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Post by ruthmadison on Mar 7, 2011 16:12:40 GMT -5
High period. 85% more or less. Whenever I am here on the board, it means I am in the peak of a cycle. Happens once in 2.5 months approximately (started measuring it since the time I started posting on this site). Sometimes I think, being a dev is somewhat like having a bi-polar disorder  A cyclothimia. It goes sinusoidally. It makes sense in a way, so not to make us weared off from the overflow of emotions. So it is a good thing, those cycles. A period to wait for and a period to rest. Tracking it, eh? That's a brilliant idea. |
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Post by ~Z28gal~ on Mar 7, 2011 22:32:34 GMT -5
I loved this. WIN for using math words in everyday conversation. ;D |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2011 15:05:45 GMT -5
Jezus, I'm in a manic stage. Been reading all the books I can get a hold of and Ruth, yours sent be a bit into overdrive. I knew you had to be a Dev from some the the things you wrote, hiding pictures, I used to put my brother's action men in wheelchairs or Cindy's chair and pretended they had wheels. Anyway getting back to the point, I do go through down time where it is still there but the slightest thing or thought can bring it back. I went through a very bad depression last September due to work and general lack of happy chemicals in my brain and my devo side completely disappeared for a bit but as I was recovering it came back with avengence. A pall at work even said that he knew I was on the mend when I mentioned some of my dev observations (work in a hospital and yearn to see a fit wheelie doctor) which actually led to a maddening conversation with a newby at work about how she didn't think that any wheelers could be doctors and I really cannot see why not, there is an article on it. Anyway, I haven't been on here for an age because I became pretty obsessed at finding this place and had to cut myself off, cold turkey and also it was depressingly clique and some crap stuff going on.
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Post by ruthmadison on Mar 12, 2011 16:09:42 GMT -5
Jezus, I'm in a manic stage. Been reading all the books I can get a hold of and Ruth, yours sent be a bit into overdrive. I knew you had to be a Dev from some the the things you wrote, hiding pictures, I used to put my brother's action men in wheelchairs or Cindy's chair and pretended they had wheels. Anyway getting back to the point, I do go through down time where it is still there but the slightest thing or thought can bring it back. I went through a very bad depression last September due to work and general lack of happy chemicals in my brain and my devo side completely disappeared for a bit but as I was recovering it came back with avengence. A pall at work even said that he knew I was on the mend when I mentioned some of my dev observations (work in a hospital and yearn to see a fit wheelie doctor) which actually led to a maddening conversation with a newby at work about how she didn't think that any wheelers could be doctors and I really cannot see why not, there is an article on it. Anyway, I haven't been on here for an age because I became pretty obsessed at finding this place and had to cut myself off, cold turkey and also it was depressingly clique and some crap stuff going on. People make such ignorant assumptions! I just had a post about this, because my teacher in my law class said that a paraplegic couldn't put you in aprehension of imminent battery because he couldn't beat you up. Oh yes he could! People just think being a wheeler means that you can't do most things and it's the opposite. People need to start with the assumption that wheelers can do anything they can and figure out any exceptions on a case-by-case basis. They might not know how, but it's so stupid to think that someone can't do something just because you aren't creative enough to figure out how! Oh, and remember when they came out with the friend of Barbie in a wheelchair? Becky? I bought her and put Ken in her wheelchair! |
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Post by Emma on Mar 14, 2011 20:56:36 GMT -5
I never thought I had cycles but after reading your post L ,I realized I do have cycles. For several years while dating AB guys I was at a low. I had gotten to a high while learning what a dev was and that I was one. I broke up with my AB boyfriend, dated a guy with CP and then moved on to the easy AB guys on match. I dated one AB guy for almost 2 years and if I can remember correctly I was hardly ever doing dev stuff online. Well shortly after that guy I started dating another AB guy. Less than a year into it got back online doing the dev thing and met my husband. I guess I'm waiting for my low still, 2.5 years later.
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Post by ruthmadison on Mar 14, 2011 21:46:23 GMT -5
I put GI Joe in Becky's chair, because Joe is more flexible than Ken... LOL My dev-ness is at an all time low... probably because out of the blue I met a guy who has me spinning and he's AB. Weird, huh? It's like I can't do both at the same time. In fact, I've never felt this non-dev before. The other two times I met an AB guy who emotionally gut-slammed me on first sight, I STILL imagined them disabled... this time, not even once. But since I'm fully committed to maintaining a friendship with him (he's a central character in a group of new friends) I can't just go experimenting on him... LOL I think I'm doomed, relationship-wise. Either I like guys that aren't available, OR I don't like the ones that are... I wish my timing would improve. For real. I know that doomed feeling! |
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Post by ruthmadison on Mar 22, 2011 11:08:34 GMT -5
I'm fading fast.
