lpoc
New Member
Posts: 9
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
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Post by lpoc on Mar 18, 2015 21:33:48 GMT -5
WOW u ladies are awesome. Is really nice to see the different experiences about coming out to their SO or family. kayleexo I'm so sorry to hear that experience. That is exactly what I'm afraid that stigma that our society impose on everyone in thinking that a unique preference is a bad and a shameful thing. Savannahgirl really glad that you about your story and went really good. I'm really glad that in this community I found a place to talk, discuss and find people who understand us. Thank you
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2015 8:24:13 GMT -5
I didn't tell anyone away from this board, aside from my best friend. I did tell my SO, and I think it's made our relationship more stable. He doesn't feel a need to explain everything, mostly because he knows I get it, and if I don't, I have ways of finding out. I think it's taken a lot of awkwardness out of our relationship. I told him right off the bat, and was basically like "take it or leave it." I Guess I'm lucky, since he chose to take it!
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greenbean
Full Member
That's not me, just a chick with a pigeon poopin on her head.
Posts: 219
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by greenbean on Mar 19, 2015 22:29:52 GMT -5
I have told my boyfriend and I don't regret it. He's super open minded about sexuality and doesn't find it to weird. I have 'fudged the numbers' a bit as I make it out to be a kink not a sexual orientation (this has been a topic of debate on the board before...my psychologist agrees with this take on things though, if anyone cares...) but I generally am super open about it. The only thing that I have noticed is that he doesn't want to talk about it with other people, and when we were talking about why he agreed that it was because he finds disability a bit of an awkward topic. He sometimes worries that he won't sexually satisfy me and gets a little insecure about his body but I do find him attractive and I make sure to tell him that. We have sex nearly every day , I think even more so since I've told him, and I think that keeps those kinds of thoughts from creeping into his precious lil brain. I don't even slightly regret telling him, but I'm not saying everyone has to tell, even though I hope that every one of you has a partner who you at least have the option to disclose your devness to. For me though, in the context of being with this specific guy it was definitely right. If ... There's also this part of me who thinks that if I told him and if ever, for some reason, he ended up in a wc, I couldn't help but link it to my revelation. Irrational, I know, but I believe weirder things have happened. Eva, dude, I was SO worried about this. I actually started freaking crying when i told my bf that I was worried he would get into an accident and it would be his fate because he was with me. It's one of my top three fears. He however told me I am simply ridiculous, and he even said he found it comforting to know that if he ever got any type of injury i would support him rather then freak out.
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greenbean
Full Member
That's not me, just a chick with a pigeon poopin on her head.
Posts: 219
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by greenbean on Mar 19, 2015 22:33:55 GMT -5
As a kid/teenager/young adult, I kind of kept my devness hidden. I think it's mostly that until I hit about 16 or 17, I didn't even know the word. I just thought I must be pretty strange. I never had a problem with it, myself, but I always thought other people would. I told my mother first. She laughed and told me she knew. I told my best friend. The next day, he saw a hot guy on crutches and pointed him out to me. For the most part, I've found that the people that matter either already suspect, or don't think much of it. There have, of course, been times that I've told people and gotten rotten reactions. Like the AB guy I was dating. He pretty much told me I was weird and he could never "be into someone like that." I was SO offended. Incensed and offended. Lately, though, I've decided that I'm a few days away from 30, and I don't have the time or energy to hide who I am. I've told quite a few people in the past few days, for certain reasons, and it's felt really, really good, even if they don't understand. That's cool that you told your mom, and even cooler that she already knew. Did she tell you what it was that tipped her off? I'm curious if it was stuff that happened when you were a kid, or more into puberty/adolescents. greenbean.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2015 22:53:37 GMT -5
She's probably one of those most laid back, accepting people I know. I got lucky there. I know she noticed that I would watch certain movie scenes incessantly as a kid, where the character might not have been a PWD, but was in a devvy situation. I think, as I hit puberty and my attraction developed more, she probably noticed me getting bolder and finding movies and such with wheeler characters, and I'm fairly certain I showed her my first ever, dev-oriented fan fiction around then.
