Learn the ropes?

[Slinxter]

Hey all, 

Thanks for the warm welcomes on my thread on the personals board, I feel much less like I have a huge burdensome secret. 

As a noob, I was wondering if there were any tips, pointers, do's and don'ts, or posts of previous questions.

Stuff I have questions about:

• On the general boards, what kind of things might have been touchy or inflammatory I should avoid? 
• Is it okay to ask here about PWD that are on the general board?
• Do people just post what their attractions are on the personals board? I am apparently, all of the sudden, shy.
• I see the website has some book & movie reviews, but it appears it hasn't been updated in a while. Are those all located elsewhere in particular? If not, no big. (I am thrilled there are all the things in all the places to read, thanks to all who have been a part of making it.)
• Is there an instagram, facebook, twitter, tinder, etc. list/thread of things members follow?
• I currently have a big ol' pile of emotional stuff that this is part of, but not entirely, but it all meshes together. What's the norm, do people share novels about themselves or keep it specific to dev stuff? 
• I have not been loose in the world in a long time, I might've forgotten how to human. Haha, yeah, but seriously, I haven't been available in 13 or so years, I will most likely embarrass and/or offend at some point. Any advice on pitfalls to avoid?

[devogirl]

No problem! Relax, you'll be fine. Read the Board Guidelines which is posted at the top of the page.
paradevo.proboards.com/thread/1773/board-guidelines-new-members-read

I don't want to make a list of inflammatory topics because that will just invite people to start fighting. If you read through recent posts, especially ones that go on for multiple pages, you can easily see the answers to many of these questions.

I'm not sure what you mean by "is it ok to ask here about PWD that are on the general board?" Do you mean is it ok to gossip about members in the devs only section? No, please don't. This section is on the honor system, anyone can read any post here. If you are PMing with someone and want a gut check on whether the person is legit, feel free to PM any longtime member. Also if you get harassing PMs please let the moderators know.

Sorry I haven't kept up with the book and movie reviews. I used to be super motivated to write them but I haven't had time since I had kids. If anyone else wants to start posting reviews again, please do. Email paradevo at yahoo dot com to get added as an author. Celeste is planning to create an updated list of films/tv shows. I find Goodreads is a good way to keep track of devvy novels. There are quite a few PD members who have profiles; once you friend someone you can see what books you have in common. There are also many lists on Goodreads of novels with PWD characters.

There is no official list of social media profiles that people follow. I don't think it's a good idea to create such a list because it could easily become a form of harassment or at least unwanted attention for PWDs. There is some discussion here:
paradevo.proboards.com/thread/8940/instagram
But please don't swamp the feeds of regular guys who don't have a lot of followers.

You can share as much or as little about yourself as you like. Off topic posts are fine. Read up on some of the recent threads, at least going back a few pages, and you'll get a sense of how people usually post here. Just remember that everything here is completely public and can be read by anyone, even non-members.

If you want you can read Devo Diary, which is my autobiography of my life as a dev:
stories.paradevo.net/search/label/Devo%20Diary
I wrote it for people like you, sister devs, to share my experiences, hopefully learn from my many mistakes, and to help devs feel less alone.

The most important pitfall to avoid is to watch out for pretenders. We try to ban anyone here who creates a deceptive profile, but some of them get past us. If any guy pursues you very aggressively and seems too good to be true, proceed with caution. Verify someone's identity before getting invested in a romantic relationship.

[Slinxter]

Oct 7, 2020 7:24:49 GMT -5 devogirl said:

No problem! Relax, you'll be fine. Read the Board Guidelines which is posted at the top of the page.
paradevo.proboards.com/thread/1773/board-guidelines-new-members-read

I don't want to make a list of inflammatory topics because that will just invite people to start fighting. If you read through recent posts, especially ones that go on for multiple pages, you can easily see the answers to many of these questions.

I'm not sure what you mean by "is it ok to ask here about PWD that are on the general board?" Do you mean is it ok to gossip about members in the devs only section? No, please don't. This section is on the honor system, anyone can read any post here. If you are PMing with someone and want a gut check on whether the person is legit, feel free to PM any longtime member. Also if you get harassing PMs please let the moderators know.

Sorry I haven't kept up with the book and movie reviews. I used to be super motivated to write them but I haven't had time since I had kids. If anyone else wants to start posting reviews again, please do. Email paradevo at yahoo dot com to get added as an author. Celeste is planning to create an updated list of films/tv shows. I find Goodreads is a good way to keep track of devvy novels. There are quite a few PD members who have profiles; once you friend someone you can see what books you have in common. There are also many lists on Goodreads of novels with PWD characters.

There is no official list of social media profiles that people follow. I don't think it's a good idea to create such a list because it could easily become a form of harassment or at least unwanted attention for PWDs. There is some discussion here:
paradevo.proboards.com/thread/8940/instagram
But please don't swamp the feeds of regular guys who don't have a lot of followers.

You can share as much or as little about yourself as you like. Off topic posts are fine. Read up on some of the recent threads, at least going back a few pages, and you'll get a sense of how people usually post here. Just remember that everything here is completely public and can be read by anyone, even non-members.

If you want you can read Devo Diary, which is my autobiography of my life as a dev:
stories.paradevo.net/search/label/Devo%20Diary
I wrote it for people like you, sister devs, to share my experiences, hopefully learn from my many mistakes, and to help devs feel less alone.

The most important pitfall to avoid is to watch out for pretenders. We try to ban anyone here who creates a deceptive profile, but some of them get past us. If any guy pursues you very aggressively and seems too good to be true, proceed with caution. Verify someone's identity before getting invested in a romantic relationship.

Thank you for the info!

Re: is it ok to ask here about PWD that are on the general board?" I meant more as a "hey, are there any red flags re: this person", not for gossiping. I will definitely keep being respectful and using PM in mind. 

Re: social media following, I follow people that are disabled and disabled rights advocates that I have learned a lot from (ex: Carson Tueller, Nina Tame), and disabled actors, models, athletes & influencers that want more followers (ex: Ruth Madeley, Sian Lord, Amy Purdy, Aaron Philip). I have been attempting to normalize disability in the things I follow. That link helps!

Re: book reviews & movie reviews, I do not want to meddle too much, but i would be willing to take a look and do some thinking on it. I get not wanting to keep on top of that as interests wander.

I am making my way through previous posts, thanks for the link to your Devo Diary.

Re: pretenders, thanks for the heads-up!

[devogirl]

Oct 8, 2020 11:21:09 GMT -5 Slinxter said:

Thank you for the info!

Re: is it ok to ask here about PWD that are on the general board?" I meant more as a "hey, are there any red flags re: this person", not for gossiping. I will definitely keep being respectful and using PM in mind. 

You're welcome! I would still recommend not asking any questions about individuals in a public post. How would you feel if you saw "Hey, what do you think of this new member Slinxter? Any red flags?" in a post where you were not allowed to respond. But do reach out to any of the mods or active members via PM if you are unsure about someone. Pretenders are a big problem, unfortunately. I think almost every dev here has had an encounter with one at some point. We purposely don't list all the red flags because that just teaches them how to get better at fooling people. But in general, watch out for any guy who wants to talk about his disability in intimate detail right away, and who is evasive about live video chat. 

If anyone discovers a member with a deceptive profile here, please contact the mods and we will take care of it.