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Post by Ouch on Jan 30, 2007 9:52:43 GMT -5
Hmm...to me, at least, maybe it freakin' obvious to other people...you haven't made it obvious whether there is love within the relationship...you say you believe you are not 'lusted' after. You've said you love your wife, do you feel as though she loves you...genuinely.
E does make the ultimate point, what you are attempting will not give you what you want.
You're probably not the most religious person (and I'm definitely not either), but perhaps you can look at it like this, is 'Lust' not one of the Seven Deadly Sins? Love, however is one of God's greatest gifts and is unwavering. If you have your wife's love, well then you are doing a lot better than many people.
Just a thought...
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Post by BA on Jan 30, 2007 16:57:54 GMT -5
It's not a "grass is greener" situation. I know I have it good, which is part of the basis of the guilt (the other part is deception). I just really miss being lusted after, and it's sad to think that is gone forever. This is a tough one wcguy. Was your sex life with her great before your injury or did it just compound existing sex stuff that was already in the marriage? Have you asked her what specifically turns her off? Sometimes when wifey or girlfriend is also acting as caregiver, that creates issues. Then again, I have no clue how independent you are. You know folks, wanting to be really desired is kind of important to some people. It is very hard to be in a marriage where this doesn't exist, really hard - even when you love the person quite deeply. What do you do? |
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wcguy
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Post by wcguy on Feb 1, 2007 1:01:12 GMT -5
Anyone else is a sorry replacement and will only lead to additional resentment. I don't know, I think of it as making an imperfect situation less imperfect. |
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Post by wcguy on Feb 1, 2007 1:06:51 GMT -5
Love, however is one of God's greatest gifts and is unwavering. If you have your wife's love, well then you are doing a lot better than many people. The reality though is that love means different things to different people. It would be nice if it didn't, but it does. |
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wcguy
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Post by wcguy on Feb 1, 2007 1:21:47 GMT -5
Was your sex life with her great before your injury or did it just compound existing sex stuff that was already in the marriage? Oddly enough, both are true. No caregiver issues, I am independent. |
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Post by BA on Feb 1, 2007 17:10:10 GMT -5
So basically you sound like you have been wavering for however many years with a real up and down kind of marriage, steady diet of love and stability, but more or less "maintenance" sex, that at one time was probably more lustful and now basically non-existent sex. I still think you need to tell your wife how you are feeling, tough as that may be. It all comes down to communication, dude, and when married people get afraid to talk to eachother it's usually b/c they don't want to "rock the boat", so they just stay quietly semi-miserable but complacent. Question is, how can she expect you to stay in a sexless marriage? Does she have no desire of her own?
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Post by jenny on Feb 1, 2007 17:43:40 GMT -5
wcguy, is there still any touching? I mean, just handholding or stroking her hair without the intention of it leading to anything sexual. After AB's talk, touching is a good place to start.
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Post by wcguy on Feb 4, 2007 14:30:28 GMT -5
Oh, we've talked about it so many times for many years. "Touching" was one of the many things we've tried (I should have included it on the list). She is not a bad person; she is not maliciously trying to make me unhappy. Other than this our life is really good. So I often feel like I'm just a spoiled whiner by dwelling on it. On the other hand, the amount of effort that would be required on her part is so minor that I just can't understand it. I think she just doesn't have it in her. So I have given up on this aspect of our life. The only remaining question for me is whether I accept things as they are, or go outside the marriage. Introspection and indecision are not traits of mine, yet this question brings out both.
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Post by BA on Feb 4, 2007 21:26:21 GMT -5
Wow, no touching either. This is really tough. Do you think she'd be like this with anybody, or do you think it's specific to your marriage?
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wcguy
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Post by wcguy on Feb 5, 2007 1:03:06 GMT -5
There was and is plenty of touching, it just wasn't a solution to the problem.
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Post by BA on Feb 5, 2007 18:07:34 GMT -5
Ahhh, from your post above, I was under the impression that there was basically nothing.
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Post by Guest Who on Mar 2, 2007 8:43:44 GMT -5
I have been a lurker on this forum for the longest time and I feel that I need to let this out of my system and get as many opinions I can, seeing as this is such a diverse group of people who are not afraid of voicing out their viewpoints. A bit of a background: I have been a dev since I was maybe 7-ish, though never realized that there was actually a label for people like me. Been around the websites and yahoo groups, thinking that if I inundate myself with endless photos (and now, youtube clips) of paras and quads that I will finally have my fill and just get sick of the whole thing. .. Guess what? it didn't happen. I have been married for a couple of years now and my husband knows of my "devness". He is (rather was) a wannabe/pretender amputee, but during the course of our marriage and everyday nuances, this somehow disappeared from the scenario. He is a wonderful wonderful man and I love him with all my heart. So here is my ongoing dilemma: I would like to know how it is to make love to a para or an incomplete quad. No strings attached...this is sounding really bad, I know. If the situation presented itself, I might even be willing to have just a one-night stand. Please people, try not to be so mean to me...I know I am evil thinking this. I'm chastising myself enough. For the wheelers on this board, how would you feel about a girl coming on with this proposition and with this situation? Appreciate your thoughts on this...    |
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Post by Triassic on Mar 2, 2007 10:03:34 GMT -5
Oh we'd be shocked and outraged at such a proposition!  Yeah, right...  Seriously, I personally wouldn't fool around with anyone married unless hubby was OK with it...but lots of guys would. |
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Post by Count me in on Mar 2, 2007 10:56:42 GMT -5
I have been a lurker on this forum for the longest time and I feel that I need to let this out of my system and get as many opinions I can, seeing as this is such a diverse group of people who are not afraid of voicing out their viewpoints. A bit of a background: I have been a dev since I was maybe 7-ish, though never realized that there was actually a label for people like me. Been around the websites and yahoo groups, thinking that if I inundate myself with endless photos (and now, youtube clips) of paras and quads that I will finally have my fill and just get sick of the whole thing. .. Guess what? it didn't happen. I have been married for a couple of years now and my husband knows of my "devness". He is (rather was) a wannabe/pretender amputee, but during the course of our marriage and everyday nuances, this somehow disappeared from the scenario. He is a wonderful wonderful man and I love him with all my heart. So here is my ongoing dilemma: I would like to know how it is to make love to a para or an incomplete quad. No strings attached...this is sounding really bad, I know. If the situation presented itself, I might even be willing to have just a one-night stand. Please people, try not to be so mean to me...I know I am evil thinking this. I'm chastising myself enough. For the wheelers on this board, how would you feel about a girl coming on with this proposition and with this situation? Appreciate your thoughts on this... This wheeler's thoughts: "Where are you located?" and "How soon can you get here?" |
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Post by BA on Mar 2, 2007 15:50:21 GMT -5
Ha! I love it! Welcome Guess who? From your 'Guess Who' name, I would have thought you'd have posted before. Great to get it all out of your system isn't it? I think I have semi morals also, as I am married and my husband knows of my devness and has let me do what I need to do from time to time. Do you think this would really be a one time thing though? I have found that once you 'go gimp', it's hard to turn back - real hard. It's kind of like relying on a vibrator for self stimulation. You get addicted which means mundane able-bodied sex just kind of takes a big flop into the boring realm. Did I just spew all this? Yes. My married sex life is unstimulating and I love my spouse dearly also. If my husband "pretended", which he wouldn't, it would make it all the worse because that just doesn't turn me on at all. It has to be the real deal and real feelings and real attraction beyond the chair have to exist too. Then this quasi/infrequently orgasmic dev becomes an orgasm machine. Hard to turn away from. OK, dudes, are your egos smoking now? |
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