Do you find AB guys sexy?

[~Z28gal~]

Feb 27, 2011 18:41:17 GMT -5 ruthmadison said:

I always feel so guilty about imagining them disabled, so the bedroom stuff never works well for me and the ab guys lol.

Exactly! I can have an intellectual crush on an AB guy, but when things start to get hot, well, I have to imagine them disabled, and I feel guilty and it's just one big fail. It's not as though an AB guy could ever fulfill my fantasies, so I feel like I'm cheating on them somehow.

And Ruth, I hear you on the bad boy thing. My exes have quite a nice collection of piercings, tatoos, hot cars or just general bad-assery.

[tuna]

so I'm not the only freak who feels 'guilty' for having to imagine them disabled, and never being able to tell them about my real fantasies, taking recourse to blindfolds etc...
I have never been attracted to bad boys, i dont know why... the whole bad buy thing just turns me off..

[ruthmadison]

Mar 6, 2011 5:36:45 GMT -5 tuna said:

so I'm not the only freak who feels 'guilty' for having to imagine them disabled, and never being able to tell them about my real fantasies, taking recourse to blindfolds etc...
I have never been attracted to bad boys, i dont know why... the whole bad buy thing just turns me off..

That is a good thing! I have no idea why I have such a weakness for bad boys, but it breaks my heart all the time. lol.

When I sleep with AB guys there is a lot of closed eyes going on.

[~Z28gal~]

I just realized... even when I see a hot AB guy, I make a point to only look from the waist up! And arms and shoulders are always my biggest draw.

I'm back home in FL for the weekend - as much as I hate the shallowness of this area, I do appreciate how it affects the guys - they all become gym rats! So many delicious pairs of arms. ;D Second best thing a dev could ask for.

[ruthmadison]

There was this guy I was in love with in college and he had unnaturally skinny legs!

[anais]

I'm completely with Cake on this. Again. (I think, Cake is my lost dev twin )
I feel attracted to AB guys in a totally different manner than to disabled. I have said it once - it is like two different engines in one vehicle.
The attraction to AB guys is more solid, longlasting and has an element of a buildup. Like a nice swim in a pull or a hot bath.
The dev attraction is sharper, more immediate and more guts' wrenching. but also shorter. Like a jump from a rock to a river.
Sometimes I am not sure, what I prefere.
Both ways can be exclusive and sufficient by themselvs, but they can also intensify and exacberate each other.
This is when the imaginative part comes in.
And I say, I never felt guilty for imagining AB guys being disabled. Part of this is may be due to the fact that I never hid that that from my partners. And you know, never ever in my life when I shared my phantasies with my AB partners did they react judgementally or negatively in any way.
On the contrary, they found it kinky and one was even happy to share my grandma's wheelchair
And I dont think that they were special or I was lucky with my boyfriends. I think, that we are much more afraid of our phantasies than people around us. Proven empirically
Oh, and of course I always enjoy the most the position when I am on top.
.

[~Z28gal~]

Mar 7, 2011 14:45:31 GMT -5 anais said:

Both ways can be exclusive and sufficient by themselvs, but they can also intensify and exacberate each other.
This is when the imaginative part comes in.

That's really amazing, anais. I'll confess, I'm a little jealous that you can be satisfied in an AB relationship! Maybe it's because I do feel guilty about my dev imagination when I'm with AB guys, but I've never really felt satisfied with an AB guy.

On a random, but yummy, side note - I was at Universal Studios today and saw a PACK OF PARAS. Not even kidding, there were six of them (one was a DAK, actually), all good looking and around my age, and three were just gorgeous. And my fantastic sister made up an excuse so we could walk behind them all the way across the park. Living where I do, wheeler "sightings" are very rare. Today was the dev equivalent of a nun going to a Chip and Dale's.

[Emma]

Wow. that's super cool. I wonder what they were all doing together. Maybe a wounded military trip.

[lavly]

Mar 7, 2011 22:30:41 GMT -5 ~Z28gal~ said:

Mar 7, 2011 14:45:31 GMT -5 anais said:

Both ways can be exclusive and sufficient by themselvs, but they can also intensify and exacberate each other.
This is when the imaginative part comes in.

That's really amazing, anais. I'll confess, I'm a little jealous that you can be satisfied in an AB relationship! Maybe it's because I do feel guilty about my dev imagination when I'm with AB guys, but I've never really felt satisfied with an AB guy.

On a random, but yummy, side note - I was at Universal Studios today and saw a PACK OF PARAS. Not even kidding, there were six of them (one was a DAK, actually), all good looking and around my age, and three were just gorgeous. And my fantastic sister made up an excuse so we could walk behind them all the way across the park. Living where I do, wheeler "sightings" are very rare. Today was the dev equivalent of a nun going to a Chip and Dale's.

love this !

[lavly]

chan i so know what your saying...

