|
Post by Maurine on Jan 30, 2015 16:31:19 GMT -5
I haven't mentioned the vast bulk of my own experience with my preference either, mostly because I don't think most would be interested beyond the basics of why I like what I do in the first place. I can't speak for anyone else, but I am highly interested into reading detailed information about any kind of devness or uncommon sexual preferences in general. It sometimes makes me more aware of aspects of my own preferences.
|
|
|
Post by kivic on Jan 30, 2015 16:48:19 GMT -5
Hi and welcome.
What sort of devporn do you like then? Do you watch YouTube for tonic-clonic seizures or "How To Administer Insulin" videos? I'm interested to know what your fave medium for devmaterial is apart from the real thing.
|
|
|
Post by Emma on Jan 30, 2015 23:44:11 GMT -5
I too am interested in learning more about your type of devotee. I'm super specific in my devitee interest but being here had taught me so much about other types of devs and other disabilities. I'm almost always interested in medical things whether its a physical disability, illness or something else. I definitely know more than your average person about anything medical related (including most of your interests) so even though chronic illnesses are not a sexual turn on for me they are interesting so please share more with us!
|
|
1nfused
New Member
Posts: 31
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
|
Post by 1nfused on Jan 31, 2015 0:01:42 GMT -5
Hi and welcome. What sort of devporn do you like then? Do you watch YouTube for tonic-clonic seizures or "How To Administer Insulin" videos? I'm interested to know what your fave medium for devmaterial is apart from the real thing. Hey there! Believe it or not, I'm usually quite low on the dev porn - mostly because (while there's some videos for that kind of thing) those videos are usually done by people I find unattractive (unattractive / not my type young males, or old men or females...meh?), so it doesn't do much for me that way. I do watch them to get a more accurate idea of all things illnesses, once I'm familiar with the technical ins and outs there isn't usually a big reason for me to return to it. I just haven't found a total hottie I'd love watching, mostly because I'm seriously picky with how I want my men to look, too - so watching it to pad the imagination is usually the only thing. I do regularly pore over disability related youtube content though, just that I don't have regular material. (This guy with limb-girdle MD is actually quite hot, and I really enjoy watching his vids, for instance) no luck on the chronic illnesses front thusfar. That being said, I do illustration (just recently got back into it again because I've got far more time now than I did previously) so when there's an idea I find super hot, I'll just illustrate it and look at my own pictures. (Sounds lame, but that's part of why I continued drawing throughout the years! That and my love for manga.)
|
|
1nfused
New Member
Posts: 31
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
|
Post by 1nfused on Jan 31, 2015 0:31:31 GMT -5
I too am interested in learning more about your type of devotee. I'm super specific in my devitee interest but being here had taught me so much about other types of devs and other disabilities. I'm almost always interested in medical things whether its a physical disability, illness or something else. I definitely know more than your average person about anything medical related (including most of your interests) so even though chronic illnesses are not a sexual turn on for me they are interesting so please share more with us! I can't speak for anyone else, but I am highly interested into reading detailed information about any kind of devness or uncommon sexual preferences in general. It sometimes makes me more aware of aspects of my own preferences. That's totally fine! I'm not quite sure what to start throwing out there, so if you have any questions in mind / some of your own thoughts / stuff to share, shoot! Aight, more wall of text-ness coming up for those interested. I guess I can give a little bit of a dev timeline / run-down? Before the age of 12 or so it wasn't even specifically disabilities I was into. (I just hadn't been aquainted with enough of them - all in my family and circle of friends are able-bodied and healthy, and these were pre-internet days for me), but I remember explicitly loving illustrations that portreyed incapacitated people, or people who -in my child mind- were mildly hot and also either incapacitated or suffering. Here's a link to one such illustration I loved as a kid, I'd stare at it for hours and hours