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Post by TotalBias on Jan 22, 2019 20:53:13 GMT -5
Hey.
So brief intro: I’m a transguy early in his transition (so I still look very female unfortunately). I happen to primarily like men, but I just can’t wrap my head around identifying as gay. Maybe this will change once my body matches my brain, but I feel like to try and insert myself in gay spaces right now would be totally ludacris. I think it’s because since I’m constantly coded as female I’ve never been a part of gay culture. And to try and participate before I’m passing just seems... wrong? I currently sexually identify as homoflexible and just generally queer.
Anyway, I thought I would ask some devs on here who identity as gay if being gay has had any impact on you as a dev? Do you think it’s made it harder to date? Do you think gay male devs are treated differently than female straight devs? Is it just me, or do there seem to be a lot less bi or gay pwd than straight ones?
I realize some of these questions may not have answers, especially since I think most people probably know they’re gay before they know they’re a dev, but I still thought I would ask.
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loveparas
Full Member
Posts: 166
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by loveparas on Jan 22, 2019 23:48:47 GMT -5
At least in my case (I am a gay guy) I always had issues finding a gay AB boyfriend to begin with so even thinking about PWD but specially guys with disabilities is even harder and almost imposible in my case and where I live. Not only do I need to find a disabled guy that is also coincidently gay, but that at the same time find me attractive and I do aswell. Not even to mention the fact that in my country this topic is kinda controversial, being gay is just starting to be okish, and a devotee is not even known about lol. It's hard, but not imposible, keep it up and you'll do great, just remember, always trust yourself, you'll do great things if you believe.
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Post by TotalBias on Jan 23, 2019 0:30:37 GMT -5
loveparas thanks for your response! Part of why I really don’t approach anyone in real life is because it’s so confusing. Since I still look female, if they’re into me it probably means they’re straight, or at best bi. Online it’s easier because I can talk about my transitioning and what not. But honestly I don’t think I’ll date until I’m at the point in my transition where I feel confident in putting myself out there as the guy I really am, ya know?
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loveparas
Full Member
Posts: 166
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by loveparas on Jan 23, 2019 9:32:02 GMT -5
loveparas thanks for your response! Part of why I really don’t approach anyone in real life is because it’s so confusing. Since I still look female, if they’re into me it probably means they’re straight, or at best bi. Online it’s easier because I can talk about my transitioning and what not. But honestly I don’t think I’ll date until I’m at the point in my transition where I feel confident in putting myself out there as the guy I really am, ya know? Yeah I understand what you mean. I believe it's key for you to love yourself and to feel confident as you said to go forward. I was once quite insecure with who I was and what I liked some time ago, it may have been from a different approach but it told me that you must be who you want to be and what makes you happy and embrace that to show others that's who you really are. It's was hard for me but I worked well at the end. About the gay situation, it's already hard for a guy to know if other guys are attracted aswell, I imagine being a trans may be even more. Good luck bud! And talk to me if you wanna chat any day, it's always good to know you have someone there for you when you need it. |
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Post by newmn on Jan 23, 2019 10:08:22 GMT -5
Being a gay dev can be more difficult in one way and easier in another. Harder because the percentage of gay vs straight PWD is smaller, but maybe easier because men, gay or straight, tend to be a bit more comfortable approaching someone they're interested in. Maybe it's just how I'm wired, but I have no interest in reading fiction about PWD/dev connections. A lot of the women on here enjoy writing and reading these stories but I rarely see any of the gay devs write or comment on the stories. It would be interesting to hear from my fellow gay/bi devs about their interest in fiction. Perhaps they'll prove me wrong. As we always say, PD is not a dating site, but for gay devs it does tend to be a way to make one-on-one connections. It's about the only place we can meet someone and not worry about when or if we should tell him about our attraction. There have been a few instances where a PWD friend that I know later showed up on here...that's a little awkward, but cool too if I had hesitated about sharing this side of me. Usually by then they know that I'm not one of those creepy devs. Meanwhile, we all hope that the "Gays Unite" thread continues to be active!  |
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Post by robbb on Nov 10, 2019 9:16:46 GMT -5
I may have an overly simple or naive view of my own sexuality but I don't consider myself coded, I don't identify, I don't choose my pronouns. I am male and I am attracted to males so I am gay, that's as far as it goes. Beyond that I feel like I would be making conscious decisions to create some sort of profession or a hobby out of my sexuality.
Please understand that what I am about to say is an observation not a judgement and I say it safe in the knowledge that I am not in that position...
I don't begin to understand the desire to change sex, I especially don't understand the desire to change sex and become gay as a result. I absolutely accept it exists in other people but I don't understand it
Again please, there is no judgement in that statement just an honest explanation.
As for the original question, I have never tried attracting a PWD as a straight woman but I can't imagine it's any easier than as a gay guy, unless of course the percentages of gay/straight devs compared to gay/straight PWDs stack up better for one group than another.
