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Hello
Nov 3, 2005 12:54:51 GMT -5
Post by matisse on Nov 3, 2005 12:54:51 GMT -5
Aside from the sexual stuff, aren't we wheelers kind of...well, boring? I mean in the sense of doing fun stuff..... Isnt a girl going to get a little stifled after awhile? As for myself, I'd encourage any girlfriend to go off and do all that guilt-free without me. I don't know if boring is the word I would use, but definitely limited. If you look at popular culture and all the stuff that couples are portrayed as doing together, it is very difficult for us to do that stuff, and sometimes impossible. My wife does go out and do other stuff, I don't have an issue with that. As for stifling, well, probably a little bit. There is no way around the fact that having a Dis SO will result in some burdens and limitations. Some people would be able to handle that, others not.
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Hello
Nov 3, 2005 15:46:36 GMT -5
Post by wheelie37 on Nov 3, 2005 15:46:36 GMT -5
I think having a disability makes life more interesting. yes there are limitations, but personal ones can be no problem with planning and forethought. the only limitations are financial,access, and attitudes forced on us by an uncaring society. In some ways disabilities make us appreciate life more and we show more attention to our partners and are often less selfish. yes there are things we cant do, but there are many things we can do. life can be boring if you dont go out and do things. that is the same whether you are disabled or not!
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Hello
Nov 3, 2005 18:06:14 GMT -5
Post by BA on Nov 3, 2005 18:06:14 GMT -5
So for the devos who have dated a disabled guy: Does that eventually "wear off" if the rest of him is not what you are looking for? Fabulous and fantasic thread going here with alot of poignant questions. 1. Just like with any other man, I would not really get really involved with a disabled guy if I sensed that we would not make good relationship partners for the long-haul. My interest has never "worn off" because the two dis. partners I have had (and still have one) are bright, attractive, articulate people who share similar interests with me. I would not date a dis. guy, just because of his dis. The whole package has to be there. 2. I am realistic about my partner's limitations. EVERYONE has limitations to one extent or another. I personally, am really phobic about driving over bridges, so I leave it to my partner to do the over-bridge driving. I don't care if we don't go rock-climbing and I don't even care if he can't get a hard-on on command. There are plenty of ways to please eachother. As I see it, Devo's are pretty realistic about the situation. Once in a blue moon I will get bummed out about something my dis. partner can't do, but I am more bummed because he feels bad that he can't do it, NOT because it's something I so desperately want to do. Each Dev. has her particular limits. Some women on the board do not care if her partner needs a great deal of personal assistance with ADL's. These devs probably enjoy being in the caretaker role. I personally prefer someone who is fully independent and self-sufficient. 3. Every once in a while I will go through a little bit of a grief period regarding a partner's disability. This has only happened a few times when my partner got depressed. But I think that any two people who are emotionally involved feel eachothers hurts and pains. Anyway, sorry for the diatribe and rambling bits. Thank you Jeff, Triassic and Matisse for your thoughtful posts
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Hello
Nov 3, 2005 19:28:46 GMT -5
Post by BA on Nov 3, 2005 19:28:46 GMT -5
Jason raises a point I've been wondering about myself. Aside from the sexual stuff, aren't we wheelers kind of...well, boring? Boring how, Triassic? No more or less boring than anyone else. What do you think AB guys do in their free time, all go mountain biking and rock climbing? Half the guys I know sit home on the recliner drinking a brew and watching the NFL pre-game show. You want to know what boring is? Fantasy League Football! Oh, and Statistics.
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Hello
Nov 3, 2005 20:25:09 GMT -5
Post by Triassic on Nov 3, 2005 20:25:09 GMT -5
Yes, AB in all probability I WOULD be biking, climbing, surfing, hiking, etc in every spare moment. There are such guys and I have every reason to suspect I'd be one of them.
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Hello
Nov 3, 2005 21:00:36 GMT -5
Post by BA on Nov 3, 2005 21:00:36 GMT -5
Well then Triassic, we wouldn't be a good match, because my interests don't lie in that direction. I am not a sports type person, other than skiing once in awhile. I am sorry that you can't do some of the things you'd really like to.
