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Post by freya on Jul 20, 2016 12:43:31 GMT -5
I just try to mess with them. But every now and then I get a truly shitty response. See screenshots I just died laughing... "It just sorta fell off"... OMG that's GREAT! But then it's like BAHAHAHAHAH...oh...ohhhhh no.
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Post by freya on Jul 20, 2016 12:48:39 GMT -5
I don't know how this question will be taken, but are there fake devs too? Like people who just want to screw with a cripple's mind and lead them along, when they have no interest in disability at all? (Don't kill me for asking.) That's tricky. Unlike physical disabilities, there's no way to "prove" attraction or internal identification. Getting naked or forming long-term, meaningful relationships are good indications that the lady is "for real" but even then, ya never know. Catfishing is real. I once heard of a disabled guy (not me, not a friend) who got catfished by a dude for a few years. As shitty as that is, it's a bit unimaginable. By month 5, the lack of webcam should be raising some questions. I've never been asked for proof, probably because my thin arms and unusual posture are pretty damn authentic. Skype feels like a devs first line of defense, especially now that webcams are so common. I'd stop talking to anyone who refused to skype after a reasonable amount of time. Yeah, see that gets annoying to me, being told I'm fake *ahem* fallinginreverse *cough cough* At first I'm like, well gee, I guess that means my pictures are hot enough that a 66 year old black guy would steal them to catfish someone... cool, I guess? Then after awhile, I'm like FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?!?! AGGGHHHHH! *bashes face into keyboard repeatedly* And actually, I HATE Skype. I refuse to Skype even with family members. And I hate talking on the phone. So, i get accused of catfishing a lot because of those two things. But they're just legit things I don't like to do (I hate my voice -_- ). I've made certain exceptions if I think it's worth it. I can see the need for caution. It's just irritating when you know you're REAL, which is why I wondered if it bothered the guys, too. <3 Tyrone the Catfish
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Post by dannyboy95 on Jul 20, 2016 13:05:55 GMT -5
I don't know how this question will be taken, but are there fake devs too? Like people who just want to screw with a cripple's mind and lead them along, when they have no interest in disability at all? (Don't kill me for asking.) Wowwww, good question! I never even thought of that! Well maybe a very sadistic personality. But I highly doubt it. I mean we did have a thread that went somewhat like "I am not sure if I am a Dev anymore". But prentending to be a Dev doesn't really make sense to me at all.
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Post by wheelsfordays on Jul 20, 2016 13:08:49 GMT -5
I'm just in it for that sweet parking pass... shh, don't tell anyone.
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Post by freya on Jul 20, 2016 13:30:51 GMT -5
I'm just in it for that sweet parking pass... shh, don't tell anyone. I'm just a dev so I can borrow the Cripple Card every now and then...I like good parking, and boarding planes before everyone else.
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Post by wheelsfordays on Jul 20, 2016 13:35:24 GMT -5
Ahh, the infamous card. It's gotten me out of so many things. It's like how George Carlin talked about getting out of stuff cause he's an old fuck. I get the nastiest looks from the old people who get there way earlier just to get on the plane first. This of course is after they get out of the chair to go get coffee.
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Post by dannyboy95 on Jul 20, 2016 13:48:36 GMT -5
Well there are two types of pretenders.
1. Those who pretend to have a disability in order to receive government benefits, etc.
2. Those who either get attention they're lacking or even are sexually stimulated by pretending to have a disability. It is actually a psychological condition known as BIID (Body integrity identity disorder). It is pretty much like Trans people having the feeling they're born into the wrong gendered body, BIID people feel like they should be in a disabled body. They will go so far as to actually hurt themselves or ask a doctor to surgically remove limps or sever the spinal cord nerves.
I personally did have some pretenders add me on Facebook and pretend to me that they were disabled. I mean mostly it is very easy to spot. Many do not go very far to be convincing.