R.
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Post by linda on Nov 10, 2019 15:31:48 GMT -5
That is a really interesting thread here. Thank you, samtrip , for all the new insights. A friend of mine is a hermaphrodite. Your explanation about gender and socialization gave me a good understanding of the situation (I am aware that hermaphroditism does not equal transgenderism (?). Still, it’s helpful). |
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samtrip
New Member
Posts: 10
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by samtrip on Nov 11, 2019 0:21:54 GMT -5
That is a really interesting thread here. Thank you, samtrip , for all the new insights. A friend of mine is a hermaphrodite. Your explanation about gender and socialization gave me a good understanding of the situation (I am aware that hermaphroditism does not equal transgenderism (?). Still, it’s helpful). Glad it's helpful! Intersex is the current term to describe humans who are born with sex characteristics that don't match typical male or female characteristics. Hermaphrodite is a term used for animals. |
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Post by linda on Nov 11, 2019 0:57:58 GMT -5
That is a really interesting thread here. Thank you, samtrip , for all the new insights. A friend of mine is a hermaphrodite. Your explanation about gender and socialization gave me a good understanding of the situation (I am aware that hermaphroditism does not equal transgenderism (?). Still, it’s helpful). Glad it's helpful! Intersex is the current term to describe humans who are born with sex characteristics that don't match typical male or female characteristics. Hermaphrodite is a term used for animals. Oh!!! Sorry, I didn’t know that. Actually he himself uses that term. Maybe it’s different in German. Thanks for letting me know. |
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Post by myrrh on Nov 11, 2019 4:55:57 GMT -5
Glad it's helpful! Intersex is the current term to describe humans who are born with sex characteristics that don't match typical male or female characteristics. Hermaphrodite is a term used for animals. Oh!!! Sorry, I didn’t know that. Actually he himself uses that term. Maybe it’s different in German. Thanks for letting me know. It must be a language difference! I've heard the term used recently by a German as well. I've only heard it once from an American, an older person (who used it to refer to themselves.) |
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Post by strawberrybubblegum on Nov 11, 2019 11:39:25 GMT -5
We also use intersex in German. |
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samtrip
New Member
Posts: 10
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by samtrip on Nov 11, 2019 18:28:19 GMT -5
Yeah, sounds like a language difference. I'm glad you're using the words your friend uses to self-identify.
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Post by TotalBias on Dec 5, 2019 20:36:58 GMT -5
samtrip really glad you’re here my dude and thanks for the excellent response. 🖤
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Post by TotalBias on Dec 5, 2019 20:41:02 GMT -5
Soooooo update! I made this post almost a year ago and I’ve been on Testosterone for 8 months now. 🖤
I still don’t pass as male regularly with strangers, but I’ve become a lot more comfortable identifying as gay amongst my friends who know I’m a transgender guy. I still identify primarily as queer/homoflexible, but am starting to feel more and more comfortable in male oriented gay/queer spaces 🖤
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2022 16:31:06 GMT -5
Being a gay dev can be more difficult in one way and easier in another. Harder because the percentage of gay vs straight PWD is smaller, but maybe easier because men, gay or straight, tend to be a bit more comfortable approaching someone they're interested in. Maybe it's just how I'm wired, but I have no interest in reading fiction about PWD/dev connections. A lot of the women on here enjoy writing and reading these stories but I rarely see any of the gay devs write or comment on the stories. It would be interesting to hear from my fellow gay/bi devs about their interest in fiction. Perhaps they'll prove me wrong. As we always say, PD is not a dating site, but for gay devs it does tend to be a way to make one-on-one connections. It's about the only place we can meet someone and not worry about when or if we should tell him about our attraction. There have been a few instances where a PWD friend that I know later showed up on here...that's a little awkward, but cool too if I had hesitated about sharing this side of me. Usually by then they know that I'm not one of those creepy devs. Meanwhile, we all hope that the "Gays Unite" thread continues to be active! Hi... you have a point. The percentage of gay vs straight PWD is smaller and that makes it more difficult for the first group --> Absolutely true.
I still have to think about the second thought "...but maybe easier because man... tend to be more comfortable, approaching someone they're interested in". Hmmm... I kind of agree generally but I'm not sure that the gender alone is the decisive factor. There are also things like the personality (shy/open) and the cultural background and how you have been brought up.
In my case, it's a mixture of everything. My personality is more like shy and I was brought up in a conservative way BUT... when it comes to the dev part... I'm a completely different person.
I also totally agree with the fact that for gay devs PD tends to make 1-on-1 connections. I guess it comes from the simple fact that in 90% of the apps and websites... you can register as a PWD (just as additional information) but socially it would be kind of shocking for the general public, if you could also select: "I'm a dev". Therefore, people will tend to use the few ressources they have, even if they consciously/uncounsciously misuse them.
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