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Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2018 2:30:59 GMT -5
Can’t say I blame you or her for taking a leave of absence. In the end only you and her know what’s best for your respected selves. Maybe you don’t but you’re not gonna know unless you experience it, and it’s obvious from your words you’d be more devastated if you had not stuck it out with her rather than roll away to protect yourself as so many here have spoken of.
Less judging and more empathy would go a long long way folks
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Post by LaMara on Oct 21, 2018 5:59:58 GMT -5
I can't believe in this day and age, and in particular on this forum, where I assumed most participant had a rough idea or at least had been in contact with people suffering from depression, there are still some who do NOT understand that a depressed person doesn't CHOOSE not to take care of themselves/get out/do healthy things. Apathy, inertia, lack of will power are part of the condition and of course they can improve with therapy and medication, but telling someone "if you're depressed, go out for a walk instead of complaining" is as effective as saying to someone with asthma "just breathe normally and stop complaining". Actually, it's even worse cause shame is a big part of depression and by suggesting the depressed person has the tools to "fix" themselves but is "unwilling" to use them, will just make them feel worse. I know a lot has already been said on this subject and I'm sorry I'm hijacking TotalBias's post but I just got angry. This attitude towards depression from people around me is what ended up making me feel worthless and at times suicidal for a long time. Also, telling the OP off for admitting she can be emotionally abusive, when she's recognizing the issue and taking steps to fix it, is in my opinion equally inappropriate. No one here is judge and jury, maybe let's try listening and understanding instead?
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Post by jakethesnake on Oct 21, 2018 12:42:59 GMT -5
No you don't, but you also don't need to complain then, if it is your choice. I was replying to someone else initially. You were not even involved or addressed. I was not complaining. I was sharing my similar experiences with the OP then got told how much I need help for it by someone who admittedly just lurks. That’s cool he’s entitled to do that and hell maybe he’s right. But I’m at least gonna try to explain myself rather than just be accused of being a headcase. My limitations are a combination of physical and mental. And it’s a recent development over the last few years that I’m trying to learn to cope with and move forward. At no point was I complaining in this thread at least. I stated my situation when it was addressed. Again, which you had no part in until your two cents got added with the insult along the way And while there are times I could go out and do, those could be the days I’m mentally attacked and can’t bring myself to function. I could persevere and I’m working my way to that, but it’s not as simple as “If you want to go do, go do”. The logistics have to also match up with me being able to go out and be one with society. u r saying ur a prisoner of ur own mind and i am trying to give u advice to break the chains, because it is no life to be stuck indoors and having to take medication to knock urself out and then repeating the process over n over.....and its funny u got hung up on symantics of WALK eventhough u know exactly what i mean... just go outside and do something. u can even take a cab or a bus. u have to change something because its not too late yet but eventually it might be, im just tryin to help its up to u to do whatever, god bless
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Post by jakethesnake on Oct 21, 2018 12:48:27 GMT -5
I can't believe in this day and age, and in particular on this forum, where I assumed most participant had a rough idea or at least had been in contact with people suffering from depression, there are still some who do NOT understand that a depressed person doesn't CHOOSE not to take care of themselves/get out/do healthy things. Apathy, inertia, lack of will power are part of the condition and of course they can improve with therapy and medication, but telling someone "if you're depressed, go out for a walk instead of complaining" is as effective as saying to someone with asthma "just breathe normally and stop complaining". Actually, it's even worse cause shame is a big part of depression and by suggesting the depressed person has the tools to "fix" themselves but is "unwilling" to use them, will just make them feel worse. I know a lot has already been said on this subject and I'm sorry I'm hijacking TotalBias 's post but I just got angry. This attitude towards depression from people around me is what ended up making me feel worthless and at times suicidal for a long time. Also, telling the OP off for admitting she can be emotionally abusive, when she's recognizing the issue and taking steps to fix it, is in my opinion equally inappropriate. No one here is judge and jury, maybe let's try listening and understanding instead?i think it is interestin that all the devs are supporting llamagucci. if llamagucci was a man and he admitted to emotionally abusing a woman everyone would freak out. but this is a common doubel standard in the world we live in right now. we like to pretend that everyone wants to be equal but secretly everyone wants special treatment and a free pass. the bottom line is SHE ABUSES HIM and i find that disgusting, i dont care what excuses you give like mental health or whatever, the bottom line is you are an adult and u should be able to control ur emotion or get help to do so BEFORE you start abusing ppl. ABUSE IS NEVER OKAY.... NOT IN ANY FORM ... AND NOT FOR ANY REASON....... bottom line!
