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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2011 15:52:28 GMT -5
I was just wondering about this because about a year ago I told the two people I work with and then was incredibly open with them and got used to it. A few months ago three new members of staff started and it is such a known thing about me by the other two that it sort of just slipped out and now they know and I am not so closed to them so one of the new girls screwed up her face and thought it was a really strange thing. But having discovered this site about a year ago, and having told the other two, it really didn't like the thought of shoving myself back into the closet. I love going for lunch with them and sometimes enlightening them to dev observations. Also some people are very condisending and talk to me like I am a saint for being married to a disabled man but to hell with that, he's my ideal man, sexy, lovable, great muscles and a wheeler.
So anyway I am sitting here wondering if it is really bad that they know, I work in a hospital and can just imagine them asking me everytime we pass a man in a wheelchair, if I like them, whether they be 20 or 96. I suppose it might not be ethical to work there and be a dev but I really have no contact with patients and most of the wheelers are old aged pensioners and not the Robert Redford kind.
Is anyone extremely open with this? Have you just told your closest friends?
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Post by ruthmadison on Mar 12, 2011 16:06:41 GMT -5
I was just wondering about this because about a year ago I told the two people I work with and then was incredibly open with them and got used to it. A few months ago three new members of staff started and it is such a known thing about me by the other two that it sort of just slipped out and now they know and I am not so closed to them so one of the new girls screwed up her face and thought it was a really strange thing. But having discovered this site about a year ago, and having told the other two, it really didn't like the thought of shoving myself back into the closet. I love going for lunch with them and sometimes enlightening them to dev observations. Also some people are very condisending and talk to me like I am a saint for being married to a disabled man but to hell with that, he's my ideal man, sexy, lovable, great muscles and a wheeler. So anyway I am sitting here wondering if it is really bad that they know, I work in a hospital and can just imagine them asking me everytime we pass a man in a wheelchair, if I like them, whether they be 20 or 96. I suppose it might not be ethical to work there and be a dev but I really have no contact with patients and most of the wheelers are old aged pensioners and not the Robert Redford kind. Is anyone extremely open with this? Have you just told your closest friends? I am extremely open about it, but there are a couple things that still make me uncomfortable and they are what you speak of. I don't like when other people tell a third party about me being a dev. I like to explain it to people and not have people talking about me behind my back, you know? It really made me uncomfortable when my boyfriend-at-the-time told everyone in his church that I was a dev, and I had never met these people! I told him to stop discussing my sexuality with strangers. The other is that it is weird when people who know think that you are wildly attracted to an old man in a hospital wheelchair or a disabled woman, or anyone and everyone with any kind of disability. Like, take a repugnant man (not necessarily in looks, but in personality) and put him in a wheelchair and instantly I can't resist him. Sigh. So, it does make me uncomfortable when I'm with people who know and we see someone with a disability because I know they are curious what I'm thinking or feeling. Still, not being in the closet is totally worth it to me. I like to be able to be honest with my friends about what guys are cute or to joke about going to see a movie because there is a wheeler character. In the past I would have been afraid to see these movies because I would wonder if people would suspect it was because of that! Now I have friends on the look out for cute wheelers to set me up with and call me when a movie is coming out that has a disabled character in it. I find that awesome. |
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Post by Emma on Mar 13, 2011 2:27:36 GMT -5
I have only told one close friend and an ex-boyfriend, and well, of course and my husband (an awesome DAK wheeler). I plan to tell a few more friends when I go for a visit in a few weeks. I'll keep you all posted. I'm hesitant to go fully out and tell everyone including my family because, well.....I just don't think they all need to be knowing intimate details about what turns me on sexually. I think I'll alway just keep it to close friends.
