Frustrated

[ayla]

lisa just imagining The Bar of Frustrated Devs is enough to take the edge off the frustration. It’s so nice to be able to share these woes with each other. Ultimately, I think it’s a gift to be a dev and though it might be (very) hard sometimes it has many benefits too. Including not being tempted and distracted constantly, competing for boys, or…well, I’m sure there’s a third thing 😂

Until I think of it, pour me another 🍻

[Braced4Impact]

I am offering body shots at the Bar of the Frustrated Devs.

[feelsunshine]

Oct 24, 2022 10:09:13 GMT -5 Braced4Impact said:

Stop describing me so well

Braced4Impact you were seriously the first guy that came to my mind who’d match perfectly 😊
I was almost about to link you to the thread but I thought you’d find it eventually ☺️

[ichbin]

Oct 29, 2022 14:38:09 GMT -5 feelsunshine said:

Oct 24, 2022 10:09:13 GMT -5 Braced4Impact said:

Stop describing me so well

Braced4Impact you were seriously the first guy that came to my mind who’d match perfectly 😊
I was almost about to link you to the thread but I thought you’d find it eventually ☺️

feelsunshine I thought exactly the same 😂

[ProudRealist]

I think your post resonates with quite a few of us on pd... what's that saying about misery enjoying company?

[Experimentalist]

Oct 24, 2022 9:32:06 GMT -5 kat said:

And the worst part is that a non-insignificant portion of them are probably convinced that no one finds them attractive. And here I am, sitting inside my own apartment, staring at my own screen, yelling at the universe for providing no way to bring us together.

This post has no real point, except to say that I'm frustrated and tired of not just not dating, but of not having the option to date. I'm pretty happy with my own company most of the time, and I've lucked out with some truly amazing friends. But the dev part of me, the romantic part, is just eternally locked away.

Sending some hugs through your screen   

[pyrat]

Oct 24, 2022 15:26:06 GMT -5 ayla said:

This reminds me of a frustration I have. Like the OP and everybody else on this thread, I have certain traits I like in men and it's so narrowly specific and hard to find "organically" -- i.e. just out and about. Meanwhile, my husband is able to meet attractive female strangers at almost any dog park, bar, work event, party, you name it. Not women to sleep with, just women who are his type and he gets to enjoy chatting to and being around casually. He isn't doing anything inappropriate -- I wouldn't even call this socializing "flirting" -- and I have every right to do the same. But I can never, ever have that experience. Even if I went to a PWD centric event, my devness would either be an uncomfortable secret or a known piece of information that would likely make the interaction too overtly flirty for this particular kind of enjoyment.

let me fill you in on a secret: you can call a man picky if he won’t hump a pile of manure. Slightly exaggerated but you get my point

[pyrat]

Oct 24, 2022 9:32:06 GMT -5 kat said:

As is true of most devs, I have an uncommon type. Even inside the pool of devs, I'd say the things I'm attracted to are not the most typical. I've always been interested in vulnerability over strength, and given the choice, I'll always choose nerdy over conventionally attractive. For whatever reason, and through no choice of my own, that's just always been my interest.

Both from a physicality and personality standpoint, the people I'm most interested in probably don't venture out all that much to places they could be found. They're most likely to be hunkered down inside their apartments staring at screens. Maybe they're busy slaying bosses in their favorite RPG, or maybe they're scoffing at their TV about Rings of Power not living up to the original.

And the worst part is that a non-insignificant portion of them are probably convinced that no one finds them attractive. And here I am, sitting inside my own apartment, staring at my own screen, yelling at the universe for providing no way to bring us together.

This post has no real point, except to say that I'm frustrated and tired of not just not dating, but of not having the option to date. I'm pretty happy with my own company most of the time, and I've lucked out with some truly amazing friends. But the dev part of me, the romantic part, is just eternally locked away.

And it sucks.

