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Post by SouthernCalGal on Oct 15, 2020 16:56:37 GMT -5
I was an only child and when I was around 9 or so, I fantasized about having a brother - that fictional brother was in a wheelchair. As I got older and hit puberty, my fantasies always had the love interest as a para in a wheelchair. Around 18, I came across a calendar that had an injured firefighter on the cover - he was in a wheelchair. I remember bursting at the seams with that calendar - the feelings overcame me - I felt it all over. I hid the calendar and admitted to 2 friends that I liked guys in wheelchairs. I thought I was the only one...I thought it was wrong. I never explored and went about my life and married an AB man. Throughout the years though, upon seeing a wheeler that I thought was attractive - the feelings would overwhelm me. Fast forward to about 6 years ago and I saw a man in a wheelchair while I was at the airport. He was extremely handsome, the look I am attracted to and...in a chair. My reaction was such that I could hardly contain myself - My dev self busted out of her 40 or so year shell and she was not going away. I googled and found I was not alone. I read, read, read practically every story on PD Stories. I lurked for a couple of years and then finally joined PD. I found a home base here. Ever since that airport experience and me knowing that this is actually something - I want to say that I have been on a dev high since then. There are highs and lows but it is not going away.
My life has gotten a bit complicated recently and my "dev orientation" is in the forefront of my life right now. A situation occurred in which I had to tell my AB husband about me being a dev. I am in the process of working through this. He is still processing. However, what I do know is that I am not longer willing to hide it and I need to embrace it 100%. I am not sure where that will lead... Over the last several weeks, I have also told close friends and a family member and was met with love and acceptance. So, this dev part of me is finally becoming one with who I am - I had always separated the two.
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mili
Full Member
Posts: 131
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by mili on Oct 15, 2020 20:48:55 GMT -5
Aw, you're welcome! You've made some great contributions yourself with your website and survey, all very much appreciated. I was sorry when you took it down. I'm hoping we see more from you in the future. To answer your question, I have always been aware of being a dev, it was one of my first conscious thoughts when I was about 4 years old. I didn't have a word for it but I knew what I liked. In terms of learning the word devotee, and figuring out that it was just another form of attraction that other people shared, and not just some weird thing about me, that happened in my mid 20s. So I guess it's been a bit over 20 years since I started to identify as a dev and act on it. That blows my mind. Woah! Makes me go down the rabbit hole of wondering how much experience plays a role, versus pure fated biology. I remember my first clear devvy attraction around 11 years old, and I remember thinking that I had to hide it. I found out I was a dev through the internet when I was 16 (give or take) and have lurked here on and off since then. |
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kyurem646
New Member
Posts: 13 
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by kyurem646 on Nov 19, 2020 19:17:06 GMT -5
I remember seeing this one armed construction worker in like third grade and I was strangely attracted to him. I remember one day he was in a tank top with his stump showing and I was so excited that I got lightheaded. Eventually I figured out how to use the internet and it's been all downhill from there.
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Post by Slinxter on Dec 23, 2020 22:21:52 GMT -5
My life has gotten a bit complicated recently and my "dev orientation" is in the forefront of my life right now. A situation occurred in which I had to tell my AB husband about me being a dev. I am in the process of working through this. He is still processing. However, what I do know is that I am not longer willing to hide it and I need to embrace it 100%. I am not sure where that will lead... Over the last several weeks, I have also told close friends and a family member and was met with love and acceptance. So, this dev part of me is finally becoming one with who I am - I had always separated the two. I am right there with ya, bravo to you! I have been owning Dev since I joined PD in early October, and the friends I have told have been perfect really, loving and supportive. |
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Post by rebeckers84 on Dec 24, 2020 11:42:17 GMT -5
Mine was the first day of high school, 1998. I was riding the bus which dropped off in the senior parking lot and I saw a guy transferring from him car to his chair. I had no idea what happening to me but my world was pretty rocked and I spent the next few days trying to figure out who he was.
It’s taken since just earlier this year to really embrace it!!! And boy did I go from 0 to 90 in 30 seconds flat!! 🤣
I think of all the missed opportunities I’ve had through the years but nothing I can do about those now. Just focusing on the really great things that have come from this year of total self realization.
And this board is 100000% the reason behind why I’ve become so happy and ok with things. Will forever be grateful for finding this place.