Some dead giveaways are:
- Photos of several different PWDs in their profile - Photos just of wheelchair / crutches in the profile - Weird fake name - No personal information or life in their profile, no actual friends or family members connected or interacting with the profile - Messaging you first and immediately getting to the point - Asking weird and personal questions and motivating you to ask about their disability - Lack of consistency in the way they describe their disability and the way it affects them - Lack of consistency considering how they obtained the disability - Refusal to show pictures or video chat - Pictures to specifically lure Devotees like photos of nude or socked legs on wheelchairs. Photos of just the lower body in the wheelchair, etc.
If they have pictures:
- Totally unfit and un-ergonomic wheelchair that looks like stolen from a hospital in the 70s - Legs not atrophied, although spasms can cause muscle bulk to remain and legs of heavy weight people usually looks similar if paralyzed or not, but here again consistency. If someone claims to be a complete para with no spasms and is fairly thin I would be suspicious if his legs look totally normal.
If you're an experienced Dev you know how people's bodies look with various disabilities and how the body moves, etc. So I personally have little problems to spot if someone is fake or not.
But then there are those borderline cases where you're not sure. How can you see if somebody claims to be an incomplete para if he really is or not? That is easy to fake. I have one acquaintance with whom I am till today not 100% sure if what he claims about his physical condition is all true.
I mean I don't really scold these people either. They just feel this way and it must be hard for them as well.
I would find it hard to ask a person directly if they’re fake or not and demand proof if they’re not totally obviously fake. Because on the other hand I can imagine it being very hurtful to a person who is really disabled to tell them you don’t believe them. To make sure a person is real:
- Ask them to take a photo of themselves with a sign with their profile name and the date in handwriting on it. Preferably in their wheelchair or showing the disability otherwise. This can’t be 100% proof because pictures can be photoshopped. But not everyone is good enough at it to make it nearly impossible to spot. - Video chat with the person, have them show the disability in a way that can’t be faked (hard with some disabilities) - Meet them in person.
After all with some disabilities you can never be 100% sure if they’re real or not. Some people go extremely far (catheterizing, etc.). Sometimes you just got to trust people.
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Post by freya on Jul 20, 2016 14:01:17 GMT -5
I'm a fraud and a phony! At least I been told that several times already. Hell I miss walking, running and doing ''normal'' people stuff. I don't think I would want to try and fake the funk. It would take too much effort. I don't get offended when someone has doubts but if after I lay it all out there explaining what I went through, showing pics and they are still questioning me to see if I'm real, thats when i cut it. It gets old sometimes to be doubted. As it is some pwd's have gone through a lot so having to prove yourself right then and there on the spot can be tiring or to some offensive. I know being that this is a site where devs and pwds converse and some can call it ''home'' where they can open up, you have to be on your toes and have to do those background checks because of true fakers. But what if theres some who are legit and far from fake who have gone through so much trauma mentally and physically and are slow to open up to you? Would you still call them fake because they are not giving you what you want immediately to prove themselves? What if they have a hard time opening up and are trying to accept their disability yet are being pressured? If they refuse to video chat on skype, maybe they just aren't ready for that so soon or they never been the type for that stuff. Some just don't like it. Maybe they are still in a dark space with life. I know when I talk to a woman online I want to know if shes the person in the picture because I been catfished before and she didn't deserve my lure, I had to release her back into her swamp! But at the same time I wasn't pressuring her to prove herself to me. I let time do the talking until proof came to the surface that she wasn't who she said she was. I think that may be the difference between being questioned about your identity as a AB person versus a PWD. All I have to do is say "yeah I'm not a 66 year old fat guy," but with the PWD guys, there's so much to have to explain, and you're asking some intense very private details right off the bat. In what other circumstance would that be acceptable? Like @tql mentioned, some people might not be fully adjusted yet, they might not like how their new body looks, they might not want to talk about the gory details. Asking for valid proof is okay, but interrogating someone and STILL not believing them boarders on paranoia, in my opinion. My approach is, I watch what people post on the boards, if someone PMs me I keep it limited to here for a while, for a trial period. I'll still observe what someone says and read between the lines to get their overall vibe (I'm VERY good at spotting liars and plot holes). I might ask some general questions, but overall my approach is "innocent until proven guilty." If they pass that stage, then I take further steps until I am satisfied that they are who they say they are. I've heard from several PWD that have said they felt really turned off from the whole site because of the frantic interrogations they'd gotten from some devs. This makes me sad. This should be a welcoming place for devs AND PWD. Devs don't have to go through this rigorous screening process, so why should they? Maybe I'm saying this because I haven't gotten burned by a pretender (yet) but still, I think the tone should be welcoming but cautious, not hostile and accusative. The"guilty until proven innocent" approach is a bit harsh and very difficult to surmount (hence why it's not allowed in our legal system). So, hey, maybe one day I'll get catfished by a fake. But, I'd rather risk that than risk never getting to know a really cool person because I was too fearful and defensive to give them a chance.
