blindLeap
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Post by blindLeap on Jul 24, 2020 5:50:30 GMT -5
And that is why you are one of the good ones In my experience you either get responses like yours, the exact opposite where the PWD essentially gets talked about without input from their end, or a sort of in-between thing where things just get incredibly awkward. Depends on the assertivity of both the PWD and AB partner as wellas the willigness to stop being a tw*nt of the person who's approaching communicating in that way.
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joe89
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Post by joe89 on Jul 24, 2020 8:00:04 GMT -5
Just adding my view for "statistical purposes" 🙂 everything has basically already been said. It depends on the PWD I guess...in principle if she had a wonderful character and was attractive...I would seriously consider the idea. However keeping it real, I see several hurdles coming up to my mind. 1) yes, I agree, logistical issues. Sometimes it is great to have an able-bodied girl beside. I hate limits, and I try to overcome them by myself every time. But sometimes limits are not just in your mind. 2) limits, exactly. I fear such couple would be very limited in practice and would end up having a rather boring life (according to my standards, I am super active) 3) sex is not everything...but it is paramount from my point of view to achieve a satisfying and happy long-term relationship. Not much sex experience on my side as a PWD, but I guess I would focus on the girl's pleasure. If she doesn't feel anything...well I am sure you can still have an enjoyable experience somehow. I wouldn't call it sex though...and the feeling of guilt that would come up sooner or later for missing that would be dangerous. In brief, possible but in general not desirable. I love that response because it shows off well how incredibly huge this thing we called PWD really is. Two blind people and you can be plenty active. Two blind people with guide dogs, and you have a serious advocacy problem on your hands because refusing guide dogs isn't allowed, which is of course why it happens all the time. Even in that, there's big differences. A blind person with a deaf person is ...certainly possible, but I can imagine it would require quite a bit of adaptation on both parts. Now the inverse of this is also an interesting one. If I were to be partnered up with an able-bodied person instead, there are other issues, often more insidious, that come up. Having that person become your caretaker rather than your partner tends to be a bad thing. That person will , to a large majority of people, become the PWD's communicator to people who can't be f*cked to talk to us directly. Not because we want that to happen,but because people go over our heads, sometimes quite literally. Apart from the braindead " aaww so happy that there's someone for everyone" you have less of that to deal with when it's two PWDs in my experience. Mostly people just feel too awkward to reach out to begin with, which... I guess is both a pro and a con? I've been on both sides of the coin in this and would do both again. Good job making my post more general and applicable to all disability! Indeed I forgot mentioning I meant SCI (me) with a girl on a wheelchair for any reason. Thanks
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expresso
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Post by expresso on Jul 24, 2020 19:39:36 GMT -5
i have and would again if i found the other person attractive or something about them i enjoy - now with that said - i havnt found many that i am attracted to either - i dont think i would rule it out if i came across someone i connect with - it dosnt have to be sexual attraction can be just good chemistry to be around.
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expresso
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Post by expresso on Jul 24, 2020 19:39:59 GMT -5
i have and would again if i found the other person attractive or something about them i enjoy - now with that said - i havnt found many that i am attracted to either - i dont think i would rule it out if i came across someone i connect with - it dosnt have to be sexual attraction can be just good chemistry to be around.
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Post by zacc on Jul 27, 2020 10:42:18 GMT -5
I actually met a female PWD on OKCupid. I was trying to pursue a relationship with her however, in the end we just became friends. When we had an honest discussion about our possible romantic relationship, she said she didn't think it would work because we couldn't be physically intimate with each other. And I really don't blame her. However, I think it would be possible to have a non-physical relationship with someone, if I could also have a physical/sexual relationship with someone else. So I guess I would say I am open to polyamory. So I would be open to a romantic relationship with a PWD as long as they were willing to be polyamorous.
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Post by Dr. BiPAP Sachin on Jul 28, 2020 11:38:20 GMT -5
So I would be open to a romantic relationship with a PWD as long as they were willing to be polyamorous. Hmmm… that reminds me of this.