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Post by feelsunshine on Dec 26, 2020 11:38:13 GMT -5
My earliest childhood memory is when I saw the girl in the wheelchair in probably the oldest "Heidi" movie that exists (in black and white). I was extremely intrigued by that appearance, and I still kind of have that movie scene in my head. So I guess it's about 30 years that I found out that I'm "different". Back then (late 90s) I had no private access to the internet, yet (only in school) and of course the internet for sure was not filled with as many information as it tis now. So I kept my mind going with fantasies, and they always involved a wheeler. My own bedtime story was, me laying in bed, pretending that I just woke up in a hospital bed and remember that me and the love of my life were in a car accident. And while I'm still figuring out what happened to me and if I'm OK, the door opens and my guy wheels in... And till today, this would still be my ideal story: to get to know someone AB who's "the love of my life" and then few years later, he'd have "the accident" becoming a paraplegic. Don't get me wrong. I'd never wish someone bad luck and I'd of course would want my partner to be save and everything, but I can't help it, that's what my mind does. And there's no need for anyone to tell me that's unrealistic and there's a 0,00001% chance that this story might come true, and that many relationships break up after an accident like this, yeah, heard about it.
I haven't been online here quite a while, so I use this comment to also inform those who might care, that I have some sort of an FWB thing with a para since this summer. Although I sometimes wish that there would rise a stable relationship out of that, we're just not as compatible that it would make sense to wish for more. But, we're friends, think somewhat alike and that's the big benefit: he soothes my dev mind.
I still will check in on PD every once in a while but for now I know that I don't "need" PD as much as I needed it when I first found this board. I'm not gone, and you girls are all on my mind. And who knows, there might come back a time when I use this board more frequently again. Cheers and Merry Christmas.
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Post by elbs on Jan 4, 2021 9:09:12 GMT -5
When I was around 10 or 11, our school had a unit on disability awareness and I was obsessed.
Funny thing is that I had a disabled classmate in my previous school and didn't have any particular interest in her disabilities. Even though I've had devvy reactions in adulthood to people with similar disabilities.
It didn't occur to me that I was a devotee until I was around 28 or so. I thought I was completely asexual until 27, when I realized that I have a thing for ABDL, and the next few years involved a lot of exploration of what exactly I'm into.
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Celeste
Full Member
Posts: 126
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by Celeste on Jan 31, 2021 23:12:24 GMT -5
I am finally reading the rest of your responses. I find it so interesting that we have such different experiences that brought us here. Thanks for sharing! I thought I had my dev side totally figured out (paras & CP), but a new acquaintance with a stutter has intrigued me. I had no idea that could be devvy for me... as it turns out, I'm still learning about myself after so many years! My earliest childhood memory is when I saw the girl in the wheelchair in probably the oldest "Heidi" movie that exists (in black and white). I was extremely intrigued by that appearance, and I still kind of have that movie scene in my head. So I guess it's about 30 years that I found out that I'm "different". Back then (late 90s) I had no private access to the internet, yet (only in school) and of course the internet for sure was not filled with as many information as it tis now. So I kept my mind going with fantasies, and they always involved a wheeler. My own bedtime story was, me laying in bed, pretending that I just woke up in a hospital bed and remember that me and the love of my life were in a car accident. And while I'm still figuring out what happened to me and if I'm OK, the door opens and my guy wheels in... And till today, this would still be my ideal story: to get to know someone AB who's "the love of my life" and then few years later, he'd have "the accident" becoming a paraplegic. Don't get me wrong. I'd never wish someone bad luck and I'd of course would want my partner to be save and everything, but I can't help it, that's what my mind does. And there's no need for anyone to tell me that's unrealistic and there's a 0,00001% chance that this story might come true, and that many relationships break up after an accident like this, yeah, heard about it. I haven't been online here quite a while, so I use this comment to also inform those who might care, that I have some sort of an FWB thing with a para since this summer. Although I sometimes wish that there would rise a stable relationship out of that, we're just not as compatible that it would make sense to wish for more. But, we're friends, think somewhat alike and that's the big benefit: he soothes my dev mind. I still will check in on PD every once in a while but for now I know that I don't "need" PD as much as I needed it when I first found this board. I'm not gone, and you girls are all on my mind. And who knows, there might come back a time when I use this board more frequently again. Cheers and Merry Christmas. I also have memories of Clara from Heidi. It wasn't my first dev experience, but it was definitely an early influence. Congrats on your FWB situation, btw. Sounds fun!  |
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Celeste
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Posts: 126
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by Celeste on Feb 19, 2021 22:32:11 GMT -5
I don't have much dating experience with people with disabilities because for whatever reason I've met very very few in my day to day adult life, actually none except for one woman. I feel this. I think growing up as a dev, I always assumed that I would meet more men with disabilities in adulthood. As it turns out, it doesn't really happen that often. |
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Post by Celaena on Feb 21, 2021 19:58:05 GMT -5
One thing I remembered vividly from childhood was watching an episode of the revamped/older Brady Bunch. Bobby gets paralyzed in a racing accident and...
Well, I don't know what happened. My mom made me go to bed before it was over. I kicked and screamed and fought to finish watching that damn episode, but she wouldn't budge. I spent years wondering about Bobby Brady in his wheelchair...
