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Post by Circuit on May 25, 2011 23:26:13 GMT -5
Major congratulations are in order!
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Post by anisanara on Jun 19, 2011 9:23:04 GMT -5
Yesterday my last single girlfriend got engaged. It feels weird. Not bad. Of course I'm happy for her, it's just dredging up all of my envy. I have two very close friends and three more fairly close friends (and one dead very close friend) and they are all married now (or at least engaged/getting married next month). I'm 29 years old and this is really not at all how I imagined my life at 29 would be. I'm feeling sorry for myself and I didn't know who I could express it to! lol. |
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Post by anisanara on Jun 19, 2011 9:29:21 GMT -5
i do feel the same thing too... next month i am 25 and this is really not at all how I imagined my life at 25 would be and sometimes my parents make my life worst about my single life maybe i have to deal if they arrange me to marry with someone they choose....  |
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Post by ruthmadison on Jun 19, 2011 9:59:11 GMT -5
i do feel the same thing too... next month i am 25 and this is really not at all how I imagined my life at 25 would be and sometimes my parents make my life worst about my single life maybe i have to deal if they arrange me to marry with someone they choose.... Even though life is not what I thought it would be at this age, and all I ever wanted was to get married and have a family, I have to admit, I'm actually still glad that my arranged marriage didn't happen. I was supposed to have one, but it fell through. Instead I went out and started working and becoming a modern, independent girl. I'm glad that I did. I think, as lonely as I am now, and as difficult as it is to be 29 and unmarried, I would rather be as I am now than to be trapped in a marriage with someone that I hate sleeping with. |
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Jun 19, 2011 10:15:23 GMT -5
Bless you both. I'm 39 and live in an area where most people, while not in arranged marriages, are married either by the time they graduate high school (18ish) or shortly after they graduate college (22ish). As far as relationships go I'm a big fat fail. I hardly dated in high school and the guy I DID date most now lives a lovely life (as far as I can tell from the Facebook pictures) in the gay scene in Memphis. I only dated a few times in college and haven't found many men to date post college. I've run across a few men that I like but never thought anything could happen with any of them. I'm not good at initiating things and the men, in my hometown, who have... well, it generally hasn't turned out well. I have to admit, though, that I wasn't like either of you. I imagined myself alone. My original goal was just a little house, a dog and me. I've recently decided that I want a family and have an appointment on Tuesday to see if I can make that happen. I don't have the dog (although I did have one) or a house. Well, I don't OWN a house but I love my little place.  I wish I had admitted to myself sooner that I did want children but I'm not sure if I'd have been in a place to make it happen any earlier. I do have alternate goals, though, if this doesn't come through for me. But I'm excited about the possibility. I have had, in my family... and from the time I was young, at least 2 or 3 good spinster examples. Two of them eventually married... for one of them it was a very short lived and not so great experience. I guess I just wanted to say that if it doesn't happen it may not make you the happiest person on the planet BUT if you deal with it well there will still be plenty of joy for you out there. I do know that sense of failure and depression, believe me, I do. But say hi to it and let it move on. It doesn't deserve to affect you much.  |
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Post by dolly on Jun 19, 2011 10:43:04 GMT -5
Bless you both. I'm 39 and live in an area where most people, while not in arranged marriages, are married either by the time they graduate high school (18ish) or shortly after they graduate college (22ish). As far as relationships go I'm a big fat fail. I hardly dated in high school and he now lives a lovely life (as far as I can tell from the Facebook pictures) in the gay scene in Memphis. I only dated a few times in college and haven't found many men to date post college. I've run across a few men that I like but never thought anything could happen with any of them. I'm not good at initiating things and the men, in my hometown, who have... well, it generally hasn't turned out well. I have to admit, though, that I wasn't like either of you. I imagined myself alone. My original goal was just a little house, a dog and me. I've recently decided that I want a family and have an appointment on Tuesday to see if I can make that happen. I don't have the dog (although I did have one) or a house. Well, I don't OWN a house but I love my little place. I wish I had admitted to myself sooner that I did want children but I'm not sure if I'd have been in a place to make it happen any earlier. I do have alternate goals, though, if this doesn't come through for me. But I'm excited about the possibility. I have had, in my family... and from the time I was young, at least 2 or 3 good spinster examples. Two of them eventually married... for one of them it was a very short lived and not so great experience. omg, inigo. fabulous post. *love* i adore your candor and humour.  