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Post by Inigo Montoya on May 18, 2013 13:46:35 GMT -5
I want to talk about that... the other three devs before me have talked about feeling desired and pleasing your partner. I can't stress enough how important that is. As far as the sex I've tried to have with disabled men, I have been cheated because THEY can't get over their penis's lack of response. They have left me feeling like I'm undesirable because they won't do ANYTHING... no play, no exploration, nothing. Or there was some play, heavy petting, that stopped without explanation or communication. So, regardless of function, I am left in the cold. It can be very difficult and hard on the ol' self esteem. It took some talking to ANOTHER para, who kind of gave me the low down to help me to feel better about it and to take it less personally. (Thanks, mrbb) So, please, if you're uncertain about your sexual prowess or your penis function, don't be all braggarty about it, either publicly or in private conversation. Because when you do that and then a dev winds up in bed with you and you won't give her any action... how is she NOT supposed to think it's her that you don't want? Honestly, I don't care. If it works, fab, if it doesn't, that's fab too. I just want to have fun in bed. I like to laugh and smile, (which my last partner thought was funny... but he's pretty fun anyway) and I care way less about your erection than you do. Someday, I hope I can find a para partner who's like that, too.
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2013 18:18:52 GMT -5
Devogirl I am sorry for my poor attitude I am a person who has not been given many chances / oppotunities in life If somebody gave me a chance maybe my attitude would not be so self defeating Sorry Again Of course there are devs for CP. What there are not (as far as I can tell) are devs for ICD-9 313.1 Misery and unhappiness disorder. At the risk of looking like a dork, (and nothing towards you red student), the ICD-9 code is hilarious! I never thought I would see that used on this board! Thanks for making me laugh Lucretia! And to you red, my best advice is this- before posting here, put yourself in a "happy place". Listen to music, read your favorite book, watch something funny on TV.... post things here when you have an upbeat, positive attitude going on. And if there is nothing you can do to get yourself in a good mood, perhaps you need a therapist and not a girlfriend. (and I mean that in the nicest way possible )
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Post by ProudRealist on May 18, 2013 21:53:15 GMT -5
One thing i have learnt about being a quad...sex for me IS NOT the same as sex for an AB. Before accepting this fact i was really frustrated/upset about this fact, until i learnt that 'different' doesn't mean better or worse - just different. So, if sex is straight up intercourse then i'm the worse lover in history...ironically though, take that part out of 'sex' and all of a sudden i'm a bona fide Casanova ;D But of course, it boils down to the person you're with and up front honesty. Sure, i have the option to pop a pill and have a nice hard erection, but believe it or not, for me personally i've seldom had a reason to
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wompingwillow
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Post by wompingwillow on May 18, 2013 22:22:46 GMT -5
Really, I could write a book about this topic. So I will finally end now. Lucretia, I don't know about everybody else, but I would LOVE to read that book! You want sound like you've learned a lot of really valuable things - you're definitely an inspiration to this newbie!
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2013 19:12:35 GMT -5
Devogirl I am sorry for my poor attitude I am a person who has not been given many chances / oppotunities in life If somebody gave me a chance maybe my attitude would not be so self defeating Sorry Again Life is the grandest ''opportunity'' you'll ever get... If all you ever do wait around hoping for someone to pity you enough to give you an 'opportunity'... You'll be 70 years old, and just realizing you squandered it.
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2013 19:29:11 GMT -5
I would like to hear ''YOUR'' perspective on sex...functionality...intimacy etc. How important is each aspect to you? What aspects did I not mention...that are important to you? Similarly, I suppose, I like to know that I'm able to satisfy my partner - wait, not just & Being able to provide my partner with an orgasm is more important to me than actually having an orgasm myself. That said, I've never been with someone who physically couldn't orgasm - I'd be curious to see if we could find an alternative way to satisfy my need to please. DubaDubya, I just want to say...that if you were in a restaurant...or better yet a club, with any of us single guys(functional or not) Every other guy there would be looking at you...then the wheeler...then you again...envying the wheeler...while wondering about the attraction.. Let me just say, I've been in the situation...and felt like the C*ck of the Walk...and guess what? While this is all just foreplay for me...I'm gonna roll outta there more 'pleased' sexually than anything most of them will experience that night...
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2013 19:36:03 GMT -5
OK my lovelies...I have a very personal question for you. I love the openness and honesty here...so I am really looking forward to your many and diverse responses. I will start by saying that for probably a year after my accident...I completely lost my ability to attain an erection. Thankfully I had quite a bit of return...while I'm not 100%...I certainly won't ever complain. I'm not an aspiring porn star or braggard, but I do think that I am adept at pleasuring women...and can adapt...as all women have different wants, needs, fantasies, and desires. SOOOOO.... I would like to hear ''YOUR'' perspective on sex...functionality...intimacy etc. How important is each aspect to you? What aspects did I not mention...that are important to you? And Yes...the Sex on Wheels video motivated my interest in this topic... I have also been thinking about this for a couple of days. There is enough question here for a book of answers... LOL Lucretia, I would like to pre-order my autographed copy now.