I still have never seen the end of the episode but did read a summary. Surprise surprise. Miracle cure. Whomp whomp.
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em
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Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by em on Feb 22, 2021 5:21:54 GMT -5
I actually just remembered something strange... When I was little, maybe 4 or 5, I used to visit my grandma and she would always have the TV on and would watch shows like "The Bold and the Beautiful" and some telenovelas. in one episode, a girl (a young woman really, maybe 20ish) became wheelchair bound in an accident and refused to get in the wheelchair - she was bery attractive and was worried that she would become unattractive I guess. So the guy-her friend or partner - carried her into her house and put her in bed. Now this did not attract me, quite the opposite, I think I internalised her fear of becoming disabled (remember I was 5!) and whenever I made up stories or fantasized about devvy things, I would always avoid wheelchairs, unless it was just mentioned in retrospect as a temporary thing.
But that's not the answer to your question, the answer is, I think when I was a teenager and other girls talked about guys and what they wanted them to do etc., I still had interest in other boys but not in a sexual way, rather I'd obsessively read stories about people who had accidents and had trouble walking or would just make up my own stories. I think it started when I was 15 or 16, so over a decade ago, but I do have some memories of having an interest in walking on crutches or playing doctor etc. before then.
In a sense I also miss the time when I was able to make up stories which did not involve disabled people, does anyone else have that? Not that it's bad to feature characters with disability, but I just keep repeating the same pattern and I want to be able to come up with something else, I used to be really good at writing stories as a child...
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Post by rebeckers84 on Feb 22, 2021 20:02:31 GMT -5
One thing I remembered vividly from childhood was watching an episode of the revamped/older Brady Bunch. Bobby gets paralyzed in a racing accident and... Well, I don't know what happened. My mom made me go to bed before it was over. I kicked and screamed and fought to finish watching that damn episode, but she wouldn't budge. I spent years wondering about Bobby Brady in his wheelchair... I still have never seen the end of the episode but did read a summary. Surprise surprise. Miracle cure. Whomp whomp. Totally remember that episode too!!! |
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Post by ayla on Feb 24, 2021 23:38:48 GMT -5
Oh man, this thread has got me all nostalgic. Some of the real MVPs of childhood devness have been mentioned: the Bobby Brady episode, Clara from Heidi, Lieutenant Dan! This could probably form its own new thread but I've gotta shout out some other 90s highlights...
As I think over that decade (spans ages 7-17 for me), it's actually quite cool to trace the evolution of my devness (my devolution?) through puberty. The early influences spanned a wider range of disabilities and I was generally fascinated with any depiction of disability in media. Over time I stayed interested in disability generally, but developed a *special* interest in SCI dudes that I did not quite understand for many years.
Early on, there were a lot of disabled children that I fantasized about being and/or befriending. I'm thinking of Clara here for sure but also Pollyanna, Colin from Secret Garden (a film version was released when I was 10, same age as the Mary Lennox character), the blind boy who was the main character of the book Follow My Leader, the girl who fell out of the tree in Midnight in the Dollhouse on whom I did a book report.
The middle of the decade brought more teen/adult characters into my world: the Deaf brother in Four Weddings and a Funeral and son in Mr Holland's Opus, Tim Curry with his peg leg in Muppet Treasure Island, a very impactful episode of Ready or Not where super cool Aiden moves to town in his wheelchair (oh how I dreamed of that happening in my life). I started noticing any wheeling or limping character anywhere -- Doug, ER, Highlander the series (in syndication after school -- I literally watched this whole series just bc I wanted to figure out why the supporting character in the intro sequence had a limp). This is also where I started to have a funny feeling about liking these characters too much and too publicly...so I tried to keep all this curiosity between me and my (disabled, obvi) Barbies/My Little Ponies/treasure trolls.
And then my teen years, late 90s, boy oh boy. I'm pretty sure I can pinpoint the moment of my sexual awakening to seeing one single photo: paraplegic skier Chris Waddell in People Magazine's Sexiest list 1998. I kept that issue under my bed for the longest time. I would gaze at his picture and not know what I felt but I knew it was something new. Maybe because her was a real PWD rather than a fictional character? Other key players: Jude Law in Gattaca and Mitch Longley on Port Charles (swoon)!
Well, thanks for prompting the stroll down memory lane! Hopefully some of these ring a bell for others. Also, I am sticking with my story that 20 years ago = 1990. :P Cheers!p
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Post by Nia on Apr 6, 2021 6:56:52 GMT -5
I was 3 so it’s 40 years now....
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Post by blueskye101 on Apr 6, 2021 21:19:02 GMT -5
I think it was about 7 that I remember my first thoughts. I’m ancient now but didn’t realize what a dev was or that others felt the same til I found the boards.
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