A Quad Dating Dilemma

[ProudRealist]

Hola All, hope everyone is keeping well:)

Just wanted to outline a scenario that has me a little anxious (for lack of a better word).

So i've decided to hit the whole dating circuit in earnest, which pretty much consists of online dating sites for now. I have been quite fortunate in responses, and whilst the majority of chats are in the 'getting to know you' stage, one has progressed to going on an actual date (dinner).

OK here's the scenario...

I'm a full-fledged, genuine unicorn! (see PD threads to find out what that means So i just started to think... holy crap, i can't freaking feed myself! And yes she knows i'm a quad and yes she knows about the level of my paralysis, but i stopped short of actually saying "o BTW, you're gonna have to feed me!". I kinda think she's put 2 and 2 together and knows she'll have to, but I can't be sure.

All my previous dates/relationships have been people i know, friends who became more than friends as it were, so dating was seamless - but this is something new for me!

So, any quads been in this situation? Or any devs? Your thoughts would be appreciated.

[Tek]

How about something along the lines of: "so here's the deal. I can't feed myself so there's a few options to deal with it: you could help me, or I could arrange for a helper to sit with us for a short while as we eat, or <some other option>."

You don't have to make the decision alone. And since she knows about your limitations, chances are she's thought about it already.

[Julia]

She might have made that assumption already that she will have to help since she knows about your level of paralysis, but you should definitely mention it just in case. Tek's response above is a great idea.

Also, let us know how the date goes!

[Deleted]

I agree, offer a couple of options prior to your date, im sure she would rather be alone with you but giving her a choice is best. We've all had scenarios where although people are aware of the disability, they still seem to think you can "just walk a little bit" etc.
Enjoy your evening, look forward to hearing about it

[ProudRealist]

Thanks for the feedback

It's on for tonight so i'll let you know how it all goes!

[Deleted]

Apr 4, 2019 19:01:30 GMT -5 ProudRealist said:

Thanks for the feedback

It's on for tonight so i'll let you know how it all goes!

All the luck in the world, man. I’ll cross my fingers for you (on the inside).

[linda]

I also think it’s always the best to be open, no matter what. Great suggestions what Tek said.

Good luck with the date! Hope it’s going to be a great one.

[sungod]

I'm a little behind on responding, but I hope that all went well! It's always hard to know how someone truly feels before you meet her in person, but she sounds like she is completely cool with whatever she finds your needs are. I am also a quad, but I feel fortunate to have enough arm mobility that I can feed myself. I understand the anxiety of asking for help, though; I need help with driving, putting on my fork, and other small things throughout an evening.

Looking forward to deets!

[ProudRealist]

First off, many thanks to you all for responding - really appreciated

The date actually went really well, the whole eating thing wasn't even an issue, a few laughs about it actually broke the ice... so i was quite fortunate in that regard (my warped sense of humour saves me yet again )

Unfortunately, turns out she's not looking for anything serious... quite disappointing actually, she was pretty awesome.

Well, it was a fun night nonetheless - for now though, it's back to the 'drawing board' as it were.

[leequad08]

I think it would have been best to let her know that u couldn't feed yourself or just don't put yourself in that  situation on the first date , the dev only knows as much as u tell them, your injury level might have gave her an idea of what to expect. Save yourself from the anxiety and stress of wondering if she knows by just telling her.

[happyface2013]

Nothing serious doesn't sound too bad. Just a hook up so?

[ProudRealist]

Apr 16, 2019 7:32:23 GMT -5 happyface2013 said:

Nothing serious doesn't sound too bad. Just a hook up so?

Yeah just a hook up, and no it wasn't bad at all It's just that i'm looking for something a little more D&M these days - even the best of things become stale after a while

[johnjay206]

I have MS and my symptoms are the same where I can't use my arms or my leg. It's very frustrating because I have to have people out me eat too. I think it should we assume that your date should know this before your date. I think it'll make everything much more comfortable. I know I'm going to be open about that and my profile. My dev better be accepting of it and be caring enough to help me out. It is slightly embarrassing having to ask somebody to eat or help you drink . it is what it is you have to accept it.

[FlyingBert]

Personally, I've never seen that like a problem or something to think about. It's not a big deal, as you see. Better to focus in a nice conversation and enjoy together.

[TotalBias]

Eating with someone can be hott, especially if you’re sharing something. I’ve always found it to be intimate to feed my partners or be fed by them. And hey the AB peeps do it all the time, though usually only with French fries. 😂