FAQ of devs and disability

[gaydevguy001]

Devs and PWDs of PD, what are some frequently asked questions about your disability and/or dev status that you’d like to clarify?

[mswarrior1]

Probably the most frequently asked question is Why don’t you look sick? People don’t understand that there are very degrees and types of multiple sclerosis.

I Have the disabling kind (PPMS) Which is primary progressive and I have paralysis on the right side of my body and I will be wheelchair bound eventually. RRMS Is the most common kind in people function normally for the most per day to day without paralysis until a much later in life

I am in constant pain 24/7 Medication helps it does not completely Eliminate it So the look on my face is constant excruciation for lack of a better term. Just shifting around in a seated position is painful for those who say we don’t look sick, we just have a really good way of hiding it.

[dutchdev]

Jun 16, 2024 8:18:08 GMT -5 gaydevguy001 said:

Devs and PWDs of PD, what are some frequently asked questions about your disability and/or dev status that you’d like to clarify?

Good question and curious to the responses, but not being open IRL about being a dev, I only get questions on here. LThe only one I can think of is “What are you into?”.

[TheVillain]

My question for Devs is what you feel toward PWDs strongly sexual like a kink or is it like pity and you want to just help? To me I imagine that there is so many different feelings you can have and different levels of attraction I am interested to hear some experiences. Thank you.

[gaydevguy001]

Jun 17, 2024 5:59:29 GMT -5 TheVillain said:

My question for Devs is what you feel toward PWDs strongly sexual like a kink or is it like pity and you want to just help? To me I imagine that there is so many different feelings you can have and different levels of attraction I am interested to hear some experiences. Thank you.

Good question. You’re right about it being pretty varied. I can’t speak for others, but pity isn’t usually a component of being a dev. In my case, I just happen to find paraplegic guys and their typical bodily features very attractive. The levels of attraction also tend to vary. Lots of devs (but not all) say they experience “dev highs” where the degree to which they feel attraction to PWDs fluctuates.

Also, welcome to PD!

[ayla]

Jun 17, 2024 7:24:38 GMT -5 gaydevguy001 said:

Jun 17, 2024 5:59:29 GMT -5 TheVillain said:

My question for Devs is what you feel toward PWDs strongly sexual like a kink or is it like pity and you want to just help? To me I imagine that there is so many different feelings you can have and different levels of attraction I am interested to hear some experiences. Thank you.

Good question. You’re right about it being pretty varied. I can’t speak for others, but pity isn’t usually a component of being a dev. In my case, I just happen to find paraplegic guys and their typical bodily features very attractive. The levels of attraction also tend to vary. Lots of devs (but not all) say they experience “dev highs” where the degree to which they feel attraction to PWDs fluctuates.

Also, welcome to PD!

I completely agree with this assessment. I don't feel a sense of pity or any particular desire to help. Nor do I think it's strongly sexual like a kink. I don't have anything I wish to do with a pwd that I wouldn't also do with an able bodied guy. There are just "typical bodily features" that go with paralysis that I, inexplicably, find very physically attractive. 

[ayla]

The main question I get is: why? And unfortunately it can't be answered; I have the same question for myself. Why this? I can't explain why I'm into wheelers any better than I can explain why I am into men.

[Braced4Impact]

"Does *it* work?"

[TheVillain]

Jun 17, 2024 9:31:15 GMT -5 Braced4Impact said:

"Does *it* work?"

Right? If only I had a penny for every time I had to say "As your mom." in my life...

[curiousginger]

Jun 17, 2024 5:59:29 GMT -5 TheVillain said:

My question for Devs is what you feel toward PWDs strongly sexual like a kink or is it like pity and you want to just help? To me I imagine that there is so many different feelings you can have and different levels of attraction I am interested to hear some experiences. Thank you.

As others have said, it’s different for everyone. For me it’s definitely not pity or wanting to help. Actually quite the opposite - I’m attracted to the strength that comes from adapting and overcoming challenges and obstacles to live your best life.

I also get a little bit hot and bothered at the thought of paralysed fingers touching the more intimate / sensitive parts of my body 🙊

[jakeonwheels]

People think that bc I can walk sometimes that I can walk all the time.

People think that bc I can’t get diagnosis bc of social and medical and financial barriers that I’m faking and that hurts so much.

Because my disability isn’t invisible even on the very few days where I can walk… you can see it on my face, you can see it in my limp, you can see it in the way I need to sit down every 10 minutes, can’t sit up straight in a chair for more than 30 minutes if it’s not my wheelchair.

Even if I “can walk” doing one activity a day will totally wipe me out and I’ll be laid up in pain sometimes for weeks, stuck in bed and totally taken out of the game.