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Post by Kela on Oct 21, 2018 13:14:34 GMT -5
Right I wasn't going to say anything but I feel like I have to jakethesnake nobody is saying abuse in any form is ok. People are trying to wish the best for someone who is having a hard time. I am a guy btw defending TotalBias so it's not just devs. You don't need to be so combative. She's looking for help that should be the end of it if you have nothing supportive to say. As for the depression thing to say just go out. That is pure and utter ignorance let alone not taking in to account that some wheelers find it very difficult to get out themselves. For example I live with my two brothers and we're all relatively introverted but if I want to go out and they don't guess what ... I don't go out.
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Post by jakethesnake on Oct 21, 2018 13:23:28 GMT -5
Right I wasn't going to say anything but I feel like I have to jakethesnake nobody is saying abuse in any form is ok. People are trying to wish the best for someone who is having a hard time. I am a guy btw defending TotalBias so it's not just devs. You don't need to be so combative. She's looking for help that should be the end of it if you have nothing supportive to say. As for the depression thing to say just go out. That is pure and utter ignorance let alone not taking in to account that some wheelers find it very difficult to get out themselves. For example I live with my two brothers and we're all relatively introverted but if I want to go out and they don't guess what ... I don't go out. im not being combative im just saying ABUSE IS NEVER OKAY in ANY SHAPE OR FORM ... can u not agree to that? she addmitted to abusing karotix and I said that's NOT OKAY even if its not intentional and even if it is caused by her mental health it still makes it NOT OKAY.... y is that so hard to understand? and y is it so hard to agree that what she is doing is not ok? u can tell her what she is doing is WRONG and still be supportive u know that? i believe its because shes a dev and shes a woman thats y no one is OUTRAGED.... if a male dev was abusing a disabled women then OMG can u imagine what would happen? ? i dont understand y its TABOO to say its wrong that she is abusing him emotionally. and no offense but r u stupid? when did i said that going for a walk will cure him? i am saying he needs to go out even if its to go get the male! the man said he is at home all day and he is so depressed he takes pills to knock himself out everyday!! thats so dangerous!!! so im saying he needs to do something ANYTHING even if its small like going outside!! im trying to help him because i feel for him
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Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2018 13:32:43 GMT -5
Well, I guess I don't have to worry about karo anymore...gosh, I was so stupid...done with this...
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Post by Kela on Oct 21, 2018 13:54:22 GMT -5
Right I wasn't going to say anything but I feel like I have to jakethesnake nobody is saying abuse in any form is ok. People are trying to wish the best for someone who is having a hard time. I am a guy btw defending TotalBias so it's not just devs. You don't need to be so combative. She's looking for help that should be the end of it if you have nothing supportive to say. As for the depression thing to say just go out. That is pure and utter ignorance let alone not taking in to account that some wheelers find it very difficult to get out themselves. For example I live with my two brothers and we're all relatively introverted but if I want to go out and they don't guess what ... I don't go out. im not being combative im just saying ABUSE IS NEVER OKAY in ANY SHAPE OR FORM ... can u not agree to that? she addmitted to abusing karotix and I said that's NOT OKAY even if its not intentional and even if it is caused by her mental health it still makes it NOT OKAY.... y is that so hard to understand? and y is it so hard to agree that what she is doing is not ok? u can tell her what she is doing is WRONG and still be supportive u know that? i believe its because shes a dev and shes a woman thats y no one is OUTRAGED.... if a male dev was abusing a disabled women then OMG can u imagine what would happen? ? i dont understand y its TABOO to say its wrong that she is abusing him emotionally. and no offense but r u stupid? when did i said that going for a walk will cure him? i am saying he needs to go out even if its to go get the male! the man said he is at home all day and he is so depressed he takes pills to knock himself out everyday!! thats so dangerous!!! so im saying he needs to do something ANYTHING even if its small like going outside!! im trying to help him because i feel for him I don't recall ever saying abuse is ok, pretty certain I said the opposite but it looks like she is trying to change via help and reaching out. If it continues and there is no change then obviously i'd have a problem but with what I have read so far it looks like someone who is trying to do better. I'd also like to just point out you're saying that your not being combative then about 8 sentences later calling me stupid for voicing an opinion? Going outside even if the depressed person wanted/could is not a fix, getting help is.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2018 15:39:42 GMT -5
