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Post by strawberrybubblegum on May 5, 2016 3:45:49 GMT -5
I used to be secretive and get nervous, too. After I started dating my boyfriend that kind of went away and now I -do- look at them with "lustful eyes" on the rare occasion I meet a cute wheeler in the wild. I also look more explicitly at them and their devy parts. Sometimes I tell myself to not exaggerate, but not because I'm scared the wheeler will notice, but I think if people notice, they'll think I'm staring. I can't recall having managed to look a wheeler in the eye and smiled at them (as in a flirty smile) or sent them a flirtatious glance. But given the fact that I'd probably never see them again and I'm not looking for anything, I think I might do that some day.
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2016 3:46:05 GMT -5
@girl , I like your avatar. You are very sweet
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wheelsEsq
Junior Member
creative thinking can always outweigh physical prowess
Posts: 66
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by wheelsEsq on May 5, 2016 4:12:12 GMT -5
Since seeing the BBC3 documentary which lead me here I have tried dev spotting. No secret winks(morse code blink) or smiles yet!. The thought of attraction towards my disability was strangely confusing having seen the negative change in mood when my attraction to them was revealed to said AB girls in my teen years. Which lead me to never tell the first friend I properly and feelings for. Maybe PD should have some form of secret handshake for members IRL
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2016 4:49:01 GMT -5
Which brings us back to hartmannwrites story : I am devotee And the necklace she was wearing. Can we think of something similar? And btw..that "supposed" wink? I can never ever ever EVER do that. So wheelsEsq you may have to wait a long time for it
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wheelsEsq
Junior Member
creative thinking can always outweigh physical prowess
Posts: 66
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by wheelsEsq on May 5, 2016 4:58:30 GMT -5
@sweetangel - we could use eye scanning tech on your profile pic
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Post by freya on May 5, 2016 5:48:13 GMT -5
Everything Dani said is accurate for me... We have long distance radar for you guys... like often a stroller or bike will catch my eye and i turn to look but its a stroller or bike... imagine my disappointment. Anyways because of our long range radar there's usually a great distance between us(me) and the wheeler in our line of sight. I at least try to keep some... make it less obvious when i am taking long drinks with my eyes... we're talking 20-40 feet of space if not more... the closer in proximity i get to said person the more nervous i become... eyes always downcast and an inner dialog of "Don't be obvious" I have casually walked around in circles at stores and things to keep getting looks in. One time recently a guy came over to my table at a restaurant to tell me how cute my kid was and i was having an inner panic attack... Be cool be nice he's just a person compliment his star wars shirt kind of inner monologue... I think i hope it would be rare a PWD would notice me and wonder if i'm a dev .... I don't want to be noticed so i try very dilligently not to be by keeping distance etc... AND I hope this confession doesn't sound too creepy or stalker-esque... I really love this post, Experimentalist, and you write so eloquently! I think devs have a lot of shame about our "particular tastes" and how they'd be received, so it's nice to think of devs as special, instead... Like some special unicorn hidden amongst the horses, just waiting to be found. lol We are so rare, it seems. Thank God for places like PD where we can come together. Harmonniousvision and Dani pretty much summed it up. There's that moment of realization, when you see a cute guy in a wheelchair (anyone in a wheelchair, actually, but when you see a cute one, holy Moses...) and a flash of exhilaration and anxiety. Then comes the "helicoptering" where, say you're in a grocery store, you make all sorts of detours and circles you wouldn't have made, just to catch a few more glimpses. I'm always sure not to be obvious, which I guess is why the unicorns are so hard to find. It can sound creepy and stalker-ish, but it's really not meant to be. I think we just don't want to be misunderstood and judged, especially by the object of our affections. That would KILL ME, if a cute PWD suddenly caught on and was accusing me of being a pervert or something. That's a dev's worst nightmare, I think. But, I guess, having been the object of many leers from countless men, it's a lot less worse than me having my arse stared at walking down the street, or being cat-called. I find guys in wheelchairs or with a prosthesis so attractive, and it's so rare to see that when you do see it, you have to savor the moment. A Story of Dev Overload: I went to see Nitro Circus' live show last spring, starring Travis Pastrana and his crew. It was actually my ex bf, the LAK amputee that got me into dirt bikes and skateboarding and all that cool, wild stuff. Well, I walk into the stadium and there are literally DOZENS of guys in wheelchairs... Dozens of cute, young, tattooed guys, in wheelchairs... I felt like I was in dev heaven! I didn't know which way to look! One of the guys who does stunts for Nitro Circus is a guy who goes by Wheelz. He has spina bifida and does CRAZY stunts in his wheelchair. So, even just that was amazing! I'm' telling you, if you're a dev, go to a Nitro Circus show, cuz wow. All these cute wheeler guys, Man... I wanted to saunter up to them and start a conversation hoping to hit it off with someone. But, their being in groups was even MORE intimidating. I guess that's how a shy guy feels going up to a group of good looking women in a bar...but like, x1000. I find everything about guys with disabilities so fascinating, and well, beautiful. I've thought long and hard about why. I think, for me, it's the duality of strength mixed with vulnerability. It's hard to explain such a esoteric concept. For instance, I loved the strength of my boyfriend's right leg, how the muscles flexed and flowed so gracefully in stark contrast with the chrome and rigid movements of his prosthetic; or the way a guy's back muscles bunch and then release when he wheels away from me, how those muscles have to grow stronger to adapt. I guess it symbolizes the inner emotional aspects: being vulnerable and "damaged" yet still strong, maybe even stronger than most in a lot of ways. Okay, I'm going of on a devy tangent now... That's what happens when I wake up in the middle of the night and post with brain-fog. But, in conclusion, devs are hard to spot, and we make sure it stays that way. Kind of sad, really. But, if you look reallllly closely, there might be a girl who casts you a lingering glance, or who is pondering her choice of peanut butter in your aisle way too long for any reasonable person, who has a rosy flush creeping up her neck and onto her cheeks. We're an elusive species, but yes, we're out there.
