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Post by matisse on Jul 20, 2020 14:25:17 GMT -5
Hi I have dated a chair user, it was fine. Getting in and out of the car is a pain, but if you go to place that is accessible, no big deal. The only thing that troubled me was feeling like a visual curiosity as a couple. I experienced this when one of my wheeler friends and I would have lunch or dinner. It was really annoying. They assumed we were a couple just because we were both wheelers. I had the sense that people would think, "awwww, how cute, those two wheelers found each other."
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HottRodd
Junior Member
Posts: 65
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
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Post by HottRodd on Jul 20, 2020 17:13:58 GMT -5
Hi I have dated a chair user, it was fine. Getting in and out of the car is a pain, but if you go to place that is accessible, no big deal. The only thing that troubled me was feeling like a visual curiosity as a couple. I experienced this when one of my wheeler friends and I would have lunch or dinner. It was really annoying. They assumed we were a couple just because we were both wheelers. I had the sense that people would think, "awwww, how cute, those two wheelers found each other." I've also experienced this, and even had people come up to me like "This melts my heart and makes me believe in love again, there really is someone out there for everyone"
Disgusting.
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Post by robbb on Jul 20, 2020 17:50:23 GMT -5
I'm a little curious what you feel is disgusting, the assumption or the idea of a same sex couple. R.
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HottRodd
Junior Member
Posts: 65
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
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Post by HottRodd on Jul 20, 2020 18:14:54 GMT -5
I'm a little curious what you feel is disgusting, the assumption or the idea of a same sex couple. R. The assumption that people make that as soon as 2 Disabled people are out together they "must" be together because no one else would want them.
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Post by someonerandom on Jul 20, 2020 19:40:17 GMT -5
I experienced this when one of my wheeler friends and I would have lunch or dinner. It was really annoying. They assumed we were a couple just because we were both wheelers. I had the sense that people would think, "awwww, how cute, those two wheelers found each other." I've also experienced this, and even had people come up to me like "This melts my heart and makes me believe in love again, there really is someone out there for everyone"
Disgusting.
Whoaaaaaaa that would provoke a really nasty reaction from me. Damn.
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el_steveo
Junior Member
Posts: 71
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by el_steveo on Jul 20, 2020 21:35:35 GMT -5
I have a question. where do you guys find women with disabilities? I know this site is mostly made up of men with disabilities. are there any sites for disabled women? because I for sure would be open to it. my ex actually had M.S. you would never know by looking at her though.
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Post by Emma on Jul 21, 2020 23:19:28 GMT -5
I'm a little curious what you feel is disgusting, the assumption or the idea of a same sex couple. R. Wait, who said his friend was male?
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Post by robbb on Jul 22, 2020 1:37:04 GMT -5
I'm a little curious what you feel is disgusting, the assumption or the idea of a same sex couple. R. Wait, who said his friend was male? Yep, you got me there Emma! R. Edited to add... I suppose my assumptions were based on the fact that on here we only ever talk about male PWDs and as a gay guy dev I would never consider female PWDs. That said it was a wrong assumption and I really should know better. Good spot Emma.
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mrlahotquad
New Member
Posts: 1
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
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Post by mrlahotquad on Jul 22, 2020 11:07:33 GMT -5
Probably not. I don’t find PWDs particularly attractive but to each their own, right? Actually a bit surprised by this statement, not for the fact that you won't date a PWD but just in the way you wrote how you don't find PWD attractive...there are so many beautiful female PWD out there...I was hoping you would put like a winky face or something so it would possibly show that you were joking...
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blindLeap
Full Member
The right-side-up edition
Posts: 192
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by blindLeap on Jul 22, 2020 14:12:27 GMT -5
Perhaps late to the party here, but ... To me I think it would really depend on a number of things. I see a lot of sentiments echoed in this thread that play into it for me. I would probably date another partially sighted or blind person. Probably, because I am rather familiar with various blind communities and am, sadly, unable to bear the defeatist attitude that tends to practically ooze from most of the people there. When I do meet a blind person that I relate to however, the disability pretty much instantly becomes a non-issue, and can even be an asset. Similar to the community here, there's a lot less explaining I have to do to make a point that somehow factors in the blindness or is made from a blind perspective, and if you come home after a day of self-advocating that can be wonderfully refreshing. I do expect someone I date to at least be as independent as I am or working towards being as independent as I am before I would consider dating them, though. One thing I know about me is that I can be rather elitist. I am smart and capable. Super modest, too And if a person can't keep up with me, which in my circles unfortunately tends to happen, I will have a hard time considering them a close confidant, let alone a partner. If I would dae someone with another disability is a tricky one for me. Honestly, I just don't know. Maybe. I would have worries, anda lot of questions, but I'd like to think I'd at least give it a try?
