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Post by newmn on Feb 2, 2013 14:41:38 GMT -5
Everyone's perspective has been from the female point of view. As a gay man, I don't know if there are any differences or not (and I'm finding that unfortunately we're a minority on here so not sure if my opinion matters). I do think that gay guys tend to let their guard down a bit more and probably talk about some things earlier in the relationship than in male/female relationships. I never bring up the fact that I'm attracted to a guy's disability until he gets to know me. Like many of you have said, just like any other characteristic that attracts us to someone, it isn't something we center the relationship on anyway. I do usually ask if they've ever experienced meeting someone who's attracted to their disability. If it's someone I've met online, chances are they have and I go by what their feelings are about it. His disability isn't something I tend to focus on when I'm with him and most guys tell me they appreciate that. And as much as I've tried dating AB guys, it's just not the same for me. So bottom line is, no I don't disclose it up front and sometimes I don't at all...because if I really like the person, there are so many other things I'm attracted to about him beyond his disability and it just doesn't matter then.
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Post by devogirl on Feb 3, 2013 8:48:06 GMT -5
Your opinion does matter! I think it's a shame that more gay devs don't post regularly.
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Post by newmn on Feb 3, 2013 10:44:25 GMT -5
yeah, I had signed up PD back in 2009 mainly due to enjoying the fiction but never participated in the message board until recently. I notice there are a lot of gay men, devotees and disabled guys, in the message history but they don't seem to stick around for long.
Maybe there could be a separate section for the same-sex people on the message board. Has there ever been one? I know a lot of guys who would appreciate a place like this to discuss their feelings and experiences.
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Post by BA on Feb 3, 2013 15:49:06 GMT -5
yeah, I had signed up PD back in 2009 mainly due to enjoying the fiction but never participated in the message board until recently. I notice there are a lot of gay men, devotees and disabled guys, in the message history but they don't seem to stick around for long. Maybe there could be a separate section for the same-sex people on the message board. Has there ever been one? I know a lot of guys who would appreciate a place like this to discuss their feelings and experiences. I know there are more than a few gay men on this forum and all their conversations seem to go on via personal message off-board. Idk if its just more of a guy thing to "get to the point" and try and get some sort of one to one convo going or if it's a lack of comfort in disclosing. Certainly gay men have always been welcome here and I have yet to talk to a hetero member who has had any problem with it. That being said I can imagine how difficult it must be both as a gay devotee and a gay disabled male to find one another. I know the pool is very small. I encourage you to post in any section you'd like. There is also a chat room feature on this board. Maybe one of you can set a date/time for chat geared toward the gay members.
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Post by wrench on Feb 4, 2013 0:14:25 GMT -5
When I met my wife--I did not tell her for about a month that I was attracted to her disability. ( a severe accident as a teenager left her (despite many surgeries) with a twisted foot and permanent limp) When I did--she had no trouble accepting it. I have always--eventually--told my disabled girlfriends about my attraction, and only one reacted what I would call negatively, she stated that she could not believe I was attracted by her deformed leg.
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Post by Kid A on Feb 4, 2013 0:18:34 GMT -5
When I met my wife--I did not tell her for about a month that I was attracted to her disability. ( a severe accident as a teenager left her (despite many surgeries) with a twisted foot and permanent limp) When I did--she had no trouble accepting it. I have always--eventually--told my disabled girlfriends about my attraction, and only one reacted what I would call negatively, she stated that she could not believe I was attracted by her deformed leg. Are you a straight male dev? If so, sorry to break it to you, chap, but I'm afraid this isn't the board for you.
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Post by BA on Feb 4, 2013 0:20:14 GMT -5
I'm always too late with my PM's.
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Post by dolly on Feb 4, 2013 0:48:32 GMT -5
thanks, Kid A. however this is a good time to remind people that there is a "report to moderator" option on the bottom of the post's window that you can use so moderators can notify the person and simply delete the post without interrupting the flow of a thread. (i'm pointing it out because for many years i'd never realized it was there, myself. )
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Post by Kid A on Feb 4, 2013 9:03:06 GMT -5
thanks, Kid A. however this is a good time to remind people that there is a "report to moderator" option on the bottom of the post's window that you can use so moderators can notify the person and simply delete the post without interrupting the flow of a thread. (i'm pointing it out because for many years i'd never realized it was there, myself. ) Thanks, dolly! It completely slipped my mind. >.<
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aussiegal
New Member
Posts: 11
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by aussiegal on Feb 7, 2013 0:16:33 GMT -5
As a bi devo gal mainly interested in wheelies I have found that it works best to be totally upfront about my devness to any wheelie gals I meet whereas with guys it works best if I hide it. I have found that through several relationships in over twenty years it's what works best for me anyway.
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Post by BA on Feb 8, 2013 0:11:25 GMT -5
As a bi devo gal mainly interested in wheelies I have found that it works best to be totally upfront about my devness to any wheelie gals I meet whereas with guys it works best if I hide it. I have found that through several relationships in over twenty years it's what works best for me anyway. I don't know about anyone else but I find that amazingly interesting. Different approaches based on gender. Any theories as to why?
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aussiegal
New Member
Posts: 11
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by aussiegal on Feb 8, 2013 22:47:56 GMT -5
I have often wondered myself. Maybe it is just the partners/friends I have had but my female para friends have been far more intimate and accepting of their para bodies than the guys.
My current gal partner was hetro before her accident but tells me how her sexual feelings changed after her SCI and I believe this is not uncommon.
The two para guys I have known while loving have tended to be angry and uptight about their changed bodies while I have enjoyed them as a dev.
A very small sample I admit!!!!
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Post by lavly on Feb 8, 2013 23:34:05 GMT -5
i know that change in sexualty happend to some guys with sci as well ... i wonder why
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aussiegal
New Member
Posts: 11
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by aussiegal on Feb 9, 2013 6:00:01 GMT -5
I have heard that too, maybe only the guys could tell us. Without wandering too far away from the main focus of this forum I have discussed with my friend her sexuality change and it would seem related to her complete loss of feeling and her lack of trust in males now and she has found her needs are much better understood and fulfilled by gals. Sorry guys but she says she finds guys repulsive these days.
I have a feeling that deep down before her accident she had lesbian tendancies but was in total denial.
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Post by rebeckers84 on Sept 21, 2015 10:15:20 GMT -5
This is a pretty old thread but I was searching for this exact question and thought I'd respond on here... Being new, is this the way to do it, or should I create a new thread??
I've started meeting guys online on disabled dating sites so of course the question about "why are you on here" comes up immediately!! I'm still not sure how to answer that but I think I'll keep improving each time! I like one of the replies from earlier on this thread about not using the devotee word because I think it just has such a negative connotation. I really feel that by putting myself out there on a site specifically dedicated to disabled dating that I have to talk about it upfront.
The other hand is, even on "regular" online dating sites, this exact same question comes up and I'm totally fine answering it. So how come it's so much for difficult for me to answer about my being on a disable site vs any other site?
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