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Post by linda on Sept 20, 2019 18:49:17 GMT -5
Ummmm, what does he like? I find this to be a really odd question. I know as a dev that you’re excited to have found a para that fits what you’re into and I’m sincerely happy for you both. But I guarantee that he’s less excited about his injury than you are.  He’s got the rest of his life to figure out equipment and adaptations and daily living shit, a day without dealing with all of that might be more of a gift. I really would like to clarify one thing: Even though I‘m a dev, I have no feeling of „excitement“ about his injury. It is obvious that we wouldn’t have met in the first place if he wasn’t a para and I wasn’t a dev. And I love him just the way he is. However, if I had a choice, I would rather want him not to be paralyzed. I want him to be happy. That’s all love is about. So please, don’t get me wrong here. It is very difficult for me to convey what my devness is about. But I can definitely assure you that it is not any kind of „excitement“ about his injury. |
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Sept 20, 2019 20:00:36 GMT -5
Just my opinion-useful presents are dull!
S&$t! He found himself a dev. Have fun! Be normal. Be adventurous. Make some of those dev dreams come alive as long as he is a willing participant. Surprise him with something he likes to do. You got this!!
If you had an AB boyfriend would you be asking about useful gifts? He doesn’t need useful from you so early on in your relationship 😉! Save that for 20 years down the road 😂😂.
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Post by Sir Paul on Sept 20, 2019 21:39:23 GMT -5
Hello everyone, my boyfriend‘s birthday is coming up, and since it is his first season „out in real life“ as a para, I am thinking of something useful for him that he might himself not know about yet. Any ideas are welcome. Thank you! Linda I know that it doesn't specifically answer your question, but I think having a beautiful woman such as yourself showing him how special and attractive he is to you is a tremendous gift. |
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Post by pam on Sept 20, 2019 21:50:04 GMT -5
Just my opinion-useful presents are dull! S&$t! He found himself a dev. Have fun! Be normal. Be adventurous. Make some of those dev dreams come alive as long as he is a willing participant. Surprise him with something he likes to do. You got this!! If you had an AB boyfriend would you be asking about useful gifts? He doesn’t need useful from you so early on in your relationship 😉! Save that for 20 years down the road 😂😂. I agree. Give him a wonderful time with fantastic memories. Have fun! |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2019 22:47:55 GMT -5
Ummmm, what does he like? I find this to be a really odd question. I know as a dev that you’re excited to have found a para that fits what you’re into and I’m sincerely happy for you both. But I guarantee that he’s less excited about his injury than you are. He’s got the rest of his life to figure out equipment and adaptations and daily living shit, a day without dealing with all of that might be more of a gift. I really would like to clarify one thing: Even though I‘m a dev, I have no feeling of „excitement“ about his injury. It is obvious that we wouldn’t have met in the first place if he wasn’t a para and I wasn’t a dev. And I love him just the way he is. However, if I had a choice, I would rather want him not to be paralyzed. I want him to be happy. That’s all love is about. So please, don’t get me wrong here. It is very difficult for me to convey what my devness is about. But I can definitely assure you that it is not any kind of „excitement“ about his injury. Oh man, I really didn't mean that to be offensive. "Excited" was the wrong word. I simply meant that he's probably looking at his disability from the perspective that it's something that he HAS TO deal with on a daily basis so it's kind of a killjoy to be the focus of a birthday gift. I'm generally a practical gift giver so I know where you're coming from. So I absolutely apologize, I never doubted that your heart was in the right place. |
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Post by linda on Sept 20, 2019 22:57:09 GMT -5
Hello everyone, my boyfriend‘s birthday is coming up, and since it is his first season „out in real life“ as a para, I am thinking of something useful for him that he might himself not know about yet. Any ideas are welcome. Thank you! Linda I know that it doesn't specifically answer your question, but I think having a beautiful woman such as yourself showing him how special and attractive he is to you is a tremendous gift. Oh, dear Sir Paul ... ☺️🤗 |
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Post by linda on Sept 20, 2019 23:26:56 GMT -5
