sex questions for wheelers

[j]

 never been with a woman since my situation or really have  explored  sex, along the whole spectrum of sexual expression this is all new for me           
It used to bother me a lot when I was younger

  Overtime   I have regained some feelings and am curious   

has anyone else regained feelings after sometime even being complete ? 

 it is  normal to unable to achieve an erection and  ejaculate? 

is there a way to fix  impotence without drugs or machines? 

[wonk]

Take the drugs, use the machines. But also use everything else at your disposal, it doesn't have to revolve around your cock. You have a brain and various other body parts to explore with.

[someonerandom]

Agreed with wonk, dicks are not nearly as important or essential as most dudes think. They are nice, but there is so much more to sex than that. I don’t know what your physical abilities/sensations are, but exploring with other body parts and toys will be great for you. And, also like wonk said, there are always dick pills, sex swing, etc for when you want to fuck the traditional way.

[Quad787]

I haven't regained any feeling at all down there since my injury. Last ejaculation was 1987, and I didn't appreciate its significance. Lol. I see that j is a Para, and I know there are differences with regard to impotence between Paras and quads. Despite lack of feeling, I could achieve rigidity by touch and sex was fun and visually stimulating. But with time the reaction was less and timing sucked. Unexpected erections when I had no need for one but nothing doing when I needed one. Lol. Pills had zero effect.

Now, like others, I've broadened my skillset. My little buddy is usually just a spectator these days. But I'm sure he's jealous. Lol

[kwhi13]

I have full sensation but major ED. So this is a major topic of conversation for me. If a woman digs you, it won’t be an issue, if she wants you, you two will make it work, and when everything is on the table, it makes things much easier. I am considering options, pharmaceutical, implant, external device, who knows. This has most def changed the way an approach my lover in bed, but it is a beginning, rather than an obstacle.   The possibilities are quite literally endless. To me the key is meeting the right woman, that is the tricky part for me. Cheers!

[not THAT violet]

I am neither a guy nor someone with a disability affecting my sexual abilities, but that never stops me

Pleasuring yourself/figuring out what works for you is sort of the other side of the coin from pleasuring a partner.

A lot of disabled guys talk about finding their greatest satisfaction from getting their partner off, which is great! You hear about disabled guys who give amazing cunnilingus, and that’s also great! Both of those things take time, practice and COMMUNICATION. Communication, communication, communication. As someone with a mostly-AB partner, I can tell you that the most frustrating times have been when something is out of the ordinary and he doesn’t acknowledge it. But if he’s not getting hard or whatever, and we know this, fine. We do something else.

Dan Savage has this term called GGG - good, giving, game. You do your best with a partner; you are enthusiastic about doing stuff; you’re open to trying new things. All of that is huge.

But you can’t be a great partner to someone else without being good with yourself. Take time to be GGG with yourself to figure out what you like, what does and doesn’t work, what might work given certain conditions and accoutrements… you really don’t know until you try. I’m just now getting familiar with certain things I enjoy and how my body works.
*Figure out how your body is newly mapped. What parts are exciting to touch? What parts are painful or overly sensitive but can get relief in some ways? What parts and their sensitivity can you play up? (Pierced nipples, mmmm)
*Go to group therapy or explore forums online (…like this one!) with guys who have been where you are and can help you come to terms with the realities - and possibilities.
*Figure out how to remap your brain and/or get new ideas. Explore different kinds of porn than you’re used to: female-directed! Audio! Erotic literature! You’re probably a very visual person. Work on building these visuals in your brain.


I can’t remember where I read this - maybe infinatedreams said it? - but when you get with a partner, they will probably be hesitant and uncertain. The main way to help that dissipate is to be confident yourself and lead the way. Easier said than done, of course… but fakin’ it till you make it works great in a lot of situations.

This doesn’t mean you have to be perfect! Far from it! Be confident that if things get messed up, it’s not the end of the world. Be confident that you can make your partner happy. Be confident that intimacy feels really good and there are lots of way to enjoy that.

I’ll tell you flat out: a guy who allows himself to be vulnerable with a woman is hot as fuck. I love it when a big strong loving guy admits the things that worry him or cries about something meaningful. It’s absolute catnip. SO sexy.

Honesty builds intimacy. That goes for yourself and your partners.

You can do this.