I guess I just wanted to say that if it doesn't happen it may not make you the happiest person on the planet BUT if you deal with it well there will still be plenty of joy for you out there. I do know that sense of failure and depression, believe me, I do. But say hi to it and let it move on. It doesn't deserve to affect you much. amen, sister. best of luck to you with your appointment on tuesday. |
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Jun 19, 2011 13:48:35 GMT -5
Thank you, dolly! I was reading my post within yours and saw where I messed up. lol I want to say a word to those of you, like Ruth, who are young and know that you want kids. I wouldn't admit it to myself for the longest time. I'd say, "I'm not really a baby person," etc. I was in denial and it cost me time. Valuable, precious reproductive time. Don't wait until you're nearly 40 if you think you're going to do this. It's late. Lots of people think that a woman can reproduce much, much later nowadays. And we can with technological help. But technological help can't guarantee that you'll still be ovulating or have quality eggs at 40. I don't know what I'm going to learn Tuesday. I'm hoping for good things but well aware that I may come away very disappointed. It's a crapshoot. All of it. My point is, if you know that this is what you want... don't wait too long. |
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Post by Emma on Jun 19, 2011 14:14:28 GMT -5
That's good advice Inigo. I know I had started to think to myself when I turned 30 that if things didn't work out with my now husband I was going to start thinking about that. I had several friends in the same situation and we joked about getting a big house and all living together with our kids and helping each other.
Keep us posted I'm crossing my fingers for you.
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Post by ruthmadison on Jun 19, 2011 21:27:27 GMT -5
Yes, I have been thinking about that too. I want to be pregnant before 34, as that's when the "advanced maternal age" starts coming into play. Even though my grandmother was 40 when she had my mom, the middle of five kids, and everything was fine, I don't want to count on that.
Right now I'm starting to think about getting myself more financially stable, rather than living paycheck to paycheck so that in a couple year's time I can see about having a baby.
It is very hard to face the idea of doing so when single, it goes against all my training! But it can't hurt to start preparing for the possibility.
Good luck, Inigo!
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Jun 19, 2011 22:30:04 GMT -5
Thanks, I'm encouraged that apparently your grandma continued to reproduce well after 40. (If I read that right.) |
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Post by dentelle on Jun 19, 2011 22:50:15 GMT -5
My mother was a month shy of 40 when she had me. There were no tests in those days supposedly. My sister had her kids at 28 or 29 and they did the tests at that age. Had my own at 25 and 27.
And now I'm watching a Bruce Lee story and it was at the part where they had Brandon Lee. The baby is sooo cute. I'd love another. But the only option is adoption. I'd love a little Chinese baby. Oh well, I guess I'm looking for grandchildren now hehe
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Post by ruthmadison on Jun 20, 2011 7:51:10 GMT -5
Thanks, I'm encouraged that apparently your grandma continued to reproduce well after 40. (If I read that right.) Indeed, she did! And no tests, no special anything, they were a poor family and all the kids turned out completely healthy. |
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Post by jagerastrid on Jun 20, 2011 8:20:13 GMT -5
Yesterday my last single girlfriend got engaged. It feels weird. Not bad. Of course I'm happy for her, it's just dredging up all of my envy. I have two very close friends and three more fairly close friends (and one dead very close friend) and they are all married now (or at least engaged/getting married next month). I'm 29 years old and this is really not at all how I imagined my life at 29 would be. I'm feeling sorry for myself and I didn't know who I could express it to! lol. Ruth, embrace your singledom! By the age of 29 I had been married and divorced with two children (I married at 21). Your time will come with a man who treats you like a princess. Just be patient, and make sure that when the man comes along he is right for you. There is nothing wrong with taking your time. |
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I wish I had admitted to myself sooner that I did want children but I'm not sure if I'd have been in a place to make it happen any earlier. 