Just my opinion-useful presents are dull! S&$t! He found himself a dev. Have fun! Be normal. Be adventurous. Make some of those dev dreams come alive as long as he is a willing participant. Surprise him with something he likes to do. You got this!! If you had an AB boyfriend would you be asking about useful gifts? He doesn’t need useful from you so early on in your relationship 😉! Save that for 20 years down the road 😂😂. Thank you. But I think, yes, if I had an AB boyfriend, I would think of useful gifts as well. I was not exactly thinking of giving him either the wellness weekend or the sexy rain poncho. 😉 (I have this Eastern German mother, it’s in my nature to be practically-oriented. Him too btw., maybe that’s why it fits so well with us.) Maybe there could be a second gift as well. But I do get the point and I think it’s very true what @mrniceguy pointed out. It’s nice to not make his disability a subject on his birthday. I was not planning on making it a big deal anyways. But since it’s a fact one way or another, I think the most normal thing is also to think of ideas to make life easier to him. Instead of trying to deny something that can’t be changed by not addressing it. It‘s an interesting question in general whether or not addressing an unavoidable fact is „the most normal“ way of dealing with a situation. That reminds me of a situation he was ranting about the other day: he was waiting at a traffic light, a mother with a small child next to him. The child was staring at him and the mother took the head of the child and turned it away. It is a poor, yet well-meant attempt of acting as normally as possible. But how disrespectful! He would love to have the children talking to him and asking questions. We were joking about writing a children’s book: „My Little Friend, the Para. Adventures of the Dev and her Para“. And the adult version: „50 Shades of Paradise“... As you can see, he is very laid back. I don’t think he would mind a useful present either. |
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Post by linda on Sept 20, 2019 23:36:10 GMT -5
I really would like to clarify one thing: Even though I‘m a dev, I have no feeling of „excitement“ about his injury. It is obvious that we wouldn’t have met in the first place if he wasn’t a para and I wasn’t a dev. And I love him just the way he is. However, if I had a choice, I would rather want him not to be paralyzed. I want him to be happy. That’s all love is about. So please, don’t get me wrong here. It is very difficult for me to convey what my devness is about. But I can definitely assure you that it is not any kind of „excitement“ about his injury. Oh man, I really didn't mean that to be offensive. "Excited" was the wrong word. I simply meant that he's probably looking at his disability from the perspective that it's something that he HAS TO deal with on a daily basis so it's kind of a killjoy to be the focus of a birthday gift. I'm generally a practical gift giver so I know where you're coming from. So I absolutely apologize, I never doubted that your heart was in the right place. It’s ok, I know you didn’t mean it as an offense (you’re mrniceguy after all 😉) and you gave me a very helpful advice that I‘m truly grateful for. But that sentence stuck with me later on because that is exactly a point that addresses the dev-guilt that I‘ve had such a hard time dealing with before. I‘m sure many other devs can relate to that. That’s why it was important to me to clarify things. Sorry if my reaction came across as a little bit harsh. |
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Post by Corey on Sept 21, 2019 1:05:49 GMT -5
But I think, yes, if I had an AB boyfriend, I would think of useful gifts as well. I was not exactly thinking of giving him either the wellness weekend or the sexy rain poncho. 😉 (I have this Eastern German mother, it’s in my nature to be practically-oriented. Him too btw., maybe that’s why it fits so well with us.) Maybe there could be a second gift as well. As I was reading the thread, I wondered if this may be a cultural thing. I just spent a month with my German in-laws, for the first time, and I can see they value and emphasize certain things. I think they would prefer a practical gift. Lots of good advice in this thread though. Why not compromise and do both. Maybe buy the experience gift for his birthday, and then the practical gift spontaneously when you identify something he need disability related |
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Post by linda on Sept 21, 2019 1:12:47 GMT -5
