mili
Full Member
Posts: 131
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
|
Post by mili on Oct 20, 2020 23:03:52 GMT -5
So on my dating profile I reference a board game and say that I'm good at it, and that I could probably beat you at it. A PWD guy messaged me on this site who referenced this point, saying "I've got the whole Dev team practicing."
Ladies, I almost died right there.
I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing and my little dev heart froze for a few seconds. All I could see was "Dev" and when I could think I was like, "HOW DOES HE KNOW?" Then I realized he works in IT and meant "development team" and all was right with the world again.
Sometimes, especially when I'm at an event with PWD's (I've unexpectedly gotten invited to these—true story) I think people can stare into my soul and "see" my devness. Pretty sure this is anxiety talking stemming from the worry that people would not accept you into the tribe and so there's something to hide.
Have you guys ever had something like this happen, feel the need to hide, or feel that "devotee" is written on your forehead for all to see?
|
|
|
|
Post by Slinxter on Oct 21, 2020 1:14:05 GMT -5
Yes, totally have that feeling of "They are gonna know! I can't attempt to be friendly, they are gonna deem me creepy!"
|
|
|
|
Post by blueskye101 on Oct 21, 2020 1:57:24 GMT -5
Wandered into a wheelchair basketball game by myself one time and won a “door prize” that my free ticket got me. Had to pick one of the guys to shoot a basket for me. Well, of course, I picked the cutest older wheeler and blushed like crazy and knew DEV was written across my face. Especially when the emcee asked if I was there rooting for someone. Made up some lame, silly thing off top of my head.
|
|
|
|
Post by devogirl on Oct 21, 2020 7:32:21 GMT -5
Have you guys ever had something like this happen, feel the need to hide, or feel that "devotee" is written on your forehead for all to see? Yes, all the time when I was younger and not out of the dev closet. But it really is just the anxiety talking. Living in a paranoid way, always worried you might be discovered, hiding your feelings, it's not healthy. It's tremendously freeing to let that paranoia go. The vast majority of AB people do not care at all. You can tell them directly that you are a dev and they will forget a minute later because it's so unimportant to them.
Some PWDs might know about devs, or might have a negative opinion about us from personal experience or hearing bad things about us, but in my experience, a lot of them have never heard of it. Most PWD straight guys are happy to get positive attention from young attractive women. My strategy was always just to give them a huge friendly grin. No one you meet randomly at an event is going to grill you about being a dev. You're lucky to be meeting PWD guys in this way, so just be friendly, chat them up and see where it goes. I promise no one is going to call you out.
|
|
mili
Full Member
Posts: 131
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
|
Post by mili on Oct 21, 2020 10:18:59 GMT -5
Yes, totally have that feeling of "They are gonna know! I can't attempt to be friendly, they are gonna deem me creepy!" basically! Wandered into a wheelchair basketball game by myself one time and won a “door prize” that my free ticket got me. Had to pick one of the guys to shoot a basket for me. Well, of course, I picked the cutest older wheeler and blushed like crazy and knew DEV was written across my face. Especially when the emcee asked if I was there rooting for someone. Made up some lame, silly thing off top of my head. haha that sounds like a dev dream right there. Awesome. Have you guys ever had something like this happen, feel the need to hide, or feel that "devotee" is written on your forehead for all to see? Yes, all the time when I was younger and not out of the dev closet. But it really is just the anxiety talking. Living in a paranoid way, always worried you might be discovered, hiding your feelings, it's not healthy. It's tremendously freeing to let that paranoia go. The vast majority of AB people do not care at all. You can tell them directly that you are a dev and they will forget a minute later because it's so unimportant to them.
Some PWDs might know about devs, or might have a negative opinion about us from personal experience or hearing bad things about us, but in my experience, a lot of them have never heard of it. Most PWD straight guys are happy to get positive attention from young attractive women. My strategy was always just to give them a huge friendly grin. No one you meet randomly at an event is going to grill you about being a dev. You're lucky to be meeting PWD guys in this way, so just be friendly, chat them up and see where it goes. I promise no one is going to call you out.
Oh, I know no one is going to call me out. You are 100% right that it's the anxiety talking and that no one knows and that most wouldn't care! |
|
lilly
New Member
Posts: 31
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
|
Post by lilly on Oct 21, 2020 17:53:25 GMT -5
I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s experienced this haha! I worked in IT for some time and I have a few friends in web development. It’s still strange mentally separating the two, especially when the context of the sentence could go either way. I silently laugh to myself sometimes when I hear or read something that could easily be referring to a devotee and not developer.