on end: s2.postimg.org/401ok5349/prater_illustration_2.jpgThe actual dev stuff started when we got our first (dial-up) internet access at home. I knew of the mayoclinic (had found out about it by chance) and pored over the diseases and conditions section, feeling massively aroused when I did so. From that point onward anything sexual / pleasent / arousing to do with men had to include a chronically ill male. Diabetes and epilepsy were my early favorites, though as the years went by, more and more became my standard fare, including visual impairment stuff. I've remained remarkably fixed in my ways since then - haven't actually added a new disability to my list since my teenage years. (Though there is the very odd excursion into wheelchair transfer video land, the random and fleeting 'crush' on random other disabilities, though nothing of note.) I'd write stories about guys with illnesses, bought diabetes paraphernalia such as insulin syringes, blood glucose monitors, books on it and generally everything related that I could get over-the-counter in pharmacies. (I hid all the stuff in a box in the closet where I thought my mom wouldn't find them when she cleaned the house - she totally did find it very early on, lol, but never actually mentioned it to me until much later, when I mentioned the box to her myself - she's quite open about these things and didn't really care what I gained sexual pleasure from. And yeah, she also guessed sexual pleasure is why I kept the stuff.) I remember buying a subscription to a medical mag with a lot of diabetes articles, too. (Living in the heart of Europe I had to wait ages each month for it to ship from America though.) I'd cherish these things and even encorporate them into sex play. (Diabetes lancets worked quite well as a dildo, for instance. In fact, it was the first "dildo" i ever used.) I even dreamed of being an employee at the mayoclinic one day, so that I may be around people with chronic illnesses. (That idea was dumped in my later teens for sheer ludicrousness though, as was the paraphernalia hoarding and the bastardizing of medical equipment). Later on it became a whole lot less explicit, and more concrete. (Looking for disabled guys IRL, being more "inward" with my preference and resorting almost entirely to imagination.) When youtube and broadband came along I did obviously use that, but I haven't actually bought anything disease related since. As for the thing with boyfriends, I've discovered that picking them by disability hasn't worked for me (at least not thusfar.) Whenever I like someone, I really wish they were also disabled, though I haven't found an actual disabled person I'm really into in - yet. I have been in relationships with disabled guys (a diabetic, a blind guy, an epileptic), two of those were also remarkably hot, but somehow it just didn't work relationship wise (one actually was perfect - the epileptic, too bad I was 18 at the time and a childish idiot.) I'm looking on and off, though I'm mostly happy being single anyway, at least I am right now. I'm debating if marrying and having a kid trumps the dev desire, and have vowed to put it aside should I meet a great guy I'd have kids with - for the reason that it's mostly only of initial importance / appeal anyway. (There's another thread on this subject anyway, I posted there too.) You could say this thing's mostly retired into my mind by now, and while I'd love a great guy who's disabled too, I'd take a great guy who isn't over the continued hunt for one who is once I do feel ready to get serious.
|
|
|
Post by Emma on Jan 31, 2015 1:12:24 GMT -5
Wow that's interesting that your mom found your diabetes paraphernalia and guessed it was for sexual pleasure. I'm not even sure I would have guessed that if I came across it in a friends room. Oh and wait, a Diabetes lancet seems like a pretty small dildo, am I looking up the right thing???
It's great you have dated guys with disabilities/illnesses that interest you and I guess its the same old mantra of devs; it's not about the disability but its the guy.
I have a friend who is married to a guy with diabetes and the night I met her she mentioned having to remember taking his diabetes kit (or whatever its called with them wherever they go. At the time it struck me as strange that she brought that up (also as usual when first meeting people I hadn't brought up that my husband is an amputee) and now you have me wondering if she is a dev into that and was kind of flaunting it. Who knows.
Oh and one last thing, I know all about not attractive people with a cool disability on youtube - gosh most of the amputee stuff out there is like that!