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greenbean
Full Member
That's not me, just a chick with a pigeon poopin on her head.
Posts: 219
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by greenbean on Mar 19, 2015 23:04:26 GMT -5
I used to have an account on here (same screen name), but deleted it impulsively after my SO's reaction to my devness. I never intended to "come out" to him, but like the above poster, I ended up telling my SO about my devness only because he caught me skyping with a pwd I met on here. His reaction when I told him was horrible to say the least. I had read multiple posts on here about devs coming out to their partners, both AB and DA, and overall the reactions seemed to be positive. I guess that gave me a bit of hope that maybe, just maybe, my partner wouldn't react so negatively. I can't say I was totally surprised by his bad reaction but it definitely hurt to be judged and to hear him say that I was a sick fuck for being attracted to "retards". It brought me back to how I felt prior to joining PD, when I felt all sorts of guilt and shame about my attraction. When I found this community, I was so happy that there were others like me, but my recent coming out experience made me realize that the negative stigma attached to devoteeism is still very much present. Not everyone outside this community is so accepting of devs - it was a harsh reality check for me. I'm sure a large part of his negative reaction was due to the fact that I was chatting with a guy behind his back, but if I could do it over again, I would not divulge my devness to my SO. After that huge blowout, we never spoke about my devness again...and I intend to keep it that way. For me, personally, it's not worth it. Maybe I'm just weird, but divulging my devness to family/friends has never been something I wanted to do. I don't have any desire to tell the people in my life about this part of me, and it doesn't burden me at all to keep it in. I'd rather share my dev-related stuff with people who are actually accepting of devs and understand what devoteeism is all about. Man, that sucks. I wish society weren't so darn freaked out by disability and things that aren't 'normal'. I think guys also often find it hard to compare themselves to someone that they have been socialized to find inferior, and realize that someone might be, gasp, more rather then less attracted to them. I used to talk to guys on here individually... they just kinda faded away as my irl relationship became more time consuming, and tbh I felt like the guys got kind of bored of me. I definitely think it should be an option though, and in a way has helped me see disabled guys as just people with their own flaws and issues. I used to idealize them way more before I started talking to them one on one or on PD. As the other girls have said, so glad your still here!
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greenbean
Full Member
That's not me, just a chick with a pigeon poopin on her head.
Posts: 219
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by greenbean on Mar 19, 2015 23:09:08 GMT -5
She's probably one of those most laid back, accepting people I know. I got lucky there. I know she noticed that I would watch certain movie scenes incessantly as a kid, where the character might not have been a PWD, but was in a devvy situation. I think, as I hit puberty and my attraction developed more, she probably noticed me getting bolder and finding movies and such with wheeler characters, and I'm fairly certain I showed her my first ever, dev-oriented fan fiction around then. That's so awesome!! She sounds very cool. Hehe, Miracle in lane 2 perhaps??
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kayleexo
New Member
Posts: 18
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by kayleexo on Mar 20, 2015 12:11:00 GMT -5
Thanks for all the kind words and warm welcome the devs here are so awesome Although my SO and I haven't spoken about anything dev/disability related since that blowout, he kind of left it like this....I'm not mad at you for your attraction because you can't help it, it's like your fetish....(which was a huge improvement from his initial reaction lol), but then he also referred to it as a mental illness.... :/ ...sooo yeah....sometimes I wanna drop kick him. anyway, thank you again for your support ladies
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Post by rebeckers84 on Sept 21, 2015 12:28:53 GMT -5
Gosh every time I search for a question or concern or something I have you ladies have already covered it! I love learning so much about each and every one of you and your experiences. It makes me feel so good knowing I am not the only person that has these same thoughts, feelings, questions, dilemmas!! Now that I've spent a couple months actually learning about my devness and reading through so much stuff and really understanding myself I'm getting to the point where I think I am going to tell a couple friends. I'm thinking of starting with the ones that always hook me up with guys! I figure if they're going to keep throwing my name/number out there they might as well know my actual type right!?!! I mean they've always known my type, just not that I would prefer him in a wc. Thanks ladies!!
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