drdr
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Posts: 6
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Post by drdr on Jun 12, 2009 6:06:18 GMT -5
There is no perfect partner. It's the commitment to stay with someone regardless of their flaws that creates these "til death do we part" marriages. yeah but you can get that wrestling alligators and snakes too , and i sure hell would not like to imagine what the make up sex would be like afterwards . : ) I think the idea is nice but the problem is attachment , i.e. if your holding onto something so much for fear of losing it ( bit like ol anakin skyalker ) then you start to end up going the opposite direction you intended . This is exactly whay happens in modern society , when 2 people meet ( usually mistaking luste for love ) and then find out the person sucks or is not compatible with their illusions of love. Love itself imo is very rare its nots something for example you can simply take or get if you dont even recognise its presence within yourself. There is another aspect too i suppose find interesting that has nothing to do with looks as much as vitality or overall reproductive appeal of the person which explains why ( being in ill health ) diabled folk regardless of looks , skill are never going to be on any ones christmas list . drdr
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Post by Pony on Jun 12, 2009 9:31:39 GMT -5
A few random thoughts I've been having.... Have any of you met your 'perfect' other half? Does perfection really exist? And if it does, can we become bored with it? Or is it our imperfections that make us perfect? A few thoughts from a confused lady Well, I'm going to throw my thoughts towards Twilight's original post. Not sure I really understood all of your post Drdr....probably just my foggy brain!
Twilight, I like your question, and think I know what you mean. Your 'perfect partner' is not to say the partner is 'perfect' - just the perfect fit that you're happy with. I sure have felt many times that the girl i was with was the perfect chick for me, but as time went on things that i didn't see, or was just starting to reveal itself, started coming out. That's just natural, but one thing i've thought about is that it really takes a long time to learn all the different facets of someone, and how they can change in different situations. The chemistry i have with a girl now might not be the same in a year. I remember one girl, we were REALLY into it....it as like a drug of passion. It was so damn sexual, romantic, interesting on many levels, but at some point she started becoming critical more n more...kinda making it a joke as she criticized me! At first, i laughed with her, then i started getting pissed off. I'm not one to hold my tongue very long if i'm feeling something. I usually get it out on the table, and i did with her, but i also noticed her rudeness more n more coming out. I'm telling you, she did NOT exhibit this before coz I don't stand for that sh*t. The point is that it felt sooo damn perfect to me. I swear i really thought this could be it, but the song 'True Colors' comes to mind...lol
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Phil
Junior Member
Posts: 82
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Post by Phil on Jun 12, 2009 11:40:38 GMT -5
I don't think that the "perfect" person is possible for anyone. If you think about all the different interactions a couple could possibly have, then personality type, then factor in physical attributes, intelligence and lots of other things... Certain categories hold different degrees of importance to different people. So, that's a factor, too. So, finding a person to fill your every need in every category by scoring a perfect 100% sounds impossible.
But, if you really love someone... the love you feel for that someone should allow you to be comfortable in accepting that they don't score a perfect 100% across the board. The thing is, and it was an important lesson for me to learn, is that you accept someone for who they are and not who you want them to be. You're not selling out, but you sometimes do make compromises because you love this person and you WANT to make minor concessions, and never because you HAVE to.
She might be a few pounds heavy, and you mostly like thin women. Well, if you love her and that particular one thing isn't critical, it shouldn't be a deal breaker. He might not be as open with his feelings as you'd want. Again, you weigh the positives against the negatives. If you love the guy, and that particular thing isn't super important to you, you just accept that about him. It's all about priorities, I suppose.
But having said that, some things can't (or shouldn't) be overlooked, no matter how much you love someone. For example, if the guy is abusive, you kick his ass to the curb.
So, is finding "perfect person" possible for anyone? No, I don't think so. But I do know that it's possible to come damn close.
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drdr
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Post by drdr on Jun 12, 2009 14:38:53 GMT -5
A few random thoughts I've been having.... Have any of you met your 'perfect' other half? Does perfection really exist? And if it does, can we become bored with it? Or is it our imperfections that make us perfect? A few thoughts from a confused lady Well, I'm going to throw my thoughts towards Twilight's original post. Not sure I really understood all of your post Drdr....probably just my foggy brain!
