‘The Secrecy’ – what a great title!
I can’t help thinking about where the need for secrecy stems from and that is why I backed Assy up in the Ask a wheeler-thread. I know that I made some giant leaps from Assy’s original post into a territory that is pretty dangerous. But I felt it was needed to bring it up when we were talking about secrecy.
Like Assy says: “I love devs and am proud of them and thus I want them to be just as proud of themselves.” It is no secret that I am very, very dev-friendly and I support my dev friends against virtually all the attacks they encounter from the disabled community. On the other hand, I am also going to point out some of the flaws I see in my dev friends when those flaws are staring me straight in the face. And the need for secrecy thing
is one of those blaringly obvious underlying flaws because it
does stem from the embarrassment of associating with wheelers.
The embarrassment that comes with having a thing for disabled people has its roots in an understanding that is very prevalent in all human beings. It is the embarrassment of liking that which is not ‘normal’. Having a thing for those who to others seem weird, different, odd, bizarre, peculiar, abnormal or whatever you want the term to be. We all have a strong urge to fit in so it is only human to not stand out in a crowd and therefore it is also very human not to associate with those who are seen as fundamentally different.
In my reply to Ladyliz I was not saying that the secrecy is the same as saying that disabled are subhuman. What I am saying is that it all stems from the same thought patterns that we as a society has instilled in each other. And those same sorts of patterns are what have kept women suppressed. They are the same patterns that are behind racism, homophobia and all kinds of other fears of ‘that which is different’.
So it may not be fair when I make that leap in reasoning but it is none the less the truth. If we all strive for real equality between people we must embrace our prejudices - both the obvious ones and the more prevalent ones that we are not even able to see ourselves until somebody points them out for us. And I will be the first to admit that I have them too. Even though I strive on a daily basis to get rid of them, they are just there like nasty little hemorrhoids - pains in the butt.
And I didn’t come back to the board to be fair, I came here to state what I believe is true and for us to have some great discussions and for all of us to think a little farther than our own noses.
How many of you out there are afraid to have black (or white) friends on your friend lists because of what people would think?
It’s a simple question; and why is that different from the fear of having disabled friends…??
If you are afraid of associating with disabled people – no matter what the reason is in your head – it
is and it always will be a sign of ableism, the act of seeing disabled people as
other …or if you want me to make it more clear,
subhuman. I know there are many devs both here and other places who are not willing to see it that way and that is cool with me.
I see that some of you are afraid of being found out. I want you to know that I am a great proponent of keeping my sex life private. So I would like to know how many of you have had friends making inferences about your sex life from trawling your FB friend list – in fact, how many have even had friends (who are not crazy to begin with) trawl your friend list for whatever reason? Is it a legitimate fear or is it a perceived fear living in your heads? I don't know, I am really just asking those questions based on my own experience of never having anybody care the least bit about who I associate with - on FB or otherwise.
This brings me back to the embarrassment issue. I don’t accuse anybody here of being bigots. I just think that most of us (including yours truly) fall prey to the norms of society and unfortunately those norms include a great deal of ableism, whether we want it or not. So when I as a disabled person see those who I thought are the closest to me feel embarrassed by associating with me – it hurts! Whether they are doing it to protect a certain side of who they are or they are doing it less thoughtfully, it is the same pain I feel for being the dirty little secret hiding in their closet.