On the other hand I was interested in cars and racing, and I came to love it more. If you were near Vegas I would suggest a place that allows you to drive supercars and they put hand controls in ferarris etc. Maybe the nurburgring has something similar?? I realise what I am suggesting is what I am interested in. Don't overthink it, dinner and some 'fun' might just make him the happiest guy in the world. Oh, he would love this racing stuff for sure! Did I mention that he invented a construction that enables him to ride his motorcycle again? Something with support wheels that automatically extend when slowing down to a certain speed. He got that already approved by TÜV and Dekra. I’m just happy that he still didn’t find the time to modify his motorcycle. I‘m not so sure if I want to wake that enthusiasm in him right now ... |
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Post by linda on Sept 21, 2019 1:17:19 GMT -5
As I was reading the thread, I wondered if this may be a cultural thing. I just spent a month with my German in-laws, for the first time, and I can see they value and emphasize certain things. I think they would prefer a practical gift. Oh Corey, actually that was more of a joke. Now I’m a bit surprised. Do you really think we are so practical-oriented? As for me, I am both, practical but more than anything overromantic, especially at the moment ... |
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Post by newjess on Sept 21, 2019 8:42:03 GMT -5
linda personally I don't think you came across as being "excited" about his injury or being overly practical or anything like that at all. To me it sounded like someone who cares very much about her boyfriend and who wants to do something to make his life a little easier. That is very sweet and romantic to me It is a different situation but I have chronic health issues that have made life a bit more difficult, and I would find it incredibly romantic and meaningful if the guy I was dating went out of his way to get me something to try and make my life a little easier. I also love the suggestions about a fun experience together, I'm big on that as well, but I don't think your original idea came across at all the way some other people seem to be interpreting it. It also sounds like you and your boyfriend have an amazing connection, you are incredibly thoughtful, and you know him better than anyone here. Maybe something along the lines of your OP isn't for everyone here but it doesn't mean it's not something your guy would love and appreciate I mean, the guy invented a construction that enables him to ride again and has gotten it approved and all that, he seems very proactive about adaptive stuff and like it's something that interests him AND he's got the talent/skills for it too!
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Post by Dr. BiPAP Sachin on Sept 21, 2019 10:12:56 GMT -5
Hello everyone, my boyfriend‘s birthday is coming up, and since it is his first season „out in real life“ as a para, I am thinking of something useful for him that he might himself not know about yet. Any ideas are welcome. Thank you! Linda I know that it doesn't specifically answer your question, but I think having a beautiful woman such as yourself showing him how special and attractive he is to you is a tremendous gift. I agree!  |
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Post by MarineAmp on Sept 22, 2019 3:21:15 GMT -5
Well if no one else is going to give you useful gift ideas, I have a few.
1. The Free Wheel. Kind of expensive but, an awesome adaptive piece of equipment that makes going on rough surface much easier.
2. Tools, like a good T-handle allen wrench set makes doing wheel chair maintenance easier.
3. Maybe help make a wheelchair maintenance kit or travel tool bag for (incase shit happens, ie flat tire).
4. A good bathroom mirror for shaving since you can't stand up and lean into the mirror to make sure you aren't leaving patches.
5. A dust buster (small hand held vacuum). Surprisingly convenient tool for the random mess.
That's all I have for now. Good luck.
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Post by linda on Sept 22, 2019 5:05:53 GMT -5
Well if no one else is going to give you useful gift ideas, I have a few. 1. The Free Wheel. Kind of expensive but, an awesome adaptive piece of equipment that makes going on rough surface much easier. 2. Tools, like a good T-handle allen wrench set makes doing wheel chair maintenance easier. 3. Maybe help make a wheelchair maintenance kit or travel tool bag for (incase shit happens, ie flat tire). 4. A good bathroom mirror for shaving since you can't stand up and lean into the mirror to make sure you aren't leaving patches. 5. A dust buster (small hand held vacuum). Surprisingly convenient tool for the random mess. That's all I have for now. Good luck. Thanks a lot @legoless, that’s great! |
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He’s got the rest of his life to figure out equipment and adaptations and daily living shit, a day without dealing with all of that might be more of a gift.
