melita
Full Member
RIP
Posts: 141
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Divorced
|
Post by melita on Jul 29, 2014 9:45:03 GMT -5
I can't agree more with that.
|
|
|
Post by eva on Jul 29, 2014 10:24:29 GMT -5
I spent years being scared that it was death I was obsessed with, I cant begin to explain how upsetting that feeling was. Thankfully I don't feel that way anymore. I can still feel down about it sometimes but not like before and I know now how to make it go away. Ath, to this day I remember the words of the wife of a french president. She was talking about how they met during the Second World War and saying that the threat of death around the corner made everything more intense. That they needed to live life to the fullest because it may not last. You are probably a very passionate woman, and passion and death are closely linked. Have you ever read the myths of Venus and Eros ? Kore/Persephone and Hades/Pluto ?
|
|
|
Post by Ath on Jul 29, 2014 12:29:49 GMT -5
I do have my stereotypical fantasies but I don't imagine that I'm a savior giving guys something they can't get otherwise. Because of course they can.
continues/edited:
-Neither was I ever looking for someone with the purpose of giving them a "better" life.
But when I found myself in that situation of course I wanted to give my friends the whole world, especially when I was with D and I had a better understanding of him becoming sicker but it was incredibly difficult.
My first boyfriend with md was my second boyfriend ever and I was very young, we met at a hospital were I was visiting a friend. I had just lost my first boyfriend (assault) and was a mess but I spent so much time there that he grew on me. I started dating him knowing that he would die but I had already lost so much that I didn't understand that it could become worse ^^. When I met D trough a penpal site and learnt that he had sma1 I had no idea what sma was but it was faith and I fell in love. It was when he became sicker that I spent night and day trying to find things that could improve his quality of life, anything, anything at all.
So when I found myself in that situation that I could improve the life of the person I loved, yes I would do anything and it felt amazing when I could, and yes I LOVE that feeling. Perhaps it is the sort of adrenaline doctors get when they save someone's life.
|
|
|
Post by kivic on Jul 29, 2014 18:34:25 GMT -5
I've been thinking about the emotional connection a lot more lately too. I really only have one perspective to see things from. I've been mainly with the same disabled partner for most of my adult life, So I don't have a lot of different experiences to compare. So ladies that DO have other perspectives, please feel free to chime in! But to me- A big part of my appeal is the emotional piece. I feel like as a dev in a relationship with a pwd, we have to dig deeper than maybe some AB couples need to. We have to have more open communication in sex, and in life. I am drawn to emotional vulnerability in a man (not to be confused with weakness). I need to really feel like I know my partner deep to the core. I have a need and a desire to see the world through their eyes, and to understand why they are who they are. What makes them tick. And to me, I have I only been interested in getting to that core with a disabled man. So because of that, I am only emotionally drawn to disabled men, as I've never had the interest to dig that deep emotionally with anyone else. I've never met an AB man that has ever piqued my interest in the same way. At least that's how I'm trying to put it into words, and that's the best I've been able to come up with. This is why I, personally, feel like it is so much more than just a sexual attraction. But, I have never been in a LTR with an AB, so maybe this is just my personal experience and not a dev experience. Does any of this make any sense? I certainly don't think that goes to say that a dev can't have that same emotional connection with an AB. But I never have. Haha, we are similar yet different . I think it is difficult to find a man, and maybe even more difficult with AB guys, that is emotionally open and receptive and willing to share and talk with you about emotions and subjects some guys will never broach. I , myself, don't necessarily need to dig too deep because I think that there is always a part of someone that you will never know nor should you, but I certainly am very attracted to someone who is intune with their emotions. What do you think? Are disabled men more intune with their emotions or is the likelihood that they are because of their disability? I'm not completely sure that because you are disabled means you are more intune with your emotions, but then my experience is also limited. I think it truly depends on the guy and how he has been socialized in upbringing, parental support and affection, determination, etc. Or maybe you're just born that way
|
|
|
Post by Emma on Jul 29, 2014 23:57:40 GMT -5
What do you think? Are disabled men more intune with their emotions or is the likelihood that they are because of their disability? I'm not completely sure that because you are disabled means you are more intune with your emotions, but then my experience is also limited. I think it truly depends on the guy and how he has been socialized in upbringing, parental support and affection, determination, etc. Or maybe you're just born that way I'm going to agree with TC and say that I think guys who acquired their disabilities later in life have been forced to confront emotions they never would have encountered if they remained AB. That doesn't make them more sensitive and emotional but it does mean they have been exposed to some intense emotions that many AB guys haven't ventured near. I think that does make them more emotionally attractive. I don't know how I'd meld that response to fit with a guy disabled from birth. I do think those guys have had to deal with more emotionally than your everyday AB guy but don't think they have felt the same range of emotions that a guy who had a significant disability occur during their adult life.
|
|
melita
Full Member
RIP
Posts: 141
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Divorced
|
Post by melita on Jul 30, 2014 5:19:27 GMT -5
I think (might not be right) that a guy disabled from birth learns early in his life to "read" and sense people's emotions and to respond to them, something like a mother who by nature "reads" her baby's needs and emotions. This is maybe the way they could fit in to what you said, Emma.
|
|
|
Post by kivic on Jul 31, 2014 12:01:42 GMT -5
Emma and @tc123, do you feel that creates a stronger bond between you and your partner? One that perhaps you wouldn't be able to find if he wasn't disabled?
|
|
|
Post by Emma on Jul 31, 2014 16:34:08 GMT -5
Emma and @tc123, do you feel that creates a stronger bond between you and your partner? One that perhaps you wouldn't be able to find if he wasn't disabled? I don't think that it directly effects our bond but I do like hearing him talk about getting through rough times. I wish I had been around during those times, maybe that would have directly affected our relationship but who knows if that would have been in a positive way. If my husband hadn't become disabled I would have never met him so its strange to think if we would be compatible if he wasn't disabled. Did that answer your question? Oh and I didn't read TC's response before I wrote mine so its funny to see we kind of said the same thing.
|
|
|
Post by didi on Jul 31, 2014 17:06:24 GMT -5
But I've never bonded with an ab man, so it's really hard for me to compare. Same here At least I havenĀ“t bonded nearly as much as with disabled guys.
|
|
|
Post by devogirl on Aug 17, 2014 7:28:27 GMT -5
PS. As you can see, I'm new on the board, so a little help on "quoting" would really be appreciated! After clicking on "quote" or "reply" you will see the "create post" screen. At the bottom of the text box there are two tabs, "Preview" and "BBCode." Toggle back and forth between them to see the raw HTML or how the completed post will look.
|
|