I'm in a neutral period all of a sudden where I'm starting to wonder why I thought this thing was so important anyway!
I have to be patient and not make any life-altering decisions because I know it will be back, it always is.
I'm starting to think I shouldn't make any absolutes, like saying that I'm never dating AB again. I think maybe it's a mistake for me to think that way, and I should remain as open minded as possible and not make any rules or any commitments for a while.
What I'm really craving right now is intimacy in an emotional way, which is something I've never had with a wheeler. I've only had it with one person, in fact, and he was able-bodied.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 22, 2011 13:02:44 GMT -5
Ruth I think you need to go with the flow. I read that you are taking time out to be free of relationships this year. This could be effecting you. I know when I was on my own for about two years, I had this over riding desire just to have a guy lounging on my couch to watch tv with and to snuggle up to and say blokish things.
I don't think it is something you need to choose, whether to be with an AB or wheeler. The right person for you will turn up, when they are supposed to turn up and you will know it. It will smack you in the face, there will be no doubts, and what is best, it will be the same for him too.
I'm kinda in the other direction and am overdoseing on 'this thing'. My cure will be to silence my mind a bit. To step back and chill. Easier said than done.
I am surprised that you've said that you've never had emotional intimacy with a wheeler. As my husband and my relationship is incredibly intimate, both because you have to know so much about certain physical things which you probably wouldn't with an AB but emotionally he knows me down to my toenails and to be honest, sometime better than I know myself. But having said that, that is probably more to do with the person and not that he is a wheeler or AB as we keep mentioning on here.
Also, it would be worth finding the source of why you are seeking this intimacy. Is it something you could work on within yourself to become happier without external influence. I just know that I have recently found out that I seem to seek a lot of external validation and I need to look harder into myself to get what I am looking for.
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Post by ruthmadison on Mar 22, 2011 13:34:54 GMT -5
Ruth I think you need to go with the flow. I read that you are taking time out to be free of relationships this year. This could be effecting you. I know when I was on my own for about two years, I had this over riding desire just to have a guy lounging on my couch to watch tv with and to snuggle up to and say blokish things. I don't think it is something you need to choose, whether to be with an AB or wheeler. The right person for you will turn up, when they are supposed to turn up and you will know it. It will smack you in the face, there will be no doubts, and what is best, it will be the same for him too. I'm kinda in the other direction and am overdoseing on 'this thing'. My cure will be to silence my mind a bit. To step back and chill. Easier said than done. I am surprised that you've said that you've never had emotional intimacy with a wheeler. As my husband and my relationship is incredibly intimate, both because you have to know so much about certain physical things which you probably wouldn't with an AB but emotionally he knows me down to my toenails and to be honest, sometime better than I know myself. But having said that, that is probably more to do with the person and not that he is a wheeler or AB as we keep mentioning on here. Also, it would be worth finding the source of why you are seeking this intimacy. Is it something you could work on within yourself to become happier without external influence. I just know that I have recently found out that I seem to seek a lot of external validation and I need to look harder into myself to get what I am looking for. You have hit the nail on the head! No wonder, since we're the same MB type! lol. I'm so used to being in a relationship and from drawing on the attention of men to get my self-esteem. I have no idea how to operate without that external validation, but I'm learning. Sometimes, though, I just start wanting that person to snuggle on the sofa with! You're so right, the correct person is going to show up and I have to stop trying to control it. I just have to be careful not to jump on the next available person! Which is why I have made the no relationships in 2011 rule. I really miss that connection with someone who knows me better than I know myself, and loves and accepts everything he sees. I had that once, but not in a relationship, just in a wonderful friendship. For me, my relationships with wheelers have been far too focused on sex and I didn't feel like any of them understood me at all, I was a total mystery. Sometimes I lose hope that it's possible to have such a deep connection with a guy, so it's very encouraging to me to hear you say that you have that. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 22, 2011 14:36:29 GMT -5
it's very encouraging to me to hear you say that you have that. I'm also a cautionary tale too. When I was first on my own I found my couch partner, overlooked a few of his faults and married him. It was a marriage born from my insecurities that no one would love me when they got to know me and his leaving would be inevitable if I didn't marry him. We were married three years, it didn't workout. I took ages to get over it, felt like I have a neon sign on my forehead "failure". I did come out the other side with a knowledge that I would never settle again and anyone who dated me afterward really had to work hard for me and I didn't suffer fools, kicked them to the curb. You do, unfortunately go through a lot of duds before you get the right one and it usually comes when you least expect it and where you least expect it. |
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Post by ruthmadison on Mar 22, 2011 17:26:47 GMT -5
That is very valuable to hear.