I am so happy your back Tabby. Please tell me more about your husband and how you met. Its great to have another female dev here who is married to a disabled guy@
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Post by jordsbaby on Mar 13, 2011 3:07:01 GMT -5
I'm pretty closed about it. I think only 5 people maximum know.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 13, 2011 8:39:55 GMT -5
Thanks Emma, I noticed you and ur hubby on here last night when I was looking through some posts that took my eye ESP whether to read Whole or not to read Whole. He seemed very cool and quite similar to mine in outlook. Wish his picture was bigger though. I haven't ever mastered the avatar thing on here, life's too short. I would never, NEVER, ever tell my family, any of them it is way too personal and completely in the sex zone of my psych, it would be like asking them to draw up a seat the next time I have sex. Uck, icky no! I think that they must have an inkling, the books on my shelves, past boyfriends and films I love to watch, my husband but I think we have an unspoken agreement not to talk about it. That aside I am still pondering this issue of openess whilst I vacuum. I think it kinda links to that validation issue mention in that thread on whole. At the end of the day it is a pretty huge part of what makes me, me. It led me to meet my fantastic husband even if he is being a bit Naggy today.... This time of the month I reckon. If a friend was to know me it would be like cheating out of knowing a part of my life. When it did come out she screwed up her face like she found out I like to lick the bottom of peoples shoes but there isn't anything really wrong with it, I'm pretty sure it is legal and my husband gets a kick out of it, could be offensive to some wheelers or their relatives. I am a bit overweight and know that there are chubby chasers out there and I would mind if one crossed my path as long as that wasn't the ONLY thing they liked about me. Each to their own. So I am going to go in on Wednesday, head held high, I fancy fit guys in wheelchairs and I don't care what anyone thinks, take me or leave me. I won't be decorating my desk with my Jake sully doll like at home or go around wearing badges but if you want to know me then this one of my facets.
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Post by ruthmadison on Mar 13, 2011 21:56:28 GMT -5
I have only told one close friend and an ex-boyfriend, and well, of course and my husband (an awesome DAK wheeler). I plan to tell a few more friends when I go for a visit in a few weeks. I'll keep you all posted. I'm hesitant to go fully out and tell everyone including my family because, well.....I just don't think they all need to be knowing intimate details about what turns me on sexually. I think I'll alway just keep it to close friends. I am so happy your back Tabby. Please tell me more about your husband and how you met. Its great to have another female dev here who is married to a disabled guy@ I agree, I want to hear more about your husband! Emma's story inspires me so much and keeps me hopeful about the future, so I would love another inspiring story  |
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Post by me on Mar 17, 2011 12:10:57 GMT -5
I'm fairly open about being attracted to disabled guys as well as AB ones my friends find it odd but view it as I'm more open minded than they are.
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Post by persephone on Mar 17, 2011 12:17:32 GMT -5
I love your user name. One guy I work with stated it was like being gay or lesbian. It is out there but not something he would personally be interested in. He is white and has a thing for and is married to a black woman. Very one has something.
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Post by ruthmadison on Mar 17, 2011 14:13:17 GMT -5
I love your user name. One guy I work with stated it was like being gay or lesbian. It is out there but not something he would personally be interested in. He is white and has a thing for and is married to a black woman. Very one has something. I've often compared it to being gay, just in the sense that it is a complete sexuality for me. There is a group of people that I am attracted to and a group that I am completely neutral to and not interested in sexually at all. The feelings about it, my own shame and coming out about it, etc. all seem to mirror what I hear about gay experiences. When people ask how I feel about ab men, I often say that it is like a gay guy sleeping with a woman...it's possible to do it mechanical-wise, but it isn't satisfying and not something I want. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2011 10:38:46 GMT -5
Ruth I think you have summed that up very well. I had yet another awkward situation yesterday. Picture it... it was 2011, (- did you get the Golden Girls reference) My boss has siatica and came in on crutches yesterday. The person I work with who has recently found out about my dev'ness kept going on and on about how I must now feel all excited around him etc. I did explain, on deaf ear, that it didn't work like that. You have to be attracted to the guy too, it isn't just any old person in a wheelchair or using crutches but no she kept on about it. So both me and the boss were embarassed. Then later on I had to ggo to see him about some stuff I was doing and after a couple of minutes I realised I was playing with his crutches, CRUTCHES not...... I do this a lot when I have to look after my husbands sticks so it was just a habit thing and something I really wasn't aware I was doing. Well my face turned beetroot, I tried to appologise and say I was just fiddling, the hole we getting bigger so in the end I gave up and walked at a pace back to my desk.
The incident again paralell's peoples thinking that it is like being gay. There is a feeling that if a guy says they are gay then most men get scared around them the assumption being that they will be a target for the gay guy. I am just left thinking how little this is understood in the greater world and that most people don't really want to get their heads around it as much as they would other preferences. A bit lacking in imagination.