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wheelsEsq
Junior Member
creative thinking can always outweigh physical prowess
Posts: 66
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by wheelsEsq on May 5, 2016 6:01:37 GMT -5
We're an elusive species, but yes, we're out there. This made me think of The X Files with Mulder & Scully as some secret devs (esp gillian )
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2016 9:14:16 GMT -5
@sweetangel - we could use eye scanning tech on your profile pic Uh.oh!!
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Post by harmonniousvision on May 5, 2016 11:40:01 GMT -5
Ohh freya you said so many wonderful things too!!! AND I think you touched on an important one... Girls know what its like to be stared at cat called and made a spectacle in public... We don't like it...(by and large) Its not flattering more often than not its a little degrading. We know this so we wouldn't want to make anyone else feel that way so we wouldn't do it... Objectifying and catcalling our PWD boyfriend is one thing but a PWD stranger in public totally different! I also LOVED hartmannwrites 's "I am Devotee" story the other 2 posted on her site by Braced and DJ Elden are REALLY good as well... I'd love a necklace some day that just said "Dev" *sigh* even still i don't think it'd be easy for a guy to spot at great distance... AND we don't know how many of you know about us or how you think of us... So even if i'm wearing a dev necklace and i see a hunky wheeler i'm not necessarily gonna go dance in his lap cuz what if he hates devs? and he sees my necklace and chucks me on my a$$... Its not as straightforward as we'd like it to be...
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Post by Experimentalist on May 5, 2016 13:22:30 GMT -5
Hehe shy dev unicorns, ok I get it I've been out again today for a nice walk in the sun and of course I'm not really trying to spot devs on the street but I am enjoying this new perspective Sounds like we need to run a training camp for devs "How to relax and act natural around cute PWDs" and one for PWDs called "Getting to know the pink invisible unicorn". I'm sure others have alternative title suggestions ...
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Post by matisse on May 5, 2016 13:42:47 GMT -5
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Post by harmonniousvision on May 5, 2016 14:03:54 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2016 14:09:07 GMT -5
freya , well, I went to Nitro Circus a few years back and I didn't see anything in the hot wheeler department... Thinking about it again, my main concern about checking out a hot wheeler is really the fear that he doesn't know anything about devs and thinks I am just a weirdo. When I do see an "object of attraction" sometimes I find myself thinking how cool it would be to just tell them or ask them about devs...which I would of course never do because I am too shy. A universal dev sign and for the disabled guys a pro dev sign would be wonderful...
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Post by Clair deLune on May 5, 2016 14:24:35 GMT -5
Sounds like we need to run a training camp for devs "How to relax and act natural around cute PWDs" and one for PWDs called "Getting to know the pink invisible unicorn". I'm sure others have alternative title suggestions ... YES WE DO. Back in my earliest dev days, I thought the best approach when encountering an attractive guy was to pretend I barely noticed him but make sure he sees me doing something really cool so he'll come talk to me. That never worked. Not once. My logic, at the time, was that probably everyone else always stared at someone visibly disabled, so I wanted to be that one enlightened person who didn't stare. And was also super cool. I'm not sure why I didn't understand that "trying my best not to look" is just as noticeable as outright staring, and most likely just as bad. Or that while SOME people probably do stare, LOTS of people don't. These days I'm a little more comfortable giving more of a "hey there" look. I mean, why not, right? Looking is okay if it's actually checking someone out, right? But I'm married, so I don't want to look TOO much cause I'm not sure what I'd do if I got a "hey there" look back. Probably disappear as fast as possible and come write about it here on PD lol
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2016 14:33:13 GMT -5
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