Anyone in AB/PWD relationships, how did your family react?

[lexidee]

I've never been in a relationship with a PWD, but I was wondering, for those who have, what the reactions were from your family and friends. Particularly if you have kids, how dud they feel about your new relationship when they first met each other? Did it feel anything like "coming out of the closet"?

[mona]

Hey, I've been with a pwd for one and a half years now. My kids (11 and 7) met him one year ago and the fact that he uses a wheelchair raised some questions like "how do you go to bed?" etc. but otherwise they did not make a fuss about it.

[ContingentlyComposite]

Feb 27, 2022 19:44:33 GMT -5 lexidee said:

I've never been in a relationship with a PWD, but I was wondering, for those who have, what the reactions were from your family and friends. Particularly if you have kids, how dud they feel about your new relationship when they first met each other? Did it feel anything like "coming out of the closet"?

I was in a long-term relationship with a PWD and my family and friends were supportive and chill about it. My family didn't even really have questions about. My friends were a little concerned about whether I was taking on too many care responsibilities but that's it. It did not feel like coming out of the closet to family and friends. No one will suspect you are a dev just because you're dating a PWD unless you've dropped a lot of obvious hints about it in the past. It's just not something most people have even heard of.

I do not have kids so I can't speak to that aspect of your question!

[lexidee]

Yeah, I don't expect the family or friends woukd think much about it. Kids, though, could be different. Idk

[rebeckers84]

Have never introduced the family to any of my wheeler guys. But I have friends. It’s been very anti-climatic. Much like just telling your friends about being a dev.
I’ve even introduced friends that don’t know I’m a dev to wheeler dates and it’s pretty much not even a thing. Usually phrase it as hey just a heads up before we meet up so you’re not surprised/thrown off and they’ve always just been like OK.
We build this up soooo much in our own heads. But I guess it’s that way with practically everything in life.

[scinoob]

I actually came out as gay the same time as letting everyone know my boyfriend at the time was a PWD. The only thing my mum said which I thought was off was something along the lines of “are you sure this is what you want though” [referring to the wheelchair].
Which is odd because my mum has always been supportive of me in whatever I do and is such a kindhearted person.

Bit of an odd experience really. Other than that no one ever mentioned it really.

[rebeckers84]

Feb 28, 2022 18:06:52 GMT -5 scinoob said:

I actually came out as gay the same time as letting everyone know my boyfriend at the time was a PWD. The only thing my mum said which I thought was off was something along the lines of “are you sure this is what you want though” [referring to the wheelchair].
Which is odd because my mum has always been supportive of me in whatever I do and is such a kindhearted person.

Bit of an odd experience really. Other than that no one ever mentioned it really.

As much as I hate when people say that, looking at the other side I can kiiinda get. Just a quick gut check from someone that loves you making sure you aren’t getting in over your head or at least knowing what you’re getting into ya know.  Maybe. I dunno. 

[rebeckers84]

Feb 28, 2022 18:06:52 GMT -5 scinoob said:

I actually came out as gay the same time as letting everyone know my boyfriend at the time was a PWD. The only thing my mum said which I thought was off was something along the lines of “are you sure this is what you want though” [referring to the wheelchair].
Which is odd because my mum has always been supportive of me in whatever I do and is such a kindhearted person.

Bit of an odd experience really. Other than that no one ever mentioned it really.

Also, that’s a lot to come out with at once!!  Kudos to you. How old were you? 

[Dani]

Feb 28, 2022 18:11:35 GMT -5 rebeckers84 said:

Feb 28, 2022 18:06:52 GMT -5 scinoob said:

I actually came out as gay the same time as letting everyone know my boyfriend at the time was a PWD. The only thing my mum said which I thought was off was something along the lines of “are you sure this is what you want though” [referring to the wheelchair].
Which is odd because my mum has always been supportive of me in whatever I do and is such a kindhearted person.

Bit of an odd experience really. Other than that no one ever mentioned it really.

As much as I hate when people say that, looking at the other side I can kiiinda get. Just a quick gut check from someone that loves you making sure you aren’t getting in over your head or at least knowing what you’re getting into ya know.  Maybe. I dunno. 

