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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2014 20:48:55 GMT -5
Meanwhile if you'll excuse me I have an upcoming menage a trois... With Ben and Jerry. Pics or it didn't happen
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Post by Maurine on Dec 9, 2014 20:51:06 GMT -5
In terms of physical appearance, I'm unbelievably picky and shallow. I wouldn't date a man whom I'm not attracted to. My bf is exactly my type of man looks-wise, but he also struck me at once as a kind, interesting, intelligent man with similar interests as I have. There was so much that fit, it just felt right, and while part of what made him so attractive to me was his SCI, I didn't really care about his injury level. If asked before looking for a disabled partner online, I probably would have preferred a guy who is completely independent, which my bf isn't. Judging from the information I had about his injury level and falsely assuming he had a complete SCI, at first I actually expected him to be more disabled than he turned out to be, but it didn't cross my mind to rule him out because of this. It's hard to say whether I would be happy in or even consider a relationship with a guy with a disability that I'm not or only mildly attracted to. If the guy is sexy apart from that, sure. Also, my devness can shift or become open to other disabilities. Personality, interests and how he views the world are essential as well, but they don't make me date anyone who's not my type looks-wise. A great personality can make someone more physically attractive to me, but I know this would wear off after a while. So for an LTR I need my partner to be my type of man looks-wise. The wrong disability or lack thereof wouldn't be a dealbreaker as likely.
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Post by lucretia on Dec 9, 2014 20:55:16 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2014 21:14:57 GMT -5
Thank you all for the responses so far. But I worry that you might be getting the wrong impression. I'm not crying "whoa is me" about not finding anyone. Obviously looks matter, they do to me too. In fact, I've recently been on dates in which I wasn't interested because of both physical attraction (or lack thereof) and just some really odd people that even though were good looking, I couldn't wait to get the hell out of there. (I seem to attract them) lol I think it's my fault because of how I phrased the question. I know that I'm at a disadvantage when it comes to dating the average non-dev but I also know that it's not an insurmountable disadvantage. That part was more of a statement, and in hindsight didn't need to be included as it was from a different conversation. (I need to work on my copy and paste skills) I really want to know how you weight them in the context of dating PWDs. I know where I stand and other than a couple of "deal-breakers" I know how flexible I can be. And again, I'm not talking about love, that takes time, I'm only asking about dating. So, the question I posed about a blindness dev meeting a quad, or a para dev meeting an amp, I'm wondering how important is it that those specific buttons are pushed? (Please excuse the "blindness dev" and "para dev" terms, I mean devs with those preferences) Would you ask that guy out on a date, or accept an invitation? I'm not looking for dating advice, I don't do THAT bad now, I'm really just curious. Sorry for any confusion.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2014 21:16:54 GMT -5
Great article. Very true from my experience. Agreed. 4 out of 5 isn't bad, right?
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Post by ProudRealist on Dec 9, 2014 21:18:53 GMT -5
, I believe nice guys finish second. if you ain't first, you're last... LMAO I read it with Ricky Bobby's voice in my head. Ah, good times On the topic, someone needs to start a thread aaking the guys on PD the physical vs personality questions - that's bound to be interesting
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Post by lucretia on Dec 9, 2014 21:36:15 GMT -5
if you ain't first, you're last... LMAO I read it with Ricky Bobby's voice in my head. Ah, good times On the topic, someone needs to start a thread aaking the guys on PD the physical vs personality questions - that's bound to be interesting I think the devs who have been around for a minute or two already know the answer to that one... Guys are guys are guys. Love me for my personality!!!!! But only if YOU are young (and NOT relatively speaking), HAWT, and DTF.
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Post by greeneyedvillan on Dec 9, 2014 22:11:42 GMT -5
LMAO I read it with Ricky Bobby's voice in my head. Ah, good times On the topic, someone needs to start a thread aaking the guys on PD the physical vs personality questions - that's bound to be interesting I think the devs who have been around for a minute or two already know the answer to that one... Guys are guys are guys. Love me for my personality!!!!! But only if YOU are young (and NOT relatively speaking), HAWT, and DTF. well, from reading most of the responses, seems people are people. everyone (almost) needs to be attracted to the other person. that's not a crime.
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Post by alexa2010 on Dec 10, 2014 1:48:32 GMT -5
So, the question I posed about a blindness dev meeting a quad, or a para dev meeting an amp, I'm wondering how important is it that those specific buttons are pushed? (Please excuse the "blindness dev" and "para dev" terms, I mean devs with those preferences) Would you ask that guy out on a date, or accept an invitation? I'm not looking for dating advice, I don't do THAT bad now, I'm really just curious. My answer: YES. Although my original attraction might be for something else. If the man has everything I'm looking for (physically and his personality) I would be stupid if I didn’t gave it a try.
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Post by Cake on Dec 10, 2014 10:54:00 GMT -5
So most of the ladies have answered that they won't compromise on physical attraction. I agree that it is important. However, for me physical attraction doesn't automatically fall into the "either yes or no" category. I firmly believe that relying too heavily on our "tastes" can have us miss out on some wonderful surprises. Of course, no one should be with a person who is subjecively off-putting to them. But to me there's a HUGE difference between finding someone right out off-putting and finding someone not-attractive. The latter doesn't have to stay that way... it can, but sometimes it doesn't.