Twilight, I like your question, and think I know what you mean. Your 'perfect partner' is not to say the partner is 'perfect' - just the perfect fit that you're happy with. I sure have felt many times that the girl i was with was the perfect chick for me, but as time went on things that i didn't see, or was just starting to reveal itself, started coming out. That's just natural, but one thing i've thought about is that it really takes a long time to learn all the different facets of someone, and how they can change in different situations. The chemistry i have with a girl now might not be the same in a year. I remember one girl, we were REALLY into it....it as like a drug of passion. It was so damn sexual, romantic, interesting on many levels, but at some point she started becoming critical more n more...kinda making it a joke as she criticized me! At first, i laughed with her, then i started getting pissed off. I'm not one to hold my tongue very long if i'm feeling something. I usually get it out on the table, and i did with her, but i also noticed her rudeness more n more coming out. I'm telling you, she did NOT exhibit this before coz I don't stand for that sh*t. The point is that it felt sooo damn perfect to me. I swear i really thought this could be it, but the song 'True Colors' comes to mind...lol Hi, I was making couple of points , one of them being the idea that it comes down to biological reasons i.e. a healthy partner for reproducing . Its something inherent and something I find interesting in the sense it accounts for why certain types got for certain types even if their abusive or assholes i.e. I believe folk are attracted to people who act like they are affluent ( well , fit, healthy, confident ) so on even if their not ( ego ) Hence why that same ego can, and often does , turn to abuse or being dumped with a kid ( there are ton of singles teenage mothers here ). oh well drdr
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2009 19:56:18 GMT -5
Perfection doesn't exist in people as in the perfect circle sense. NEVER and if someone says so then they are in for a real hard lesson. The perfect person for me is not going to be the perfect person for anyone else.
Soul mates has nothing to do with religion. Its like the man said about The Dude. "He just fits right in there."
A personal example. When I was in high school there was this girl and she wasn't perfect in any shape or form but there was such a strong attraction that I have rarely come across. In my entire life I have met maybe two girls that did that to me. I knew there was a connection but as all teenagers I was clueless and nothing came of it and fucked it all up.
Years and years later she says hey on Facebook. My first response was. What the hell took you so long!?!? A little chit chat and some catching up and I find out that she was absolutely crazy about me too. Her father was a racist piece of shit and that was why she didn't approach me. When we talked about the past we realized that we had so much in common then..and now.
Long story short the connection still exists even after all these years of living our own lives. Shes married with three children and well we have flirted with the idea of fooling around but then I picture her family being torn asunder like grizzly on a juicy salmon and the emergency brakes go off.
One of her husband's comments to her...." I have never heard you laugh like that before "
There has to be something out there that draws people together stronger then the usual bond. I think its Terry Pratchett who says, its quantum.
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Jun 14, 2009 21:02:55 GMT -5
Random Alert... Tangent Ahead... Mc's story reminds me a lot of another place where I hang out on the web, where those sorts of connections get discussed a lot. (Ad nauseum, actually , did I spell it right windy?) but.. something that's also discussed a lot is that you need to be okay with you before anyone or anything else is really deeply involved. You can find someone who's compatible with you and someone who's personality compliments yours in ways but no one can fill holes inside you. You have to fix yourself. You have to work on your own issues... and now... a song.... I never saw that episode... and this post is kinda randomish... I should've taken a nap... then again... y'all should know when you see my name that random happens. And, and, I don't know how much okay you have to be with yourself to pass go or what the hell you're supposed to do until then. Therapy? Meditation? Live in a cave?
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Post by Ouch on Jun 15, 2009 6:29:08 GMT -5
...Ad nauseam... ...I wander off-topic and say, I might know how you feel, clover, prior to just today, I had only about a half-hour sleep over the course of three-four days...I kinda' lost track... As for perfection - I think it's hard to say 'you can't get a perfect partner', without knowing what perfection means. I think it could mean a lot to different people. Perfection, generically, when I try to generalise it, tends to be something that 'completely satisfies someone in all ways that they want to be satisfied'. So if for someone, that's simply someone who is partial to dogs, well then that's their pefection...obviously someone who maybe was nice, good-looking, but did not like dogs, while overall, there are a lot of bonuses, maybe, that person would not be perfect to that person who wants to be with someone who is partial to dogs. ...but in that regard, I think it's quite possible to find someone perfect. Maybe not perfect by the standards of a deity, but perfect in the perception of the beholder. If you have a specific checklist, and you're able to check down the ten things on your list (which, I'm certain there is someone out there so homogenous in terms of personality, perception, and outward 'aura' that is aligned the same on a cetain multiple-point checklist as oneself), then that could be perfection. I think the challenge comes when there are a few parameters outside of the core issues that you declare what makes a perfect person or not, that may result in clashing...and where people have to work on unity...or people have to get a bit more specific and have stricter screening for who they are truly going to engage in a serious relationship with. Sometimes people just don't think introspectively enough about what they really want and need, and therefore they find out too late that they don't like something and they're hitched with that. It takes a lot of thinking and preparation, and at times instinctual urges and such force us to overlook that...
