any other devs feel like unlovable freaks?

[koala]

Oct 11, 2021 17:28:29 GMT -5 @paracrush9 said:

Aww, that's the type of gushy story that makes me jealous LOL! 

I'm so glad to hear that because I love any excuse to tell it lol. It feels so good to transport myself back to those days and remember how incredibly happy he made me. I can feel the elation and passion welling up inside of me just thinking about it. He was well worth the wait and struggles that I went through to get there.

[laxstar9]

Idk sometimes it is hard not to feel that way

[feelsunshine]

I haven’t read all answers to the original post, yet. But first thing that came to my mind, that I want to share with you: I recently figured that I never had great pleasure in sexual activities. sometimes even thought that I was asexual. This was at the time I still denied (or ignored) my devness.
No pleasure-issues since I started exploring my devness in real life.

[feelsunshine]

Oct 12, 2021 1:00:19 GMT -5 koala said:

Oct 11, 2021 10:59:21 GMT -5 Eliza said:

Thanks for sharing your love story I loved it. Does your husband knows about your dev feelings?

You're so welcome. I'm really glad you enjoyed hearing it because I absolutely love telling it 😊

I'll keep my response very focused here so as not to hijack this thread since there's already another one about revealing your devness to others. Unfortunately, I never was brave enough to tell him about that aspect of myself. He literally knew me inside and out...except for that. I was afraid that it would somehow change the dynamic of our relationship or cause him to question my motives. Instead, I just showed him my devness in subtle ways like telling him he had sexy legs, or commenting on how hot he looked in his wheelchair whenever he would give it an upgrade or a fancy new paint job.

Devness has most certainly complicated my relationships in so many ways. I hated keeping that secret from him, and I hate the fact that he never got to know the 100% real me.

the way you explained it, like talking to him about how sexy his legs look and how good he looked in that newly painted wheelchair: I’m sure he knew or sensed the devness in you. Don’t be so hard on yourself for not telling him in words. .. the two of you just didn’t need to explain that in words…

[feelsunshine]

@paracrush9 don’t worry that you haven’t been in a relationship yet. It wasn’t until I was 27 that I started my first relationship to an AB man. We were together and living together for almost 5 years. Not everything was bad but in the end I wish I rather had stayed single and living alone. Since 2018, I am single again, now in a fwb relationship and that’s the best that could have happened to me.
And everything started with finding PD, starting to explore my devness, had some weird dates with wheelers, of course also many chats with guys that endet up in dead-end (the chats, not the guys 😝). … it’s been a lot of frustration over the years.
My current guy I found coincidentally in a group in FB.
And those coincidences are really sometimes the ones that change your live with the blink of an eye. … and one thing is important to let you know. All my life-changing experiences regarding finding a guy or anything important always happened a the very moments where I the least was expecting it or hoping for it.
Live your life. You’ll find your way. And stop worrying that you could be “weird”. I wish you all the best, that you’ll find your significant other who complements your “weirdness” with his weirdness.
and that’s not negative in any way. Everyone is different and everyone has their own special effects in terms of weirdness, I guess. Because normal would be too boring!

[Amee]

I'm a little late to the party, but wanted to add my perspective as well for some more affirmation that No, you are definitely not an unloveable freak, Yes, it's absolutely okay to be a late bloomer and Please don't put yourself down and be patient with yourself

So, let's see if I can break a record here again - the first time I've really been in love was around my 29th birthday and I entered into my first proper relationship two months after that. I've felt like a weirdo, like something was very wrong with me for a long time. I started to believe that this throbbing incompleteness, this hole I didn't know how to fill, was something I would have to live with my whole life. The thought terrified me and was the cause of many tears over the years. I felt like I just couldn't connect on all the levels and at the depth that I needed to in order to be in love.

Turns out, I was wrong. I met someone on here, we became friends, I cared about him deeply, really liked and trusted him - but for about a year thought that he just wasn't really my type romantically. And then, suddenly - I was in love. The kind of deep love on every level I had always longed for and feared was just impossible.

It's difficult figuring yourself out no matter what, and it's even more difficult to do that, if we deviate from the norm in any significant way. It can take time and work. Always remember that life is a journey of development, not a stable state - especially when we're young. Things will be different in a year and they will likely be very different in five years. My life five years ago is a world away from my life today. If I told 24-year-old me where she would be five years later... she simply would not believe it.

Working on your issues is great! Be kind to yourself, try to have some patience and embrace the journey. I know that's hard sometimes, but it sounds very much like you're travelling in the right direction

[Jcat1024]

I'm a little late to your post but wanted chime in.

I first had dev related feelings when I was 14 and thought wtf is wrong with me for the next 5 years until I accepted it. Those 5 years being a teenager seeing guys at my high school with disabilities was torture. I told myself those feelings are messed up and I had to ignore them. I did so by only dating ABs
It was miserable. Then I found this site and was like woah I might not be as crazy as I thought. I'm 25 now and so happy I embraced my dev self.
Think of it this way. Your attraction is not hurting anyone.

[londongayboy]

I wouldn't say I feel unlovable, but I would say that I feel like the chances of me finding love are slim.

First of all I am gay. The gay population is already small. Secondly I can only imagine myself enjoying a long term relationship if it is with a man who is severely disabled in some way that restricts his movement and requires a person to provide daily care or assistance to him (and I would be very happy to be that person). I could probably also be happy with a biid/pretender type and roleplay. But still, my dating pool is tiny - I wont be surprised if I'm forever single. Every time I've tried dating fully AB men in the past it doesn't feel like the kind of relationship I'm meant to be in, and I don't feel fulfilled in the relationship.

[ruthmadison]

Religious trauma also stunted my sexual growth. And I came to realize as an adult that I am on the spectrum (now when I read back my first novel where the main character is very much me it seems really obvious! lol)

My twenties were a very difficult time of growth and I had many dark nights of the soul doubting that I would ever be loved.

I met my husband when I was 29 and the very first thing he knew about me was that I was a dev. Despite him being able-bodied it didn't put him off and he has showered me with so much acceptance and love that it has been extremely healing.

I feel like a big part of what allowed he and I to find each other was me not hiding anything anymore. I stopped masking, I stopped trying to be a person that someone would want. I fully stepped into being me and I think that helped Brad to recognize his soulmate.