Post by taylor on Feb 26, 2007 17:52:42 GMT -5
I have been lurking for many months, and after a couple of months or debating it I have finally decided it was time to come to terms with my little quirk.
A little bit about me, I am in my early 30's and have been a dev as long as I can remember. I realized I wasn't alone in this about 6 years ago, and I couldn't believe it. I started researching it (albeit unscientifically) and found that the devs that were all over the internet at that time were really horrible people, stalkers and liars, etc.. I started to question myself. Was I a horrible person? A monster? So I buried my feelings again, and then last summer I found this site. After months of lurking I came to the conclusion that the devs here aren't bad people, and I am not a bad person either.
The first time I remember knowing I was attracted to wheelers was when I was about 5 or 6. I was at a school carnival, and there was a teenage boy in a wheelchair with I assume his parents and little sister. My mom and I were standing in line for one of the games, and I sat there and stared at this boy, all the while thinking that he was my Prince Charming, nothing sexual I was only 5 or 6, but completely infatuated. The next thing I know my mom knelt down and hissed in my ear that it was rude to stare. I am sure that was the beginning of the guilt. Not that I blame my mom, as I have had to say the same exact words to my own children
, but nonetheless it most likely was the beginning of years of guilt.
Today I am still riddled with guilt, but now its not about me being attracted to wheelers so much as it is that I now have a husband and children that are unknowingly mixed up in this, and I feel trapped. I love my husband, but I can't help but feel that I really settled for someone that wasn't exactly what I wanted.
Anyways I am always glad to know that I am not alone, glad to know that I am not a monster, and glad to know that there are wheelers out there that don't run away screaming from us devs.
~T
A little bit about me, I am in my early 30's and have been a dev as long as I can remember. I realized I wasn't alone in this about 6 years ago, and I couldn't believe it. I started researching it (albeit unscientifically) and found that the devs that were all over the internet at that time were really horrible people, stalkers and liars, etc.. I started to question myself. Was I a horrible person? A monster? So I buried my feelings again, and then last summer I found this site. After months of lurking I came to the conclusion that the devs here aren't bad people, and I am not a bad person either.
The first time I remember knowing I was attracted to wheelers was when I was about 5 or 6. I was at a school carnival, and there was a teenage boy in a wheelchair with I assume his parents and little sister. My mom and I were standing in line for one of the games, and I sat there and stared at this boy, all the while thinking that he was my Prince Charming, nothing sexual I was only 5 or 6, but completely infatuated. The next thing I know my mom knelt down and hissed in my ear that it was rude to stare. I am sure that was the beginning of the guilt. Not that I blame my mom, as I have had to say the same exact words to my own children
, but nonetheless it most likely was the beginning of years of guilt.Today I am still riddled with guilt, but now its not about me being attracted to wheelers so much as it is that I now have a husband and children that are unknowingly mixed up in this, and I feel trapped. I love my husband, but I can't help but feel that I really settled for someone that wasn't exactly what I wanted.
Anyways I am always glad to know that I am not alone, glad to know that I am not a monster, and glad to know that there are wheelers out there that don't run away screaming from us devs.
~T
I have felt like maybe there was some kind of mental disconnect with me, because I don't react the way society tells me I should. So I don't know, maybe I felt guilty cause I was just not "normal". Nowadays I have pretty much gotten over myself on that, but now its the guilt of emotionally straying from my marriage, and I have to say it is probably worse. 