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Hello
Nov 3, 2005 23:38:55 GMT -5
Post by Triassic on Nov 3, 2005 23:38:55 GMT -5
In fact, I am never bored. There aren't enough hours in the day to accomplish all I need and want to do. But I'm not sure they'd translate into interesting activities for others. That's all I meant really.
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Hello
Nov 3, 2005 23:57:40 GMT -5
Post by devogirl on Nov 3, 2005 23:57:40 GMT -5
there's a certain look in a devo's eyes; kind of a combination of interest, curiousity, furtiveness and attraction. It's actually quite distinct if you get a good blast of it. OMG, Triassic, you totally nailed it! I give guys that look all the time. Most of the time I get a surprised look back, but sometimes I get a flirty smile back, and it just makes my day ;D As for disabled guys being boring, believe me, when I am with a cute rollerboy, I'm so excited, boredom is the LAST thing on my mind. Also I am not at all into sports or hiking or any of that--I'm strictly a city girl and I'm happiest just hanging around with friends, going to movies, etc., so I hardly feel like I'm missing out on anything. Sometimes a restaurant I like isn't accessible, but I just go some other time. There are plenty of moments of frustration, but they are transitory. So far I have never felt like dating a disabled guy prevented me from doing something I wanted to. Finally, in answer to Jason's question, yes, if it's not the right guy, the initial attraction is not enough. I have met disabled guys online, then when we met in person, I realized that even though the guy had a disability, I just didn't feel that special tingly vibe. In those cases, the attraction wore off before the date even ended, so it never went anywhere. Ironically, after this happened with one guy and I tried to let him down easy, he got all mad and said, "You're only interested in me because of my disability!" Huh? If that were true, I would be asking for a second date. I actually WAS responding to his personality, and not just his disability, it just wasn't the response he wanted
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Hello
Nov 4, 2005 1:29:48 GMT -5
Post by Triassic on Nov 4, 2005 1:29:48 GMT -5
A variation on The Look-one that is a very clear signal is this: She sees you and looks stunned. Looks away. Looks again, looks away. Another peek. Eye contact, looks away. Back again, this time with a little smile.
Guys, that is DEFINITELY a devo.
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Hello
Nov 4, 2005 14:12:09 GMT -5
Post by matisse on Nov 4, 2005 14:12:09 GMT -5
A variation on The Look-one that is a very clear signal is this: She sees you and looks stunned. Looks away. Looks again, looks away. Another peek. Eye contact, looks away. Back again, this time with a little smile. Guys, that is DEFINITELY a devo. Where is it that you are coming across all of these devos??!?!?!!? And are any of them hot?!? There is the annual disability products/services convention in Santa Clara in a couple of weekends. I am going to pay special attention to the ABs this time....
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Hello
Nov 4, 2005 15:43:29 GMT -5
Post by wheelie37 on Nov 4, 2005 15:43:29 GMT -5
his loss
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Hello
Nov 4, 2005 16:43:04 GMT -5
Post by Triassic on Nov 4, 2005 16:43:04 GMT -5
Devs aren't common by any means, but they are out there. Since the beginning of 2005 I've spotted 3 maybe 4 women I believe were probably d-girls. One was extremely attractive, one or two were not my type and one was OK looking.
Watch the eyes; look at who is looking at you. Most girls eyes will slide right over you because they're not seeing anything they want. But every now and then a pair of eyes will notice you.
But then doing something about it, that's tough...
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Hello
Nov 4, 2005 17:07:07 GMT -5
Post by BA on Nov 4, 2005 17:07:07 GMT -5
Indeed Matisse do pay attention to the AB women at an "Abilities Expo" or whatever you call it out there. Dress in whatever looks the best on you and know that you've "got the goods". You may be very, very suprised.
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Hello
Nov 4, 2005 17:58:33 GMT -5
Post by matisse on Nov 4, 2005 17:58:33 GMT -5
But then doing something about it, that's tough... Why? Admittedly I have been out of the game for a while but nothing ventured nothing gained, eh?
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Hello
Nov 4, 2005 17:59:43 GMT -5
Post by matisse on Nov 4, 2005 17:59:43 GMT -5
Indeed Matisse do pay attention to the AB women at an "Abilities Expo" or whatever you call it out there. Dress in whatever looks the best on you and know that you've "got the goods". You may be very, very suprised. That's right, now I recall, it's named the Abilities Expo. Sounds like you've attended one?
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