Has anyone ever felt guilty of being a Devotee??

[sharmayne02]

Has anyone ever felt guilty being attracted to men in wheelchairs or ever tried to stop their attraction to men or women in wheelchairs? I know for me I have felt guilty knowing that I had an attraction to men who were quadriplegics or paraplegics, Even if the person of interest is on a vent nothing has detoured me from wanting to be with a man who is a wheelchair user.



My family is well aware of my interests and attractions; this has never scared me to tell people or to be in public with a love interest who is in a chair. My only fear was rejection that that person I wanted to date would think I was crazy for wanting to be with him knowing he had a disability. This would cause me to feel guilty and I tried many times to stop my attraction of dating guys in a wheelchairs but it failed.

[parashoot]

I think you'll find there are some women who will definitely feel you on this one.
I wouldn't say I personally feel particularly guilty most of the time, but I have felt quick flashes of it when watching and show/movie or reading a book about someone newly injured...then I think "shit, that's so horrible what that person and their family is going through, how can I want someone to go through that so I can be into them?!"

[kivic]

I used to have those moments of guilt as well but since networking with other devs and disclosing my sexuality and accepting my devness as a large part of my sexuality, I've let go of the guilt more. Don't get me wrong, I have my moments but they're certainly not as frequent as before I found PD.

[Emma]

Guilt is a big thing for most devs. I'm one of the few who never really felt it I think that's partially a personality thing as well as finding other female devs early on.

I'll also add that many devs are hesitant to share their thoughts in the general section. Devy conversations usually get a little more active in the Devs only section however keep in mind that many of the guys still read it although they aren't supposed to and can't respond (or 'like') threads there.

[newjess]

I felt extremely guilty and repressed my dev side for 10+ years. It was hard for me to be "okay" with being attracted to something that causes so much pain, suffering, etc.

When I found PD, fellow dev sisters, and the PWDs that not only accept devness but think it's awesome... That's when I finally started to embrace it. Its a long road but now less than a year later I'm living as a full on dev lol. I totally get what you mean about that fear that the guy will not be okay with your devness. That's part of why PD is so amazing, because at least for me, it showed me that there is acceptance from the PWDs out there.

Unlike you it is ready difficult for me to tell others. I've only come out to a handful of people but I'm getting there. Its just hard because it's still just a really misunderstood thing and a lot of people find it sadistic and wrong (based on actions of people who do act like a-holes about it). I think it's awesome that you have that confidence to tell others though!! I'm slowly getting there lol.

[tori]

I used to feel pretty guilty until I found this community and realized a few things. First, that I wasn't alone. Second, once I told my husband who was AB and he kinda enlightened me that it wasn't as big of a deal as I was making it out to be. I started to realize that it's just an attraction, a preference. It doesn't mean that I WANT anyone to become disabled.

I guess to a certain extent I do still feel guilt. Actually, not guilt, that's not the right word. I still feel ashamed, more so because I'm afraid I'd be misunderstood by people that don't get it or understand it. I think once PWD's get to know us and understand us they become more accepting of us.

[sharmayne02]

Apr 4, 2017 19:52:05 GMT -5 kivic said:

I used to have those moments of guilt as well but since networking with other devs and disclosing my sexuality and accepting my devness as a large part of my sexuality, I've let go of the guilt more. Don't get me wrong, I have my moments but they're certainly not as frequent as before I found PD.

[sharmayne02]

That is amazing and has given me a new way to look at it accepting it as part of my personal attraction.

[wheelzoffortune]

This thread is so very interesting to me.

[newjess]

Apr 5, 2017 9:47:46 GMT -5 wheelzoffortune said:

This thread is so very interesting to me.

Oh yeah? Why's that?

[kivic]

Apr 5, 2017 9:17:36 GMT -5 sharmayne02 said:

That is amazing and has given me a new way to look at it accepting it as part of my personal attraction.

It has always been a large part of my attraction only I didn't know what it was or where it came from or how to express it. Since being a part of PD and having a dev support system I can truly identify as a dev; part of it is knowing you're not alone, part of it is coming to terms with this as a large part of your sexuality and will always play a large part in who you choose as a partner. By recognizing and accepting this aspect of my sexuality has allowed me to release some of the guilt I used to carry.

I was ready to come to terms with my devness when I joined PD and I think that is half the battle. Maybe you're also ready.

[Julia]

Like many devs I do feel guilty sometimes. It was the most when I was 14-19 before I joined this site. I felt like it was wrong to be attracted to disabilities and as a result tried to push all my feelings away and ignore it. But obviously that didn't work and I'm happy it didn't! I know now that I definitely am not someone who likes it when others are in pain and would never want someone to think I do. That's where some of the guilt has gone, to what others might think if they find out my dev attractions.

As for relationships go, I do feel worried that if I find a wheeler in the wild and want to date he will think my attraction is screwed up and I'm sure it might happen in the future but I can't let that scare me into not seeking relationships with PWDs.

[sharmayne02]

Apr 5, 2017 9:47:46 GMT -5 wheelzoffortune said:

This thread is so very interesting to me.

Why do you find it intresting?

[sharmayne02]

Apr 5, 2017 16:13:00 GMT -5 Julia said:

Like many devs I do feel guilty sometimes. It was the most when I was 14-19 before I joined this site. I felt like it was wrong to be attracted to disabilities and as a result tried to push all my feelings away and ignore it. But obviously that didn't work and I'm happy it didn't! I know now that I definitely am not someone who likes it when others are in pain and would never want someone to think I do. That's where some of the guilt has gone, to what others might think if they find out my dev attractions.

As for relationships go, I do feel worried that if I find a wheeler in the wild and want to date he will think my attraction is screwed up and I'm sure it might happen in the future but I can't let that scare me into not seeking relationships with PWDs.

I dated men who are in wheelchairs in the past but I think when I was in college it was Taboo and the word DEVOTEE had a bad notation to it. I grew afraid to even ask a wheelchair user out of fear that I would be considered as preying on the disabled. In reality im a college grad working in the social work field and love life.

I found out about this site trying to search more into my attraction and to learn more about myself.

[wheelzoffortune]

Apr 5, 2017 12:04:56 GMT -5 newjess said:

Apr 5, 2017 9:47:46 GMT -5 wheelzoffortune said:

This thread is so very interesting to me.

Oh yeah? Why's that?

Well, mainly because none of the devs I've talked with ever expressed guilt at all, so I didn't think it was a thing.