I've experienced this three times now. Two of my exes weren't my "type" at all, and not only that, I really didn't find them attractive at first. Not off-putting, just not appealing. What happened? Simple, I liked their personality and therefore was willing to FIND OUT what my body really thinks. Because sometimes you think you know, but you actually don't. The moment I kissed them, things changed. My body reacted positively, even if my mind coudln't follow yet. Because I still thought "Wait what, I'm not even attracted to him!" But it turned out I was, it just took some exploring first! It was the same with my current boyfriend of four years, who I consider the best thing that's ever happened to me. If I had gone with my shallow physical-attraction-gut when we met, I wouldn't be in this wonderful relationship now. And yes, now I am attracted to him and yes, we do have great sex.
In my opinion, the fixation on INITIAL physical attraction is one of the main reasons why so many people fail at finding the RIGHT partner for them. It's just a big misconception that physical attracion is either there from the first moment, without even trying "it" out, or not there at all and never will be.
ETA: Sorry for typos, am writing in phone.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2014 11:56:37 GMT -5
So most of the ladies have answered that they won't compromise on physical attraction. I agree that it is important. However, for me physical attraction doesn't automatically fall into the "either yes or no" category. I firmly believe that relying too heavily on our "tastes" can have us miss out on some wonderful surprises. Of course, no one should be with a person who is subjecively off-putting to them. But to me there's a HUGE difference between finding someone right out off-putting and finding someone not-attractive. The latter doesn't have to stay that way... it can, but sometimes it doesn't. I've experienced this three times now. Two of my exes weren't my "type" at all, and not only that, I really didn't find them attractive at first. Not off-putting, just not appealing. What happened? Simple, I liked their personality and therefore was willing to FIND OUT what my body really thinks. Because sometimes you think you know, but you actually don't. The moment I kissed them, things changed. My body reacted positively, even if my mind coudln't follow yet. Because I still thought "Wait what, I'm not even attracted to him!" But it turned out I was, it just took some exploring first! It was the same with my current boyfriend of four years, who I consider the best thing that's ever happened to me. If I had gone with my shallow physical-attraction-gut when we met, I wouldn't be in this wonderful relationship now. And yes, now I am attracted to him and yes, we do have great sex. In my opinion, the fixation on INITIAL physical attraction is one of the main reasons why so many people fail at finding the RIGHT partner for them. It's just a big misconception that physical attracion is either there from the first moment, without even trying "it" out, or not there at all and never will be. ETA: Sorry for typos, am writing in phone. Great post. I love how you made the distinction between off-putting and not attractive. I've been thinking the same thing but just couldn't express it, so thank you. I really think the internet has blurred that line, too. It's so easy to look at an online dating profile and see even a tiny flaw and just click "next." No effort or thought needs to be put into it because there are literally thousands of other choices. I know that I'm guilty of it at times.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2014 16:01:06 GMT -5
Cake, I LOVE your opinion on that because it expresses exactly how I feel....and what I meant with what I wrote earlier how I met my husband.... So most of the ladies have answered that they won't compromise on physical attraction. I agree that it is important. However, for me physical attraction doesn't automatically fall into the "either yes or no" category. I firmly believe that relying too heavily on our "tastes" can have us miss out on some wonderful surprises. Of course, no one should be with a person who is subjecively off-putting to them. But to me there's a HUGE difference between finding someone right out off-putting and finding someone not-attractive. The latter doesn't have to stay that way... it can, but sometimes it doesn't. I've experienced this three times now. Two of my exes weren't my "type" at all, and not only that, I really didn't find them attractive at first. Not off-putting, just not appealing. What happened? Simple, I liked their personality and therefore was willing to FIND OUT what my body really thinks. Because sometimes you think you know, but you actually don't. The moment I kissed them, things changed. My body reacted positively, even if my mind coudln't follow yet. Because I still thought "Wait what, I'm not even attracted to him!" But it turned out I was, it just took some exploring first! It was the same with my current boyfriend of four years, who I consider the best thing that's ever happened to me. If I had gone with my shallow physical-attraction-gut when we met, I wouldn't be in this wonderful relationship now. And yes, now I am attracted to him and yes, we do have great sex. In my opinion, the fixation on INITIAL physical attraction is one of the main reasons why so many people fail at finding the RIGHT partner for them. It's just a big misconception that physical attracion is either there from the first moment, without even trying "it" out, or not there at all and never will be. ETA: Sorry for typos, am writing in phone.
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Post by matisse on Dec 10, 2014 16:11:36 GMT -5
The physical is generally a lot less important to women than men, so given your list of good qualities, I have to wonder what's going on? Seems to me there is something that happens in your interaction with women, that you're not aware of, that causes issues. I suggest you talk with your girl-friends and ask them to be frank with you.
One of my roommates (long time ago) had great grades and yet was still failing to get past the initial screening interview with any employers. I suggested a mock interview and it became pretty obvious what the problems were.
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Post by Cake on Dec 10, 2014 16:24:01 GMT -5
The physical is generally a lot less important to women than men, so given your list of good qualities, I have to wonder what's going on? This right here is a total myth. When I look around my friends, exes, relatives and the replies in this very thread, nothing at all indicates that what you state is a fact. Assuming that the "physical" is less important to women is like assuming sex is less important to women.
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Post by dolly on Dec 10, 2014 18:27:22 GMT -5
my primary dev interest has always been acquired SCI, but i have other interests besides that which continue to evolve and diversify.
then there are certain disabilities that *don't* currently turn me on particularly (blindness, deafness, etc.) to which i would respond with the same level of interest as a non-dev.
personally, for a real-life relationship it's the actual guy who is the most important factor. adding any disability i'm attracted to on top of that will amplify my interest.
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