|
|
1nfused
New Member
Posts: 31
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
|
Post by 1nfused on Jan 31, 2015 1:41:31 GMT -5
Wow that's interesting that your mom found your diabetes paraphernalia and guessed it was for sexual pleasure. I'm not even sure I would have guessed that if I came across it in a friends room. Oh and wait, a Diabetes lancet seems like a pretty small dildo, am I looking up the right thing??? It's great you have dated guys with disabilities/illnesses that interest you and I guess its the same old mantra of devs; it's not about the disability but its the guy. I have a friend who is married to a guy with diabetes and the night I met her she mentioned having to remember taking his diabetes kit (or whatever its called with them wherever they go. At the time it struck me as strange that she brought that up (also as usual when first meeting people I hadn't brought up that my husband is an amputee) and now you have me wondering if she is a dev into that and was kind of flaunting it. Who knows. Oh and one last thing, I know all about not attractive people with a cool disability on youtube - gosh most of the amputee stuff out there is like that! Ha, I know, right? I never asked her how she guessed - I think I was too busy being red in the face at the time to do much else. Don't feel bad - I'm a diabetes dev and I wouldn't suspect it in anyone else, either! Mostly because even I know how rare this kind of thing is - I'd sooner come up with every other explanation under the sun if I noticed somebody stashing supplies away. Literally anything else. I'm convinced that there's quite a few people out there who aren't actually "devotees" in our sense of the word, and never will be, but end up quite enjoying certain aspects of their partners disability after a while. I've known quite a few girls (definitely not devs) who start finding e.g. limps cute in their new boyfriend who happens to have a limp, stuff like that. I suppose it's all part of appreciating the whole person, which is what most of us end up doing before long in a fulfilled relationship, anyhow. So I don't doubt that there may be some minor devness going on in a lot of women that way. Actually liking disability before the fact, like we do? Not so much. As for hint-dropping - I've met two girls IRL who are actually devotees, and both hint-dropped quite severely. I once attended a sign language course and was flat-out asked by one of the girls around my age also attending: "so, is anyone you know deaf, or anyone you'd like to know?" (literal quote.) The other girl (they'd already found each other by the time I came in the picture) talked about her preference for deaf guys quite openly. I hint-drop too, though you'd have to be dev-minded to pick up on it. I can't help it, it just sort of slips out. I've even been known to comment disability related stuff with "well, that can actually be totally cute" or "that could totally make a guy", etc. All of this has led me to believe that we devs do hint-drop quite severely from time to time! Best way to coax that IMO is to bring the subject onto something disability related. If the response isn't immediately pity, an attempted change of subject or a negative or cure-related remark but something in a positive light, there may well be something there! Though hey, my sample-size has been far too small up to now for me to know for sure. EDIT: Oh, and yeah, the lancet is kind of tiny. In hindsight I have no idea how I managed to pleasure myself with it.
|
|
|
Post by kivic on Feb 1, 2015 13:00:09 GMT -5
Hi and welcome. What sort of devporn do you like then? Do you watch YouTube for tonic-clonic seizures or "How To Administer Insulin" videos? I'm interested to know what your fave medium for devmaterial is apart from the real thing. Hey there! Believe it or not, I'm usually quite low on the dev porn - mostly because (while there's some videos for that kind of thing) those videos are usually done by people I find unattractive (unattractive / not my type young males, or old men or females...meh?), so it doesn't do much for me that way. I do watch them to get a more accurate idea of all things illnesses, once I'm familiar with the technical ins and outs there isn't usually a big reason for me to return to it. I just haven't found a total hottie I'd love watching, mostly because I'm seriously picky with how I want my men to look, too - so watching it to pad the imagination is usually the only thing. I do regularly pore over disability related youtube content though, just that I don't have regular material. (This guy with limb-girdle MD is actually quite hot, and I really enjoy watching his vids, for instance) no luck on the chronic illnesses front thusfar. That being said, I do illustration (just recently got back into it again because I've got far more time now than I did previously) so when there's an idea I find super hot, I'll just illustrate it and look at my own pictures. (Sounds lame, but that's part of why I continued drawing throughout the years! That and my love for manga.) What kind of illustrations do you do? Will you give us an idea of what it is you find devy enough to illustrate? Believe me, it's a major turn on drawing out what you find attractive!