[ruthmadison]

Mar 8, 2011 5:50:08 GMT -5 Chan said:

So, I haven't been around for the past several months ever since I started dating AB guys in July of last year. After having been in relationships with dis guys for nearly five years, I was finally ready for a change of pace, which is when I began actively pursuing able-bodied romances.

Only I've now hit a rut.

My relationships with AB men are somewhat ... strained, I guess. When I'm not dating a dis guy, my libido is basically nonexistent. As in, I don't want to have sex. Ever. It's not that I'm not attracted to these able-bodied guys, it's just that I have very strict distinctions between my sexual and physical attractions. When it comes to AB menfolk, I can be very, very physically attracted. But the essential sexual attraction is missing.

My desire for sex with AB men is so low that I wonder how I can possibly maintain a relationship with one. What guy is going to want to stay with a girl who never wants to have sex with him ... ever?

I feel very strongly about continuing to date AB men, and, usually, the no desire for sex thing is fine with me. Sex is definitely not a priority to me, and I can happily live without it for extended periods of time. But times like now are kind of getting to me as I remember what it was like to actually desire someone in such an intense way. I miss that, and I find myself thinking about dis guys more and more.

I just feel so conflicted. I want the relationship with an able-bodied significant other, but I long for the sexual satisfaction and desire I felt with disabled men. Today was the first time I've ever fantasized that my AB partner was disabled, and I hated the feeling. Not that I felt bad for imagining him as having a disability but because I hated that I had to "fantasize." I'm so accustomed to having an actual dis guy to act out any desires on, and now that that's gone, I just feel very frustrated.

And now I've reappeared to vent. This thread was the first one I've looked at on Paradevo in almost 8 months, and I thought it was an opportune time to speak up.

Welcome back! I've heard lots of good things about you.

I think you expressed this so very well.

It's similar for me, I have no desire for sex when I'm with an ab guy. None. But I'm not happy that way, I don't like not wanting it, I start craving the desire to desire pretty quickly.

I've alternated so far, dating AB and disabled, it's gone back and forth like clockwork! I don't know where I'll end up, but I do hope for a disabled partner for the long term.

I hate the feeling of being with someone that I'm always avoiding sleeping with.

[Emma]

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I am the same way. At one time I actually thought there was something physically wrong with me because I was not into sex. Like you Chan could go for long periods without sex. Me avoiding sex caused major issues with my relationships with AB guys and I wrestled with the idea that maybe that was just who I was sexually......until I was with an amputee (my preference when it comes to disabled guys).

The crazy thing is that years before all that I actually went to talk to my doctor about my low sex drive, had my hormones tested and took some medication that is supposed to increase your sex drive. Shortly after all that I realized what was probably going on with me sexually and accepted that possibly I needed to stop hiding my attraction, break up with my AB boyfriend of 6 years and pursue my devness. I couldn't be happier that I made that decision.

Oh and welcome back Chan!

[Devoblue]

I have the same low desire with AB guys. I can appreciate their attractiveness and even have a great intellectual connection but there is just this absence. Somewhere in my subconscious I know that I will never be really fulfilled by sex with an AB guy and it just turns my libido way down. I also hate that I have to turn my mind to dev thoughts while being with an AB partner knowing they have no idea that I'm not really completely there in the moment.

Thanks for coming back and sharing Chan.

[tuna]

@ Emma: same thing happened to me. At one time, after repeated incidents of non-arousals, I seriously started doubting my sexual ability. I would try to stop myself from imagining my AB partner as disabled and that meant I couldn't be aroused at all. I thought I was 'Frigid'. Untill one day I got seriously stoned and decided to just go play out my fantasies with a by-now almost-frustrated AB boyfriend. and that letting go worked. I discovered who I was sexually.

I have never had the chance to be with a disabled guy so far, but I do feel something, that when I am in 'love', sex just goes to a whole different level. I still do imagine him with a disability but I doubt it would be better with a random wheeler than the special person.
I guess its all about love really, disabled or AB...

[~Z28gal~]

@ Chan:
I understand that frustration. Before I really recognized my dev, I just thought I was cold or old-fashioned about sex or something, and I accepted that about myself and had decided that pleasing my partner would be enough for me. Then I had that first para encounter, and it was a massive blow to the face. Or maybe a bit lower... I ended up going back to AB guys for two years after that, and it was really tough. I didn't like knowing that my gorgeous AB boyfriend couldn't turn me on... or any other AB guy. If I ever decide to go back to AB guys, I don't how I'll deal with that. Accept having to develop fantasies when I'm having sex? Consider sex as a favor to my boyfriend since I'm not interested, and then find...ahem... other ways to satisfy myself? Not particularly awesome options. At hat point, I think I'd wish I never experienced true arousal.

One thing I will say... there ARE people who identify as asexual. That may be an avenue to explore if creating dev fantasies while having AB sex doesn't work. Living without dis men must have been a really tough decision, my heart goes out to you.