Chronic illness devoteeism! (Very long post ahead by a new member)
Jan 29, 2015 15:09:30 GMT -5
Gale likes this
Post by 1nfused on Jan 29, 2015 15:09:30 GMT -5
So, this isn't my first post after all (another thread tempted me before I got around to writing this!)
First and foremost, let me greet you all with a hearty hello! I'll start off by introducing myself a little.
I've only recently signed up here and do intend to remain somewhat active over the longer term. Even though I'm "only" 27, me and devoteeism online go way back (I even distinctly remember submitting a story to this very place Paradevo at the age of 16, but being cut off - a gesture I respect to this day - in discussion with the webmaster when I mentioned my age. I haven't bothered to check if my shambolic effort of over a decade ago "round, orange passion" is still anywhere to be found on this website, and I sincerely hope it isn't!) Why was a disease devotee writing about wheelchairs? Populism.
I sensed you guys were my kind and strove to gain some rep, at the time this place was all about wheelchairs though so I never thought to submit a disability-related story of any other kind.
I've been a happy "quiet" devotee for over a decade now. The bulk of my actual involvement in similar online communities happened around the ages of 16-17, which is also when I created a website devoted entirely to chronic disease devoteeism - my main 'area of interest' - a site which is long since gone and was wiped from the face of the earth when Geocities came down.) - I've been AWOL ever since and enjoying my devoteeism in private over the past ten years.
Enough about my bio though, on to the actual meat of my post - the devoteeism! Let me start by saying that back in the day I was the only one I knew who is (at the time, exclusively) a chronic disease devotee. (My tastes have expanded a little since then to encompass visual disorders - not really total blindness though - , eyepatches, balance problems, even severe dyslexia.) I remember DevLinks describing my site as being written "by a different kind of devotee" - I was all about Diabetes, Hemophilia, Addison's Disease, Epilepsy and similar conditions (To this day my heart remains with many of the so-called "invisible disabilities"). Especially diabetes though - it was and still is pretty much the epitome of my "perfect" disability.
I don't think I've ever written down - let alone publicly shared - what exactly makes these things hot for me, but I've decided to do it now, mostly to shed some light into the thought processes behind it (I mean, I don't blame the bulk of you for thinking "the eff's so hot about diabetes?" And maybe, if I'm somewhat successful, shed some light on the essence of devoteeisim in the process (is my hubris showing?). Also to all the lurkers and the stumblers out there who may share the preference but feel quite alone in being so centered around it.
*tl:dr*: -(start reading here, ye of short attention spans!)- Chronic diseases are hot! Why? Read on!
At first glance, those conditions listed (Diabetes, Hemophilia, Addisons Disease, Epilepsy) may appear to be an assemblage of seemingly arbitrary diseases. In my mind there's definitely some method to it though. Bullet point list ahoy!
• First and foremost, the more a disease or condition necessitates those around the diseased to look out for his / her wellbeing, the hotter I generally find it. Not nursed, not pampered, not even necessarily touched with kid gloves, just this idea that those in the know would be conscious of certain things around a person with a chronic condition (especially because of the potentially life-threatening nature of the illness), that they wouldn't around others, (even others with disabilities e.g. amputees), turns me on a lot. I enjoy the idea of the man being kept an extra eye on by those who know him in a way I - a non-diseased person - would not be looked after. Something about this is majorly sexy and even makes me slightly envious. (In a good way of course.)
• All these disabilities aren't immediately visible, affording the sufferer some agency in when to tell people about them. This is hot because it really feeds my imagination as to the thought processes a sufferer may have when he decides who / when to tell, and why, and how he may approach this. Something about the thought of a guy telling me (or some imaginary persona in my fantasies) "see, I need to do __ on a daily basis to survive" after some deliberate thought revolving around if / how to tell turns me on immensely.
• All these diseases (with the possible exception of epilepsy, but more on that later) require medicine and medical utensils used to administer said medicine to be carried on the person at all times, creating an extra dependency & liability and result in a life lived with a higher focus on the illness, vs. a non life-threatening disability like being an amputee, which can generally be forgotten about and doesn't generally require a lot of nursing oneself.