|
|
1nfused
New Member
Posts: 31
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
|
Post by 1nfused on Feb 1, 2015 18:36:44 GMT -5
Hey there! Believe it or not, I'm usually quite low on the dev porn - mostly because (while there's some videos for that kind of thing) those videos are usually done by people I find unattractive (unattractive / not my type young males, or old men or females...meh?), so it doesn't do much for me that way. I do watch them to get a more accurate idea of all things illnesses, once I'm familiar with the technical ins and outs there isn't usually a big reason for me to return to it. I just haven't found a total hottie I'd love watching, mostly because I'm seriously picky with how I want my men to look, too - so watching it to pad the imagination is usually the only thing. I do regularly pore over disability related youtube content though, just that I don't have regular material. (This guy with limb-girdle MD is actually quite hot, and I really enjoy watching his vids, for instance) no luck on the chronic illnesses front thusfar. That being said, I do illustration (just recently got back into it again because I've got far more time now than I did previously) so when there's an idea I find super hot, I'll just illustrate it and look at my own pictures. (Sounds lame, but that's part of why I continued drawing throughout the years! That and my love for manga.) What kind of illustrations do you do? Will you give us an idea of what it is you find devy enough to illustrate? Believe me, it's a major turn on drawing out what you find attractive! Mostly manga type stuff nowadays. The only dev related thing I've done recently is Jim Knipfel, mostly because I've always kind of wanted to draw him since reading Slackjaw. Here's the one I did of him. Not as great as it could be due to a slip-up mid pic, but hey - as long as I learn from it I don't generally care if I goof stuff up on a single picture. postimg.org/image/eh259pdix/full/Not devvy, but another recent quicky. postimg.org/image/7g30eedln/I'm planning to do more devy stuff in the future, though recently I usually pick different things to draw. If you have anything you'd liked drawn, feel free to let me know exactly what. I enjoy drawing for others, and practice is practice.
|
|
1nfused
New Member
Posts: 31
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
|
Post by 1nfused on Feb 6, 2015 22:55:44 GMT -5
To start with and off topic, great drawings - love your style. Airbrushing? Now, back to topic... This has really made me examine my dev boundaries (yet again), because I didn't think I was a dev of any type of illness, but now...I'm not so sure. Way back when, in my mid-twenties, I went out with, then got engaged to, a diabetic guy. The diabetes definitely wasn't what attracted me to him, as I had no idea he was diabetic for a while, but as our relationship grew it was definitely a factor in what kept me attracted to him. He was insulin dependant and had been for about 20 years, during which time he rarely managed his illness well. The result of this was that he was like a walking textbook of diabetes related illnesses. He had retinopathy, neuropathy, kidney problems, erectile dysfunction, depression, poor circulation in his legs, ulcers from time to time, stomach problems, cramps in his legs etc., Day to day the main issues were him being regularly hyperglycaemic, followed by mad hypo's. Anyway, my point is that although I didn't find this sexy, I found it fascinating. I loved to watch him inject ( I love needles) and wanted to know the ins and outs of how diabetes affected him. In the end we split up due in part to his depression. He died from kidney failure about a year later. Mid thirties. Did I exhibit dev traits tpwards him? IDK...? Thanks for your input, inkdevil. And thanks, appreciated. I draw in photoshop, sometimes I use Paint Tool SAI (-those are two of the staples of digital artists.) Interesting observations. First off, I'm very sorry for your loss. Hard call, I think devness is generally a broad phenomenon with a lot of grey area, it can sometimes be very hard to tell what constitutes it and sometimes we get confused over to what degree we're even practicing it, especially within the framework of a relationship. Devs can sometimes stop caring about the disability entirely after a while, non-devs can sometimes start enjoying disabilities in their partners despite not being into disability explicitly (part of appreciating the "entire person" in a relationship?) Hard to tell if enjoying an attribute in a loved one constitutes "true" devness, there'd need to be a certain set of objective criteria in order to establish something like that - and those don't really exist. Is it devness only when it constitutes sexual arousal? Or does a milder form of enjoyment count, too? Interest? Enjoyment only in people we love? Or the opposite, enjoyment until love is established? I suppose the best any of us can do here is to decide for ourselves. I've never been a fan of strict classifications anyway, mostly because it always leaves quite a few people in limbo. Long way of saying I don't have an answer for you, eh?
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2015 10:14:36 GMT -5
I hadn't read this post, intentionally, because it's a personal "can of worms" I was trying to keep a lid on for a bit, but I'm glad I gave in to temptation! What a wonderful, in depth post. I wasn't expecting that!