I think almost all devs here are attracted to vulnerability over strength. At least that’s my impression. I’m happy to be corrected if wrong

[someonerandom]

Nov 19, 2022 20:12:51 GMT -5 pyrat said:

Oct 24, 2022 9:32:06 GMT -5 kat said:

As is true of most devs, I have an uncommon type. Even inside the pool of devs, I'd say the things I'm attracted to are not the most typical. I've always been interested in vulnerability over strength, and given the choice, I'll always choose nerdy over conventionally attractive. For whatever reason, and through no choice of my own, that's just always been my interest.

Both from a physicality and personality standpoint, the people I'm most interested in probably don't venture out all that much to places they could be found. They're most likely to be hunkered down inside their apartments staring at screens. Maybe they're busy slaying bosses in their favorite RPG, or maybe they're scoffing at their TV about Rings of Power not living up to the original.

And the worst part is that a non-insignificant portion of them are probably convinced that no one finds them attractive. And here I am, sitting inside my own apartment, staring at my own screen, yelling at the universe for providing no way to bring us together.

This post has no real point, except to say that I'm frustrated and tired of not just not dating, but of not having the option to date. I'm pretty happy with my own company most of the time, and I've lucked out with some truly amazing friends. But the dev part of me, the romantic part, is just eternally locked away.

And it sucks.

I think almost all devs here are attracted to vulnerability over strength. At least that’s my impression. I’m happy to be corrected if wrong

Lol, interesting impression. What about the devs here gave you that impression?

[pyrat]

Nov 19, 2022 20:20:52 GMT -5 someonerandom said:

Nov 19, 2022 20:12:51 GMT -5 pyrat said:

I think almost all devs here are attracted to vulnerability over strength. At least that’s my impression. I’m happy to be corrected if wrong

Lol, interesting impression. What about the devs here gave you that impression?

When traits are mentioned as attractive they seem to be rather on that end of the spectrum. But it’s just an impression as you said, I have 0 evidence to back that up and I’m not positive it’s correct

[kat]

Nov 19, 2022 20:12:51 GMT -5 pyrat said:

I think almost all devs here are attracted to vulnerability over strength. At least that’s my impression. I’m happy to be corrected if wrong

Based on what I've read here over the years, I don't think that's the case. It seems the majority are attracted to things like adaptation, resiliency, overcoming difficult circumstances etc. (which are great traits obviously, they're just not really the source of my devness).

I'll admit that I've sometimes wondered whether this impression comes from the fact that it's more socially acceptable to be attracted to things of that nature than the things that are "wrong" with a person. Maybe there's more devs like me out there that are just afraid of expressing it.

[pyrat]

Nov 20, 2022 2:08:23 GMT -5 kat said:

Nov 19, 2022 20:12:51 GMT -5 pyrat said:

I think almost all devs here are attracted to vulnerability over strength. At least that’s my impression. I’m happy to be corrected if wrong

Based on what I've read here over the years, I don't think that's the case. It seems the majority are attracted to things like adaptation, resiliency, overcoming difficult circumstances etc. (which are great traits obviously, they're just not really the source of my devness).

I'll admit that I've sometimes wondered whether this impression comes from the fact that it's more socially acceptable to be attracted to things of that nature than the things that are "wrong" with a person. Maybe there's more devs like me out there that are just afraid of expressing it.

Crazy to think that this community is like coming out for many and then theres more sub-closets here 

[wonkywheeler]

Dating is so hard. Most disabled people are chained to their location. So unless you have an outgoing personality and are willing to travel, you might never find what you are looking for. Luckily there is the internet. Things are a lot easier now than when I was young.

[vvulfie]

Hey at least you found this as a way to reach out to someone. It's very encouraging to see posts like this 

[realpara48]

I’ve more or less given up , I mean how the hell can you date etc whilst on bedrest 🤷🏻‍♂️🤣 so don’t see the point anymore.
Yes it be nice to find someone but chances are next to zero at the mo .. it’s been 8yrs since split with my ex ( she became very abusive ) . Had couple short relationships after but then got this Damn pressure sore so not bothered since 🙄🤦🏻‍♂️
Hopefully one day I will find someone crazy enough 🤣👌🏻