Yes, as a mother I totally get that and I would probably ask the same thing, not because of ignorance but because as parents we worry about our children

[lexidee]

Feb 28, 2022 18:02:58 GMT -5 rebeckers84 said:

Have never introduced the family to any of my wheeler guys. But I have friends. It’s been very anti-climatic. Much like just telling your friends about being a dev.
I’ve even introduced friends that don’t know I’m a dev to wheeler dates and it’s pretty much not even a thing. Usually phrase it as hey just a heads up before we meet up so you’re not surprised/thrown off and they’ve always just been like OK.
We build this up soooo much in our own heads. But I guess it’s that way with practically everything in life.

No one knows I'm a dev except maybe my sister. I've never labeled it, but I talked to her about the feelings. I worry about my kids' reaction more than anything, but then again, I worry about their reaction to AB guys too. And therefore, I kinda just remain single. Lol

[lexidee]

Feb 28, 2022 18:12:56 GMT -5 rebeckers84 said:

Feb 28, 2022 18:06:52 GMT -5 scinoob said:

I actually came out as gay the same time as letting everyone know my boyfriend at the time was a PWD. The only thing my mum said which I thought was off was something along the lines of “are you sure this is what you want though” [referring to the wheelchair].
Which is odd because my mum has always been supportive of me in whatever I do and is such a kindhearted person.

Bit of an odd experience really. Other than that no one ever mentioned it really.

Also, that’s a lot to come out with at once!!  Kudos to you. How old were you? 

I was going to say the same thing. That was a lot. And good for you.

[lexidee]

Mar 7, 2022 10:48:58 GMT -5 @belgianwheeler said:

Mar 1, 2022 0:05:55 GMT -5 lexidee said:

Kids are often more chill than adults. My ex had a son when we met and it didn't bother him. He had questions about why I need a wheelchair, why I can't use my fingers but other than that he was fine with it.

Mine are teenagers and they've met some of my wheeler friends before. I feel like they'd be picking up on the dev vibe and be like, "Mom....?" I'm sure they'd be okay with it, it's just a more awkward conversation to have.

[mona]

Mar 7, 2022 10:48:58 GMT -5 lexidee said:

Mine are teenagers and they've met some of my wheeler friends before. I feel like they'd be picking up on the dev vibe and be like, "Mom....?" I'm sure they'd be okay with it, it's just a more awkward conversation to have.

Ah, lexidee, your kids are already teenagers, that's a different story, I guess! Interesting ... I was wondering about how my kids might react when I tell them about my devness (and that this was the main reason why I separated from their father). Now, they're too young but one day I'll have to have this conversation. And I'm not really looking forward to it. 😔

[scinoob]

Feb 28, 2022 18:12:56 GMT -5 rebeckers84 said:

Feb 28, 2022 18:06:52 GMT -5 scinoob said:

I actually came out as gay the same time as letting everyone know my boyfriend at the time was a PWD. The only thing my mum said which I thought was off was something along the lines of “are you sure this is what you want though” [referring to the wheelchair].
Which is odd because my mum has always been supportive of me in whatever I do and is such a kindhearted person.

Bit of an odd experience really. Other than that no one ever mentioned it really.

Also, that’s a lot to come out with at once!!  Kudos to you. How old were you? 

It was Christmas Day funny enough so I was pretty drunk on mimosas lol. It was okay though, rest of the day did go on as normal. I was 26.
I did ask my mum to let my grandparents know because I wasn’t sure how they’d react. And as it was the height of covid they were self isolating. They were fine though.

[lexidee]

Mar 9, 2022 5:48:16 GMT -5 mona said:

Mar 7, 2022 10:48:58 GMT -5 lexidee said:

Mine are teenagers and they've met some of my wheeler friends before. I feel like they'd be picking up on the dev vibe and be like, "Mom....?" I'm sure they'd be okay with it, it's just a more awkward conversation to have.

Ah, lexidee, your kids are already teenagers, that's a different story, I guess! Interesting ... I was wondering about how my kids might react when I tell them about my devness (and that this was the main reason why I separated from their father). Now, they're too young but one day I'll have to have this conversation. And I'm not really looking forward to it. 😔

Right. It's a different conversation when they're old enough to understand it.