I suppose this is me also raising my hand on this one. As a kid, my first fan-fiction exploits involved Raistlin from the Dragonlance novels. He just absolutely took my breath away. Sarcastic prat, yes, but the chronic cough and weakness that he had to manage just did it for me. If I examined those paperbacks today, I'm sure they'd open right to every single scene where he had an attack and someone had to grudgingly take care of him. After that, my original stories generally dealt with epilepsy or illness. It wasn't until later that I started writing about wheelers.
I'm not so much attached to the hardware... but the moments of vulnerability and the sometimes secret knowledge of just exactly what's going on inside someone's body, while the rest of the world may be totally unaware, have a crazy sort of appeal.
Case in point (and probably why I avoided this thread because I try to tame the devothrill in this situation), one of my very, very dearest friends has a chronic, ultimately terminal, illness that he doesn't tell too many people about. It took him a while to tell me, but when he did, he told me every thing in very great detail.
The only way I can really describe the feeling is being in a sort of intimate bubble with him, where the rest of the world either doesn't know, or doesn't understand, what's happening. There I am, though, watching every move, appreciating how far he can push himself, and all the while taking care of him in the little ways I can. The vulnerability and subsequent trust are some pretty darn powerful things, I think.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2015 18:06:09 GMT -5
You really hit the nail on the head. I was trying for that, but didn't get it across nearly as eloquently.
I don't eat up medical lit quite as much as I did when I was younger, but I'm still a sponge. I want to know!
|
|
1nfused
New Member
Posts: 31
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
|
Post by 1nfused on Feb 12, 2015 3:13:25 GMT -5
I hadn't read this post, intentionally, because it's a personal "can of worms" I was trying to keep a lid on for a bit, but I'm glad I gave in to temptation! What a wonderful, in depth post. I wasn't expecting that! I suppose this is me also raising my hand on this one. As a kid, my first fan-fiction exploits involved Raistlin from the Dragonlance novels. He just absolutely took my breath away. Sarcastic prat, yes, but the chronic cough and weakness that he had to manage just did it for me. If I examined those paperbacks today, I'm sure they'd open right to every single scene where he had an attack and someone had to grudgingly take care of him. After that, my original stories generally dealt with epilepsy or illness. It wasn't until later that I started writing about wheelers. I'm not so much attached to the hardware... but the moments of vulnerability and the sometimes secret knowledge of just exactly what's going on inside someone's body, while the rest of the world may be totally unaware, have a crazy sort of appeal. Case in point (and probably why I avoided this thread because I try to tame the devothrill in this situation), one of my very, very dearest friends has a chronic, ultimately terminal, illness that he doesn't tell too many people about. It took him a while to tell me, but when he did, he told me every thing in very great detail. The only way I can really describe the feeling is being in a sort of intimate bubble with him, where the rest of the world either doesn't know, or doesn't understand, what's happening. There I am, though, watching every move, appreciating how far he can push himself, and all the while taking care of him in the little ways I can. The vulnerability and subsequent trust are some pretty darn powerful things, I think. Hey Shanzi! Sorry for the belated reply, I haven't had much time to browse in the past few days so only saw this now. I appreciate you posting and thanks for the feedback I suppose every now and then the private nature of the things discussed here kind of hits us like a sack of bricks - a lurker may well think writing as openly as people on this board do takes no effort whatsoever, this is definitely not always the case, as you've thankfully pointed out! I'm cool with sharing pretty much everything nowadays, but back in the day I'd have been very, very nervous to retell my own thoughts, feelings and experiences. I'd share up to a certain level, but I felt like telling someone else in any kind of depth would somehow make the experience less personal, less special or even ultimately less arousing. The Dragonlance novels ring a bell. (There was a time I'd plough through anything fantasy, so that's why I think I've heard the name.) Do you know TV Tropes? I might have seen a reference to that character (because he rings a bell, too) in some listing. (TVTropes has an exhaustive list of TV shows, movies and books which have disabled characters, I use it as a reference sometimes to find new stuff. I'll have to look into that series some more, now! But most importantly, it's very cool to hear from someone else who's experienced being turned on (or at least fascinated) by a chronic illness. What you said definitely rings a bell. I never read a book about a character with epilepsy, but I remember being very big on it for a while in my teenage years too - I used to write quite a few stories featuring epileptic guys. But what you wrote about the appeal definitely resonates. I'm also very sorry to hear that about your friend (I too have had a friend die of a terminal illness, but she was female), but I get what you're saying. This idea of certain people having a more detailed knowledge of someone's health is definitely arousing because of the high level of intimacy involved and, well, a kind of better vantage point on the entire thing I suppose. This aware of personal vulnerabilities thing seems to be something all of us have in common, which upon further reflection I think is quite natural. After all, it's one of the surefire signs that one is "in someone else's inner circle" which is an integral part of meaningful bonding, so I could see why it has such great appeal for us. And, I would think, is yet another bit of proof for the fact that being a dev is far, far more than a superficial fetish, it's too holistic an appreciation. May I ask when you got into guys in chairs, and do you have other disability preferences anymore, nowadays?