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2013 20:05:08 GMT -5
Ath, and Inigo...you kinda touch on the same thing...I'm not good enough at quoting for a threesome yet... I couldn't go for the 'asexual' thing(I'm glad it is working for you and your partner Ath) I have always been a sexual and sensual person. Pre-accident, I erroneously thought it was all about an hour and a half of pile driving..What more could a woman want...right? Sadly, I think that most of these guys that are just devastated by their post-injury diminished or non-ability to gain an erection...have never experienced foreplay or intimacy. And yes...if your idea of foreplay was putting your own saliva on your Dlck before you stick it in...I'm talking to you! My functonality is diminished at best... But if I care about you...and you are in my bed...I'll use my tongue, nose, toys or toes...whatever it takes to satisfy you. The funny thing that us guys are missing...is that most Devs will be ultra-stimulated just being in bed with you. Shlt...for a random AB chick...she has to have sex with Mark Wahlberg(or whoever) to fulfill her fantasy. As a wheeler...you just show up to the party, and you are already part of a Dev fantasy! Again...the Dev-sex thing is purely speculative on my part...but it's an educated speculation, as I haven't had a Dev relationship...or even a Dev-fling yet. Ladies...am I close?
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2013 20:53:45 GMT -5
Yes dear...I said ''part'' of the fantasy....not fulfilling it...that definitely takes lots of thought and effort... You ladies have taught me well...
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Post by Emma on May 19, 2013 20:56:18 GMT -5
Not to diminish your thoughtful post Lucretia but to simplify things I think what the dudes here with SCI (or other disabilities that diminish their ability to get an erection) need to know is that sex for women is rarely just about penetration. At the risk of being too obvious and crass, most women don't orgasm from penetration. That's not my opinion but a fact, Google it. So, loosing your ability to get an erection doesn't affect sex for women in the same way as most guys assume.
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wompingwillow
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Post by wompingwillow on May 19, 2013 21:58:14 GMT -5
Most of us have had the old in-and-out, most of us have had AB relationships, most of us know what sex is all about. We aren't looking for just sex, we've had that. We are looking for GREAT sex. And that means you, the guy, are going to have to work for it. We want to explore you. We want to get to know your body. We want to take our time with you, have fun with you, laugh, play, tease and ultimately, blow your mind. Because we can. But we only can if you let us in. You have to be honest with us about how everything works. You have to be secure enough and love yourself enough to show us how to love you. +10000!
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wompingwillow
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Relationship Status: Single
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Post by wompingwillow on May 19, 2013 22:04:54 GMT -5
DubaDubya, I just want to say...that if you were in a restaurant...or better yet a club, with any of us single guys(functional or not) Every other guy there would be looking at you...then the wheeler...then you again...envying the wheeler...while wondering about the attraction.. Let me just say, I've been in the situation...and felt like the C*ck of the Walk...and guess what? While this is all just foreplay for me...I'm gonna roll outta there more 'pleased' sexually than anything most of them will experience that night... Thank you! Glad to hear that ;-)
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vancityippy
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Post by vancityippy on May 21, 2013 20:14:23 GMT -5
I'm late on the answer here but I can't stress enough how little a lasting erection, the ability to orgasm and ability to sense matters to my pleasure... I would love for the dudes sake, for all of the above to be intact...and any ability they have for any of the above is certainly warmly welcomed (by me) But I can have plenty of fun in the absence of the above and I would argue that so can the guy. I'm not going to paint a totally explicit picture here but I'm rather happy to hump a leg, to play around with vibrators and toys and exchange oral pleasures...both ways. AAAAnd,all of the above is just as appealing on a visual, emotional, psychological level...so weather or not my partner has sensation does not change how great the sex can be )))
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greenbean
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That's not me, just a chick with a pigeon poopin on her head.
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Post by greenbean on May 21, 2013 20:43:15 GMT -5
I want to know are there any devs worldwide who are really interested in guys with cerebral palsy ? I have searched on many websites but have found no devs who like guys with CP As a fellow guy with CP said to me at Phyiso the other day Are devs for the cerebral palsy a myth ? Hey redstudent. While I agree with those who are pointing out that your needy post are a wee bit desperate, I just want to confirm 'cp devs' exist. I am one. I am also not ready to have a relationship with a guy with CP. I am currently with an AB guy because he treats me well, we have a lot in common, and it's easier. The only drawback is I'm not thinking of him when he's goin balls deep. I have to admit, I don't know if I'll ever want a relationship with a disabled guy. It's scary to me, but I know there are devs out there who are a lot more confident in their sexuality. I have one more thing to say. Listen to that somewhat snarky advice that is being doled out about your attitude. Maybe along with that physio you need to see a counsellour who can help you work through your issues. I've had a really positive experience working with a psychologist for some stuff not directly related to my being a dev. Anyways, I don't know if that's massively expensive or what not in SA, but give it some thought, it sounds like you could benefit from having someone to talk to.
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Post by Deleted on May 21, 2013 21:27:25 GMT -5
I'm late on the answer here but I can't stress enough how little a lasting erection, the ability to orgasm and ability to sense matters to my pleasure... I would love for the dudes sake, for all of the above to be intact...and any ability they have for any of the above is certainly warmly welcomed (by me) But I can have plenty of fun in the absence of the above and I would argue that so can the guy. I'm not going to paint a totally explicit picture here but I'm rather happy to hump a leg, to play around with vibrators and toys and exchange oral pleasures...both ways. AAAAnd,all of the above is just as appealing on a visual, emotional, psychological level...so weather or not my partner has sensation does not change how great the sex can be ))) My oh my! Guys, if you don't find that encouraging....you are certifiably, bonafiably, inexplicably, demonstrably, inacceptably, inexcusably, horrifiably, beyond encouragement!
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