And when you layer the Autism on top of that it’s excruciating to exist in public spaces with and without support.

People think I’m going to be a Sheldon or whatever and we’re not all like that. I have medium/high empathy and very high compassion: way I express it or take it in doesn’t look the same as allistic people.

Ex. You are upset and I don’t pick up on it (empathy-being able to tell how you feel), some people just think Im a jerk and move on. But if you tell me directly how you feel I care about that SO MUCH and will want to help you feel better or apologize for what I did. (Compassion-how you feel/care about other people’s feelings) I am deeply emotional and loving and affectionate. I love being with people and I have a lot of friends now bc I finally stopped trying to fit in with ableds and now people who like me for me and all my Autistic traits. (Now my friends understand that I miss stuff and make sure I’m understanding what’s going on, they don’t denigrate my special interests they encourage them, they understand that sometimes I have a shutdown and can’t speak and just need to be hugged and have my back rubbed until I can uncurl.) they don’t care or correct me if I get excited or grossed out and flap my hands really hard. (my ex literally would hold my arms down and try to “calm me down” instead of just letting me be happy.) They know not to white lie to me bc it undermines my sense of reality.

It is obvious to everyone around me that I’m really suffering but bc my physical disabilities aren’t being taken seriously and the Autism isn’t “bad enough to matter” even though not being able to be accommodated around has left me scarred and scared.

I just wish people would listen to me and believe me that this is happening. And by people I mean my parents; who blocked me from getting medical care, mobility devices, therapy, mental health assessments etc… bc they wanted to go on safaris rather than acknowledge that I’m disabled.

I could have had benefits starting at 18 and diagnoses and help and services, I’ve been dealing with this since 7th grade.

I’ve had to go a long time without help just walking on joints and grinding them down, destroying my already fucked super narrow spine bc they refused to get me a chair that was good for my back in the living room, they didn’t let me get mental help when I needed it most and now I’m recovering but it didn’t have to be this way.

Ignoring and dismissing those of us with “invisible” disabilities literally kills us and disables and isolates us further than we already are- and I wish that was something that people took seriously.

[TheVillain]

Jun 17, 2024 14:44:44 GMT -5 curiousginger said:

Jun 17, 2024 5:59:29 GMT -5 TheVillain said:

My question for Devs is what you feel toward PWDs strongly sexual like a kink or is it like pity and you want to just help? To me I imagine that there is so many different feelings you can have and different levels of attraction I am interested to hear some experiences. Thank you.

As others have said, it’s different for everyone. For me it’s definitely not pity or wanting to help. Actually quite the opposite - I’m attracted to the strength that comes from adapting and overcoming challenges and obstacles to live your best life.

I also get a little bit hot and bothered at the thought of paralysed fingers touching the more intimate / sensitive parts of my body 🙊

Well allllllrighty then. (Blushing) Seriously, thank you to you and all of the Devs that have posted here. I'm very curious about behavior, perceptions and experiences of others so that I can understand and make a stronger connection with people. For being born in complete need of others I am alone here.

[dutchdev]

It is not pity, if I feel (or when I felt) that,it is a turn off. I think for me some disabilities are the same as for some girlfriends of mine a six pack would be. It is a attraction, that can turn around completely if someone opens their mouths and says something idiotic or turn into a infatuation because there is a personality to match that body.

Adding to that, I don't think I necessarily have dev highs and lows, just a fluctuating libido.

[Dani]

Jun 17, 2024 5:59:29 GMT -5 TheVillain said:

My question for Devs is what you feel toward PWDs strongly sexual like a kink or is it like pity and you want to just help? To me I imagine that there is so many different feelings you can have and different levels of attraction I am interested to hear some experiences. Thank you.

So, for me it was never purely sexual, I also don't consider it a kink or a fetish. I consider it an attraction. I also don't want to "just help" outside the normal realms of being a good and empathetic human who doesn't differentiate between PWD or AB people when it comes to being helpful. 

I'm not so much the caregiver type, I probably care more about animals than humans at times , so no it's not about caregiving for me either. 

So, being a dev is individual for every person and some devs may enjoy the caregiving aspects while others see it as a fetish or kink, the spectrum is pretty broad. For me personally, I'd have to vibe with the person on other things too. It can be the hottest para...if I don't connect with them in other ways, the disability doesn't override the other character traits. 

[TheVillain]

Like it's still hard to comprehend that there are people out there that might actually find me attractive because of my disabilities while I have tried to pretend that I am not disabled every day of my life. There is no way to hide SMA Though so I don't usually ever feel attractive.