Anything you don't like for a dev?

[relladev]

Can any PWD share some not so good experience with devs?
I know accepting and willing to participate in this board is already a significant positive sign. But honestly I'm so nervous!
I could shameless flirt and flee and say horrible things to an AB guy. But don't want to scratch any wrong place with any PWD (I know 50% chances you won't feel a thing if I scratch the right/wrong spot. just kidding and this is me making nervous bad joke.so you get the idea)

so, any big turn down?
taboo moevment?

pls, need heads up to myself

[lyon11]

With all due respect, I think you're too worried about feeling judged for being a dev.
As a person with a disability I have nothing to reproach them for (well, the only thing is that they are widely dispersed throughout the world) on the contrary; I have already commented on it in other publications. It is motivating to know that there are people for whom you are attractive.
Don't be afraid to scratch, if you do it below the injury and with love, you won't hurt anyone.

[zacc]

Aug 29, 2023 9:37:26 GMT -5 relladev said:

Can any PWD share some not so good experience with devs?
I know accepting and willing to participate in this board is already a significant positive sign. But honestly I'm so nervous!
I could shameless flirt and flee and say horrible things to an AB guy. But don't want to scratch any wrong place with any PWD (I know 50% chances you won't feel a thing if I scratch the right/wrong spot. just kidding and this is me making nervous bad joke.so you get the idea)

so, any big turn down?
taboo moevment?

pls, need heads up to myself

It's different for every PWD. Just ask the person what they're not ok with.
Basically you just have to be a normal, considerate, person with them and don't say terrible things, you shouldn't be doing that with AB guys anyway.

[allison101]

Reaching out to someone with a disability as a dev can be nerve wracking. There are a lot people out there, disabled or not, who think being a dev is sick and wrong. I understand your concern about being rejected and told so.

My advice to you is to be yourself. Be friendly and be honest and be aware that you may receive some responses you don’t love if you reach out to a PWD outside of a forum specifically dedicated to it. But also be prepared to explore this part of yourself and enjoy the journey.

[ayla]

I would say that "being a dev" is a wonderful way to connect with other devs and work through your own experience, but it's maybe not the best way of connecting with pwd unless they are already very dev-friendly. In most situations, I would just describe my personal experience of devness (since it really is a very individual thing) and use my own words. Something like "my type," "what I've always been into" something nonthreatening like that. Personally I like to be very upfront when meeting people online. IRL I'd give it a little time first.

[dutchdev]

I am new here (and in opening up) also, and I totally get what you’re saying. My experience so far, I would not worry so much, start talking to the guys (that are probably already PM-ing you). Everybody here is obviously dev-friendly and really open to you asking questions, so just ask and have fun.

[infinatedreams]

if the mutual attraction is there then I dont think there is much else to worry about, any 'taboo' or 'limits' will come out in conversation just like any other relationship.

Of course this place is 'dev' friendly, not all disabled guys in the real world will 'get' or 'understand' what being a dev means to you. Thats a tougher nut to crack but a nut worth cracking for the right guy as long as handled carefully.

My experiences with devs has been no different than with non-devs some really cool and have a personality that I connect with, others barking mad and had me wheeling for the hills.

[ben]

I've had a few experiences with devotees IRL which have been very positive. The things I don't like in a dev are things that I don't like in anyone else. Those would be some pretty basic things, dishonesty, not being kind to other people, and things related to disability etiquette, among others. I think if you are up front about being a dev and just ask the other person what they are okay with you'll do just fine.

[justnick]

Aug 29, 2023 9:37:26 GMT -5 relladev said:

Can any PWD share some not so good experience with devs?
I know accepting and willing to participate in this board is already a significant positive sign. But honestly I'm so nervous!
I could shameless flirt and flee and say horrible things to an AB guy. But don't want to scratch any wrong place with any PWD (I know 50% chances you won't feel a thing if I scratch the right/wrong spot. just kidding and this is me making nervous bad joke.so you get the idea)

so, any big turn down?
taboo moevment?

pls, need heads up to myself

I don't get offended very easily so no worries there for me. 

My best advice is try to be relatively normal. For a guy not familiar with devs, I can imagine it is a bit overwhelming to have everything you know about desire and sexual potential to suddenly shift like that.

I feel like it's pretty easy for some people to obsess over things that are new experiences to them. Even us "familiars" can get annoyed by it. We're more than a set of super-sexy quad hands. Don't get me wrong, I love being an object of desire, but even I get bored. And some stuff is just not sexy to us. I am very kink friendly but I have no desire to talk about bowel programs. Some people might be into it but just read the room, ya know?

[zacc]

Aug 30, 2023 15:22:46 GMT -5 justnick said:

Even us "familiars" can get annoyed by it. We're more than a set of super-sexy quad hands. Don't get me wrong, I love being an object of desire, but even I get bored. And some stuff is just not sexy to us. I am very kink friendly but I have no desire to talk about bowel programs. Some people might be into it but just read the room, ya know

Wait... bowel programs!? Have people you've met been turned on by that before? That's quite an interesting kink.