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fallinginreverse
New Member
Posts: 48
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by fallinginreverse on Jul 20, 2016 14:05:05 GMT -5
That's tricky. Unlike physical disabilities, there's no way to "prove" attraction or internal identification. Getting naked or forming long-term, meaningful relationships are good indications that the lady is "for real" but even then, ya never know. Catfishing is real. I once heard of a disabled guy (not me, not a friend) who got catfished by a dude for a few years. As shitty as that is, it's a bit unimaginable. By month 5, the lack of webcam should be raising some questions. I've never been asked for proof, probably because my thin arms and unusual posture are pretty damn authentic. Skype feels like a devs first line of defense, especially now that webcams are so common. I'd stop talking to anyone who refused to skype after a reasonable amount of time. Yeah, see that gets annoying to me, being told I'm fake *ahem* fallinginreverse *cough cough* At first I'm like, well gee, I guess that means my pictures are hot enough that a 66 year old black guy would steal them to catfish someone... cool, I guess? Then after awhile, I'm like FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?!?! AGGGHHHHH! *bashes face into keyboard repeatedly* And actually, I HATE Skype. I refuse to Skype even with family members. And I hate talking on the phone. So, i get accused of catfishing a lot because of those two things. But they're just legit things I don't like to do (I hate my voice -_- ). I've made certain exceptions if I think it's worth it. I can see the need for caution. It's just irritating when you know you're REAL, which is why I wondered if it bothered the guys, too. <3 Tyrone the Catfish Pfft, your voice is adorable tyrone, especially the way you say ask and it sounds like "axe" <3. But seriously, is anyone even real!?
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Post by Pony on Jul 20, 2016 14:23:58 GMT -5
This has to be the weirdest thing. I can't wrap my head around the idea of a guy faking this, that's a special breed of fucked up. lol
I don't know everything about the technical aspects of being a quad,just the basics, so i might fail the test. lol Although i will skype,providing i'm having an ok hair-day.
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Post by blueskye101 on Jul 20, 2016 14:30:18 GMT -5
I'm not a big fan of Skype. I don't use my webcam. If someone wants a pic or vid of me for proof, I provide it, but I don't like webcams or even voice chat. And that does go for family and close friends too. I rarely use my real pic on here, or on Facebook, even though I'm pretty active on FB. I'm just a private guy and don't feel a need to blast the internet with my face. I feel the same way about Skype and Facebook. And I'm not a fake or a catfish either. LOL Yep, I feel the same way. Hate skype but will do occasionally with my kids but that's about it. Hate seeing my pic because of course in my mind I'm 20 years younger and much, much thinner. ;-)
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Post by freya on Jul 20, 2016 14:35:19 GMT -5
I mean, what would possess a person to fake such a thing? I mean, the amount of effort it takes, knowing that devs even exist... how can there be so many of these weirdos? Like seriously, get a life. Maybe things have changed but back when I was an inexperienced dev and chatting with people in amputee related yahoo groups and on yahoo messenger a huge amount of the people I interacted with were fakes. I'm not just assuming they were all fakes, many of them were actual confirmed fakes who either admitted it or who refused to prove they were real after developing a close relationship with a devs. I'm sure you are skeptical because you haven't experienced it but it was VERY common back then and I'm pretty its still happening. I have lots of stories and details of how things played out that I can share with you if you are interested. In general I think the fakes keep a low profile here because many of them have been outed and lots of others have been suspected and asked to prove themselves. There was a guy who I met on yahoo back in the early 2000's who then popped up here and participated for years - eventually it came out he wasn't real. He had created a female dev profile here as well as created another disabled guy profile here as well (i think somehow they were friends or something). I would be shocked if he wasn't back already hanging back. I'm not going to share more publicly but if you are really curious Freya, I'm happy to go