Unlike that kid, karotix can choose his own path, even if those of us on the outside disagree with his choice. It's obvious that, for the time being, he doesn't see himself as a victim. Calling her out for being abusive to him is just feeding their Us vs. The World fantasy and, I'd argue, feeds their fire. All we can do is offer karotix a supportive place to return to if he ever does decide that the way she treats him is in conflict with his own sense of self-worth. You put in words so much better than I ever could. Exactly my thoughts. Before karo's reply funnily enough I was even going to write karo a pm letting him know that he can always come back here...yeah, it may be the mom in me...
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Post by Mets on Oct 21, 2018 16:19:23 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2018 17:59:29 GMT -5
I guess you missed my replies above because it was just a brief sentence, but I made it clear that going outside is not an issue for me. I can sit on my porch or wheel around my back yard until the cows come home. Now checking the mail not so much. There’s a ditch there and a road with cars coming on my side. Not exactly something worth risking my life for to get a bill. I have two dogs that get my love and attention whenever I do go outside which is quite often to have my smokes throughout the day. Do I take meds to sleep? Yes I do. I take them whenever I decide I wanna sleep since I’m at home all the time getting my days and nights mixed up isn’t really that big of an issue or life altering.
You clearly don’t understand depression and that’s cool. Make no mistake about it I don’t think you had ill intentions in your reply and I think you have my best interest in it, but you’re thinking it’s as simple as go and do, and that’s not how depression works or the travel limitations I deal with. The combo makes me sleep sometimes when I don’t wanna sit and live in the thought cycle of how this or that could be different. And it’s not all disability. Most of it comes from regrets like anybody else would have. I just have too much time to reflect on it at this stage.
And for all the times I sleep, there’s just as many days and nights I can’t sleep at all. That’s just part of the process.
If anything, her revelations just made me question my issues more that they could go much deeper than depression. My therapist from a few years ago ruled me out of Bipolar Disorder but that was just her opinion. I’ve been on medication for depression but it didn’t change my moods any so I stopped that. It’s gonna take me pushing myself to take some risks to change my situation to where I’m functional in society again, but I’ll get there.
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Post by James on Oct 21, 2018 18:40:01 GMT -5
Holy. fucking. shit.
I'm a huge douchebag fairly often, and I'll be honest I think llama and karo have been super annoying at times... Well all the time in nearly every post but everybody just needs to lay off. Not just them but each other too.
llama is hopefully going to stay proactive in dealing with this, karo is a grown ass adult who can decide when/if he's had enough.
idk if I'm just getting soft or what but everybody just cool out.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2018 3:42:27 GMT -5
Well, I guess I don't have to worry about karo anymore...gosh, I was so stupid...done with this... ?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2018 8:06:37 GMT -5
Well, I guess I don't have to worry about karo anymore...gosh, I was so stupid...done with this... ? If you go back a bit on this thread, karotix posted saying he was ok with everything and that llamagucci is the best thing ever. I guess dani meant that we had all been concerned in light of this post but obviously he wants everyone to back off.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2018 8:50:48 GMT -5
Well, I guess I don't have to worry about karo anymore...gosh, I was so stupid...done with this... ? I actually worried about the whole deal with llama talking about emotional abuse, and his not showing up, maybe feeling he can't show his face here anymore. I am a mother of a 20 year old and this situation here is my nightmare for my son so it was the mom in me worrying. I guess I worried for no reason since he seems to have it all under control.
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