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Post by devogirl on Jul 15, 2014 7:36:45 GMT -5
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melita
Full Member
RIP
Posts: 141
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Divorced
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Post by melita on Jul 15, 2014 9:35:03 GMT -5
I've looked there, OK, but the last post was in April. Well, now about reasons of my attraction. (I am only guessing, but it might not be true at all) The person that "healed" me in a way from my serious and very deep issues of insecurity was an old fisherman who was blind. The man pointed out to me how irrelevant appearances are and taught me to fish, to row, to sail and so many other things. I spent some 3 weeks in his company talking about everything, told him my deepest teenage secrets and he was the first human being who LISTENED to me. At the end he gave me a pearl he had found in a fan mussel God knows when, when he had no possessions at all, asking me to never forget him. He sadly passed away the very next winter, and I never saw him again.
Since that time I began fantasizing and dreaming about some young guy who would be like him in every possible way. Just to let you know, he was injured very young in a mine explosion (while building the house) and lost his eyes completely and his right hand. His two brothers divided the house in two leaving him without anything. So he was earning his keep fishing at night together with his very young nephew.
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tabby
Full Member
Hello PD
Posts: 153
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
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Post by tabby on Jul 15, 2014 11:02:52 GMT -5
.I feel that men with disabilities are more profound as human beings having past through hell and this is the reason they appreciate little, seemingly unimportant things and find joy in them. And on physical level it's their vulnerability, a degree of dependence and the way they cope with it that makes my guts clench. Exactly!!
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Post by eva on Jul 15, 2014 11:09:39 GMT -5
Well, ideally, yes. But is it guaranteed in RL ? Let's say it's a great opportunity to become more profound, and many seize it. But many don't
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Post by Ath on Jul 15, 2014 11:15:12 GMT -5
Yes I do feel there is big different from what I (I don't dare say we?) ultimately want and what works in reality but that is a separate discussion.
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Post by Ath on Jul 15, 2014 11:58:19 GMT -5
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Post by Maurine on Jul 15, 2014 12:30:10 GMT -5
Although my devness is sexually turned on by the physical and outward appearance of a disabled guy, it is way more than that. It is an immediate and involuntary physical feeling. It starts out as a tightening between my legs and then a slight contraction that runs from the lower part of my vagina almost to my lower back. Sometimes just the sight of a guy in a chair can do it to me and I don't have to do or think of anything to make it happen... it just happens because it is who I am, it's how I made. Disabled guys are exposed and they can't hide behind a physical front like so many other guys do. The physical disability automatically makes them more vulnerable, more real. So physically I am immediately turned on by an attraction I can't explain well.... gutteral, almost primal. But it is the emotional connection that is such a turn on- they are interesting, fascinating, sometimes mesmerizing. Yet real. Authentic. Not sure this defines my devness... but explains it as best I can. It makes 100% sense to me, Faith. Thanks for sharing! When I was 14, my math teacher was a C6 quad. Although, I had been aware of my feelings toward disability for as long as I had known, this was really my first real encounter with SCI. There was absolutely no sexual connection to him- he was old, and I didn't realize my devness was a sexual thing at that point. However- I remember the first day VERY well- He used a manual chair, and would roll over this electrical cord on the floor going back and forth in the classroom. Everytime he would hit this bump, his legs would spasm really bad. The very first time I witnessed this, I had this gutteral reaction that you are describing. It hit me so hard, I couldn't concentrate for the rest of the class. I probably couldn't concentrate the rest of that year! I eventually got used to the spasms, but I still had a reaction everytime. I still get that reaction when I encounter "new" things. Interestingly enough- he later married my friend's mom, and so I had sleep overs, etc at their house. It was my first time seeing a PWD/AB marriage in real life. It was fascinating to me. Im glad to see some more people popping up OMG, I'm so jealous! I had a bit of a crush on several of my old math teachers and they weren't even disabled. I would have blushed and been awkward around him all the time. Unfortunately, my school wasn't accessible to wheelchairs.