into lots of detail with you privately. I'm glad you haven't come across fakes and hope you never do but please know that fakes are very real. I don't truly understand why people bother with it but lots do. I'm guessing for most its because they have BIID and are just craving some interaction where the other person sees them as disabled. I remeber the very early days of Yahoo groups and such, even though I was only a BabyDev (like 14 to 16?). I never participated in anything since I was too young and shy (maybe that's a good thing?). I did see a documentary on BIID where a woman blinded herself with drain cleaner to fulfill her longing to live as a blind person. She said afterwards she was happier than she'd ever been. I guess if the mental issue is that severe, people will go to whatever lengths it takes to feel satisfied, including searching out devs to live the "full experience." Social media annoys me sometimes, but I find it very useful when dealing with anyone online (AB or PWD). I personally refuse to date anyone without a facebook page (had a bad AB experience when the guy had no FB to refer back to). That page has to be filled with lots of pictures, date back a long way, and have enough "friends" so that I know it's not a catfish page. I was accused of being a catfish, but I said "If my facebook with over 100+ photos of me and posts dating back to 2008 is fake, then I'm the most dedicated catfish there is." There are other methods, of course, but like you said, we won't discuss that here. I just use FB as the first line of defense. I think and hope you're right, that it's a lot harder to be a fake now than it was back then. Most of the tricks are well known, and it's easy to search the internet for people to figure out who they are. The "Dark Ages" of the internet in the 90s-00's was like the Wild West compared to now.
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Post by malibu on Jul 20, 2016 15:23:01 GMT -5
It´s annoying to have to show facebook, I have to really add the person because I only show infos to friends. I don´t like to have to prove I´m real. I don´t like to have to prove anything. Someone asked if I´m doing this for a green card or for money. Someone asked if I´m ugly and unable to date ABs. Or if I´m a perv...someone said, well at least your body is healthy when I replied I´m not disabled myself....So there are a lot for suspicious thoughts over me. Do they upset me? Nope. But I definitely lose the mood to continue chatting with people who accuse me of things. (Most were from dating sites, specially this last one. Also, say things like: this is my personal email, respect my privacy. I mean, if the person offers the personal email, he must trust, it´s so rude to say things like that...But that´s me I´m a bit sensitive I guess.
Personally I prefer talking to people who post a lot here on PD, with more than 200 posts. Not only for safety, I think they are much more interesting to talk to too, no idea why.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2016 15:24:31 GMT -5
I am glad I am not the only one who doesn't like Skype or Voice chats or such. For me it is because I am just too nervous and shy and I hate that about myself sometimes because it keeps me from interacting with people.
I don't have too much experience with spotting fakers or pretenders here but I don't look into it enough I think. I am one of those people who still believe in the good of people and unfortunately have gotten burned with that naivety. I leave the pretender spotting to others here.
I have talked online with pretenders and people with BIID and I would not want to be in their place, I know that. If it is the actual psychological disorder it really sucks and I feel bad for them because they go through a lot of stuff, first off to be able to live out their needs and secondly by how they are viewed as total crazies... I think their existence can be very lonely. This is weird but I actually had a huge crush on a pretender a while back and I didn't mind at all.
I do agree that it is just plain wrong for a pretender to lure a dev. Some devs may be vulnerable and easy to deceive and that is just dirty to lure them faking a disability. I expect any pretender to be honest and open about their situation and then I am more up to talking to them. I don't think PD is the right place for them though.
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Post by Quadfather on Jul 20, 2016 17:08:06 GMT -5
Easy 1-step verification for us Quads. Just show them the "Quad Arm". Can't fake that muscle-less wasteland. External link
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