Post by strawberrybubblegum on Mar 18, 2019 15:19:46 GMT -5
Hey everyone.
Two days ago I met a para “internet friend” I met online four years ago through another dev/PWD forum. We started talking and it was pretty clear from early on that this wasn’t anything romantic. He’s not my type at all, but we clicked as friends. We talked on the phone and on WhatsApp a lot. With time, the contact faded, but we’d still talk from time to time. The other day he wrote me on Facebook and I told him my new boyfriend lives in the same city he does, to which he replied we should meet next time I’m here. Well we did on Friday and damn it am I surprised and overwhelmed at my devness yet again.
Like I mentioned before, he’s not my type at all. I don’t find him attractive in any way, shape or form. Rather the opposite, if I'm being honest. He’s not conventionally good looking, either. But still as I’d watch him move around and do stuff, I seriously started finding him devy. Not attractive, but devy. I actually started lusting after his disability. I feel so bad about this and it’s exactly what I don’t want my devness to be. I read around here a lot that this is not what most devs on this board are like, and I guess I would want to fit in that category. But apparently I don’t. I was - in that situation - in fact attracted only to his disability. I wouldn’t do anything with him, though, and not because I’m in a relationship. When I caught myself lusting after him, I realized that I was separating him from what I found devy. So I don’t think I would ever be able to kiss him and so on. Not that I’d want to, either. I don’t know if this even makes sense.
I feel terrible, especially writing this down and sharing it, putting it out there on the internet for everyone to see, thinking about all the dev haters that will take this and use it against us. And even in front of you guys I feel bad, because this is not something that we necessarily share. I just feel like this is exactly what devs are frowned upon for, in and outside of the dev community. I just feel frustrated with my devness at times like these and it’s exactly why I have a love-hate relationship with my devness.
Has anyone ever experienced anything similar?
Two days ago I met a para “internet friend” I met online four years ago through another dev/PWD forum. We started talking and it was pretty clear from early on that this wasn’t anything romantic. He’s not my type at all, but we clicked as friends. We talked on the phone and on WhatsApp a lot. With time, the contact faded, but we’d still talk from time to time. The other day he wrote me on Facebook and I told him my new boyfriend lives in the same city he does, to which he replied we should meet next time I’m here. Well we did on Friday and damn it am I surprised and overwhelmed at my devness yet again.
Like I mentioned before, he’s not my type at all. I don’t find him attractive in any way, shape or form. Rather the opposite, if I'm being honest. He’s not conventionally good looking, either. But still as I’d watch him move around and do stuff, I seriously started finding him devy. Not attractive, but devy. I actually started lusting after his disability. I feel so bad about this and it’s exactly what I don’t want my devness to be. I read around here a lot that this is not what most devs on this board are like, and I guess I would want to fit in that category. But apparently I don’t. I was - in that situation - in fact attracted only to his disability. I wouldn’t do anything with him, though, and not because I’m in a relationship. When I caught myself lusting after him, I realized that I was separating him from what I found devy. So I don’t think I would ever be able to kiss him and so on. Not that I’d want to, either. I don’t know if this even makes sense.
I feel terrible, especially writing this down and sharing it, putting it out there on the internet for everyone to see, thinking about all the dev haters that will take this and use it against us. And even in front of you guys I feel bad, because this is not something that we necessarily share. I just feel like this is exactly what devs are frowned upon for, in and outside of the dev community. I just feel frustrated with my devness at times like these and it’s exactly why I have a love-hate relationship with my devness.
Has anyone ever experienced anything similar?