[relladev]

Aug 30, 2023 22:12:47 GMT -5 zacc said:

Aug 30, 2023 15:22:46 GMT -5 justnick said:

Even us "familiars" can get annoyed by it. We're more than a set of super-sexy quad hands. Don't get me wrong, I love being an object of desire, but even I get bored. And some stuff is just not sexy to us. I am very kink friendly but I have no desire to talk about bowel programs. Some people might be into it but just read the room, ya know

Wait... bowel programs!? Have people you've met been turned on by that before? That's quite an interesting kink.

maybe I shouldn't tell but you'd be amazed by how many devs are seriously into cath routine and the occasional accidents ... but a bowel programs kink seems rare, if it offers any comfort to you.

[justnick]

Aug 30, 2023 22:12:47 GMT -5 zacc said:

Aug 30, 2023 15:22:46 GMT -5 justnick said:

Even us "familiars" can get annoyed by it. We're more than a set of super-sexy quad hands. Don't get me wrong, I love being an object of desire, but even I get bored. And some stuff is just not sexy to us. I am very kink friendly but I have no desire to talk about bowel programs. Some people might be into it but just read the room, ya know

Wait... bowel programs!? Have people you've met been turned on by that before? That's quite an interesting kink.

To each their own. I'm not saying it's good or bad, just not my thing. I only used that as an example. My point was that it's easy for people with a specific kink/desire/preference/whatever to hyper-fixate on that thing that THEY are into. That can leave the partner feeling "left out" of it. 

[Dani]

Aug 31, 2023 9:56:05 GMT -5 relladev said:

Aug 30, 2023 22:12:47 GMT -5 zacc said:

Wait... bowel programs!? Have people you've met been turned on by that before? That's quite an interesting kink.

maybe I shouldn't tell but you'd be amazed by how many devs are seriously into cath routine and the occasional accidents ... but a bowel programs kink seems rare, if it offers any comfort to you.

I find this statement very bold. Have you talked to many devs who are "seriously into" these things? Being a dev is very individual for every person and though, devs may have an interest and good understanding of things like cath or bowl routine, because sometimes depending on the disability, these things are part of it, but I'd be very reserved to say so many are "into it". That's a slippery slope in my opinion. It's also very personal for the dev and the PWD. 

[relladev]

Aug 31, 2023 10:38:03 GMT -5 Dani said:

Aug 31, 2023 9:56:05 GMT -5 relladev said:

maybe I shouldn't tell but you'd be amazed by how many devs are seriously into cath routine and the occasional accidents ... but a bowel programs kink seems rare, if it offers any comfort to you.

I find this statement very bold. Have you talked to many devs who are "seriously into" these things? Being a dev is very individual for every person and though, devs may have an interest and good understanding of things like cath or bowl routine, because sometimes depending on the disability, these things are part of it, but I'd be very reserved to say so many are "into it". That's a slippery slope in my opinion. It's also very personal for the dev and the PWD. 

I know it sounds disturbing. and from what I observe, they only write/draw about the kink, no interaction with real life PWD. so I guess no harm done?
I'm telling the truth here. if anyone really want see prove, can message me.

[Dani]

It sounds disturbing when it's expressed as something that so "many devs are into". It's a generalization, and I think that's problematic.
And yes, people are into different things, but again, being a dev is very individual for every person, so it shouldn't be a generalization.

Personally, for me, a cath or bowl program is not something "I'm into" as a kinky thing, but it is something that I know about and think I should learn about because it comes with the territory of liking guys with an SCI. Another dev may actually find it hot or something, but again, it shouldn't be a generalization. It's kind of the same if we would say all devs are into atrophied legs or quad hands or such things. The attraction, kink or fetish or whatever one wants to call it, is so individual for every dev.

And yes, I also write about these things in my love stories because these things are valid points of the characters with an SCI that I write about. Because if my female character in my story just happens to use his bathroom and sees the obvious signs of cathing or bowl programs, she will know about it or will probably eventually ask him about it, but I see it more as a very intimate and personal aspect of the PWD and dev. So I guess I have a problem with the generalization of it being a kink. I guess it's part of the whole package, if you will, all the things that come with an SCI, for example, but I think it's iffy to limit it to a kink so many devs are into.

And maybe, people who are into certain very personal things, are not necessarily devs. I mean, people are into diapers for example, it's a fetish, but they are most likely not devs. Same with anything regarding bodily fluids and such things, there are fetishes for that, but I would not say that these people are devs. This being said, I do think, it is perfectly okay to be into these things as a sexual component, so it's nothing bad as long as there is a consensus between partners in whatever constellation that may be.