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blindLeap
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Post by blindLeap on Jul 30, 2020 5:51:51 GMT -5
hah Being poly myself I can absolutely see that working as well. There'd have to be a lot of communicating back and forth in such an arrangement though ... I can see the PWD quite easily getting worried you'll gravitate towards the partner you'd be having sex with more because they can give you something the PWD can't and that can be rather deeply-rooted given the reasons for everything. It really depends on the chemistry and the people involved I would say
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Post by Green on Jul 30, 2020 20:12:37 GMT -5
I actually met a female PWD on OKCupid. I was trying to pursue a relationship with her however, in the end we just became friends. When we had an honest discussion about our possible romantic relationship, she said she didn't think it would work because we couldn't be physically intimate with each other. And I really don't blame her. However, I think it would be possible to have a non-physical relationship with someone, if I could also have a physical/sexual relationship with someone else. So I guess I would say I am open to polyamory. So I would be open to a romantic relationship with a PWD as long as they were willing to be polyamorous. I met a girl on OKC probably like five years ago who had SMA. I've drifted away from her since then, and at the time I wasn't particularly emotionally attached to her, but I was pretty fond of her. Anyway, I asked her at one point if she thought it was even theoretically possible for us to be in a romantic relationship. I don't remember her answer - and I know logistics was part of it - but I think I thought of it as really beside the point to really put deep consideration into it if we weren't that into each other anyway. Although, I think it was also clear that there was no reason to rule out completely on a theoretical level. Today, I can say with certainty that I'm completely open to any disability in a romantic partner. I don't really see why either of you would think that you couldn't be physically intimate with each other. You didn't say if you thought was possible though. What do you think? In either case, it is always possible as long as you have help like everywhere else in your life. It might be strange or awkward at first, sure, but if you really love someone, what does it matter? Figure it out. I don't think it's asking for the impossible for two people with severe physical disabilities to be physically intimate. I think to rule out a relationship because the physical relationship is not possible, would be to think about a relationship and explicitly able-ist terms. Why assume there can't be intimacy? It also would be similar to saying that you won't date a girl because she can't do anal, including she couldn't do it for medical reasons. In fact, I don't think there is reason to think the first place that physical intimacy would not be possible. Someone shouldn't be so shallow that they absolutely must have anal sex, since there are so many other ways to have sex. Same with saying you absolutely must have a girl do reverse cowgirl and squirt on you when she orgasms. Then saying you would be okay with it as long as you could be nonmonogamous seems to be backwards reasoning. If you are polyamorous, that's fine, I'm saying that it shouldn't be used as an excuse or justification for being in a relationship without any physical intimacy. I don't think non-monogamy has to be ruled out and I think it can easily be a good choice, so that probably helps a little for being creative about relationships.
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nicks8771
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Post by nicks8771 on Aug 1, 2020 14:27:01 GMT -5
I have struggled with this question for years. For me, I think it depends. It really depends on her level of ability. I want the physical aspect of the relationship. Holding hands, cuddling, sex. I'm not saying that's everything but it's still important to me.
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WheelinDude
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Post by WheelinDude on Aug 2, 2020 15:14:25 GMT -5
This is a very interesting question.
A couple of years into my injury, I met an attractive single woman close to my age in a hospital/rehab setting who also had a C5 injury similar to mine. She had been a quad for about ten years at the time we met. We seemed to run across each other quite often, so over the course of a few weeks we eventually began to have conversations that grew from small talk to more in-depth conversations - both in person and on the phone. After a while, we admitted that we had feelings for each other, which lead to a series of dates – which went very well. (We always had to meet somewhere because we can never ride together because our vans can only accommodate one power wheelchair at a time.) We share a lot of common interests and were both physically active and into fitness, playing sports, camping, hiking and boating in our prior lives. Our ‘quad lives’ are also similar in that we are both as independent as possible – we both live alone in our own homes (with the assistance of PCA’s), have full-time jobs, drive our own vehicles, etc.
Eventually, after talking about it a great deal ahead of time, we decided to meet at her home. Without going into too much detail here, we were able to finally get as intimate with each other as we could on our own. This was EXTREMELY frustrating for both of us as the amount of physical contact that is possible between two people in power wheelchairs with limited upper body movement is restrictive to put it mildly. Over the next month or so, we continued dating, ending up at either her place or mine and ultimately experiencing the same limitations each time – although we did learn to a bit more creative with experience. 😉
Taking a physical relationship to the next level would have required a significant amount of assistance from one of our PCA’s. So far, out of either stubbornness or a need to maintain some level of privacy, we have never done so. We remain very good friends with (limited) benefits.
So, am I attracted to women with disabilities? Hell yeah! However, the disability level of both people in a relationship is an important consideration for the relationship to last long term. I am not saying that it’s impossible, it just takes a LOT of external assistance to have a live-in ‘normal’ relationship. In practicality, a relationship with an able-bodied significant other is so much easier.
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Post by Reddwheels on Aug 2, 2020 19:02:17 GMT -5
Yes I would absolutely date a PWD. One of the most beautiful and amazing people I ever met was a wheelchair user from Brazil.
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Para&Poly
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Post by Para&Poly on Aug 5, 2020 12:52:24 GMT -5
Yes. I have a longtime friend/crush who uses a wheelchair. If she becomes available, maybe we'll see.
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gin
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Post by gin on Aug 25, 2020 2:01:07 GMT -5
Look what I found... Attachment DeletedSomewhat related to this topic – thought you might like it
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ukparaguy
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Post by ukparaguy on Aug 25, 2020 8:13:02 GMT -5
The general answer seems to be 'No' but I was curious to hear from you all. Would you, as a PWD, date a PWD? If not, why? I would and I have in the past, my attraction to someone is based on a much deeper connection than are they disabled or not, just in the same way as I wouldn't only date blondes or tall people, I am much more interested in what that person is about as a whole not how their outer appearance is
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