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Post by Emma on Mar 19, 2011 22:54:53 GMT -5
The incident again paralell's peoples thinking that it is like being gay. There is a feeling that if a guy says they are gay then most men get scared around them the assumption being that they will be a target for the gay guy. VERY GOOD POINT! I never thought of it like that. I'm hopefully telling some friends in a week or so and will be sure to explain that part of it to avoid confusion. |
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Post by ruthmadison on Mar 20, 2011 8:45:09 GMT -5
Ruth I think you have summed that up very well. I had yet another awkward situation yesterday. Picture it... it was 2011, (- did you get the Golden Girls reference) My boss has siatica and came in on crutches yesterday. The person I work with who has recently found out about my dev'ness kept going on and on about how I must now feel all excited around him etc. I did explain, on deaf ear, that it didn't work like that. You have to be attracted to the guy too, it isn't just any old person in a wheelchair or using crutches but no she kept on about it. So both me and the boss were embarassed. Then later on I had to ggo to see him about some stuff I was doing and after a couple of minutes I realised I was playing with his crutches, CRUTCHES not...... I do this a lot when I have to look after my husbands sticks so it was just a habit thing and something I really wasn't aware I was doing. Well my face turned beetroot, I tried to appologise and say I was just fiddling, the hole we getting bigger so in the end I gave up and walked at a pace back to my desk. The incident again paralell's peoples thinking that it is like being gay. There is a feeling that if a guy says they are gay then most men get scared around them the assumption being that they will be a target for the gay guy. I am just left thinking how little this is understood in the greater world and that most people don't really want to get their heads around it as much as they would other preferences. A bit lacking in imagination. You should ask your coworker is she is uncontrollably attracted to your boss when he isn't using his crutches! If people would stop and think about it... is a non-dev woman attracted to every single male she sees? 87 year old men who don't use wheelchairs? No? I didn't think so! |
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Post by ~Z28gal~ on Mar 20, 2011 11:35:43 GMT -5
If people would stop and think about it... is a non-dev woman attracted to every single male she sees? 87 year old men who don't use wheelchairs? No? I didn't think so! YES! That issue and the "Are you sure it's just because you haven't met the right AB guy?" are my two big pet peeves with the people I have told. Luckily I only had to correct them once and it was over with. Tabby, your coworker would drive me insane!!! |
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Post by annie on Mar 20, 2011 20:50:27 GMT -5
Asked this question a year ago or more my answer would have always been, "I would never tell anyone!" Honestly up until recently I had never told a soul, not my best friend, my fiance, not a soul. However, something changed and I just wanted to talk about it with certain people. It was nowhere near as terrifying to voice it out loud as I had imagined it would be. There are still only a handful of people who know, but it's taken the naughtiness I always felt away. I also had always feared my fiance who is a para would find out and suddenly hate me and think I was disgusting. His reaction was totally fitting with his amazing character. He said it was a part of me and clearly I wasn't a creep and he loves every part of me, even if it may seem strange, after all, we all have our unique "appetites". We since have talked about it and if he has a question he asks. I am a pretty lucky woman. The same goes with the friends I have told, they accept it and see it as just another part of me. I agree with some of the posts above that I ill NEVER tell my family, they don't need to know about my sexual appetites in detail.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2011 4:11:19 GMT -5
@ Annie, like you I wouldn't tell my family but they have an inkling. I found that although there is misunderstanding and awkwardness lately, it is still kind of like a relief to get in out in the universe. I only did it last year after finding this site and realising that I wasn't the only one and that it wasn't a bad thing. Also the guys I worked with give you that "awhh, you're married to someone in a wheelchair" look and tell you how great you must be but I wanted to know that it wasn't like that. It was something I was attracted too. I also feared that they would find out and think the worst of me so getting it out in the open was cool. But I do generally think that everyone has their problems and things they have to deal with that although I may have thought it a big deal to say it out loud they don't gave it too much of their brain space and kept focused on their lives, which is good, win win.
I was just reading a photo thread which was getting heated and touched on some of the issues mentioned here. I was wonder if anyone else sees someone they fancy on a tv programe and when they see them sitting down they imagine they are in a wheelchair? I do this quite a bit, I justify it that they are all fictious characters in tv progs anyway.
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