMT -5
Have any other devs connected with a PWD elsewhere, either online or IRL, and then later found them here? It's happened to me twice - first was an online connection with a PWD in another country on a dating site and the second was a long-time friend who I've been together with a number of times. Both times I panicked as I hadn't discussed my attraction to disabled guys until they found me here, but both were very understanding and had no issues with me not telling them about my attraction to guys on wheels.
But it was also a reminder that being open and honest with people is best.
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jaymie
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Post by jaymie on Dec 17, 2018 19:45:32 GMT -5
Wow! What an interesting coincidence!! I’d guess that if they guys are here they are already ok with the situation. What a small world we live in!
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Post by newmn on Dec 17, 2018 19:55:05 GMT -5
Wow! What an interesting coincidence!! I’d guess that if they guys are here they are already ok with the situation. What a small world we live in! There are a lot of stories about gay devs with sexual fetishes being rather rude and crude to guys with disabilities. By the time a PWD friend gets to know me and that I'm not like that, the original attraction to his disability is secondary to how we connect as friends with common interests and personalities. |
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Post by Emma on Dec 18, 2018 1:27:20 GMT -5
Twice that has happened. Once it was a dude I met on yahoo years ago, then I realized he was here and a few years later it turned out he was a fake. There is a guy I know from elsewhere in the disability world, a guy I met IRL who made an acct here and a few posts. He doesn't know I am a dev and wasn't looking forward to that conversation but thankfully he only made a few posts and hasn't been back. Glad you are posting again newmn |
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Post by robbb on Dec 18, 2018 13:37:37 GMT -5
I've had it the other way round where a guy in here who didn't reply to my messages later approached me on a dating site. There are a lot of stories about gay devs with sexual fetishes being rather rude and crude to guys with disabilities. I find such stories in the media or online tend to be about straight devotees of women being predatory. That said I find gay men can in general be aggressive in their approach to all things relationships, devotee or otherwise. Whereas some of us, I like to think including myself, think more like women and have a more subtle approach R. |
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Post by newmn on Dec 18, 2018 13:44:47 GMT -5
I've had it the other way round where a guy in here who didn't reply to my messages later approached me on a dating site. There are a lot of stories about gay devs with sexual fetishes being rather rude and crude to guys with disabilities. I find such stories in the media or online tend to be about straight devotees of women being predatory. That said I find gay men can in general be aggressive in their approach to all things relationships, devotee or otherwise. Whereas some of us, I like to think including myself, think more like women and have a more subtle approach R. In the media yes, but I also have PWD friends who have experienced it firsthand. My approach is similar to yours robbb...and maybe sometimes too subtle. But I think that's discussed in another thread. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2022 15:52:44 GMT -5
I know this thread in now several years old, but to answer the original question: I’m kind of surprised (but also pleased) to see familiar faces here who I first met in other non-dev corners of the internet. I think it speaks to the evolving understanding and openness around devness, queerness, and different expressions of sexuality.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2022 17:31:46 GMT -5
I had an interesting experience years ago. I was on a dating site and at the time I was struggling a lot with the thought, that I was a dev. Primarely because I thought I was the only one in the world and that there's something wrong with me, probalby even mean about this. So I wasn't actually looking for any PWD in particular. I coudn't even think about it. In any case, I started chatting with someone and it clicked. Since we lived in different cities, we didn't even talked about meeting for a period of time but when the time came, he told me "I don't know if we should talk about this. You wouldn't visit me anyway". Long story short, I convinced him I was serious about it and then he told me that if I wanted, I could visit him at the hospital(?). He told me, he'll explaint it later to me. When I arrived, I was surprised to see, this guy was a para due to a spinal cord tumor and was about to be discharged. He didn't want to tell me because he was afraid, I wouldn't want to keep in touch. Ok, it was not exactly what I needed in order to "forget" that I'm a dev. But at the end of the day... we felt in love with each other and he was actually my first true love. Just to quote the comment of newmn : " But it was also a reminder that being open and honest with people is best". That is absolutely true. After a while I decided to tell him about my feelings towards PWD. I just needed to let it out and be honest with him. I'm not sure if he understood everything but we simply loved each other and didn't need to explain much. In any case... being honest was a relief for me. |
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