Excerpt(s) from my script.

[paperbackruiter]

Hello again everyone! After finally attaining the courage to introduce myself to all of you wonderful people (plus the addition of some unexpected free time) I've decided to take an even greater risk: Show a snippet of what I've been writing. This piece of dialogue seemed most appropriate for PD, and I'm sure most of you on here can relate to at least some of it. Feel free to offer feedback; do you love it? Hate it? Let me know! I only ask for criticism to at least be constructive please. People like us are represented, so naturally, I cherish your voices to set me straight if you feel I've missed the mark. Anyway, as you could probably guess, the protaganist is Mitch; a PWD, and he's talking to Maya, someone he met earlier in the night, and now that they're back at his place, she's revealing to him that she is a Dev. Oh, and the bolded quotes represent Mitch's thoughts. Okay...Here goes! 


Maya: “...I’m a devotee..”



(Mitch stares blankly).



Mitch: “What does that mean?”



Maya: “You don’t know?”



Mitch: “Is that a cult thing? I mean you do you but I’m not really-



(She lets out a grunt of surprise with her eyes narrowed, as if she’s trying to read his mind, she pushes her chair back, gets up, walks into the kitchen, grabs a glass from a cupboard above the counter, takes a pitcher of water out of the fridge, drinks it while periodically pausing to take breaths, puts the glass into the dishwasher, returns and sits back down, all the while maintaining a gaze of pensive suspicion on Mitch.)



Maya: “You really don’t know?...”



(Mitch’s voice shakes) Mitch: “Are you a groupie for Devo urrrr.....-



(She suddenly bursts out laughing, and Mitch jumps).



Maya: “No, nothing like that! Hahaha!...I’m sorry, you’re adorable (she continues laughing for a few more seconds, so much she wipes away tears). It means I’m attracted to men like you, with disabilities.”



(Mitch lets out a breath; a little relieved, a little confused, and very skeptical).



Mitch: “No way”



Maya: “Why? Human attraction is very diverse. You’ve got furries, robosexuals- people fall in love with all manner of things really: mailboxes, carousels, phone booths-



Mitch: “I don’t think this is helping...



Maya: “Okay, I went a little too far. Point is, what’s so weird about finding you attractive?



Mitch: “It’s not that, it’s...Specifically, you think, not just my face but....The whole package: My skinny bowed legs, my awkward gait, all of it…that, honestly...floats your boat?”



“Just go with it…”



Maya: “Yep. Why are you looking at me like that?”



Mitch: “I...Guess I just think it’s a little....”



“Aaaand ya blew it.”



(Her face flushes, and her voice rises in anger).



Maya: “What? Are you seriously judging me right now? Un-fucking-believable! (She jerks her chair back in disgust, while Mitch is tongue tied; searching for something to say, but to no avail). “And here I was, not just telling a guy I liked him, but full-on revealing something about myself that I’ve never told anyone ...And you shut me down like that?-



“So, once again, life hands you an opportunity and you’re gonna squander it huh? Typical Mitch-



(Mitch ponders this deeply, while Maya berates him in the background).



Maya: (Muffled, as Mitch is in his own head and, along with the audience, is only half-listening). “I suppose I’m the idiot for thinking you’d be open-minded and maybe even a little giddy about this...But I guess you’re too busy fighting off the ladies left and right to be with a ‘sicko’ huh?!



Mitch: (Weakly). “W-wait-



“Oh wow! A feeble ‘wait’! It’s amazing you could even get that out-



Mitch: (A little louder).“Can I say something?-



Maya: (Continuing, still muffled). “I should’ve known, I’m waaaay out of your league; I mean you’ve got it all right? No job, no ambition, your only friends are middle-aged barflys. (Maya heads to the door). Hell, getting you to say more than 5 words at a time is like pulling teeth-



“There she goes! And on cue, you just sit there and let it happen.”



Mitch: (Louder) “I- I feel the same about you! Don’t leave…Please.”



(Maya stops, and turns back slowly, tears welled in her eyes, this time not from laughter. She sits back down).



Maya: “That look in your eyes…That disgust I know all too well- hurts Mitch. I’ve told people, and payed for it. So, I locked it away… from everyone, including myself, for so long; lest I be called a freak!”



