Question for devs in able bodied relationships/marriages

[Dani]

Chronic pattern indeed...

[ParaDise]

Apr 19, 2023 12:35:02 GMT -5 teshy said:

For me, it's not a problem at all. I'm bi, married for 12 years, in an open relationship for a couple of years now. My husband knows about my devness and is willing for me to have that experience. The thing is: it's not easy to find a pwd here where I live. And I don't know where to find someone haha

Where do you live? hehe <3 

[Dr. BiPAP Sachin]

Oh my gosh, who's hitting on who now? I guess everyone's experiences regarding the topic of this thread are quite diverse, depending on whom one talks to. Of course, I don't approve of cheating in a relationship either, though I'm still single af lol. But what do I know? I ain't married!!

[devman1950]

All the time

[bsmn]

I read through this post, thought I would get my two cents in: While the opportunity hasn't crossed my path yet, I could see myself being a FWB or a woman's liaison. But I also would make sure we gel well and their both fine with it, because I would feel REALLY guilty for tanking someone's marriage, no matter how shaky the ground it was on really was.

[kwhi13]

Very good question…

[relladev]

I was married to an AB guy who I liked very much. when we tied the knot I actaully believed he was a "cure" for this whole dev thing.
But soon I started to think about my imaginary knight in shining prothesis/wheelchair again. I've even beg him to pretend, but it didn't work. he hated it and I couldn't fool myself.
I thought I was going to cheat if I'd only have the chance to meet any available PWD. But it never happened and now I'm back to single again.

[justnick]

Aug 19, 2023 6:40:50 GMT -5 relladev said:

I was married to an AB guy who I liked very much. when we tied the knot I actaully believed he was a "cure" for this whole dev thing.
But soon I started to think about my imaginary knight in shining prothesis/wheelchair again. I've even beg him to pretend, but it didn't work. he hated it and I couldn't fool myself.
I thought I was going to cheat if I'd only have the chance to meet any available PWD. But it never happened and now I'm back to single again.

It’s probably a good thing that you didn’t cheat, though. Right?

[relladev]

Aug 19, 2023 6:44:58 GMT -5 justnick said:

Aug 19, 2023 6:40:50 GMT -5 relladev said:

I was married to an AB guy who I liked very much. when we tied the knot I actaully believed he was a "cure" for this whole dev thing.
But soon I started to think about my imaginary knight in shining prothesis/wheelchair again. I've even beg him to pretend, but it didn't work. he hated it and I couldn't fool myself.
I thought I was going to cheat if I'd only have the chance to meet any available PWD. But it never happened and now I'm back to single again.

It’s probably a good thing that you didn’t cheat, though. Right?

I guess so.
But if you count things going in imaginary world then I seriously chested in so many day dreams and it's only because I just can't get it right in real dreams

[justnick]

Aug 19, 2023 6:48:57 GMT -5 relladev said:

Aug 19, 2023 6:44:58 GMT -5 justnick said:

It’s probably a good thing that you didn’t cheat, though. Right?

I guess so.
But if you count things going in imaginary world then I seriously chested in so many day dreams and it's only because I just can't get it right in real dreams

dreams and imagination don’t count. If they did, the world would be made up of intergalactic super villains. 😉

[junimo]

This is a relevant topic for me right now. I’m married to a fantastic and open-minded AB guy who’s known about my preferences since before we were married. I’m honestly not sure what I thought would happen with this entire frustrated and unfulfilled side of my sexuality and romantic interests when we got married, but I probably assumed Future Self would just figure it out. About 5 years into our marriage, we experimented with opening up the marriage. We read the books and agreeed on boundaries and rules and communicated very openly. I think we did everything the “right” way. I met a PWD a couple hours away and we chatted online for a few months and then spent time together in person. He was very aware of the whole situation (I wouldn’t feel remotely comfortable otherwise). But ultimately it was just way too emotionally overwhelming for me. I could not compartmentalize my super intense feelings for two different people. And I probably let things get way too complicated by not doing a better job of keeping things casual. I’m just not a casual person and tend to get deep with people in general very fast. Husband and I ended up deciding to go back to monogamy. This was a few years ago and lately I’ve been thinking I really want to try again. I just need to figure out how to be way more chill. Unfortunately, chill is just not my natural state

[ayla]

junimo that’s really interesting. When you were open, did your husband meet anyone or was it only you? I’m curious how his side of things impacted the process.

[junimo]

Sept 8, 2023 19:52:33 GMT -5 ayla said:

junimo that’s really interesting. When you were open, did your husband meet anyone or was it only you? I’m curious how his side of things impacted the process.

We considered just opening things up on my side, but neither of us felt that was really fair. I would have felt guilty with it being one-sided, so I probably pushed him into it. He didn’t seem all that excited about the idea and did end up losing interest after a couple of months - he hates small talk and the meet-ups were awkward for him. He also just wasn’t as motivated to meet other women, which I totally take as a compliment- ha!

[ayla]

I have been pushing for my husband to do the same, and he also is less motivated about it/feels a bit insecure. I would like him to find someone who reacts to him, sexually, the way a dev does to a pwd; it’s something I can’t give him but he totally deserves it!

[devman1950]

I actually have done exactly THAT , it's awesome