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Post by Claire on Apr 12, 2009 20:29:44 GMT -5
I recently held a door for a para because I knew from experience that the particular door in question was a freaking *bitch* when wheeling, combination of an out-of-control 4" change of level at the threshhold, a very heavy door, and this metal grate thing just inside the door (the kind that is designed to catch snow) that has openings exactly the size of front caster wheels that always get stuck (imagine holding the door open with one hand while popping a wheelie to get up the step but as soon as your front casters touch down on top of the step they get stuck in the grate). If it hadn't been *that* door I would have left him to his own devices. I received a sour look and a grumbled "thanks" for my assistance.
Maybe he had already worked out how to handle it and I should have asked him what the trick was! Next time I'll just stand by and watch.
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Post by Sova on Apr 12, 2009 21:17:18 GMT -5
Maybe he had already worked out how to handle it and I should have asked him what the trick was! Next time I'll just stand by and watch. You would think that's what us wheelers would want, and we probably think like that too but when I try to picture that reaction in a real life setting, it just seems wrong. There's nothing wrong with opening a door for 'anybody' or even helping people in general. It's all about the intention. And I'm pretty sure people's intentions in that situation are to be helpful rather than to demean
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Post by Claire on Apr 12, 2009 21:24:27 GMT -5
Maybe he had already worked out how to handle it and I should have asked him what the trick was! Next time I'll just stand by and watch. You would think that's what us wheelers would want, and we probably think like that too but when I try to picture that reaction in a real life setting, it just seems wrong. I agree! I just said it, but I would never actually do that in such a situation. I am curious about something...have you guys ever not asked for help, but been glad when it was offered anyway?
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Post by thegoodlife on Apr 12, 2009 22:03:04 GMT -5
See, I hate people not opening the door for me, especially around campus. All of our doors are the type that don't stay open and shut automatically, with my wheelchair it's really light and easy to wheel, so if I try to pull something my wheelchair comes with it, so these doors just suck to open. I personally hate having to go out of my way to ask people to open the door for me. It's just easy if someone is going in and holds the door, I thank them quickly and am on my way. Also I like it when someone grabs a chair that's in the way when I go to class so i can just wheel up to the table, instead of struggling with the heavy cushioned chairs in the graduate seminar room. I guess i'm at that stage where I just don't care anymore about establishing my independence as a person in a wheelchair, to prove to other people that I can do things. If people want to do something for me to make my life easier that's fine, I'd probably do the same thing to those who are able bodied, if I can make their life easier for another I will try. Although what does annoy me is if someone does not accept me trying to do something for them because they assume my incompetence or might think "awww I can't ask this from that guy, he's in a wheelchair", for example a girl was saying she needed a quarter for the pay phone to call a cab, I offered her my cell phone and she kind of said something to the effect of "I can't ask that of you". I can't help but wonder whether it was because I was in a wheelchair that she did not accept my help. It was very awkward after she refused my help.
Another annoyance comes from the contemporary media. I was watching a discussion program about the latest happenings on american idol, and the one girl was arguing that the blind guy should be voted to move on. He was a terrible singer but she thought since he might have struggled in his life, and probably has the best story since he was blind, he was somehow her favorite simply because he was "inspiring" because he was blind. Then the girl went on about how she worked with disabled people, and knows the challenges they go through. But she never really thought the challenges are mostly social attitudes and other social constructions; some of the attitudes was definately present in her discussion. Oh, and after watching american idol, he had a relatively normal life as a blind person, and he was a terrible singer. Her comments kind of rubbed me the wrong way.
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amy
Full Member
Posts: 141
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Post by amy on Apr 12, 2009 22:49:53 GMT -5
I watched Idol last week for like the second time this season and yeesh, that blind guy was AWFUL. The judges' comments about him being an inspiration were so patronizing because he's so clearly worse than any of the others. He was so out of tune and painful to listen to. It's insulting that people vote for him just because of his disability and not based on merit. I'm sure there are singers out there who are blind and are actually GOOD.
Has there ever been a contestant in a wheelchair on that show? Now that would be awesome. I'm sorry, but I'd probably have to vote for him even if he sucked.
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Post by Triassic on Apr 13, 2009 1:37:47 GMT -5
this reminds me of an idea i had-something i want to try w/tony le pony; i can't sing, i mean really Can Not Sing, can't carry a tune or stay on key or in time or anything. tony CAN indeed sing but he sure doesn't have the dexterity to play guitar. what i want to do is 'write' a 'bunch of 'songs' about never giving up, achievng your dreams-real positive inspirational stuff. we'd bill ourselves as a musical duo w/some dopey name like Wheels In Motion or Rollin' On'...tony would strap on an acoustic guitar and flail away at it as best he could. i'd belt out our tunes w/full emotion and sincerity. i see us playing churches maybe? schools? whatever..,. we'd SUCK, of course...but i wonder how far we'd get before someone dared say; 'um, these dudes suck.'
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Post by roger888 on Apr 13, 2009 3:26:16 GMT -5
One time i was going into a shop & a woman opened the door for me,stopped & looked straight at me & told me I had the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. Always pays to smile & say thank you if someone helps you out.Politeness costs nothing & can gain you something
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Post by roger888 on Apr 13, 2009 3:34:04 GMT -5
I am curious about something...have you guys ever not asked for help, but been glad when it was offered anyway? Yes ,all the time,reinforces faith in human nature.There's another side to it too.Even if you dont need the help but show your appreciation then that person is going to help someone else who does actually need it.
