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Post by Emma on Aug 1, 2016 1:30:05 GMT -5
Thats a great question TC, I'm interested too elyse.
I have never been good at fantasizing or writing fiction and consequently also have never been good at disabling my AB boyfriends. I dated three AB guys while in the midst of discovering my devness. It wasn't uncommon for me to wonder what it would be like if they acquired a disability I like. When I though of disabilities I liked at the time, I was never able to imagine them living with that type of disability. I think the reality is no one can really imagine themselves with a significant disability (unless they have BIID) and I'm the same way, I can't imagine a disability for someone. Its so hard to understand how they will react. My husband talks about how when one of the guys in his platoon lost a leg and at the time he thought it was the worst thing to happen to the guy. He really thought it was like the end of the guys life. Then bam, he looses both his legs and although its tough he eventually gets through it. A significant disability like that is't something to can plan for or know how you will react. Some can handle it with grace, others struggle and them get through it and then some don't ever recover. You can't imagine how you will react and certainly can't imagine how a significant other, friend or even yourself will deal till you are living it.
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elyse
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
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Post by elyse on Aug 1, 2016 5:33:45 GMT -5
That's interesting tho, elyse - do you not need to fantastize about pwds at all because youre sexually attracted enough by your husband? I have found a lot of devs in AB and pwd relationships still need to fantasize about a pwd, even if their partner is sexy and everything else you need Irl. Sometimes we still need a little more when it comes to the purely sexual side. Or do you just not need to make him disabled, but do still need pwds in fantasy? The easy answer is no... I don't need my dev-side to be there in particular. There's a lot of different things that turn me on, I guess? Maybe I'm just a lesser dev... it's a very strong interest (maybe even obsession), but not purely sexual. Like I said, I've thought about my husband being PWD occasionally, but in general I don't really fantasize about it. And again, he wouldn't handle it very well so knowing that it makes it less sexy.
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Post by dannyboy95 on Aug 1, 2016 13:17:33 GMT -5
This is basically for devs who are in a relationship with an AB but the devs who now have the chance of being with a PWD can also think back and answer too, of course. What if your actual AB BF became a permanent WC user for whatever reason (SCI, amputee, etc.)? Do you think you would be as turned on as you are in your fantasies? I’m asking this because, although I have always fantasized about my BFs being in a WC at the very beginning of our relationship (all of them) and I’m a hardcore dev, I know that it wouldn’t have worked for me with some of them after being together for a while. What do you think? This is of course purely hypothetical, because I can not say definitely what I would feel in such an extreme situation. But I guess I'd acompany him during his recovery and help him cope with it. And after some years when everything has become normal I would maybe bring my dev-ness into it. But I definitely NOT wish for my little darling to get hurt in any way .
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Post by Melina26 on Aug 1, 2016 17:28:22 GMT -5
I'd be totally turned on!! It was once part of my fantasy that id get an ab boyfriend and then he had an accident (is this awful???), specially cause I thought the odds of me finding my c4 unicorn were zero...so, an accident would do fine. I think I'd love to witness the whole process, and it makes me sad that I missed out on my bf accident and recovery.
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Post by newjess on Aug 1, 2016 20:56:59 GMT -5
Wow.. this is a great topic with many thought provoking responses. I definitely would fantasize about some of the AB guys I dated as being disabled when I would FIRST start dating them. But once things got more serious, my mind just wouldn't go there, or it felt odd to think about. I could still fantasize about a sexy wheeler, but it wouldn't be the AB boyfriend, and usually it wouldn't even be anyone in particular. Just some imagined person lol (who actually exists now! Never thought that would happen). I agree with @tc123 it's very cool to hear about how other devs "dev"
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Post by feelsunshine on Nov 3, 2019 10:46:15 GMT -5
So, me again who feels the urge to dig out a very old thread on my path of finding answers.
Today it came to my mind, let's say I was together with an AB guy, if I would be a bad person if I fantasized about him being in a WC. I already found some answers here, but I'd definitely love to hear the opinion of those who have not answered in this thread yet. Of course the ones who did are also welcome, maybe someone changed their mind in the past years? Well, at least I learned from this thread that I don't have to feel guilty as most of the devs had this phantasy before.
And to answer the original post: If my AB boyfriend happened to have an accident, I'd be more than willing to try to work it out. But I can definitely see that an accident like this might change the person a lot. And that reminds me of some PWDs that mentioned that they had broken up with girlfriends before because they wanted them to have a better life without having to be there for a PWD. But still, if I loved that guy before the accident and then I'd want to be together with him and try to somehow work it out. Amen.
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Post by pam on Nov 3, 2019 11:38:02 GMT -5
I dont normally imagine an AB as being disabled. Sometimes I do make up an imaginary person and make them a PWD. I used to so this alot with actors, not so much since I'm older.