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Post by wheelzoffortune on Jul 22, 2020 20:39:37 GMT -5
I remember a friend asking me years ago, "Would you rather be with someone with a disability or without one?"
My answer was that I just want to be with someone who I love and who loves me. Everything else is irrelevant.
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Post by vo on Jul 23, 2020 1:36:02 GMT -5
I would, but it seems like diff-abled ladies are not interested, seems like they need an able body man to make them feel accepted and normal 🤷🏽♂️
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joe89
New Member
Single
Posts: 48
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
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Post by joe89 on Jul 23, 2020 5:50:40 GMT -5
Just adding my view for "statistical purposes" 🙂 everything has basically already been said. It depends on the PWD I guess...in principle if she had a wonderful character and was attractive...I would seriously consider the idea. However keeping it real, I see several hurdles coming up to my mind.
1) yes, I agree, logistical issues. Sometimes it is great to have an able-bodied girl beside. I hate limits, and I try to overcome them by myself every time. But sometimes limits are not just in your mind.
2) limits, exactly. I fear such couple would be very limited in practice and would end up having a rather boring life (according to my standards, I am super active)
3) sex is not everything...but it is paramount from my point of view to achieve a satisfying and happy long-term relationship. Not much sex experience on my side as a PWD, but I guess I would focus on the girl's pleasure. If she doesn't feel anything...well I am sure you can still have an enjoyable experience somehow. I wouldn't call it sex though...and the feeling of guilt that would come up sooner or later for missing that would be dangerous.
In brief, possible but in general not desirable.
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blindLeap
Full Member
The right-side-up edition
Posts: 192
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by blindLeap on Jul 24, 2020 4:28:02 GMT -5
Just adding my view for "statistical purposes" 🙂 everything has basically already been said. It depends on the PWD I guess...in principle if she had a wonderful character and was attractive...I would seriously consider the idea. However keeping it real, I see several hurdles coming up to my mind. 1) yes, I agree, logistical issues. Sometimes it is great to have an able-bodied girl beside. I hate limits, and I try to overcome them by myself every time. But sometimes limits are not just in your mind. 2) limits, exactly. I fear such couple would be very limited in practice and would end up having a rather boring life (according to my standards, I am super active) 3) sex is not everything...but it is paramount from my point of view to achieve a satisfying and happy long-term relationship. Not much sex experience on my side as a PWD, but I guess I would focus on the girl's pleasure. If she doesn't feel anything...well I am sure you can still have an enjoyable experience somehow. I wouldn't call it sex though...and the feeling of guilt that would come up sooner or later for missing that would be dangerous. In brief, possible but in general not desirable. I love that response because it shows off well how incredibly huge this thing we called PWD really is. Two blind people and you can be plenty active. Two blind people with guide dogs, and you have a serious advocacy problem on your hands because refusing guide dogs isn't allowed, which is of course why it happens all the time. Even in that, there's big differences. A blind person with a deaf person is ...certainly possible, but I can imagine it would require quite a bit of adaptation on both parts. Now the inverse of this is also an interesting one. If I were to be partnered up with an able-bodied person instead, there are other issues, often more insidious, that come up. Having that person become your caretaker rather than your partner tends to be a bad thing. That person will , to a large majority of people, become the PWD's communicator to people who can't be f*cked to talk to us directly. Not because we want that to happen,but because people go over our heads, sometimes quite literally. Apart from the braindead " aaww so happy that there's someone for everyone" you have less of that to deal with when it's two PWDs in my experience. Mostly people just feel too awkward to reach out to begin with, which... I guess is both a pro and a con? I've been on both sides of the coin in this and would do both again.
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Post by robbb on Jul 24, 2020 5:35:46 GMT -5
That person will , to a large majority of people, become the PWD's communicator to people who can't be f*cked to talk to us directly. During my very brief few dates with an SCI guy last year I absolutely refused to play that game. I either ignored them so they had to speak to him, looked at him so that he would answer the question instead of me or just straight said to them "why don't you ask him?" R.
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