Post by mike on Aug 2, 2009 15:51:11 GMT -5
Claire,
A couple of points I would like to make;
Why would someone have a negative reaction to that? Would you really have a negative reaction to me if I liked to wear hats? I think the ONLY real difference is that wheeling has a strong emotional connection, the difference between wheeling & wearing hats is otherwise quite similar. Somehow, I think this is an area where your fears show through, you even mention yourself that:
Guilty of what? If you like the idea of people with green hair, would you be guilty of some crime or social faux-pas? How about if you then dyed your hair green? Would you then become some kind of monster?
While that is true, it does NOT make the scorn valid. You cannot spend your life trying to avoid the INVALID scorn of a few, but you should listen to the VALID concerns of others. If you were a bank robber, almost everyone would agree that is anti-social behavior, but if you wear your undies backwards, that is nobody's business. The real issue is discriminating which is valid & which is invalid.
If you had been bitten by a dog, it would be natural for you to be more afraid of dogs, but it wouldn't make dogs inherently more dangerous. Likewise with your sensitivity to scorn vis-a-vis pretending etc. This would also extend to people who have been recipients of hurtful dev behavior. But it wouldn't make dev's inherently dangerous.
A point I have tried to convey in some of my other posts is: Because there are no social rules regarding acceptable behavior for dev's, ANY behavior is subject to misinterpretation. Simply avoiding the situation leads to isolation - ON BOTH SIDES. Dev's fear the scorn of dis's & dis's often wonder why they feel socially isolated. Quit worrying so much, enjoy yourself, and just remember what it was like growing up - remember the conflicting feelings when some boy noticed you, and how you worried whether he liked you? And the fear your friends would tease you? You survived, and learned how to handle the situation. So it is with this, I am not trivializing your concerns, just attempting to put them into perspective.
BIID, yes I have read a bit about it, and have the following concepts; If someone wanted to have bigger boobs, would you care? I don't think so, as that is within the range of normal (Western European) behavior. We have products, surgeries, diets etc to address this specific issue. Would you recommend psychiatric care for someone who wanted bigger boobs? Only if their obsession was ruining their life, not because it is abnormal in and of itself. How about men who would like to enhance their physique? is that abnormal? More importantly, is it harmful to others?
Draw another comparison; suppose you wanted to have a hairy chest. I could try & convince you that doesn't usually go well with boobs, but then you already know that. Could I try & talk you out of feeling that way? I seriously doubt that, it would just waste your time & frustrate both of us. How about a magic pink pill to make the feelings go away - that doesn't work either. If it was a sufficiently powerful desire that it altered your quality of life, wouldn't it simply work better to arrange a hair transplant? Of course this is a silly analogy, but deliberately silly, to remove any emotional component.
One final comment, and this one is important: If your INTENT in pretending is mocking others (Which I seriously doubt), or otherwise HURTING them (which I also doubt), then someone scorning your behavior should be looking at their own emotions and quit trying to make you feel bad. The things you find enjoyable are your business alone, you are NOT harming anyone. If the person with BIID had another choice in dealing with their condition I might feel differently, but I don't think that is the case.
Regards,
Mike
A couple of points I would like to make;
and of course if all you know is that Claire loves to wheel around in a wheelchair and pretend she's disabled, then of course anyone, disabled or not, is going to have a strong negative reaction to that
Why would someone have a negative reaction to that? Would you really have a negative reaction to me if I liked to wear hats? I think the ONLY real difference is that wheeling has a strong emotional connection, the difference between wheeling & wearing hats is otherwise quite similar. Somehow, I think this is an area where your fears show through, you even mention yourself that:
I can't tell you the angst I've gone through over people seeing me for the first time in my chair, and somehow it always turns out to be no big deal. In the end, nobody really cares. They ask a few questions, it's over, we move on.
So I guess what I'm getting that is that for me, regarding both devoteeism and pretending, a person with a disability is "guilty until proven innocent"
Guilty of what? If you like the idea of people with green hair, would you be guilty of some crime or social faux-pas? How about if you then dyed your hair green? Would you then become some kind of monster?
A mental thing is so open to scorn and ridicule
If you had been bitten by a dog, it would be natural for you to be more afraid of dogs, but it wouldn't make dogs inherently more dangerous. Likewise with your sensitivity to scorn vis-a-vis pretending etc. This would also extend to people who have been recipients of hurtful dev behavior. But it wouldn't make dev's inherently dangerous.
A point I have tried to convey in some of my other posts is: Because there are no social rules regarding acceptable behavior for dev's, ANY behavior is subject to misinterpretation. Simply avoiding the situation leads to isolation - ON BOTH SIDES. Dev's fear the scorn of dis's & dis's often wonder why they feel socially isolated. Quit worrying so much, enjoy yourself, and just remember what it was like growing up - remember the conflicting feelings when some boy noticed you, and how you worried whether he liked you? And the fear your friends would tease you? You survived, and learned how to handle the situation. So it is with this, I am not trivializing your concerns, just attempting to put them into perspective.
BIID, yes I have read a bit about it, and have the following concepts; If someone wanted to have bigger boobs, would you care? I don't think so, as that is within the range of normal (Western European) behavior. We have products, surgeries, diets etc to address this specific issue. Would you recommend psychiatric care for someone who wanted bigger boobs? Only if their obsession was ruining their life, not because it is abnormal in and of itself. How about men who would like to enhance their physique? is that abnormal? More importantly, is it harmful to others?
Draw another comparison; suppose you wanted to have a hairy chest. I could try & convince you that doesn't usually go well with boobs, but then you already know that. Could I try & talk you out of feeling that way? I seriously doubt that, it would just waste your time & frustrate both of us. How about a magic pink pill to make the feelings go away - that doesn't work either. If it was a sufficiently powerful desire that it altered your quality of life, wouldn't it simply work better to arrange a hair transplant? Of course this is a silly analogy, but deliberately silly, to remove any emotional component.
One final comment, and this one is important: If your INTENT in pretending is mocking others (Which I seriously doubt), or otherwise HURTING them (which I also doubt), then someone scorning your behavior should be looking at their own emotions and quit trying to make you feel bad. The things you find enjoyable are your business alone, you are NOT harming anyone. If the person with BIID had another choice in dealing with their condition I might feel differently, but I don't think that is the case.
Regards,
Mike