[lyon11]

Apr 9, 2023 11:09:39 GMT -5 not THAT violet said:

Both of those things take time, practice and COMMUNICATION. Communication, communication, communication.

Well I would say practice, communication; practice, communication; practice, communication, practice, communication and don't miss opportunities for fear of rejection or things don't work out when it comes to sex, remember all experiences (good or bad) leave a lesson.

[previousguest]

Start at the ears and work down. It is just about what works for you and your partner. Remember everyone is different and every injury is different.

[Quad787]

Apr 10, 2023 19:28:50 GMT -5 scarletfire said:

Find a nice girl to suck on your neck

Easier said than done.

[sungod]

Apr 10, 2023 19:28:50 GMT -5 scarletfire said:

Find a nice girl to suck on your neck

SunGod's new dating profile:



"Quadriplegic seeking a nice girl to suck on my neck.
Inquire within."



Step 4: Profit!

[j]

Apr 11, 2023 9:38:45 GMT -5 sungod said:

Apr 10, 2023 19:28:50 GMT -5 scarletfire said:

Find a nice girl to suck on your neck

SunGod's new dating profile:



"Quadriplegic seeking a nice girl to suck on my neck.
Inquire within."



Step 4: Profit!

Lmao ..... Sungod I cant 

GIGAQUAD seeking a nice girl to suck on my neck.

Inquire within."

STEP 4 :Cured 

[Dani]

Apr 11, 2023 9:38:45 GMT -5 sungod said:

Apr 10, 2023 19:28:50 GMT -5 scarletfire said:

Find a nice girl to suck on your neck

SunGod's new dating profile:



"Quadriplegic seeking a nice girl to suck on my neck.
Inquire within."



Step 4: Profit!

Awesome idea

[sungod]

Apr 11, 2023 11:48:53 GMT -5 Dani said:

Apr 11, 2023 9:38:45 GMT -5 sungod said:

SunGod's new dating profile:



"Quadriplegic seeking a nice girl to suck on my neck.
Inquire within."



Step 4: Profit!

Awesome idea

Given that my luck is pretty limited already, it can't hurt. Let's call this the George Costanza Method. This is my chicken salad on rye sandwich. Will report back.

[infinatedreams]

Another para guy here, pretty much what the other guys have said. Try the medicines, try the machines, use your brain, excplore your body and settle on what works for you (and her/him)


Been a para for 37yrs, only time ive 'ejaculate' was via medical intervention for IVF purposes so nothing unusual if you havent. Erection, sometime they happen most times they dont, if they do then hardly of much use given the sponteneity of it.

Viagra helps for an erection and if im honest i went on a Viagrafest when they were first approved, more because I just hadnt had an erection for so long or been 'inside' anyone as men feel is the 'norm'. But soon got bored of that, sure the erection is nice, watching it slide in or been sucked is 'nice' .. but no sensation no ability to thrust no ejaculation it was never more than 'nice' and a 'to-do' once before moving back to being fully involved with the parts of me that can be active.

Married twice and a string of girlfriends and never had one not want to be with me becasue of a lack of erection, mostly because I can be an arse at times.

When you say ejaculation do you mean that litteraly or is it more the 'orgasm feeling' you want. If its the latter then maybe that can still be reached, it does for me anyway but can be hard to find and achieve. All I can say on that point is that you need to explore your body (have someone else do that!) find the areas where you have hyper sensitivity, tune your mind in and go fo it.

My theory (and its not at all scientifically based) is that my brain has shifted my erogenous zones to areas where I have sensation or at least that maybe where I want them to be I dunno? However it does work for me, ive long ago forgoten what it feels like to ejaculate or be inside someone with my dick but I can still achieve moments where I feel like im cumming, weirdly with my eyes closed I feel like im moving my hips and thrusting and i hit that DONT YOU DARE FUCKING STOP moment. Is it the same as it was pre-injury, probably not as ive forgotten but it is bloody good.

[not THAT violet]

Apr 12, 2023 9:04:20 GMT -5 infinatedreams said:

[lots of good stuff]

Was that you - if you can remember things you wrote, oh, 5-10 years ago on this board - who said that your partners look to you for confidence, so you just have to be the one to express that to pass it on to them?

Maybe I was thinking of someone else.

At any rate, you’ve made some really good posts over the years about this sort of stuff, so yeah. Go you