I would not leave my husband if he became disabled. But it would not be devy and I would not be excited or anything. After 25 years with him, there's not much excitement left. And I married him more for his personality than his looks anyway. Looking at him is not like looking at a cute PWD😁😁 Maybe I'm in a midlife crisis🙄
I very rarely see an AB guy and picture him disabled, though I cant really say it NEVER happens.
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What if?
Nov 3, 2019 13:27:01 GMT -5
via mobile
pam likes this
Post by feelsunshine on Nov 3, 2019 13:27:01 GMT -5
pam sorry to hear that about your marriage. I’ve never been there, and never been with a person for that amount of time but I think I can understand how it feels like if the spices might been gone. Do you think he feels the same way?
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Nov 3, 2019 16:11:46 GMT -5
I fantasize about wheelers who are sexy to me while being intimate. When I think about it...I always have 😳. I have never fantasized about an AB person I know becoming disabled-in fact, the thought of doing that makes me feel uncomfortable. And like pam said that if it happened to my husband-I would not find it devvy. However, thinking about it, there once was a time when he had an injury that sent me on a dev high but it was just an arm in a sling. Also, once he had a minor medical procedure and they brought him out in a wheelchair (granted not a cool one) but I could hardly look at him-too freaky for me. Weird huh? This dev head 🤔.
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Post by kyliestarz on Nov 3, 2019 16:48:50 GMT -5
I don’t ever fantasize about my LT SO being disabled, and when I think about how I’d feel if it happened, I basically get zero dev feelings. It’s just blank. But then later that night...YouTube.com. It’s weird and impossible for me to explain so I generally avoid thinking about it...but thinking about it a little now, if it did happen, I’d imagine my dev feelings would slowly come out. But then again, I know nothing about the realities of disability and how I’d feel. Our current relationship is good, we’re in our mid 30s with a 2 year old girl. All those emotions are completely siloed and separate from my devness.
As an aside, Like A few others, I also don’t ever fantasize about an any particular ABs becoming a PD. Just doesn’t do it for me at all.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2019 16:54:10 GMT -5
Im now with my pwd partner but when i was married to an AB man i had fantasies about being with a disabled man. But i didnt ever imagine my husband as disabled.
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Post by Manda2212 on Nov 3, 2019 17:02:20 GMT -5
I have never fantasized about my husband becoming a PWD, but I did recently have a weird dream about him becoming a DBK amputee, which isn't even my first preference for PWD dudes, weird, huh? It was a sexy ass dream though.
I think if my husband did become a PWD, I would probably find it devvy but I would never WISH for it to happen, if that makes sense.
When he got glasses it turned me on a lot. Hey, I'm hard-up, okay? Lol
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Post by pam on Nov 3, 2019 18:29:33 GMT -5
pam sorry to hear that about your marriage. I’ve never been there, and never been with a person for that amount of time but I think I can understand how it feels like if the spices might been gone. Do you think he feels the same way? No, I think he is happy as things are. If he is not, he surely never shows it. He seems to be content. It's just me, I suppose, not being completely satisfied. But life is not perfect, I cant expect everything to be great.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2019 21:29:03 GMT -5
Nothing wrong with resurrecting an interesting thread. I read over my previous reply and I still feel the same way. I talk about this with my husband sometimes and he says he would hate it and then I kind of joke with him how it would be perfectly fine with me and he's like "yeah, but not with me"....we just talked about it the other night when we watched that HBO show. He also rides a motorcycle a lot and we have talked about it in the past if something would ever happen... The thing that somehow may actually be an issue is how my husband would possibly change or how he would become as a person. If he would be a bitter and angry paraplegic and hate his life, I don't know how that would actually turn out, it would probably backfire on me big time...no devyness in that. I do know though that no matter what, I would stick by him if he would let me and hopefully my view on disability and being a dev would be a plus if it came to that. I mean that not in a sexual way or by means of attraction but in a plainly factual way, in a way of knowing about disabilities and having a basic grasp on what all it entitles, the good and the bad...mostly only bad at first...maybe I would be cured of my devness real quick We basically have promised each other before that we would stick by each other in sickness, even if we wouldn't be a couple anymore. We have been married for 28 years. I have such an example of a friend who actually was about to divorce her husband and then he got injured in Afghanistan and is now mentally and physically disabled and needs 24/7 care. She is his full time caregiver. Another friend who was separated from her husband and then he was diagnosed with an aggressive form of Dementia and she took care of him until he was finally free and passed away recently. She was by his side until the end. The dynamics in these marriages have completely changed though to something very deep...
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Post by blueskye101 on Nov 4, 2019 3:06:31 GMT -5
Didn’t ever think about my ex as disabled but have to say to really get there, I did fantasize about pwd’s during or leading up to sex. Made me feel really guilty at the time or depressed sometimes.
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