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Jun 15, 2009 6:42:18 GMT -5
...Ad nauseam... ...I wander off-topic and say, I might know how you feel, clover, prior to just today, I had only about a half-hour sleep over the course of three-four days...I kinda' lost track... I knew I'd get it wrong, and that you'd know. And, geeze, that's not healthy, windy, get some sleep.
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Post by matisse on Jun 15, 2009 11:43:55 GMT -5
Devs have it a lot tougher when it comes to finding the perfect guy......not only is the pool a lot smaller, but the negatives that come with a chair aren't really feasible to avoid unless you start notching down how disabled the guy is (low injury, incomplete, etc.). One of the biggest negatives is the WHAM!-YOU'RE-FUCKED! trait that virtually all wheelers bring to a relationship. You're just going along nicely, having a great time on vacation (or whatever), and then all of a sudden something related to the disability happens and in 1 second, WHAM!-YOU'RE-FUCKED!
This is probably also the most significant impediment to getting the higher paying, higher profile jobs.
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Post by Ouch on Jun 15, 2009 14:14:34 GMT -5
Devs have it a lot tougher when it comes to finding the perfect guy......not only is the pool a lot smaller, but the negatives that come with a chair aren't really feasible to avoid unless you start notching down how disabled the guy is (low injury, incomplete, etc.). One of the biggest negatives is the WHAM!-YOU'RE-f*ckED! trait that virtually all wheelers bring to a relationship. You're just going along nicely, having a great time on vacation (or whatever), and then all of a sudden something related to the disability happens and in 1 second, WHAM!-YOU'RE-f*ckED! This is probably also the most significant impediment to getting the higher paying, higher profile jobs. I agree with the 'WHAM! - YOU'RE FUCKED!' complication - damn, you should trademark that, 'tisse...there's always a wild card that could get played at any time, and things can be perfectly great and turn to shit in a single second. I, however, disagree that it necessarily makes an impediment to getting a high paying, high profile job...sometimes in fact, those are the jobs that cater more to situations where not 'being available' is okay, etc. I can see some complications arise, but being CEO can be quite accommodating to a wheeler in a lot of cases.
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Post by E on Jun 15, 2009 14:36:37 GMT -5
but being CEO can be quite accommodating to a wheeler in a lot of cases. Right on. My secretary cuts up my lunch for me. I wouldn't have that luxury otherwise.
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Post by matisse on Jun 15, 2009 14:40:01 GMT -5
being CEO can be quite accommodating to a wheeler in a lot of cases. From an accessibility standpoint, yes. But what happens when a pressure sore hits and suddenly you're in the hospital?
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Post by Ouch on Jun 15, 2009 23:02:56 GMT -5
being CEO can be quite accommodating to a wheeler in a lot of cases. From an accessibility standpoint, yes. But what happens when a pressure sore hits and suddenly you're in the hospital? Well, as CEO, you have to make decisions, not sit at a machine all day. With aforementioned secretary, you can often electronically send in whatever a CEO does (typically paperwork, occasionally presentations, etc.) and have the secretary physically deliver it to the recipient. Honestly, that's typically what happens, at least in a corporate environment. Plus, distance/remote-working is becoming all the rage, and CEO's have the first dibs at that. Does the CEO really have to come in to make an executive decision, when the COO can handle it from day-to-day. You could sit in your bedroom, and get most of your work done with a Cisco Telepresence set-up, honestly. If there's something absolutely, completely utterly necessary for you to do in-person, that same secretary could certainly make a house call, and that wouldn't really be unreasonable, it happens in the corporate world all the time (and hell, those house calls aren't always for business, if you get my drift) - to pick up or deliver some paperwork, and I'm sure the secretary would like to get out of the confines of the office occasionally, too. So, I don't think a pressure sore would derail things too badly. I do agree there are some things that could put a wheeler really out of commission, which may complicate things, but that would be universal, not just a problem with a higher-powered position within a business, or workplace.
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Post by E on Jun 16, 2009 15:16:29 GMT -5
Oh, and I outfitted my private bathroom with a lift.
Don't think I'd get that working for someone.
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Post by matisse on Jun 18, 2009 16:56:38 GMT -5
yeah E, but you're in a situation similar to mine, our problems tend to be mechanical, not physiological. My brother is a higher level exec, and he does a fair bit of work from home, but he also does a shitload of travel and meetings. Just doesn't seem compatible with sudden or extended hospital stays. I think only incompletes are somewhat shielded from the dreaded pressure sore.
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