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Post by kyliestarz on Jan 17, 2020 17:25:33 GMT -5
I’m almost certain my partner would be OK with the surface concept of me being a devotee, and we’d evolve and probably be a stronger couple, but I know I‘d only feel comfortable going as far as sharing things like how I’m attracted to disability and I find chairs sexy, etc, I wouldn’t be able to share my real dev desires/feelings/drivers - transfers, spasms, quads, etc I know it sounds awful but I just wouldn’t my partner knowing that deep ‘dark’ stuff. It would change how I looked at them, knowing they know that part of me. And if I’m not going to share that, why share any part of it?
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2020 19:09:22 GMT -5
I get that, I don't share deep emotional dev stuff with my husband, because there is no need for it. I am just glad I don't have to be secretive about being a dev and it makes being a dev easier for me. And if I feel shitty, he would be there. Idk, I know if I had to keep it secret it would have broken me psychologically...I guess I had to share with him for my own sanity and to save my marriage and it definitely wasn't easy to get to where we are, this was a process...
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Post by Emma on Jan 18, 2020 2:28:53 GMT -5
I’m almost certain my partner would be OK with the surface concept of me being a devotee, and we’d evolve and probably be a stronger couple, but I know I‘d only feel comfortable going as far as sharing things like how I’m attracted to disability and I find chairs sexy, etc, I wouldn’t be able to share my real dev desires/feelings/drivers - transfers, spasms, quads, etc I know it sounds awful but I just wouldn’t my partner knowing that deep ‘dark’ stuff. It would change how I looked at them, knowing they know that part of me. And if I’m not going to share that, why share any part of it? I think its helpful, freeing and useful to share a bit about being a dev with people. I know sharing with a sexual partner about being a dev is a HUGE thing but I think its worth it to not have to hide everything. If you shared some of the simple things you would have to hide a lot less. Yeah you don't have to go into the details about EVERYTHING you are into but cluing him into some of your interests will open up doors to things like talking about disability, watching TV shows or movies about disability, commenting about people you encounter in person, disability related things on your phone/computer, etc. I used to be like you and figured it was best to just hide it all. After having a partner who knew a bit about it I felt so free. It was really nice I didn't have to worry so much about the little stuff. |
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Post by kyliestarz on Jan 19, 2020 11:54:37 GMT -5
Dani pam thanks, maybe someday I will get there. Good to hear it can be done and worked out for the best.
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lilyth
Junior Member
Posts: 74 
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by lilyth on May 19, 2020 22:22:39 GMT -5
I used to be with an able-bodied partner and I fully relate to those saying that when their partner was gone for work or any other reason, the dev highs would come on full-force. And even after we split up and I was dating, I would date both able-bodied and PWD, but when I was dating AB I would go crazy fantasizing about PWD until I finally stopped pursuing the ABs altogether. I haven't been on this board in like...over a year, because I found a para who is basically too good to be true, and we're in the "sheltering in place together during Covid-19" phase of the relationship and basically living together. My brain has finally "settled down", it feels like, because I see him every day and I'm used to everything. It's the first time I've felt...peace? Like it's not going to slip through my fingers? But it also made me scared to log in here because I guess I assumed it would trigger all those old "high" feelings again. Andddd now I've just logged in and posted so we'll see how I feel soon  |
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Post by lisa on May 20, 2020 1:51:24 GMT -5
Congratulations, lilyth :). I'm very happy for you. And I can relate to the feeling of peace even though I'm not in a relationship with a PWD at the moment. But every time when I meet an attractive PWD and spend some time with him I get this feeling of being in the right place at the right time. I guess that's very peaceful and gives my ever-searching dev mind some rest :). |
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Post by ichbin on Oct 29, 2022 13:15:23 GMT -5
I haven't been on this board in like...over a year, because I found a para .... My brain has finally "settled down", it feels like, because I see him every day and I'm used to everything. It's the first time I've felt...peace? I can relate to what lilyth said. I understand the word "peace" in this context. I also feel, my strong and high dev waves of "having to see, feel, touch a paraplegic" are now even, like a smooth sea. The hunger and lust is still there, but in a way where it is satisfied also, and that makes the "peace" feeling. My dev highs when I'm alone are still different and kind of stronger than when I'm with him - or I have never had dev highs when I was with him, I don't know. Maybe it's also a matter of trust and how well partners know each other. We are fresh into our relationship. The question of the OP "Do you ever want dev high relief?" I can answer with "no." because I find those times very ... nice ...  |
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prrrowr
Junior Member
Posts: 55
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
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Post by prrrowr on Oct 31, 2022 12:55:01 GMT -5
Can someone tell me what a "dev high" or low is? Personally I feel like my attractions are always there, they never go away. I've been a dev since I first felt sexual attraction, ever. (Probably since I was about 6yo?) I don't understand this concept. Does it mean you have found something satisfying and titillating?