I also have the same anxiety, would love to be able to take Devogirl’s advice but still not quite there yet. I sometimes overcompensate trying to not outwardly show my interest in PWD and can come off awkward and uncomfortable. Really I’m just trying to play it cool and trying not to out myself. I feel remorseful after the fact because I never leave the situation how I would like to.
|
|
|
|
Post by robbb on Oct 21, 2020 18:04:13 GMT -5
would love to be able to take Devogirl’s advice but still not quite there yet. I agree that Devogirl's advice is exactly right but personally I just can't go with it. R. |
|
|
|
Post by Slinxter on Oct 21, 2020 18:20:10 GMT -5
Have you guys ever had something like this happen, feel the need to hide, or feel that "devotee" is written on your forehead for all to see? Yes, all the time when I was younger and not out of the dev closet. But it really is just the anxiety talking. Living in a paranoid way, always worried you might be discovered, hiding your feelings, it's not healthy. It's tremendously freeing to let that paranoia go. The vast majority of AB people do not care at all. You can tell them directly that you are a dev and they will forget a minute later because it's so unimportant to them.
Some PWDs might know about devs, or might have a negative opinion about us from personal experience or hearing bad things about us, but in my experience, a lot of them have never heard of it. Most PWD straight guys are happy to get positive attention from young attractive women. My strategy was always just to give them a huge friendly grin. No one you meet randomly at an event is going to grill you about being a dev. You're lucky to be meeting PWD guys in this way, so just be friendly, chat them up and see where it goes. I promise no one is going to call you out.
How did I not know that you are totally the Dev Shaman yet?! I am so new at being honest with myself on all of this that I hadn't gotten to imagining what the best possible result, the goal, for being a well-adjusted dev. Thank you! Your board has changed my life, in a week and a half. I could have paid thousands, and talked for years, and not gotten here. I am thankful for you. |
|
mili
Full Member
Posts: 131
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
|
Post by mili on Oct 21, 2020 20:38:14 GMT -5
I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s experienced this haha! I worked in IT for some time and I have a few friends in web development. It’s still strange mentally separating the two, especially when the context of the sentence could go either way. I silently laugh to myself sometimes when I hear or read something that could easily be referring to a devotee and not developer. I also have the same anxiety, would love to be able to take Devogirl’s advice but still not quite there yet. I sometimes overcompensate trying to not outwardly show my interest in PWD and can come off awkward and uncomfortable. Really I’m just trying to play it cool and trying not to out myself. I feel remorseful after the fact because I never leave the situation how I would like to. Oh that's interesting worked in IT—you definitely get it, then. Often even the whole word, "devotee", never refers to what we're talking about here. I used to overcompensate and felt the same way. Now I try to be as authentic as I can while not obviously outing myself. |
|
mili
Full Member
Posts: 131
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
|
Post by mili on Oct 21, 2020 20:41:47 GMT -5
Have you guys ever had something like this happen, feel the need to hide, or feel that "devotee" is written on your forehead for all to see? Yes, all the time when I was younger and not out of the dev closet. But it really is just the anxiety talking. Living in a paranoid way, always worried you might be discovered, hiding your feelings, it's not healthy. It's tremendously freeing to let that paranoia go. The vast majority of AB people do not care at all. You can tell them directly that you are a dev and they will forget a minute later because it's so unimportant to them. I'm sure you've referenced this somewhere on the boards so please forgive me—but when you imply that you're out of the dev closet, do you mean that you're explicitly open about it like gay people "out of the closet" are often open to the world about their attraction? Or are you only open about it in very intimate settings? |
|
|
|
Post by devogirl on Oct 23, 2020 8:42:56 GMT -5
Yes, all the time when I was younger and not out of the dev closet.
I'm sure you've referenced this somewhere on the boards so please forgive me—but when you imply that you're out of the dev closet, do you mean that you're explicitly open about it like gay people "out of the closet" are often open to the world about their attraction? Or are you only open about it in very intimate settings?
Maybe out of the closet is the wrong term to use. It's not really the same because dev is not a well-known identity like gay or lesbian. Also I'm married to an AB guy so I "pass" as non-dev. When I was single and looking, I was out to nearly all my friends, not just the closest ones, and even some young single colleagues. But since then I've moved several times and now most of my friends are also work colleagues so I'm not as open about it as I used to be. And since I got married it rarely comes up. So I guess it's a process, a never ending set of decisions. It's not like you can just say "I'm a dev" and everyone gets it.
But anyway my point was that even though I don't share this fact about myself with everyone in my life, I also don't feel the same paranoia that people will somehow just guess. I my experience, no one ever guesses.
|
|