Mitch: “No, you’re not a freak-



Maya: “Do you have any idea what it’s like to have a part of yourself that you’re ashamed of?”



Mitch: “Actually I do, but you’ll laugh.”



Maya: “Your legs?-



Mitch: “No not my legs!...Well, sure but there’s no helping that- I was gonna say my lack of social skills with everyone but, women specifically-



Maya: (Whispering). “Pssst…You know you’re talking to one right now.”



Mitch: “Yes, I’m aware. Thing is… I-I can’t explain it- you’re different.”



Maya: (Quizzically). “Thank you?”



Mitch: “I mean that- I feel comfortable around you, and…and usually around certain Women…I can be a little awkward and maybe even…completely unintentionally…Give off a creepy vibe sometimes.”



Maya: “Probably not as much as you think, besides, you seemed pretty confident at the bar-



Mitch: “I’d been drinking. That’s cheating and doesn’t count.”



Maya: “HA! If that were true, half of adult social interactions would be void. You still haven’t explained why it’s different with me.”



Mitch: “Forget it-



Maya: “No! C’mon pleeeeease?”



Mitch: “Well, knowing what you know now, you can understand that I never really seek women out-“



Maya: “Lest you be called a creep.”



Mitch: “Do you want me to tell you this or not!...And yes.”



Maya: “Anger is the assassin of anxiety.”



Mitch: “Who said that?”



Maya: “I just did. Continue.”



Mitch: “The point is: No one’s ever…seeked me out before and initially it was a little…



Selina: “Yeah, I get ya. Shoe’s on the other foot now huh?”



(Mitch and Selina share a laugh)



Mitch: “I suppose so…But more importantly, I’m here to apologise because, you being so open and honest about your feelings. Is definitely braver than anything I’ve ever had to deal with. Truly.”

    

[devogirl]

Thanks for sharing! I'm always glad to see more positive dev representation. It's a good start but it doesn't feel very realistic to me. Maya doesn't feel like a real person--we don't get any sense of her inner life. Like she says she's upset but her actions don't reflect that. Personally, as a dev, this conversation is something I rehearsed over and over in my head before ever having it in person, and it was always really hard. I could never be that confident the first time around--it took many relationships before I could push back against a negative reply. And it was never a surprise to me when a guy took it badly, that was the response I anticipated. I always started from the assumption that a guy had never heard of devs, and that he would not like the idea unless I really framed it positively. I also never brought it up unless I had some indication the guy would take it well, like he had other kinks himself or something.

For many examples of how this conversation goes in real life, see Devo Diary:
stories.paradevo.net/2010/12/devo-diary-table-of-contents.html

Oh and did another character enter the room or did Maya's name change to Selina?

[sy]

This whole thing feels like it was written just to appease the devs. I was hoping for a legit story.

[Deleted]

Thanks for sharing, it's not easy to share writing and wait for feedback.
I have written about conversations like this and usually they are drawn out long and are difficult for the dev character and the PWD, awkward and sometimes painful. I feel Maya was harsh and overreacted way too quick. I felt bad for Mitch and how he was trying to understand.
It didn't feel very deep.
Is this written for a play? Then possibly the actors would have to convey the emotions and hopefully give the characters a lot more depth and conversation.

[blueskye101]

Thanks for sharing your writing

[hotpinkguy]

I've responded to many plays in my time - and so I have some questions for you.

Why this piece and why now?

Where do you think you are in the process?

What sort of feedback would be most helpful to you? (Page 22 is bothering me, or what do you think of character X or does any of this make sense, or....).

[paperbackruiter]

Thanks to all of you who gave it a look; It's obvious that there's a lot of work to do. Humanising Maya more, (hell, giving her a consistent name!) To go along with poor editing (eg: Maya saying she hadn't told anyone she was a Dev, than contradicting herself soon after). Proves I've got lots to learn. Thanks again, for teaching me a thing or two. I hope you won't mind doing it again though, as I still plan to trickle out more in due time.

[derryf]

Its good 

[paperbackruiter]

First and foremost: I hope everyone is, and will continue to be, safe and healthy out there. If not, I'm pulling for ya. We're all in this together.