• Some of these diseases result in physical incapability of engaging in certain activities, I find the idea of physical incapability hot, especially when paired with intellectual capability. Something about this combination is massively sexy. It may be a similar trope to the idea of a vampire. Young, hot, immortal (envy, envy, envy) BUT (lest we get too envious) - allergic to the sun and bound to living by night, hence socially and physically disabled (now us not-so-hot, not-so-young and not-so-immortal people feel better of ourselves again. Because hey, at least we get to enjoy days out at the beach and stuff! /nondevothink) I think this combination of weakness and strength does it for quite a lot of people, regardless of what form it takes.
• (Obvious.com coming up) Physical limitations sometimes require not only an eye out for the person, but also require those around them to help the diseased accomplish tasks they wouldn't be able to do by themselves. This idea of a man needing to be helped on a regular basis (both by me and by others) is super hot for me.
• (Trigger warning, I guess) the idea of physical suffering in the case of missed medications arouses me too.
• I have a bit of a side-fetish for medical equipment going on. syringes, the actual medication itself (especially where this needs to be injected such is the case with diabetes and clotting factor deficiency, but diabetes is hotter, because the act of injection occurs far more often than it does in hemophilia patients, for example.) The idea of learning how to handle those tools in order to help the person should the need arise is totally hot.
• (not really devo related) I have a weakness for thin, vulnerable and slightly effeminate guys, too. The idea of a man like that having a chronic illness just sort of "rounds off" the picture for me. (I'm not big on machismo and muscles, in fact, there's no better way to get me to run!)
I'm satisfied that these points cover the vast bulk of why I find certain chronic illnesses massively hot. Conversely, there's a lot of disabilities I don't find quite as hot because they don't check enough of these boxes. As for my "side disabilities" such a wearing an eye patch and the likes, those are generally massive outliers and while I may enjoy the thought from time to time, it's not a huge thing for me.
Alright, I'll wrap it up here and thank you guys for maintaining a place on the web which allows people like me to share these things without being demeaned, called a crazy freak or otherwise insulted. It felt good sharing this, and I'm looking forward to all of your thoughts! Of course, if you're into any of these diseases yourself, post! Let's share (and possibly expand on my list!) What makes them attractive for you?
Cheers!
First and foremost, let me greet you all with a hearty hello! I'll start off by introducing myself a little.
I've only recently signed up here and do intend to remain somewhat active over the longer term. Even though I'm "only" 27, me and devoteeism online go way back (I even distinctly remember submitting a story to this very place Paradevo at the age of 16, but being cut off - a gesture I respect to this day - in discussion with the webmaster when I mentioned my age. I haven't bothered to check if my shambolic effort of over a decade ago "round, orange passion" is still anywhere to be found on this website, and I sincerely hope it isn't!) Why was a disease devotee writing about wheelchairs? Populism.
I sensed you guys were my kind and strove to gain some rep, at the time this place was all about wheelchairs though so I never thought to submit a disability-related story of any other kind.I've been a happy "quiet" devotee for over a decade now. The bulk of my actual involvement in similar online communities happened around the ages of 16-17, which is also when I created a website devoted entirely to chronic disease devoteeism - my main 'area of interest' - a site which is long since gone and was wiped from the face of the earth when Geocities came down.) - I've been AWOL ever since and enjoying my devoteeism in private over the past ten years.
Enough about my bio though, on to the actual meat of my post - the devoteeism! Let me start by saying that back in the day I was the only one I knew who is (at the time, exclusively) a chronic disease devotee. (My tastes have expanded a little since then to encompass visual disorders - not really total blindness though - , eyepatches, balance problems, even severe dyslexia.) I remember DevLinks describing my site as being written "by a different kind of devotee" - I was all about Diabetes, Hemophilia, Addison's Disease, Epilepsy and similar conditions (To this day my heart remains with many of the so-called "invisible disabilities"). Especially diabetes though - it was and still is pretty much the epitome of my "perfect" disability.
I don't think I've ever written down - let alone publicly shared - what exactly makes these things hot for me, but I've decided to do it now, mostly to shed some light into the thought processes behind it (I mean, I don't blame the bulk of you for thinking "the eff's so hot about diabetes?" And maybe, if I'm somewhat successful, shed some light on the essence of devoteeisim in the process (is my hubris showing?
). Also to all the lurkers and the stumblers out there who may share the preference but feel quite alone in being so centered around it.*tl:dr*: -(start reading here, ye of short attention spans!)- Chronic diseases are hot! Why? Read on!
