Cycles

[Cake]

OK, let's get this party started.


I've always wondered if I'm the only one who experiences "devo cycles".
As long as I've been a Dev (i.e. my whole life) I've had those cycles. I's a continuous seesaw between three stages.
So I developed a highly scientific glossary which helps me detect in which state of mind I'm currently in. The system also makes it easier to abstract what's happening to me at a time.
The cycles are these:


-Moderate Dev Urge.
It's always there, but easy to live with.
You think about it at least once a day, but in a relaxed or even happy manner.
Feels like "I'm special, and I like it."

-Extreme Dev Urge.
Almost unbearable desire and pretty much the only thing you can think about whole day and night.
Orgasms happen all the time, everywhere, by mere thinking about "it". Work and other trivia is difficult, because your mind is occupied with fantasies. First it feels great and ecstatic, then it becomes a nightmare.
Feels like "How am I gonna survive this!" and "Please make it stop...".

-Non-existing Dev Urge.
Logically you know you're a Dev, but actually your not interested in anything Dev-related - at all. You even find it boring.
Feels like "Hey, I want my devness back!" or "It's over... It's over!!!"


The order of these stages can differ, but it usually starts with no. 3 and ends with no. 1. The length of the cycles can vary from days to weeks to months. No. 2 is always the shortest (obviously too exhausting), while no. 1 or 3 can last for a veeery long time.


So, what do you ladies say? Can you relate to anything you've just read?

[faith]

Not a joke... I was thinking of posting the EXACT same type of thing! This is weird!

Yes, it totally goes in cycles. Somedays are overwhelming and it is all I can think about. I mean I go about my business but I can't wait to be done with my day so I can think, ponder, read, look at pics of guys in chairs. On those days it is like an addiction. Can't stop thinking of it.

I do think it has something to do with the monthly cycle. I notice right before and after my cycle as well as when I am ovulating it is the strongest. Not that other days I don't think of it, but on those days it can be overwhelming.
Today is one of those days. I spent a good part of this morning reading and browsing sites about men in chairs. I may not do it again for another month or so.

So, ya, I can relate.
Although I never fear it is over as it is such a part of who I am.

[BA]

Totally and completely in agreement here. It can go through cycles of months, weeks or days. I think sometimes the mundane aspects of life just take over and push it into the way background. I am pretty sure that in my "non-existing dev" state, if I ran into a hot guy on wheels, I would be quickly thrust back into the "extreme dev urge" state. I also agree that it has alot to do with my hormone cycle as well. Much more to say about this and too little time! Great topic cake!

[natasha]

I'm almost the same way!! but I guess in the extreme urgency I'm not sure because I know this hot para guy that I know for years and who's also an ASS#$%&
..The thing is that we used to be back and forth for a long time..Now I ended the "booty calls" a few months ago because he just doesn't appeal to me anymore! Even though hes acting like a psycho calling me all the time, I wont go.....So, when I'm in a very hot days that I want to be with a wheeler I rather fantasize and do it myself instead of calling him!!..... I guess sometimes being an ASS*&^%$ can be do more than the fantasy itself!! hahahha...

[lisa]

Yes, the cycles exist for me, too. But for me, I think the cycles are self-imposed. If I am true to myself, I know that I HATE "tab A into slot B" sex and that a wheeler is the only stimulus that even begins to turn me on. Those are the extreme "how can I survive this" times.

When I am suppressing my true self and trying to live a "normal" life I can force my dev-ness to be non-existent for awhile.

But as you can see from my seesawing presence on the board, it always comes back ...

Thanks for starting the discussion, Cake.

[devogirl]

Right on Cake, excellent topic!

I must agree, I have noticed the same thing myself. It comes and goes, seemingly beyond conscious thought. I seem to be in stage 3 right now, which is maybe why I haven't been posting so much.

In my case, I feel like the cycles move very slowly, lasting months at a time. Stage 2 used to be more intense, when I felt like disabled guys were unattainable. Now that I no longer feel that way, I'm less obsessive.

However, tiny things can trigger the cycle, like seeing a hot wheeler in public, or reading a really good book or watching a good new movie.

As for why I feel like I'm in the "non-dev" part of the cycle right now, I don't feel like I'm repressing anything. It's just that I'm really focused on non-sexual parts of my life right now (mainly work), so it's just sort of dormant. It's not a bad thing either--it's nice not to be so obsessed and wound-up for a change.

[Valkyrja]

I must agree with you all. I also have "cycles".
After 7 years of "coexistence"with my couple (he is an AB guy), I was in the 1st stage that Cake talk about, it was the larger 1st stage I ever had. About 3 or 4 month ago I jumped into stage 2... that's when I found Paradevo.
I never met a non-ab guy... so I never fulfilled that urge. Now that I'm "married" (sort of) I know I could never cheat my guy but I discovered that to be in contact with "chairdudes", exchange letters and others, I carry out the urge part of the stage 2.
Now, though I know I'm in "Stage 2"... for all my family problems... I have no sexual desire (my libido is below 0) so... it's a strange stage for me! (forgive the mistakes and misprint, it's too late and I'm too tired)

[Cake]

Thanks you all for your interesting responses.