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Post by Claire on Apr 13, 2009 6:18:41 GMT -5
Even if you dont need the help but show your appreciation then that person is going to help someone else who does actually need it. Yes, that's so true! I hadn't thought about it that way actually. It's been mostly paras speaking up, who can open doors, but imagine this...someone opens a door for a para, the para can do it himself so isn't properly grateful (although you guys seem to all say you at least fake your gratitude well!), and so next time they don't open the door for someone in a powerchair. As thegoodlife says, not every wheeler can open doors. hmm. It's always a tough call! You just never know. Once when I was in college I sat next to a guy in a powerchair (on purpose ). He had very limited use of his arms (looked like MD or SMA perhaps). Once we had to get out our books and I already had mine out. He struggled to get his out and it was taking him forever. He was *right* next to me so I just pushed mine over and offered to let him read with me. He shot me this venomous look and said "I have my own book" and continued to struggle with the thing. That sure made me think twice about offering him any assistance in the future! I was afraid to even talk to him after that. On the flip side, another time a different powerchair user was hung up on a curb cut. Her chair just wouldn't make it for some reason. There were TONS of passersby (as I type this I am having a feeling of déjà vu, have I told this story before?), the campus was crowded. She kept asking people for help and they would just walk on by. I was watching this from rather far away as I approached, because my eye is just naturally drawn to wheelers so I was intensely interested in this. So seeing this from far away I had quite a bit of time to watch what was going on, one person after another totally ignoring her as she vocally ASKED for help and it was visually obvious that the chair was stuck, and by the time I actually reached her I was utterly DUMBFOUNDED by my fellow students and my faith in humanity had reached a new low. It was interesting as I approached her. I looked her in the eye and she knew I was going to help and the relief on her face was palpable...also the hurt. We barely spoke, I went around behind her, put a foot on the back of her chair and tipped it up a little so she could get over the curb cut, she called out "thank you" and I answered "no problem" and we were on our way. But...people can be real jerks. Seriously. Even now I still can't believe that happened.
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Post by E on Apr 13, 2009 8:36:41 GMT -5
I'm sure there are singers out there who are blind and are actually GOOD. I'm positive there are... Stevie, Ray, Raul Midon...
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Post by matisse on Apr 13, 2009 13:02:21 GMT -5
this reminds me of an idea i had-something i want to try w/tony le pony; i can't sing, i mean really Can Not Sing, can't carry a tune or stay on key or in time or anything. tony CAN indeed sing but he sure doesn't have the dexterity to play guitar. what i want to do is 'write' a 'bunch of 'songs' about never giving up, achievng your dreams-real positive inspirational stuff. we'd bill ourselves as a musical duo w/some dopey name like Wheels In Motion or Rollin' On'...tony would strap on an acoustic guitar and flail away at it as best he could. i'd belt out our tunes w/full emotion and sincerity. i see us playing churches maybe? schools? whatever..,. we'd SUCK, of course...but i wonder how far we'd get before someone dared say; 'um, these dudes suck.' This would be hilarious!!! I am chuckling just thinking of the different names.....The Curb Cuts...... As for opening doors, I actually prefer it for people to do it for me, since I can get to where I am going more quickly.
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Post by Ciao Bella on Apr 13, 2009 19:16:36 GMT -5
I recently held a door for a para because I knew from experience that the particular door in question was a freaking *bitch* when wheeling, combination of an out-of-control 4" change of level at the threshhold, a very heavy door, and this metal grate thing just inside the door (the kind that is designed to catch snow) that has openings exactly the size of front caster wheels that always get stuck (imagine holding the door open with one hand while popping a wheelie to get up the step but as soon as your front casters touch down on top of the step they get stuck in the grate). If it hadn't been *that* door I would have left him to his own devices. I received a sour look and a grumbled "thanks" for my assistance. Maybe he had already worked out how to handle it and I should have asked him what the trick was! Next time I'll just stand by and watch. Hey Claire, I understand totally that you had only the best of intentions, but what I found works for me is to ask first if they want a hand...usually they'd be glad for the offer or just say no thanks if they know they'll be alright. I've had a lot of practice with my partner and esp. around other wheelies who have become friends/acquaintances, and I find that it does work. That's not to say I've gotten rid of my automatic "helping response". I just take a step back, breathe in, then ask.
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Post by Triassic on Apr 13, 2009 23:48:35 GMT -5
jase, i honestly don't think you'd NEED shills in the audience. that's my point-that we'd go far before anyone said aloud; 'hey, that guy can't sing! that 'guitarist' is just randomly strumming the strings'
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Post by matisse on Apr 14, 2009 13:24:19 GMT -5
One time i was going into a shop & a woman opened the door for me,stopped & looked straight at me & told me I had the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. was she hot?
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Phil
Junior Member
Posts: 82
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Post by Phil on Apr 14, 2009 15:49:10 GMT -5
I must be in the minority with my opinion, but I think that some people take things, and themselves, way too seriously.
If you were AB, and another AB opened or held a door for you - would you seriously be insulted? Or better still, would they have to ask you if it's OK to hold or open a door because God forbid they do something nice without first asking permission? I mean, c'mon, be realistic. We keep talking about equal treatment, but we don't always practice what we preach.
They're not jumping in to do your bowel program, lol, it's a freakin' door. And then we're going to analyize it, lol, maybe form a study group... lol. Who cares what their intentions are? You'll probably never see this person ever again. Buzz through the door, say Thanks! and get on with your day. I'm sure there will be something a lot higher on the legit scale to piss you off that day that most likely won't involve a door. ;D
An intrusive thing, or an in-your-face condescending comment - that's different. Holding a door? C'mon. It's a door, not a castration tool. ;D
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