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Post by RyooT on Jul 15, 2014 13:34:45 GMT -5
I also have several attractions, but amputation is my primary one. In contrast to what some of you have already mentioned I prefer asymmetry rather than symmetry. Looking just at types of amputation (all other factors being equal) I prefer AK over BK, single over double - tripple and quad amps usually don't do anything for me. I also don't like disarticulations that much. I guess that has something to do with the remaining movement in the residual limb that I find very attractive. If a double amputation, I prefer one arm and leg over double arm or leg. With arms I like both BE and AE the same, as long as the BE is closer to the elbow than to the wrist. I general I like broad shoulders and deep chests. So add that and a handsome face to the mix and from a purely physical perspective that becomes a highly erotic mix for me. Obviously that alone will not make relationship material. The emotional component is very important too. Other than general emotional intelligence, I share the attraction to guys who have been 'to the brink and back' and who therefore live more in the moment than many others. I think it is an interesting contradiction: strength, independence paired with a degree of vulneratibility and I guess openness to seeing thigs in a different/new way. I agree, it is really hard to put into words.
In terms of other disabilities, I have a lesser attraction to SCI, but only to low level paras, and somewhat to incomplete quads, but it's not as strong. Blindness has some effect on me, too, but only if the person doesn't 'look blind' which is probably far more in the realm of fantasy than anything else
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Post by Ath on Jul 27, 2014 16:06:55 GMT -5
Noone else wants to share?
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Post by eva on Jul 28, 2014 2:14:37 GMT -5
I've read the posts again, and I think what Ath said in her first post is a very big part of my devness: the feeling of being in this together. Being with a PWD emphasizes the intensity of the intimacy. Because there is always something in daily life (obstacles, stupid words...) that will remind us we're in a different kind of RS, and the way we devs are going to handle the awkwardeness of the situation will make the whole difference.
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Post by Ath on Jul 28, 2014 9:54:50 GMT -5
The emotional part is so hard for me to put words on
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Post by kivic on Jul 28, 2014 17:17:26 GMT -5
I think that the emotional apsect of the attraction is far more difficult to define than the physical attractions. It's easy to see a guy and know that you're attracted to this or to that. What I find most difficult is how does that specific attractive feature and his disability elevate that attraction to such high extremes? It's a biochemical-psychological reaction
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Post by BA on Jul 28, 2014 22:45:24 GMT -5
I think it is more insulting to be embarrassed about why we are attracted to who we are. Why shouldn't we be attracted to these things? It's more uncommon than the average attraction. But how is it that much different than some of the more common attractions? I would love to know that a man loves my imperfect body. I certainly wouldn't be offended. I have been thinking about this for a very long time. You are 100% right.
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Post by Ath on Jul 29, 2014 3:39:33 GMT -5
You are right. I don't do the same connection between shame and guilt though. I mean I was not ashamed of having a disabled partner while I felt the guilt. But maybe I misunderstood
I felt guilty because I liked certain physical and emotional traits, but these were caused by medical conditions that are fatal. I spent years being scared that it was death I was obsessed with, I cant begin to explain how upsetting that feeling was.
Thankfully I don't feel that way anymore. I can still feel down about it sometimes but not like before and I know now how to make it go away.
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melita
Full Member
RIP
Posts: 141
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Divorced
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Post by melita on Jul 29, 2014 9:44:35 GMT -5
I am drawn to emotional vulnerability in a man (not to be confused with weakness). ... I have a need and a desire to see the world through their eyes, and to understand why they are who they are. What makes them tick. And to me, I have I only been interested in getting to that core with a disabled man. So because of that, I am only emotionally drawn to disabled men, as I've never had the interest to dig that deep emotionally with anyone else. I've never met an AB man that has ever piqued my interest in the same way. ... This is why I, personally, feel like it is so much more than just a sexual attraction.
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