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Post by museumgal on Apr 13, 2011 17:42:00 GMT -5
This topic may have come up before, I don't know, but does anyone ever find themselves getting desensitized? For example, last night I was watching Avatar with some friends (mind you, not friends that know about the whole dev thing lol) and some parts that I just really used to love just weren't the same. Does anyone else have any experience or ideas on this? Or am I just abnormal? haha  This doesn't exactly happen over night either. It takes a while. The best way I know how to describe what I'm talking about is when you purchase a new CD or song and you love it and listen to it all the time. Eventually, you wear it out, yeah? Any thoughts? |
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Post by queenjane on Apr 13, 2011 19:35:30 GMT -5
As enjoyable as it may be, I think of seeking out images of disability in the media or in the arts as really just a form of fantasy, in effect a replacement for real human interaction. Not to say I don't do it myself, because I totally am guilty of watching certain scenes in Forrest Gump a hundred times! But there are only so many times you can relive the same scene in a movie with no variation. It only makes you wish more you could see it played out differently, or not know where it's heading. In real life you don't know the lines by heart, but unfortunately we often find ourselves limited to images on the screen or in a book, for whatever reason. And on that note, I recommend you go see Jane Eyre |
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Post by ruthmadison on Apr 13, 2011 20:23:34 GMT -5
I think for me once I watch a movie so many times, I really know that character well, and then I spend time closing my eyes and imagining him in different situations. I guess I have a very vivid imagination!
If I do get bored of one movie, which does happen, then I'll put it aside and go to something else. But I find that my favorites just keep coming back again and again. My first memory of dev feelings is so strong that it is still my go-to fantasy twenty-five years later!
So, is Jane Eyre heavy on the blindness? I don't care for the story much, so I only want to see it if I can be promised some good blind scenes!
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Post by queenjane on Apr 13, 2011 20:41:21 GMT -5
Not heavy, no, since it does only occur at the very end. But, the treatment of it is beautiful, and I think even better than in the original novel, since we don't see any absurd miraculous recovery. The last image of the film is absolutely haunting.
And, aside from the blindness, I'd say it's a great film in its own right.
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Post by ruthmadison on Apr 14, 2011 6:26:56 GMT -5
Okay, I'll give it a try, then.
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Post by ~Z28gal~ on Apr 14, 2011 12:44:18 GMT -5
I usually use "the media" to give me ideas and then come up with my own version of events. I would say there's some level of desensitization with "the highlight reel" - I have to revise it every so often, and it usually gets more, errr, explicit.
But in real life? Definitely no desensitization! And even the little stuff IRL ruins the highlight reel.
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Post by ruthmadison on Apr 14, 2011 13:11:36 GMT -5
I usually use "the media" to give me ideas and then come up with my own version of events. I would say there's some level of desensitization with "the highlight reel" - I have to revise it every so often, and it usually gets more, errr, explicit. But in real life? Definitely no desensitization! And even the little stuff IRL ruins the highlight reel. Agreed! Real life is so, so much better than my imagination. My experiences have spoiled me! |
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anais
Junior Member
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Post by anais on Apr 16, 2011 14:41:01 GMT -5
Physiologically speaking, I think it happens because of what is known as refractory period " the amount of time it takes for an excitable membrane to be ready for a second stimulus once it returns to its resting state following excitation ". Your nervous system us not supposed to react with the same amount of energy to the same stimulus over and over again. I guess it is a good thing, otherwise we would have never tried to walk again after the first fall. But in this context it is a shame. There are some cinematic images I wish could be erased from my memory, so I could experience the same thrill all over again. But than again, after some period of chill out, sometimes on watching them again I feel more or lee the same, perhaps a bit less, but still. Oh, and I can't wait to see "Jane Eyre". Thanks for the reminder! |
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Post by ruthmadison on Apr 18, 2011 8:20:59 GMT -5
That makes a lot of sense, Anais. It has been true for me that giving a rest to the stuff lets it recharge its potency!