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Post by Dani on Nov 2, 2022 14:31:51 GMT -5
To me personally, dev highs and lows were connected to my female hormonal cycle, but that's just me. And since I don't have this cycle anymore, I guess I am just a balanced dev 😄
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Post by Dani on Nov 4, 2022 19:14:14 GMT -5
If you're on the pill or some other strong hormonal birth control, you might not have these ups and downs. Or are just over fifty and in Menopause...yes, I'm old  |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2022 12:03:10 GMT -5
Ok, girls seem to have a plausible explanation to their highs but... what about boys? I wish I could explain it to myself but that would imply being able to understand my devness itself which is hard enough LOL. In my case, it seems like there's always some sort of a trigger. Like... just a couple of hours ago (coincidence I just read this thread?).... I was doing some shopping with my mother who is visiting. We wanted to enter a store and from the corner of my eye I saw someone in a wheelchair talking to a couple of people. I started panicking inside like something was about to happen and I just rushed into the store to leave those thoughts behind me. My head was still recovering from all the thoughts as we bought a smoothie-like drink. While we were standing there, here he comes again and stays like a few meters from us. That was definetly too much. Now I feel like something was triggered inside. I wonder if this is a high comming. @ Dani : Das sieht man dir nicht an |
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Post by devogirl on Nov 6, 2022 7:57:49 GMT -5
In my case, it seems like there's always some sort of a trigger. Yes, me too! I don't find it linked specifically to a monthly cycle. It's more like, every once in a while, I'll accidentally stumble across a trigger that sets me off. A book or movie, or seeing someone in passing, really anything. Then it's all I can think about, and I just want to read/watch more dev content. Sometimes the highs last for months at a time, sometimes just a few weeks. On the other hand, in a dev low, the same thoughts or images or stories don't interest me at all, and everything seems kind of boring. I try to find the happy medium, where I can enjoy devvy things without it being overwhelming. |
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Post by newmn on Nov 6, 2022 8:28:56 GMT -5
Ok, girls seem to have a plausible explanation to their highs but... what about boys? I wish I could explain it to myself but that would imply being able to understand my devness itself which is hard enough LOL. In my case, it seems like there's always some sort of a trigger. Like... just a couple of hours ago (coincidence I just read this thread?).... I was doing some shopping with my mother who is visiting. We wanted to enter a store and from the corner of my eye I saw someone in a wheelchair talking to a couple of people. I started panicking inside like something was about to happen and I just rushed into the store to leave those thoughts behind me. My head was still recovering from all the thoughts as we bought a smoothie-like drink. While we were standing there, here he comes again and stays like a few meters from us. That was definetly too much. Now I feel like something was triggered inside. I wonder if this is a high comming. @ Dani : Das sieht man dir nicht an For some reason that “high” is stronger with someone random I see on the street. I definitely enjoy being with my PWD friends but the feeling aldebaran describes only happens with strangers. |
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Post by devogirl on Nov 6, 2022 8:36:13 GMT -5
Yes, me too. There's something about an unexpected encounter that makes the experience much more intense. The same for coming across a book or movie unexpectedly.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2022 11:06:03 GMT -5
Ok, girls seem to have a plausible explanation to their highs but... what about boys? I wish I could explain it to myself but that would imply being able to understand my devness itself which is hard enough LOL. In my case, it seems like there's always some sort of a trigger. [...] For some reason that “high” is stronger with someone random I see on the street. I definitely enjoy being with my PWD friends but the feeling aldebaran describes only happens with strangers. Just this morning I was replying to a message from a friend and had some thoughts about what you said, but they were more in the background. Now that you mention it... yes, you're right! It makes a big difference if I know the person or if it's someone random I see on the street.
I wonder why is this? In my case I could imagine, this is because I don't know too many details about the other person. That way (I assume) my mind feels free to have a wider variety of thoughts and fantasies. The more I know someone, the more details I would probably know about the person and his/her disability. That would drastically reduce how much I might fantasize. But also the more I know someone, the more I care about him/her and so... the high would stay at bay.
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