DEVS ONLY: Creativity and the closet

[triquid]

Hi community! Long time no write. Like some, I log off for a thousand years only to reappear once again as I find I can't shed this thing off of me. Thanks for being there  always.

Like myself, I know many people here are creative types and indulge in their fantasies through art. My question is, in brief: how do you navigate creating art and remaining in the closet about your devness?

For me, my devness motivates a LOT of the visual art I do. It's a wonderful outlet where I can indulge in a creative and productive way and hone a skill at the same time. However, as an artist I feel a sense of loss for not being able to share my creations for the fear of being found out. Sometimes I find that my devness creeps even into the work that I don't intend to make devvy in the first place.

I only know of one foreign visual artist sharing their dev work anonymously online for years. I believe they guard their real identity pretty closely. It would still wreck my nerves because I believe my art style would be traceable back to myself.

How do you handle this, fellow creatives?

And no, coming out is NOT an option for me.

 
Let me know if there's already an established thread about this topic where I should rather contribute to.

[devogirl]

Hi there, welcome back! This is a good topic and not one we have really discussed before.

I'm not a visual artist but I have published three dev novels, plus more on the stories blog and AO3. I use a pen name and I totally understand not wanting to put out devvy content under your real name. You don't have to! But I've marketed my books to a general, non-dev readership, and produced two of my novels as audiobooks. I do always wonder if readers will comment negatively about it, but so far it hasn't happened. I think most non-devs are totally oblivious to us. Also there are quite a lot of romance authors who always have PWD characters and I'm pretty sure not all of them are devs. Why can't we devs contribute to making art and literature more diverse and inclusive?

I think you have options beyond drawing only for yourself and never sharing it. I'm not sure what kind of art you're talking about, but if it's just the occasional portrait of a PWD or something, I would just mix it in with your other work and see what happens. It seems unlikely anyone would say anything but if they do, it's their problem for being weird about it--what's the big deal about an image of a PWD? If you're talking about a much bigger output or if it's more obviously sexual, you can make up a pen name for sharing your dev content. Make a tumblr or something and connect to other dev artists under that name. There are a ton of dev artists on DeviantArt. And please share links here, we'd like to see it!

[Dani]

I don't do visual art but I found visual artists on DeviantArt which I think is a good way to show your art and connect with like-minded individuals. I don't know how but you can also sell your art there as far as what I've seen.

[triquid]

Thanks so much for your thoughts! I'm impressed by your extensive creative mileage, Devogirl.

Feb 26, 2022 8:40:19 GMT -5 devogirl said:

I think most non-devs are totally oblivious to us.

This really struck a chord in me. The obliviousness is what I try to count on – it's a niche, niche thing that we're dealing with. But I do get paranoid at times.

Feb 26, 2022 8:40:19 GMT -5 devogirl said:

Also there are quite a lot of romance authors who always have PWD characters and I'm pretty sure not all of them are devs. Why can't we devs contribute to making art and literature more diverse and inclusive?

I think you have options beyond drawing only for yourself and never sharing it. I'm not sure what kind of art you're talking about, but if it's just the occasional portrait of a PWD or something, I would just mix it in with your other work and see what happens. It seems unlikely anyone would say anything but if they do, it's their problem for being weird about it--what's the big deal about an image of a PWD?

What you're saying makes a lot of sense. Sprinkling in the occasional disabled character portrait among others is what I've been trying to go for so far. Nothing too explicit is what I'm sharing. I also believe it's a great opportunity as well as my responsibility to use that chance to create disability representation that is as multidimensional, respectful and as accurate as possible.

It's just when it gets to very detailed designs of prostheses or assistive device, for example, when I start to feel limited in what I'm able to show without attracting suspicion or weirding people out. Or maybe when a character has one disability too many. Or when I show a consistent pattern of dropping a very thought-out and detailed disabled character every once in a while. I fear some of my friends may even have begun to have some suspicions.

I suppose it's only expected when a disabled person creates dis representation that they have the best knowledge and authority on, but suspicious when a non-disabled person tries to go for the same.

I know a great chunk of this is just in my head, some paranoia of being "found out." I mean, the manga artist Hiromu Arakawa made very detailed designs of the prosthetic limb automail, and yet nobody accused her of fetishizing disability, did they? (Although I suspect she even might have had some devvy inclinations in it, but that's just me hahah)

To get a bit self-reflective though: as a devotee, I believe that the art I do is always going to be fetishizing to a greater or lesser extent, because that's the driving motivation for me to create it. Even if it wasn't obvious in the end result, and even if nobody was hurt by it. So to cover behind an image of a selfless do-gooder "just creating some dis representation out there" would be disingenuous of me.

Feb 26, 2022 8:40:19 GMT -5 devogirl said:

Make a tumblr or something and connect to other dev artists under that name.

Also, this?!? I never knew tumblr had an active dev community at all. If you could, I'd be so happy to hear your recommendations of accounts who to follow to get started. I wouldn't mind trying to fly a little less "under the radar" with my art, even if in just one corner of the internet.

[ayla]

The things that inspire us to make art are the things we, by definition, objectify. That isn’t a dirty word. We are compelled to take something from our imagination and make an objective representation.

culturacolectiva.com/art/dark-perverse-fetish-art/

I think you should not worry too much about what inspires you and just celebrate that you have an artistic impulse at all. Easier said than done, I know. I’m someone who also finds artistic inspiration in my devness and for now, I’m pretty private about it (mainly bc I don’t think my skills are yet worthy of the subject matter). But I think about it this way: if your average AB saw my art, they’d think “ok that’s pretty unusual/unique” (good thing in art) and if your average pwd guy saw it, they’d think “finally!”