Now then, while essentially being under house arrest, I've been doing some more writing, some of which I thought I'd share. This time, the protagonist Mitch, is having a job interview. As before, the bolded parts represent his thoughts. Feedback is always welcome. 

Employer: “Tell me, what are some things you want in life? What are some of your goals?”



Mitch: “Heh, a job would be nice.”



Employer: (a short laugh) “Yes well, aside from that; it could be anything.”



“Anything huh? I’d like to acquire some charisma, confidence, finesse, sure-footing-



Mitch: “That’s a tough one.”



-Be a little less anxious, gain a little bit of height both vertically, and yeah, horizontally too..

Seriously though! A fucking steady income! That’s why I’m here damnit!”



Mitch: “...Independence. I live with my brother currently, and before that with my parents; I’d like to live my own life, in my own place, at my own pace. I don’t want the world, just my own little piece of it.”



Employer: “Can your pace keep up with us?”



“Shit. Should’ve said something more ambitious.”



Mitch: “Yes...Uh of course! I’m sorry, I-”



Employer: (She/He lets out a laugh). “Nothing to be sorry for Mitch. You didn’t try to wow me with grand plans, you told the truth, and I can respect that. How fast can you type?”



Mitch: “I don’t know…I’ve never thought to record that.”



Employer: “Lemme bring your chair over to my desk.”

(Mitch opens his mouth, but before he can protest, the employer has already dragged Mitch across the floor to his/her desk. He/She opens up a blank page on the computer screen, hands Mitch a random memo then pulls up his/her chair and sits beside him).



Employer: “Here, I would like you to type up as much of this as you can in one minute okay?



Mitch: “Okay.”



Employer: “Ready?”


"No."

Mitch: “Yes.”



Employer: “Go.” (She/he starts the timer on his/her watch. Mitch types; steadily yet awkwardly, using the ‘hunt and peck’ method).



“Who the fuck wrote this? Talk about a stroke on a keyboard…”



(Out of his peripheral vision, Mitch can see the disappointment and slight embarrassment on the employer’s face. The watch alarm sounds, seemingly premature, Mitch stops.)



Mitch: “What’s wrong?”



Employer: “I’m afraid you don’t have the skills we’re looking for.”(The employer starts to pull Mitch’s chair away from the desk, Mitch grabs onto the desk, preventing it).



Mitch: “Wait…Why?”



Employer: (Sighing). “Unfortunately, your ‘pace’ isn’t suitable-



Mitch: “With all due respect, it’s data entry, sit and type is all-



Employer: “And yet you don’t type fast enough.”



“Seriously? Denied because of WPM bullshit? I. Can. Do. The. Fucking. Work. Why isn’t that good enough?”



Mitch: “I-I can stay late to finish up anything out standing, I’ll take a typing course after work-



Employer: “I would certainly recommend that, but you’re going to have to do so on your own time. Can you let go please?



“Shit…here goes nothing.”



Mitch: “Look, I didn’t want to bring this up cause’ I don’t like to draw attention to my…y’know…disability. But because of it I have shi…crappy dexterity in my hands okay? I can still type-



Employer: “Not. Fast. Enough. I’m sorry.”



Mitch: (A hint of frustration in Mitch’s voice). “It’s okay. I’ll get my canes.”



Employer: “Really? This’ll be much faster-



Mitch: (Takes a deep breath). “Yes.”



“So you can quit dragging me around like a child.”



Employer: (Detecting the hostility, the employer condescendingly yields, shaking his/her head with hands up). “Alright, alright. Have it your way. (When Mitch reaches his canes, the employer sticks her/his hand out, Mitch shakes it, suddenly recalling the writer of the memo he copied).



Employer: “Nice to meet you Mitch, and good luck with your job search.”



Mitch: “Thanks, it’s too bad it didn’t work out, you really could’ve used someone like me, that memo was full of egregious mistakes.” (The employer grows more and more irritated, as Mitch purposely drops his cane, taking his time to bend down and pick it up). “I mean really bad, borderline unprofessional stuff.” (The employer nods frantically, barely able to maintain a fake smile, pushing Mitch out the door. Before he/she closes it, Mitch looks the employer right in the eye).



Mitch: “But, I guess speed is better than accuracy huh?”



(The door slams).