I've had some close calls, almost marrying people because of feeling desperate and bad about myself, thinking it was my only chance.
Never could get a guy to go through with it, though! I guess my oddness saves me sometimes.
I'm thankful now that I never did get married. I have so much more growing and learning about myself to do.
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Post by dolly on Mar 22, 2011 21:29:25 GMT -5
I'm fading fast. I'm in a neutral period all of a sudden where I'm starting to wonder why I thought this thing was so important anyway! I have to be patient and not make any life-altering decisions because I know it will be back, it always is. this 'neutral period' is always the strangest to me! when i start thinking... even after all these years... that maybe i'm just being silly and making it into a bigger deal than it is. it's suddenly so easy to minimalize my whole dev experience into just some weird phase or predilection. i mean, it's the most relaxing phase in the dev cycle for me since i suddenly feel more 'normal'. but of course the dev-thing comes back. with a vengance. it always does!!! so it's bizarre to me that i can even get into these phases where i can still start to feel like the whole thing is just so unimportant. once again, it's nice to hear that i'm not the only one. as far as the rest of your situation goes, i think i'm wired in the opposite way. my default position has always been solo. it takes someone special to make me want to share my couch! ;D |
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Post by ~Z28gal~ on Mar 25, 2011 9:51:19 GMT -5
I agree with being just friends and would make the decision on my own all over again in these same circumstances, but in the meantime, I'm also really realizing what I'm missing... :-( So I know what you guys mean when you say you just want some male company and "blokishness"... :-)  I was vehemently single for a while, but still occasionally just desperately wanted a big bear hug and cuddle time and someone to laugh at me when I run into a door and go all he-man when another guy hits on me. I felt so hollow!!!! I wish guys (or a least the ones I know!) could actually handle just being cuddle buddies and friends... I tried it once, but getting poked in the back while cuddling with a friend just makes things awkward.  |
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Post by ruthmadison on Mar 25, 2011 13:13:43 GMT -5
Dolly, isn't that the strangest thing? Like all of a sudden it seems not very important at all and I can't remember what it felt like to care. I think this is how i end up in relationships with ab guys, that fall apart from lack of sex.
In terms of the cuddly, I don't generally like to have people touching me. I have to be very close with someone before I'm okay even with hugs. And there's a piece of me that craves feeling close enough to a guy to have him pressed up against me while watching a movie.
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Post by ~Z28gal~ on Mar 26, 2011 19:30:26 GMT -5
LOL I have been aggressively, vehemently (GREAT word!!) single for a little over five years. I'd never been single in my life (from age 15 to 36) until my last divorce, so I KNEW I needed to be single and really get to know myself and see what I really wanted out of life. Every time I'd think about dating, or agree to meet someone, I'd realize I wasn't "ready"!! It was almost like having a panic attack... LOL Then all of a sudden, I realized I'm ready. It's like a switch was flipped and now I'm aggressively LOOKING. LOL Of course, the universe and I have our timing messed up, so we are in negotiations... WOW I really admire that!!! I'm enough of cuddle addict that I find it really hard to stay out of relationships even when I know I need to find my balance on my own still. I'm still not sure I know what I want out of life, but then, I'm 22, so I figure I have some time! This is the first time I've lived alone and it's forced me to get to know myself. Myself and I have pretty involved conversations when no one else is around.  I know exactly what you're talking about with that "switch" though! All of sudden, everything was ok, I was happy with myself and my life, and I was ready to dive into something new, but confidant enough to wait for that Mr.Right. It's a good place to be, even if the waiting is rough. The universe is bribeable though. |
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A cyclothimia. It goes sinusoidally.
I was vehemently single for a while, but still occasionally just desperately wanted a big bear hug and cuddle time and someone to laugh at me when I run into a door and go all he-man when another guy hits on me. I felt so hollow!!!! I wish guys (or a least the ones I know!) could actually handle just being cuddle buddies and friends... I tried it once, but getting poked in the back while cuddling with a friend just makes things awkward. 
I know exactly what you're talking about with that "switch" though! All of sudden, everything was ok, I was happy with myself and my life, and I was ready to dive into something new, but confidant enough to wait for that Mr.Right. It's a good place to be, even if the waiting is rough. The universe is bribeable though.