Post by kryptic on Sept 22, 2007 8:02:31 GMT -5
I still have yet to find what I am looking for…and am still uncertain as to exactly what that is. Will I know it, if one day it does stand right in front of my face? I hope so. Can I one day forgive myself for those whom I have wronged? Perhaps. Although I realize, I am still relatively young…I feel so exhausted at times.
Overcoming hurdle after hurdle, I endure. But often, I seriously question why. With one step forward…I feel encouraged…with two steps back...I feel hopeless. Yet, I press on.
When I almost died once, life truly did flash before my eyes. With one moment being in control of myself, to the next moment…feeling utterly helpless. Alone, dark, boundless, yet…profoundly and oddly…at peace…I can’t explain why.
Sometimes I wonder what might have been…had I chosen different paths throughout my life. Where would I be now? Who might I be with? Will I have then perhaps found what I was searching for? Maybe.
When I got angry over the smallest and silliest things in the past, I think about how stupid that truly is. Remembering how much time was needlessly wasted…how much feelings got hurt…and how ridiculous I must have appeared.
I remembered a time not too long ago I witnessed an awful car accident. A young woman slammed into the back of a really expensive BMW. And the first reaction of the BMW driver was sheer anger, and was first and foremost concerned about how much damage was done to his car…not how much damage the woman may have suffered…regardless of who’s fault it was…shouldn’t the primary concern be whether or not everyone is okay or not? And THEN worry about property damage???
It somewhat saddened me to think how truly selfish and materialistic people can really be at times.
Sometimes I sit outside my little balcony and can stare up into the night for hours on end. I think about how many other lost souls are out there looking up into the same sky with me.
Often times, wishing I can shed my body like a snakes skin and just soar out into the endless stars…becoming one with the universe.
I dream about the silliest things sometimes…about starting a new civilization on another planet. Built upon a common goal of true co-existence and human evolution.
I dream about existing as pure energy, traveling through alternate dimensions.
I dream about being trapped in a dream, never to awaken from it.
Sometimes I am actually glad that I am disabled. Because I think in certain ways…it humbles me…and keeps me grounded.
I remembered the times I felt so deeply depressed, I felt suicidal. Thinking to myself…who would really miss me when I am gone? And wondering how much easier it would have been if I didn’t exist. Foolishly thinking to myself…that is the best way to end my pains and sorrows.
But I realized something. Killing myself would have been the ultimate epitome of a spineless coward. And despite all of my troubles and hardships…I still had and have lots of reasons to stick around.
I realized that while I perhaps may never become a saint, I have many reasons to feel worthy.
By simply being who we are and remaining true to ourselves…we are worthy.
By doing even the most simplistic acts of kindness …we are worthy.
By crying with someone and sharing in their pains…we are worthy.
And even by just taking a moment or two to just remember our lost loved one’s…
We are worthy
Because no matter who we are…
No matter what our struggles are…
No matter how much pain and suffering we have endured…
No matter how many mistakes we have made in life…
No matter how much our lives have changed…
No matter how fragile we may be…
We are…
Worthy
- Kryptic
Overcoming hurdle after hurdle, I endure. But often, I seriously question why. With one step forward…I feel encouraged…with two steps back...I feel hopeless. Yet, I press on.
When I almost died once, life truly did flash before my eyes. With one moment being in control of myself, to the next moment…feeling utterly helpless. Alone, dark, boundless, yet…profoundly and oddly…at peace…I can’t explain why.
Sometimes I wonder what might have been…had I chosen different paths throughout my life. Where would I be now? Who might I be with? Will I have then perhaps found what I was searching for? Maybe.
When I got angry over the smallest and silliest things in the past, I think about how stupid that truly is. Remembering how much time was needlessly wasted…how much feelings got hurt…and how ridiculous I must have appeared.
I remembered a time not too long ago I witnessed an awful car accident. A young woman slammed into the back of a really expensive BMW. And the first reaction of the BMW driver was sheer anger, and was first and foremost concerned about how much damage was done to his car…not how much damage the woman may have suffered…regardless of who’s fault it was…shouldn’t the primary concern be whether or not everyone is okay or not? And THEN worry about property damage???
It somewhat saddened me to think how truly selfish and materialistic people can really be at times.
Sometimes I sit outside my little balcony and can stare up into the night for hours on end. I think about how many other lost souls are out there looking up into the same sky with me.
Often times, wishing I can shed my body like a snakes skin and just soar out into the endless stars…becoming one with the universe.
I dream about the silliest things sometimes…about starting a new civilization on another planet. Built upon a common goal of true co-existence and human evolution.
I dream about existing as pure energy, traveling through alternate dimensions.
I dream about being trapped in a dream, never to awaken from it.
Sometimes I am actually glad that I am disabled. Because I think in certain ways…it humbles me…and keeps me grounded.
I remembered the times I felt so deeply depressed, I felt suicidal. Thinking to myself…who would really miss me when I am gone? And wondering how much easier it would have been if I didn’t exist. Foolishly thinking to myself…that is the best way to end my pains and sorrows.
But I realized something. Killing myself would have been the ultimate epitome of a spineless coward. And despite all of my troubles and hardships…I still had and have lots of reasons to stick around.
I realized that while I perhaps may never become a saint, I have many reasons to feel worthy.
By simply being who we are and remaining true to ourselves…we are worthy.
By doing even the most simplistic acts of kindness …we are worthy.
By crying with someone and sharing in their pains…we are worthy.
And even by just taking a moment or two to just remember our lost loved one’s…
We are worthy
Because no matter who we are…
No matter what our struggles are…
No matter how much pain and suffering we have endured…
No matter how many mistakes we have made in life…
No matter how much our lives have changed…
No matter how fragile we may be…
We are…
Worthy
- Kryptic
;D
Yes, sex is such an important and essential thing to have...at least 3 times a day! LOL!