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Post by merry on Apr 28, 2011 9:54:02 GMT -5
I think for me it ties in with my "dev cycle". When I'm in dev mode I'll absolutely BINGE and eventually will become desensitized - maybe why the whole thing winds down? But when the next phase hits, I find I'm more than happy to revisit some of those old scenes again, and if enough time has lapsed they definitely do their work! (Can't comment on the real thing wiping out the highlights reel - not too likely to ever get there  |
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Post by devogirl on Apr 29, 2011 20:35:22 GMT -5
As Anais said, I think this is a normal thing for everyone. I once discussed this with a guy and he said that a porno movie only "worked" for him the first time he watched it. I've noticed I'll often get a devo thrill from something like a trashy romance but really only the first time, there's something about the shock of the new. There are very few books and movies I can go back to repeatedly. Even if I enjoy them, I rarely get that physical reaction the second or third time around. And I have to admit, the times when I was in relationships with disabled guys in real life, something like that desenitization happened as well :/ Like the immediate rush no longer occurred after a year or so. Not that I lost interest, but that overwhelming reaction no longer happened. Well, infatuation fades from every relationship, that's why there has to be more than a physical connection. Oh and I LOVE LOVE LOVE Jane Eyre, the movies, the BBC series, the original book, all of it. I'm a sucker for Brit lit. I read the book before seeing any of the adaptations, and even though I knew the story more or less, I didn't know that he goes blind at the end, that was a shocker. "Reader, I married him." OMG, I was swooning. Which version are you referring to? I like this one the best: www.imdb.com/title/tt0780362/ |
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Post by ruthmadison on Apr 29, 2011 21:07:44 GMT -5
As Anais said, I think this is a normal thing for everyone. I once discussed this with a guy and he said that a porno movie only "worked" for him the first time he watched it. I've noticed I'll often get a devo thrill from something like a trashy romance but really only the first time, there's something about the shock of the new. There are very few books and movies I can go back to repeatedly. Even if I enjoy them, I rarely get that physical reaction the second or third time around. And I have to admit, the times when I was in relationships with disabled guys in real life, something like that desenitization happened as well :/ Like the immediate rush no longer occurred after a year or so. Not that I lost interest, but that overwhelming reaction no longer happened. Well, infatuation fades from every relationship, that's why there has to be more than a physical connection. Oh and I LOVE LOVE LOVE Jane Eyre, the movies, the BBC series, the original book, all of it. I'm a sucker for Brit lit. I read the book before seeing any of the adaptations, and even though I knew the story more or less, I didn't know that he goes blind at the end, that was a shocker. "Reader, I married him." OMG, I was swooning. Which version are you referring to? I like this one the best: www.imdb.com/title/tt0780362/You always see in magazines articles about getting back the spark and keeping romance in your relationship. It used to be that I'd think, see that means that attraction isn't so important, because it fades. Then I started thinking that having it at the beginning gives you a strong connection that you can start building other things on. Is it a problem if you didn't have a period of crazed attraction at the start of a relationship? Can you get back a spark that was never there? |
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Post by Emma on Apr 29, 2011 22:59:03 GMT -5
Is it a problem if you didn't have a period of crazed attraction at the start of a relationship? Can you get back a spark that was never there? I completely agree with Lucretia. You need to have that spark at the beginning. I used to be the same as you Ruth thinking that if it fades what is the issue if you don't have it at the beginning.That spark is something you will come back to time and time again in your relationship. While it does fade it is NOTHING like never having it. I guess if your going with the spark analogy; being a dev with a disabled guy is like having a fire and hot coals. You can always add more flammable material to hot coals, blow on it and the fire will come back. If you never had a spark no amount of flammable material will ignite anything. |
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Post by merry on Apr 30, 2011 3:32:21 GMT -5
Hmm. I'm in another camp on this - but I realize I'm unusual . I married a guy who I loved HUGELY but there really wasn't much chemistry there - and 13 years later there's LOTS. If there's no spark because there's no attraction (and I mean attraction on all levels - not just physical) then I don't think one can be created. But if there are other issues underlying the lack of spark (in my case a very conservative upbringing had led to a lot of fear and repression of my sexuality - as well as the strong dev component complicating things) and those issues are dealt with then for sure the spark can continue and even heat up... |
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Post by merry on Apr 30, 2011 11:38:11 GMT -5
I hear you Lucretia, and largely agree with you.
I think to pursue a relationship without sparking on all 3 levels would be very risky. With my husband and I there WAS physical attraction (sparking) but when I say "not much" I'm talking relatively: compared to the emotional and intellectual sparking the sexual spark (for me) was smaller. For him the physical attraction was much more important...Over time (and through lots of talking/conflict) those things have balanced out more in both of us which is maybe why things have gotten better for us.
SO that leads to more questions then:
1) Why do you think so many relationships that start with a big spark eventually fail?
2) How do we try and stop the "desensitization" happening - is that even possible?
3) How do we move forward when we feel the spark starting to fade? Does that mean we're falling out of love?
4) Is a "spark" enough, or should we be looking at other things as well (assuming we accept Lucretia's definition of a spark as something instantaneous, uncontrollable, but multi-level - physical, emotional, intellectual)?
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