At first glance, those conditions listed (Diabetes, Hemophilia, Addisons Disease, Epilepsy) may appear to be an assemblage of seemingly arbitrary diseases. In my mind there's definitely some method to it though. Bullet point list ahoy!
• First and foremost, the more a disease or condition necessitates those around the diseased to look out for his / her wellbeing, the hotter I generally find it. Not nursed, not pampered, not even necessarily touched with kid gloves, just this idea that those in the know would be conscious of certain things around a person with a chronic condition (especially because of the potentially life-threatening nature of the illness), that they wouldn't around others, (even others with disabilities e.g. amputees), turns me on a lot. I enjoy the idea of the man being kept an extra eye on by those who know him in a way I - a non-diseased person - would not be looked after. Something about this is majorly sexy and even makes me slightly envious. (In a good way of course.)
• All these disabilities aren't immediately visible, affording the sufferer some agency in when to tell people about them. This is hot because it really feeds my imagination as to the thought processes a sufferer may have when he decides who / when to tell, and why, and how he may approach this. Something about the thought of a guy telling me (or some imaginary persona in my fantasies) "see, I need to do __ on a daily basis to survive" after some deliberate thought revolving around if / how to tell turns me on immensely.
• All these diseases (with the possible exception of epilepsy, but more on that later) require medicine and medical utensils used to administer said medicine to be carried on the person at all times, creating an extra dependency & liability and result in a life lived with a higher focus on the illness, vs. a non life-threatening disability like being an amputee, which can generally be forgotten about and doesn't generally require a lot of nursing oneself.
• Some of these diseases result in physical incapability of engaging in certain activities, I find the idea of physical incapability hot, especially when paired with intellectual capability. Something about this combination is massively sexy. It may be a similar trope to the idea of a vampire. Young, hot, immortal (envy, envy, envy) BUT (lest we get too envious) - allergic to the sun and bound to living by night, hence socially and physically disabled (now us not-so-hot, not-so-young and not-so-immortal people feel better of ourselves again. Because hey, at least we get to enjoy days out at the beach and stuff! /nondevothink) I think this combination of weakness and strength does it for quite a lot of people, regardless of what form it takes.
• (Obvious.com coming up) Physical limitations sometimes require not only an eye out for the person, but also require those around them to help the diseased accomplish tasks they wouldn't be able to do by themselves. This idea of a man needing to be helped on a regular basis (both by me and by others) is super hot for me.
• (Trigger warning, I guess) the idea of physical suffering in the case of missed medications arouses me too.
• I have a bit of a side-fetish for medical equipment going on. syringes, the actual medication itself (especially where this needs to be injected such is the case with diabetes and clotting factor deficiency, but diabetes is hotter, because the act of injection occurs far more often than it does in hemophilia patients, for example.) The idea of learning how to handle those tools in order to help the person should the need arise is totally hot.
• (not really devo related) I have a weakness for thin, vulnerable and slightly effeminate guys, too. The idea of a man like that having a chronic illness just sort of "rounds off" the picture for me. (I'm not big on machismo and muscles, in fact, there's no better way to get me to run!)
I'm satisfied that these points cover the vast bulk of why I find certain chronic illnesses massively hot. Conversely, there's a lot of disabilities I don't find quite as hot because they don't check enough of these boxes. As for my "side disabilities" such a wearing an eye patch and the likes, those are generally massive outliers and while I may enjoy the thought from time to time, it's not a huge thing for me.
Alright, I'll wrap it up here and thank you guys for maintaining a place on the web which allows people like me to share these things without being demeaned, called a crazy freak or otherwise insulted. It felt good sharing this, and I'm looking forward to all of your thoughts! Of course, if you're into any of these diseases yourself, post! Let's share (and possibly expand on my list!) What makes them attractive for you?
Cheers!
a close friend of mine (not a dev) died of her ALS half a day after having written me such a sweet long email with her typing stick, it still kind of shakes me up. I personally have no problem at all with the idea of death, my speculation (and I will repeat here that this is total speculation!) about people who like terminal illnesses is that it may be rooted with some kind of death experience in childhood that was - somehow - related to a positive association. (Jealousy over the attention the terminally ill / dead person got? A death, closely followed by a happy incident?) In childhood, associations like that are easily conflated - that can easily spin into terminal illness devoteeism. (I studied psychology, so a psychological explanation is the best I can offer here.) I must stress again that I really do not know.