|
|
1nfused
New Member
Posts: 31
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
|
Post by 1nfused on Feb 12, 2015 3:20:20 GMT -5
why my dev interest is never satisfied. I always want to know more and I want to share an intimacy that others don't have and to learn about SCI through that intimacy. I know the post wasn't meant for me, but what the who - this is interesting! Could you elaborate on the always wanting to know more bit? I find it interesting how you implied that your dev interest is very much tied up in asking questions. So, when all is answered, does that leave you hollow and yearning for more inside a bit? I felt when I was dating people with an illness that I was satisfied knowing it was there, I didn't even have to mention it too much and just kind of enjoyed whatever would unfold by chance. I felt that if I ever pushed to know more it would "disturb" the natural course of events (the inital only referencing it, then the gradual opening up of his own accord. Obviously there would be a time of questions, but thereafter, they would happen sporadically and both of us would just kind of "know".) After everything had been said I continued to be just as satisfied. Even though - as mentioned in my previous post - I do find this idea of sharing details of the disability arousing, the vast majority of my enthusiasm comes from the thought that "it's simply there, and ___ is what this person has to do daily." That is literally all there is after a certain level.
|
|
1nfused
New Member
Posts: 31
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
|
Post by 1nfused on Feb 12, 2015 9:03:30 GMT -5
I think 1nfused, the fact that I can never really know what having an SCI/serious illness feels like, or understand fully how it impacts on your everyday life, or how it changes you as a person, or how it changes how others interact with you, means that I never will have my dev quest for the answers fully satisfied. There will ALWAYS be something I don't know. What I want is to be able to see the world through the eyes of the person I want to be with, so that I can...idk, be there for them? empathise with their situation? form the bond that I want to form with them? That's why, although I am a shameless tart who thinks nothing of dropping sexual innuendos into every sentence, it's actually the connection with DA person I crave. The sex is a sideline, an important sideline, but not the main event. Ok! Thank you for clarifying that. Can I ask if not knowing or understanding certain things about the person you love makes you nervous / itchy / feel incomplete or prone to asking, too? (I mean outside of your devness.) Just wondering if that's part of who you are in romantic relationships over-all, or if it's limited to your devness I'm asking because I think the way we "dev" has a lot to do with the way we usually roll relationship-wise, represents what we need. I guess needing a lot of intimacy and needing deep bonding IRL and having a strong desire for empathic behaviour would lead to fantasies which highlight the process of bonding and intimacy, and dev desires which eclipse around that idea. As for me, I've never really felt this desire to "fuse" with the person I like emotionally. I don't mean emotional distance (not at all), but this desire for "ultra close" just isn't really there for me. Maybe that's why I usually end up prioritizing other elements of devness, perhaps more superficial or just plain different areas of it. I research disabilities almost exclusively because the thought of the actual illness arouses me, almost like it's a seperate entity, not so much because of the idea that it will bring me closer to understanding the person I love, in my case that's an interpretation I've never entertained, nor cared to entertain. Perhaps I'm a more superficial dev for it, I just don't need emotional closeness as much so it doesn't find its way into my devness too much, either.
|
|