I currently find myself in stage 2, that's why I got the idea to post this topic. Until about one week ago I was in stage 3.
Like Devo Girl said, I think sometimes sexuality just doesn't play a real part in our lives. At these times I don't feel like I am repressing my devness, too. Stage 3 feels good, and for me, I mostly experience it in times where I'm busy with other things, like work or friendships etc. So stage 2 often comes with holidays or vacations, when I have more time alone with myself, to relax, to dream.
My recent change from stage 3 to stage 2 happened suddenly, like overnight. I guess something always triggers it, though I usually don't remember what it was afterwards. It can be a hot wheeler, like AB said, a movie, or even just a hormone rush. The theory about the monthly hormone cycle is interesting. For me, sometimes it may be just that, but then, stage 3 can go on for many months, which actually would rebut the theory. Still, what is it, that makes it happen so suddenly? Or am I the only one with this? Do your "stage changes" come gradually?

There are many funny aspects about stage 2. Like for example, when your guy's just sitting there, and you stare at him with these hungry eyes, because suddenly your mind's filled with a huge desire... why? Because he's sitting there!
It's such an uncontrollable lust you suddenly experience, and it can easily turn into obsession. I think of the days you're frantically browsing youtube for anything that could give you the kick; watch the same video ten times in a row, just because it's so incredibly hot - in stage 3 the same video wouldn't give you anything at all. Funny, that.
(For those who know Dark Angel: Doesn't it feel a bit like Max when she's in heat?)

Well, like AB said, there's so much more to say about all this. but I don't want my post to turn into a novel, so I'll just stop here and wait what you have to to say yet.

[Valkyrja]

LOL Cake... I know exactly what you feel!!.
It doesn't come gradually for me either, it uses to be so sudden!
The necessity to carry out a part, at least, of that "stage" is terrible!... Like you said, Cake, it's like to be in heat! LOL (we sound like cats!!)
When I enter the stage 2, I use to read a lot of "dev" stuff (stories, books, novels) or I like to watch movies. (Youtube doesn't satisfy me... by now)
What strange kind of persons we, devs, are!
Non devs... I wonder, have the same urge? (I've never be a "non-dev")
The first man I never fantasize to be disable was my partner (how do you call the man whom you live with but when you are not married?)... with all the other guys I had, I used to let my imagination fly!... you know what I'm talking about.
Do you ask some friend about their feelings?

P.S.: "Eyes Only" - Logan... YUMMY!!!!

[georgia]

Yep, my interest waxes and wanes and at this point of my life, has nothing to do with any other cycle.

I like the conversations on the board, but prefer my wheeler in my house or at a far remove.

I'm so tired of the dev fiction that I've read and re-read that I write my own. I've found myself branching farther afield, and sometimes I'm not so sure I'm going places where I really should go.

[Cake]

georgia said:

I'm so tired of the dev fiction that I've read and re-read that I write my own. I've found myself branching farther afield, and sometimes I'm not so sure I'm going places where I really should go.

I so know what you mean...

[dolly]

what a great topic, cake!

i am in complete agreement with your analysis of the cycles and i can't begin to say how comforting (once again) it is to know that i'm not alone in this.

i find there is a definite tie-in to my monthly cycle. i tend to get really devved up right before but perhaps that is just hormones and how i choose to direct them? because other times the dev cycles seem to come and go randomly, although i agree that at any time a "trigger" can set me off.

oh the extremes of both pleasure and pain involved with stage 2. it is bloody exhausting and by the time that stage is through it is such a relief. the frustrations of finding something to scratch that itch seem to be getting worse lately, even though there seems to be more available "out there".

(it does feel like max in dark angel when she's in heat! lol)

cake said:

georgia said:

I'm so tired of the dev fiction that I've read and re-read that I write my own. I've found myself branching farther afield, and sometimes I'm not so sure I'm going places where I really should go.

I so know what you mean...

i actually am not sure what you mean... but i'm very curious. it may be too personal to share but i'd love to know what you are eluding to. and if you think it's the actual act of writing that has taken you there.

i keep thinking i should try to write some fiction for myself but haven't made the time.

[bentogirl]

For me as a dev, there are 2 cycles. On and off. Or as Cake said, extreme and non-existing. Cake and Dolly, I like how you described stage 2. It is exhausting! Exhilarating but draining. And impossible to maintain for any length of time. I cycle through all of my "obsessions". One month I'll be hooked on a particular hobby. I'll eat, drink, and sleep it. The next month I'm over it and move on to something else.

[Claire]

Mine is never as extreme as some of you are experiencing. But I have noticed definite cycles. Most notably my monthly cycle. During ovulation my devism is at its peak and I fantasize constantly, but not to the point of having orgasms, and not to the point of feeling exhausting.

There was a time in my life where I "fed" my devism by looking at pictures on the Internet. That was bad, it just made it worse. I stopped doing that for two reasons: I felt out of control, and I realized that the picture sites I was visiting were exploitive of the people in the photos (who usually had no idea their picture was being taken for these purposes). It's easier to live with now that I don't do this anymore.

I can be triggered by seeing a wheeler (not just any wheeler but one that particularly appeals to me). Then it will get bad for a few days as it gives me new fodder for new fantasies. I have a collection of indelible moments in my head of of wheelers that just *did it* for me.

[dolly]

i sometimes wonder if the intensity of phase 2 is comparable to the arousal men live with on a daily basis.... if so, it explains a lot. lmao